The Art Of Asking Questions | Dan Moulthrop | TEDxSHHS
Summary
TLDRThe speaker shares valuable insights on the art of asking meaningful questions, emphasizing curiosity, empathy, and simplicity. Through personal stories and lessons from interactions with influential figures like Vietnam veterans, Studs Terkel, and Allen Ginsberg, the speaker illustrates how asking thoughtful questions can unlock deep conversations. Key takeaways include the importance of being unafraid, curious, and informed, using the right words, and striving for empathy. The speaker concludes with a favorite question, 'What was that like for you?' and reminds the audience to be gracious in receiving others' responses.
Takeaways
- đ€ Curiosity begins with a thought and leads to questions, which then foster learning.
- đČ People often want to share significant experiences, even if they are painful.
- đ Studs Terkel's interviews demonstrated deep curiosity about people's work and feelings, providing valuable insights through thoughtful questions.
- đ§ Being curious about others' experiences and why things are the way they are is essential.
- â Asking obvious questions can sometimes lead to important revelations that haven't been addressed yet.
- đŹ The right words matter when asking questions, as they can open doors to meaningful conversations.
- đ Empathy is crucial in interviews and asking questions, especially when dealing with experiences vastly different from your own.
- đ Being informed about your subject shows respect and helps avoid redundant questions.
- đ Keep questions simple and focused; sometimes the most basic question, like 'why,' is the most impactful.
- â€ïž The best questions come from genuine curiosity, such as 'What was that like for you?' which invites authentic sharing of personal experiences.
Q & A
What is the main theme of the speaker's message in the transcript?
-The main theme is the importance of asking good questions, being curious, and understanding that asking thoughtful questions can lead to learning and meaningful conversations.
Why does the speaker emphasize the need to be unafraid when asking questions?
-The speaker emphasizes this because many people are hesitant to ask questions, especially about difficult or personal topics, but often people are willing and even want to share their experiences, no matter how painful.
Who is Studs Terkel, and why is he mentioned in the speech?
-Studs Terkel was a renowned interviewer and oral historian. He is mentioned as an example of someone who mastered the art of asking thoughtful and empathetic questions, particularly about peopleâs work and life experiences.
What lesson does the speaker draw from interviewing a former Green Beret who ran a homeless shelter?
-The lesson is that people often want to talk about experiences that have shaped them, even if they are painful. The speaker learned to be unafraid to ask about these deep, personal experiences.
What is the significance of the 'obvious question' according to the speaker?
-The speaker suggests that sometimes the most obvious question is the most important one, but it can often go unasked. Asking an obvious question can unlock new information or perspectives.
What does the speaker mean by 'words matter' in the context of asking questions?
-The speaker means that the specific words and phrasing used in a question can have a significant impact on the quality and depth of the response. Asking well-constructed questions can lead to more meaningful conversations.
Why does the speaker believe empathy is crucial when asking questions?
-Empathy allows the person asking questions to better connect with the experiences of others, especially when those experiences are vastly different from their own. It helps in creating a genuine and open dialogue.
How did the speaker handle the challenge of interviewing Allen Ginsberg?
-The speaker spent a long time researching Ginsberg's work to ensure he would not ask questions Ginsberg had already answered in previous interviews. This taught the speaker the importance of being well-informed before asking questions.
What does the speaker describe as their favorite question to ask during interviews?
-The speaker's favorite question is 'What's that like for you?' because it opens up a conversation about personal experiences that the questioner hasn't lived through and shows a deep curiosity and empathy.
What is the final lesson the speaker wants to leave the audience with about asking questions?
-The final lesson is to be gracious when receiving answers, as the person responding is offering a gift of their time and experience. It's important to acknowledge and appreciate that.
Outlines
đ§ The Power of Curiosity and Asking Questions
In this opening paragraph, the speaker emphasizes the importance of curiosity and how it drives learning by asking good questions. He shares a personal story from when he was 16 years old and working on a project about the Vietnam War. He recalls reading impactful oral histories and how he summoned the courage to interview a former Green Beret. Through this, he learned that people are often willing to talk about their life-shaping experiences, even painful ones, and that curiosity should not be hindered by fear.
đ The Importance of Being Curious and Asking the Obvious Questions
Here, the speaker continues by highlighting the significance of curiosity about the world and the importance of asking obvious questions. He recalls interviewing Ohio State Senator Tim Grendel, who had concerns about the Great Lakes water compact. The speakerâs simple question about potential compromises led to a breakthrough. He reinforces the idea that even obvious questions can lead to important discoveries.
đŹ The Power of Words in Facilitating Conversations
The speaker discusses the impact of words in facilitating meaningful conversations. He shares an anecdote about working with Noel Celeste, who helped him understand the power of asking the right question to inspire conversation, like âWhatâs your passion?â This question led to an engaging two-hour dialogue at a public event. The lesson is that the specific words used in questions matter, as they can unlock deep and heartfelt discussions.
đš Empathy and Asking Difficult Questions
In this paragraph, the speaker shares the anxiety he felt when interviewing former child soldier Ishmael Beah. He reflects on the difficulty of asking Beah about his traumatic experiences in Sierra Leone but knew it was necessary. The speaker stresses the importance of striving for empathy in conversations, especially when discussing topics vastly different from oneâs own experience. Empathy helps bridge those differences and allows for more meaningful exchanges.
đ Lessons from Interviewing Allen Ginsberg and the Art of Being Informed
The speaker recalls interviewing beat poet Allen Ginsberg and the lesson he learned: donât ask questions that have already been asked. This led the speaker to meticulously research Ginsbergâs past interviews to come up with original questions. He also mentions learning from Merle Johnson, who always asked well-researched and factual questions at City Club forums. The key takeaway is to be informed and avoid redundancy in interviews.
â The Value of Simplicity in Asking Questions
The speaker discusses a lesson he learned from ESPN sportscaster Stuart Scott, who advised asking one question at a time and keeping it simple. Complex, multi-part questions are often less effective than straightforward ones. Stuart Scott's advice to 'be simple' reinforces that sometimes the simplest questionâlike 'Why?'âcan be the most profound.
â The Speakerâs Favorite Question: 'What Was That Like for You?'
In this concluding paragraph, the speaker shares his favorite question: 'What was that like for you?' He explains that itâs a genuine, sincere question that shows interest in understanding someone elseâs unique experiences. He stresses that when someone shares their experience, itâs a gift that should be received with gratitude. The speaker ends by expressing his appreciation to the audience for their time and attention.
Mindmap
Keywords
đĄCuriosity
đĄEmpathy
đĄObvious questions
đĄFearlessness
đĄStuds Terkel
đĄWords matter
đĄChild soldiers
đĄVietnam veterans
đĄPassion
đĄGinsberg, Allen
Highlights
Curiosity begins with a thought and is followed by a question, leading to learning and understanding.
At 16, the speaker interviewed a former Green Beret about his experiences in Vietnam, emphasizing that people often want to talk about their impactful experiences, even if they are painful.
The first lesson about asking questions: Don't be afraid to ask, as people generally want to share stories that shaped their lives.
Studs Terkel was a master interviewer, known for his ability to ask questions that revealed people's deeper thoughts about their work and life.
The second lesson: Be curious about the world and other peopleâs experiences, as this opens up new perspectives.
Sometimes the most obvious question is the most important one to ask, as demonstrated by the speakerâs interview with a state senator about the Great Lakes Water Compact.
Words matter when asking questions. Framing a question thoughtfully can lead to more meaningful conversations.
In group facilitation, asking the right question, like 'Whatâs your passion?', can create deep and engaging conversations.
Strive for empathy when asking questions, especially when discussing difficult or painful experiences.
When interviewing Allen Ginsberg, the speaker learned the importance of asking original, thoughtful questions that the interviewee has not been asked before.
Be informed about the subject and avoid asking.
Transcripts
so I want to start with a story and I'm
gonna end with my favorite question but
what I'm gonna try to communicate to you
is a few lessons about asking questions
because asking a good question is really
about sort of executing the act of
curiosity curiosity begins with a
thought and then typically it what
follows is a question and then
ultimately what follows from that is a
lot of learning and that's really what
curiosity is all about when I was 16
years old I was in high school in New
Jersey and I was working on a project my
final culminating project for this class
that I was taking which was a
combination u.s. history and American
literature class was a I was working on
a project about the experiences of
Vietnam veterans and their experiences
in the war and I had been reading this
book called Bloods which was a
collection of oral histories of African
American soldiers during the war and
yeah the whole thing was just gripping
to me I could not believe what these
experiences were like and I've been
reading Tim O'Brien and and other and
and other writers who wrote about the
Vietnam era but these actual experiences
were just like cut right through me
and there were interviews with people
and they were - they were describing
their experiences Green Berets who are
describing their experiences of
collecting trophies from their victims
that they killed and I couldn't believe
it so I wanted to interview soldiers
people who had served during the war as
part of my part of my project so this is
obviously like I'm 16 years old I'm like
I know how to do this I'll just go ask
people questions everybody does that
right so I'm on a train from princeton
junction new jersey going up to newark
to meet a friend of a friend of my
father's who is running a homeless
shelter who's a former Green Beret and
he's probably like a six foot three
african-american male and I'm like this
little skinny kid like even skinnier
than I am now from the suburbs of this
independent school in New Jersey and I'm
like
asking questions about his life and what
was that like when you were Green Beret
in Vietnam but here's the thing in the
end I did he met me at Penn Station in
Newark he took me to the homeless
shelter where he works and and we had an
amazing conversation that really fueled
that project and so the thing about the
first thing I want you to understand
about asking questions is that don't be
afraid you can ask questions the real
lesson in that that that I learned and
I've learned again and again and again
is that often people want to talk about
the experiences that have shaped them
even if those experiences are painful
there's another lesson and it starts
with this guy that Studs Terkel how many
of you know Studs Terkel can I see show
hands not too many of you oldsters the
old tedsters no Studs Terkel Studs
Terkel was probably the greatest living
interviewer on the planet as far as I'm
concerned but certainly in America when
he was living he died in 2008 I was
fortunate enough to interview him once
he was deaf as a doornail I didn't like
shout into the microphone for him to
hear me but he was born in 1912 died in
2008 so 96 years old when he died had
interviewed probably I mean thousands
upon thousands of people his seminal
work or a work that really set him apart
which was also the the first work that I
that I discovered by him was a book
called working people talk about what
they do all day and how they feel about
what they do and it was that that that
thing not just like what do you do all
day but how do you feel about what you
do because all of us work you know 8 9
10 hours a day 40 50 60 70 hours a week
and how we feel about how we spend that
time is actually really important and
Terkel this book is you know four
hundred five hundred pages long have is
some of you read it I'm guessing or read
in it you've you've looked at and it's
amazing right one of the the little
games that I play with that book is
trying to figure out what questions he
asked to elicit the kinds of responses
he got and he was talking with priests
and prostitutes he was starting the cab
drivers and CEOs
postal workers garbage delivery men
radio DJs everybody is in that book is
represented in that book it was
published in 1973 but it's outstanding
reading I mean it really is and he has
this sense of curiosity about people and
their experiences that is uncommon and
it comes through even though his words
are nowhere in the book it comes through
because he kept asking people about
their lives so the second sort of point
in all of this where am i pointing this
thing there you go is to be curious be
curious about the world
don't just let it be out there and not
wonder about it but be truly curious
about other people's experiences about
why things are the way they are this
thing is dying I think but anyway maybe
every time I go like this they'll move
it no there we go
so next lesson this guy is not Studs
Terkel it's state senator Tim grindell
he's now a judge in Geauga County but
when I met him he was a state senator
actually the first time I met him he was
running for attorney general but several
years ago I think this would have been
around 2008 or so there was this thing
happening that the Great Lakes water
compact this gets back to why policy
matters if a Meehan hours still here but
the Great Lakes water compact was going
to be was this agreement between all of
the Great Lakes states and two Canadian
provinces the Canadian government the US
government and everybody was going to
agree that certain uses of the Great
Lakes of the fresh water one-fifth of
the world's fresh water which is at our
doorstep would be protected and just
about every legislature on the US side
had agreed to it except for Ohio's and
the provincial legislatures had also
agreed to it on the Canadian side
everybody was poised to do it except
state senator Tim Grendel was worried
about the water rights of private
property owners who lived inside the
watershed so I was interviewing him
along with Matt Dolan who was then a
state Rep from Geauga County and a
champion of the compact and you know
back and forth back and forth live on
the air for 30 minutes
45 minutes we're getting close to the
end of the program if I see state
senator Grendel is there any language
that we could put inside the legislation
to authorize the compact that would set
your mind at ease it's a really obvious
question right is there any compromise
here any middle ground and you said well
yeah I think there is nobody had asked
that question yet for some reason like
it hadn't come up I don't know if he was
waiting for enough enough press or
something like that but sometimes the
point of that is that sometimes the
obvious question is the most important
question to ask so don't be afraid to
ask the obvious question because it may
turn out that the obvious question needs
to be asked at that moment this is my
friend Noel Celeste any of you know Elsa
last can get your hands
fans have know Elsa last I'm a big fan
of Noel Celeste she and I have done a
lot of work together and one of the
other areas in which you wind up
sometimes asking questions isn't always
the interview but sometimes you're
facilitating a conversation teachers
know this really well and in fact part
of what part most of what I learned
about asking questions I learned when I
was teaching high school but one of the
things that Noel taught me one day when
we were planning out this group
facilitation thing that we were working
on and she said to me weird I got a step
touching that and she said we're trying
to figure out how to get a group of
people to talk to one another about the
things that matter to them most and we
wanted to feed them a question that they
would ask at one another and I was like
well you just say like hey what do you
care about now it doesn't really matter
what do you what do you spend your time
doing and she hit on it so what's your
passion and that was the thing that
cracked it wide open and ultimately the
event was this two and a half hour event
everybody was talking with one another
strangers who had never met because we
gave them the right question to use
what's your passion and they talked to
each other about their passions about
what was deep inside their heart what
they cared most about and so the lesson
there that she has taught me and she
continues to teach me every time we work
together is that words matter
this thing won't work there it is words
matter the words you use matter a lot
when you ask questions
because they do matter
this is Ishmael Beah up he wrote a book
called long way gone he was a child
soldier in Sierra Leone I interviewed
him once and it was it was sort of
terrifying to interview him the anxiety
I experienced before interviewing a
former child soldier and published
author knowing that I what I wanted to
ask him about that anxiety that I felt
prior to that interview was akin to the
anxiety I felt waiting back there and
but I had to ask him during a live
interview on the radio um in your book
you talk about killing people can you
tell us what that was like for you and
how you live with that in those memories
and it was so hard to do that but I knew
that it was the question that needed to
be asked and I knew it was the question
ultimately it was the the stuff of his
life the life shaping things that
happened to him that I knew that he
probably did want to actually talk about
and what I was trying to do in that
moment was find whatever capacity I had
for empathy for someone who had been
through those experiences not really I
mean in that case empathy is really hard
but what you have to do when you're
interviewing anybody or when you're just
asking questions of anybody is you
really have to strive for empathy throw
this down oh no powerpoint next time ami
hanauer's right
okay so strive for empathy and you have
to do that because oftentimes the best
conversations that you're having and the
moments where your curiosity is really
sated is when you're speaking with
somebody who has a completely different
experience from your own and when you
strive for empathy you're striving to
reach across that difference and put
yourself in that person's shoes and
really open your heart to their
experience
who knows who this is it's all the
oldsters again Allen Ginsberg was a hero
of mine I've got I'm supposed to stay on
the on the red because that's where the
good light is
Allen Ginsberg it was a hero of mine
beat poet and I had an opportunity to
interview him many many years ago when I
was in college I was writing my thesis
about his poetry and I somehow somehow
got an opportunity to interview him and
the night before the interview we my
friend Jeff and I met him at this event
and we said sir were both we're both big
fans of yours were both at Berkeley were
both writing our theses our
undergraduate thesis on your poetry
could we possibly interview you tonight
and he said no what about tomorrow and
he said sure
as long as you can give me a ride from
Palo Alto to San Francisco okay sure I
did it so long story but what he said at
that moment he said pick me up tomorrow
morning at 9:00 at the hotel over there
or whatever it was and make sure you
don't ask me a question that anybody has
asked me before okay so and the dude had
been interviewed a lot of times I mean
there are books upon books upon books
and and magazine articles and everything
Paris review New Yorker everywhere right
so Jeff and I were like up all night you
know reviewing everything that we've
researched about him to make sure that
we're not going over old ground it was a
really really important lesson and in
the end we did I mean we were asking him
about stuff that really was new for for
him and it worked really well
this is Merle Johnson many of you have
heard her before if you've ever listened
to a city club broadcast because she
asks a question and almost well just
yeah I would say 80% of the Friday
forums that we host that are actually
that are broadcast and this is a picture
of her asking a question this just last
month January 9th when Tim McGinty our
County prosecutor was speaking and I
can't recite the entire question that
she asked because it was so perfect she
recited all of the facts about the Tamir
rice death and Timothy Loman that
patrolman who shot Tim who shot Tamir
rice and she recited the facts
dispassionately and completely factually
and then she said you know
a pointed way will Officer Lohmann be
indicted and prosecutor McGinty he spent
you know a good five or six minutes
going over a rehearsed answer that he
had but the point is is that her
question she had marshaled all of the
facts together for that question and so
like the lesson with Ginsburg the lesson
with Morrell Johnson is to be informed
don't ask questions of people especially
this is in the case when you're
interviewing celebrity type people are
big people who have who have spoken
about things don't ask them questions
that they've already answered elsewhere
know your subject
to the extent that you can now I know a
lot of you know who this is
stuart scott died in November he was an
amazing amazing
sportscaster broadcaster for ESPN and in
this in this moment is a still that I
grabbed off of a YouTube video this guy
on the on the right and on your right
yeah it's my right to write it's over
there
at anyway the guy on the right is
interviewing someone of these like red
carpet interviews of Stuart Scott is
walking down and say hey can I get your
attention and and and Stuart Scott comes
over very generous for this time and
this guy takes about a minute to ask him
he's like hey so I was just wondering
you know Stuart Scott great you know
like great amazing career and I was
wondering if you have any advice for
young upcoming reporters like myself and
also how did you get where you are and
and then he paused stopped and Stuart
Scott said right there you just asked me
two questions asked one don't ask two
questions and then he went on he said
and be simple you don't have to use a
lot of words to show people how much you
know just ask a simple question
sometimes the best question is why the
simplest question there is and he's
right you don't have to use these long
questions with with all sorts of things
to show how much you know sometimes the
most important thing is to just be as
simple as you can be which is
that one number seven so to review for
one moment if I may so number seven is
be simple I'm gonna just start at the
beginning
number one was be unafraid to be curious
three do you remember what number three
was oh come on come on what go yes try
the obvious question and then that where
number four was words matter
number five strive for empathy number
six be in form number seven be simple
and then I said that I was going to
share with you my favorite question my
favorite question which ultimately was
really the question that I asked Ishmael
Beah uh who is it what's that like for
you or what was that like for you and
that comes from that's not like the the
snarky question like hey how's that
going for you it's the the authentic
sincere question what's that like for
you because I don't know I didn't
experience it and I think that's a very
important question a question we should
ask one another quite a lot there's one
last thing though to say and that when
you are you are asking questions of
somebody there it's a gift their answer
is a gift and when they're giving that
gift of you to you of your experience
and and their experience and their time
it's very important to be gracious all
of you have given so much to all of us
today your time and your attention and I
hear outside in the lobby your questions
as well so I want to just say to all of
you thank you very much
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