How To Make An Avoidant Ex Miss You

Summary

The video discusses how to make an avoidant ex miss you, focusing on understanding avoidant attachment styles. It explains that avoidants fear intimacy and prefer emotional distance, but they still long for connection. The key is to give them space and become unavailable, as this allows them to miss you without fear of emotional obligation. The video also highlights that avoidants only truly miss someone once they feel the person has moved on and after failed connections with new prospects. The importance of personal growth during a no-contact phase is emphasized.

Takeaways

• 🔒 Avoidant exes are typically drawn to anxious partners but often struggle to maintain close relationships.
• 📚 Understanding the four main attachment styles can provide insight into relationship dynamics and breakup recovery.
• 🌐 Visiting www.exboyfriendrecovery.com or taking the quiz can help assess one's chances of getting an ex back.
• 🚫 Avoidant individuals often avoid intimacy and may keep partners at a distance to prevent emotional closeness.
• 🐺 Avoidants see themselves as 'lone wolves', valuing independence and self-sufficiency over emotional connection.
• 🤔 Empathizing with an avoidant's worldview is crucial for effectively making them miss you after a breakup.
• 🚭 Avoidants may only start missing an ex once they believe the ex has moved on and is emotionally unavailable.
• 💬 Low-level interactions can trigger discomfort or guilt in avoidants, so minimal contact is advised.
• 🕐 The timing of re-engagement with an avoidant ex is key; they often miss their ex more after failing to form new bonds.
• 💡 The no-contact rule is essential for those with anxious attachment styles to build self-worth and be emotionally ready for potential reconciliation.
• 📈 The success of getting an ex back often depends on one's mindset post-breakup, needing to be secure and accepting of potential outcomes.

Q & A

What is the most common type of ex that clients are trying to get back, according to the video?

The most common type of ex clients are trying to get back is an avoidant ex.

What is the typical relationship dynamic between anxious and avoidant attachment styles?

There is an odd relationship dynamic where anxious individuals are naturally drawn to avoidant individuals, but this dynamic often leads to breakups.

How do people with an avoidant attachment style typically behave in relationships?

People with avoidant attachment styles avoid intimacy, keep their partners at a distance, and often withdraw during conflict. They also tend to mistrust others and rely on themselves emotionally.

Why is it important to understand an avoidant's worldview when trying to make them miss you?

Understanding an avoidant's worldview helps in empathizing with how they perceive relationships, allowing for more effective strategies to make them miss you.

What mistake do people often make when trying to get an avoidant ex to miss them?

People often fail to empathize with the avoidant’s perspective and resort to generic advice like 'playing hard to get,' which doesn’t cater specifically to avoidant attachment styles.

Why do avoidance feel more comfortable missing an ex after the relationship has ended?

Avoidants feel free to miss someone once that person is unavailable because it reduces their fear of engulfment and makes them feel safe to long for the person without the risk of intimacy.

What effect does staying in contact with an avoidant ex have on their emotions?

Staying in contact may keep uncomfortable emotions or guilt at bay and prevent the avoidant from fully processing the loss of the relationship, making it harder for them to miss the person.

What typically triggers an avoidant ex to start missing their former partner?

An avoidant ex typically starts missing their former partner once they have tried to form bonds with new prospects and those relationships fail to meet their expectations.

How does one's mindset affect the success of reconnecting with an avoidant ex?

To successfully reconnect with an avoidant ex, one must reach a mindset where they are okay with the possibility of not getting back together. This sense of security and independence is attractive to avoidants.

What is the 'no contact rule' and why is it important in dealing with an avoidant ex?

The 'no contact rule' is a strategy where one avoids contacting their ex for a period of time. It’s important for avoidants because it gives them space to process the breakup and feel comfortable missing their ex.

Outlines

00:00

🧐 Understanding Avoidant Exes and Their Attachment Style

This paragraph introduces the concept of avoidant exes, explaining how they are the most common type of ex that clients of the speaker encounter. It highlights the relationship between anxious and avoidant attachment styles, often seen in couples, and previews the purpose of the video: understanding how to make an avoidant ex miss you through psychology and empathy. The paragraph also emphasizes the different worldviews of avoidants and those with other attachment styles.

05:00

📊 Take the Quiz to Evaluate Your Chances

A brief interjection where the speaker encourages viewers to visit their website, exboyfriendrecovery.com, and take a free quiz to assess their chances of getting their ex back. It provides a simple call to action, directing viewers to check the description link of the video to access the quiz.

10:02

💔 Avoidants' Fear of Intimacy and Emotional Distance

This paragraph explains the hallmark behavior of avoidant attachment: a lack of intimacy. It dispels the myth that avoidants avoid relationships entirely, clarifying that they do form relationships but maintain emotional distance. It also discusses their withdrawal during emotional situations or conflict and their tendency to mistrust reliance on others. Avoidants often see themselves as emotionally self-sufficient, driven by a fear of getting too close.

💡 Empathizing with Avoidants' Emotional State

The speaker emphasizes the importance of empathy when trying to make an avoidant ex miss you. By understanding their perspective and emotional state, you can better strategize your approach. The speaker draws a parallel between everyday scenarios of emotional misunderstanding and avoidants' behavior in relationships, such as when avoidants deny their emotions and snap when confronted. This understanding is key to successfully making them miss you.

🧠 The Psychology Behind Making an Avoidant Miss You

The speaker introduces unique insights on how to make avoidants miss you, focusing on understanding their mindset. Many people use generic strategies like 'playing hard to get,' but these often fail because they are not tailored to avoidants. This paragraph sets the stage for explaining four key components that help avoidants feel comfortable missing their ex without pressure.

🚪 Step 1: Create Distance to Allow Them to Miss You

The first component of making an avoidant miss you is to become unavailable. Avoidants will only miss their ex once they believe the person has truly let go and moved on. The speaker explains that anxious behaviors, like trying to fix things too quickly, prevent avoidants from feeling comfortable enough to long for their ex. Giving space allows avoidants to feel non-pressured, a crucial element in getting them to miss you.

📱 Step 2: Low-Contact to Avoid Emotional Overload

The second component stresses the importance of low-level interactions. Constant contact or pressure makes avoidants feel trapped and prevents them from missing their ex. By limiting contact, you disrupt their emotional regulatory system, allowing them to process their feelings of loss. The speaker warns against over-contacting, as this can lead to being blocked by an avoidant ex.

😌 Step 3: Freedom to Miss Without Pressure

The third component focuses on timing. Avoidants can only miss their ex when they feel that there is no threat of rekindling the relationship immediately. Once they believe their ex has moved on, they are free to reminisce and miss the relationship without feeling obligated to return. This freedom is essential to their emotional processing, and creating this space allows avoidants to feel safe in their nostalgia.

💔 Step 4: Avoidants Only Miss You After Failing with Others

The fourth component discusses how avoidants will start missing their ex when they fail to find a connection with new partners. Once the new relationships don't live up to the expectations set by their previous one, they begin to reflect on their past relationship more fondly. The speaker suggests that after an avoidant has tried dating others, they will begin to miss the comfort and bond of their past relationship.

🔄 The Importance of Emotional Security and Letting Go

The speaker concludes by stressing that the key to winning back an avoidant ex is emotional security. After a breakup, one must reach a state of mind where they are truly okay with moving on and accepting that the relationship may not be rekindled. The speaker explains how a secure mindset allows for proper use of the 'no contact' rule, which is essential in making an avoidant feel free enough to miss their ex.

🚨 Final Call to Take the Ex Recovery Quiz

In the final paragraph, the speaker reminds viewers to take the ex recovery chances quiz. They emphasize the importance of engaging with the content by liking, commenting, and subscribing to the channel. This serves as the closing of the video, reinforcing the call to action and encouraging further engagement.

Keywords

💡Avoidant Attachment Style

An avoidant attachment style refers to individuals who avoid emotional closeness and intimacy in relationships. In the video, it is highlighted that avoidants keep their partners at a distance and are often mistrustful of emotional dependency. The avoidant's deep fear of getting too close is a central theme of the video, and understanding this mindset is critical for the audience trying to make an avoidant ex miss them.

💡Anxious Attachment Style

An anxious attachment style is characterized by a heightened desire for emotional closeness and a tendency to worry about rejection. The video contrasts this style with the avoidant attachment style, explaining that most of the clients seeking advice are anxious while their exes are avoidant, leading to a common dynamic where the anxious person craves connection while the avoidant distances themselves.

💡No Contact Rule

The 'No Contact Rule' is a strategy suggested in the video where someone refrains from contacting their ex for a period of time after a breakup. This rule is emphasized as especially important when dealing with an avoidant ex, as it gives the avoidant the space to miss their former partner without feeling pressured. The video explains that avoidants only start missing their ex when they believe the ex has moved on.

💡Emotional Distance

Emotional distance refers to the behavior of keeping oneself detached from intimate feelings and connections. The avoidant attachment style is defined by this emotional distance, and the video explains how avoidants avoid emotional engagement in relationships, either by withdrawing during conflict or keeping their partners at arm’s length.

💡Fear of Engulfment

Fear of engulfment is the avoidant's fear of being overwhelmed or consumed by emotional closeness. The video discusses how avoidants fear that intimacy and emotional connection will result in them losing their sense of self or becoming trapped in a relationship where they cannot meet their partner's expectations.

💡Guilt and Burden

Guilt and burden are emotions that avoidants often associate with relationships. According to the video, avoidants may start to feel relationships are burdensome because they do not believe they can meet their partner's emotional needs. This sense of guilt can lead them to withdraw even further, perpetuating the cycle of emotional distance.

💡Self-sufficiency

Self-sufficiency is a trait commonly seen in avoidants, who often view themselves as emotionally independent and not in need of close relationships. The video explains that avoidants see themselves as 'lone wolves,' priding themselves on their independence while simultaneously avoiding emotional reliance on others.

💡Reciprocal Feelings

Reciprocal feelings refer to mutual emotional engagement in a relationship. The video highlights that avoidants tend to withdraw from relationships because they fear reciprocal emotional involvement, and only when they perceive their ex as emotionally unavailable are they 'free' to miss them without fear of the relationship being reignited.

💡Unavailability

Unavailability is a key factor in making an avoidant ex miss you, according to the video. Avoidants are more likely to long for someone once that person is perceived as unavailable or out of the relationship. This sense of unavailability provides them the emotional safety to reflect on the relationship and potentially miss their ex.

💡Latent Romanticism

Latent romanticism refers to the hidden or dormant romantic feelings that avoidants may experience after a breakup. The video explains that avoidants often romanticize the relationship only after they feel safe from the pressures of re-engagement, typically when their ex has moved on and is no longer emotionally available.

Highlights

Most exes that clients want to get back are avoidant, and clients themselves are often anxious.

Avoidant individuals form relationships but maintain emotional distance, often mistrusting intimacy.

Avoidants are like 'lone wolves'—they are independent, self-sufficient, and fear getting too close.

They avoid relationships not due to lack of interest but because they fear not meeting expectations.

To make an avoidant ex miss you, they need to believe you've let go and moved on.

An avoidant will not miss someone who is readily available; space and time are essential.

Low-level interactions can trigger uncomfortable emotions for avoidants, making space even more critical.

Only after an avoidant feels a relationship is truly over will they allow themselves to miss their ex.

Avoidants may enjoy missing an ex once they feel liberated from the relationship.

It often takes failure to find a new connection before an avoidant starts missing their ex.

Timing is critical in making an avoidant miss you—pushing too early can backfire.

A no-contact rule helps avoidants process emotions and feel free to miss their ex.

Post-breakup, developing a secure mindset is essential to reconnecting with an avoidant.

Avoidants need to feel that you are over them before they can emotionally miss you.

Confidence in being okay without getting back together is key to making an avoidant reconsider the relationship.

Transcripts

all right today we're going to be

talking about how to make an avoidant

ex miss you now avoiding

x's we find tend to be the most

common type of x that most of our

clients are trying to get back

and if you want kind of a history lesson

with regards to ex-boyfriend recovery

it's probably a good idea to read some

of our articles

on attachment styles because we talk a

lot about the four main types of

attachment styles there

are and we find that most of our clients

are anxious and most of their exes are

avoidance

and there's this odd relationship

between the two where they're almost

naturally drawn together and almost

naturally will

break up so what we're going to do today

is not only teach you how

to make an avoided ex miss you using

real life psychology but we're also

going to help you empathize with what an

avoidant

goes through because the way they look

at the world is going to be completely

different than the way

you look at the world so let's first

start by looking

at what an avoidant attachment style

is and looks like hey there real quick

i want to say that if you're new to this

youtube channel or you're

trying to figure out what you should be

doing to get your ex back and you're

trying to learn if you even have a

chance

in your specific circumstance probably

the smartest thing for you to do is

actually

stop by our website

www.exboyfriendrecovery.com

or take our ex recovery chances quiz

that can be found

at xboyfriendrecovery.com now if you're

watching this on youtube

taking that free quiz is super easy to

do all you have to simply do is look in

the description link below this youtube

video

and click on the link you see there it

will take you directly to the quiz where

you can fill it out and get an

easy answer on what you should be doing

going forward and overall what your

chances look like in your specific

situation all right

so let's get you back to the video all

right so the big calling card here

is a lack of intimacy they'll either

avoid it altogether or they'll keep

their partners at a distance

now a lot of people mistakenly believe

that someone with an avoidant attachment

will avoid relationships altogether but

that's simply not true they do form

relationships but they

simply find ways of staying distant

within the confines of the relationship

you see this a lot when it comes to

expressing emotions or dealing with

conflict

they'll withdraw or simply avoid it i'd

even go as far as saying that they have

a pretty big mistrust and depending on

others in relationships

the avoidant type would often perceive

themselves as

lone wolves they're strong independent

and self-sufficient

not necessarily in terms of physical

contact but rather on an emotional level

underlying everything with an avoidant

attachment style is a deep

fear of getting too close so i think the

big mistake a lot of people make when it

comes to avoiding attachment styles

specifically trying to make an avoidant

miss you is they fail to empathize with

their world view now we've kind of done

that a little bit already by simply

explaining

what an avoidant attachment is and how

they kind of

view life but what i would like to do is

dig a little deeper so that you can

truly understand

how their perception of your

relationship or your time together is

probably different from your perception

of your time together and then

from there once we have empathized a lot

of the suggestions i'm going to make

about hey

this is probably the best way to make

someone miss you

will make a lot more sense because i

think a lot of times people think

alright so how do you make a man miss

you how do you make an avoidant man miss

you and immediately they

jump on the bandwagon of the generic

advice play hard to get do this do that

do that

well some of that advice is working but

a lot of it isn't working because it's

not geared specifically toward

avoidance so before i give you the goods

i think it's important for us to

understand how avoidance

operate all right so avoidance they want

connection

like everyone else but their deepest

fear is that

love and closeness come at not

being available or told who they should

be and fear disappointment

and instability inherently if someone

likes them

and starts to lean on them they don't

believe they will be able to live up to

their partner's needs

or expectations as a result

relationships quickly become

obligating guilt-ridden and burdensome

for a while they may pretend to be in

the relationship while secretly hoping

that their partner

will leave them one quick note on that

last thing

have you ever been in a relationship

with someone where you

have or you feel like you have a really

good understanding

of what the person's emotional state is

without them saying

a word it's almost like they just have

this aura surrounding to them or you

pick up whatever body language cues that

they have and you're like hey

something is wrong so you walk up to

that person and you say hey

what's what's going on talk to me and

they say

oh nothing much everything's fine but

you can tell they're not telling you the

truth

so you push further and further and then

they snap

at you what is your problem there's

nothing wrong with me

why won't you ever leave me alone

classic example

of an avoidant what works to make

an avoidant miss you i had to think

really hard about this

and i'm really proud of the answers that

i came up with because they are

extremely unique i've never seen anyone

offer this type of advice

ever before in the breakup industry

specifically for

avoidance because it requires you to

kind of change your paradigm and the

reason i made such a big deal about

explaining what an avoidant attachment

style was and helping you empathize or

see how they look at relationships and

their point of view

is because a lot of the suggestions i'm

going to make to help

you make them miss you or long for you

requires you to have some understanding

of their state of mind

so in all there are four main components

or things that i would like to talk to

you about today to help

make your ex miss you component number

one

avoidance are free to long for an ex

once that person is unavailable out of

the relationship

this is super important one of the

reasons that a lot of our clients

fail in getting their exes back is

because they're too anxious we know that

a lot from studying attachment styles a

lot of the people coming to

ex-boyfriend recovery or ex-girlfriend

recovery have anxious attachment styles

they

want to fix the relationship as soon as

possible

with an avoidant they're not going to

miss you until they truly believe

you've let go and you've moved on and

you're unavailable

and then they feel like wow now it's

okay for me to long

now it's okay for me to miss my ex

and this is an important thing because

it really helps them feel

non-pressure with regards to the missing

because

if they feel like they're missing you

when you are

available you'll get back together

and they don't want that so it's an

important distinction

to make component number two

low-level interactions have the

potential to bring up

uncomfortable emotions or guilt

all right so here's what you need to

know with every interaction

a low-level disruption to the avoidant

auto regulatory

system with the potential to bring up

uncomfortable emotions

or guilt the less engaged in contact

someone is the more miserable they may

in fact be

conversely keeping in contact may keep

the idea that the x is on the back

burner

and the avoidant can continue to deny

the loss of an

attachment figure so let's say you

decide you want to reach out to your ex

and you decide you come to ex-boyfriend

recovery you look at all of our stuff

you take the free quiz you say hey i

might have a chance of getting my ex

back and you read the first thing we

tell you to do

which is a no contact rule which is put

in place for this

very reason but you decide i don't need

that

that's for sissies that's for pansies

i'm gonna do things

my way so you blow your ex's phone up

with 70 different text messages in 15

different voicemails and you get blocked

why well your ex may be and avoid it but

even if you

aren't interacting with your ex an

excessive amount

it is going to indicate to them that

it's not okay for me to miss them yet so

giving them space

giving them time is an extremely

important thing to do if you want to

make them miss you

component number three without the

danger of reciprocal

feelings they are free to

miss you so it's only really after

they think you have moved on that you're

over them they begin to feel like this

liberation from the fear of engulfment

and it finally gives them free reign to

have their latent

romanticism with regards to your

relationship so an x being truly

unavailable may even produce a perverse

enjoyment

they are at a liberty to fully miss and

think wistfully

of their ex while it confirms their

self-belief that people won't stick

around them

in other words it's their safe space

they've always gone through life

believing hey if i'm in a relationship

it's gonna feel great for a while but

then they're gonna leave

and when that self-fulfilling prophecy

occurs even if it's their

fault it kind of gives them enough free

reign to feel like okay

now i can look back fondly on that

relationship now i can miss them

so a lot of making avoidance miss you

revolves around

timing things correctly and finally

component number four

usually they'll only truly miss you

after they fail to

find a bond with new prospects

okay so you guys broke up they probably

broke up with you or you probably broke

up with them

doesn't really matter you want to make

your avoidant ex miss you you've decided

or diagnosed your ex as an avoidant

you're thinking okay what do i have to

do chris nothing

okay i can do nothing how long do i do

nothing for chris well you're gonna do

nothing for

a while you know maybe when they finally

decide to reach out to you

once they feel free they'll feel okay

but really if you're looking for an

indication of how long you do nothing

and how long you start

working on getting over an ex it's a

good indicator to look and see if

they've gone

dating so if they're dating people you

see on social media it's actually a good

thing for avoidance because

number one they're probably still hung

up on you and number two

once that person doesn't live up the

expectations that you've created with

your great relationship

they begin to start looking back on you

in an interesting way

they feel like okay now i can start to

miss

my ex now what we do know

about attachment styles and what we're

seeing work in regards to

getting exes back it really revolves

around you

being as secure as possible after the

breakup and not a lot of people

understand this distinction

and i've been writing this gigantic

article lately about how to get an

ex back just like the general redo of

our strategy

updating it for 2021 and what's really

interesting about this concept is i've

been looking at what state of mind

someone needs to be in before they begin

contacting their ex and we find that if

you're in a state of mind where you're

still

wanting that ex back more than anything

you have not confronted the reality that

you may not get them back and

you're not okay with it if you don't get

them back

you're usually going to fail you

literally need to get to the state of

mind

where you use the no contact rule this

time where you're spending all this time

on yourself

to rebuild whatever self-worth or

confidence that you have to feel like

you know what if i don't get them back

that's okay i'll be okay it'll hurt but

i'll be fine

once you have that mindset you are ready

to talk to your ex

if you don't have that mindset you're

probably not going to do very well when

you do

talk to your ex and this is important

for avoidance because a lot of that

all right you know i'm going to be okay

you know i've moved on i've

let go is key to making them miss you

hey there thank you so much for making

it to the end of this video now if you

haven't already make sure you stop

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recovery chances quiz

that i talked about at the beginning of

this video taking the quiz is super

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