Learn this before dating anyone
Summary
TLDRThe speaker emphasizes the importance of not speaking negatively about one's partner, especially to others, to prevent outside influences from damaging the relationship. They share personal experiences, highlighting the consequences of sharing too much with friends and family, and stress the need for internal resolution of issues. The speaker also discusses the impact of external opinions on self-esteem and the need for self-love, concluding with the message to keep outside influences at bay to maintain a healthy relationship and self-image.
Takeaways
- 🤐 Never talk negatively about your partner to others to avoid giving people the chance to influence your relationship negatively.
- 🔒 Be cautious about sharing personal relationship issues with others, as it can lead to vulnerability and misuse of your trust.
- 🏠 If you can't resolve issues with your partner, consider that there might be a deeper problem in the relationship.
- 🗣️ It's important to address and resolve issues within the relationship rather than relying on external advice.
- 👫 Be mindful of the reputation you create about your partner by what you say about them to others.
- 🚫 Avoid 'bashing' your ex or current partner to others, as it can escalate negative feelings and create a toxic environment.
- 👂 The influence of friends and family on a relationship can be significant, and sometimes harmful.
- 💔 Constantly focusing on negative aspects of a relationship can overshadow the positive and lead to its downfall.
- 🤔 Be aware of the potential for outside influences to alter your perspective and decisions about your relationship.
- 🌟 Keep the beauty and positivity of your relationship to yourself, and don't let others' opinions or actions tarnish it.
Q & A
Why does the speaker recommend not talking bad about your partner to others?
-The speaker recommends not talking bad about your partner to others because it can invite negative influences into your relationship, which can sever the bond you have with your partner.
What are the risks of sharing relationship issues with people outside the relationship?
-Sharing relationship issues with others can lead to people influencing your thoughts negatively, causing you to rely on external opinions rather than solving problems directly with your partner.
What does the speaker mean by 'fix the problems in house'?
-'Fix the problems in house' means resolving relationship issues internally between partners without involving external parties or influences.
How can talking negatively about your partner to others affect their reputation?
-Talking negatively about your partner can create a one-sided and unfair reputation, as people may focus only on the negative aspects while ignoring the positive things your partner has done.
Why does the speaker emphasize accountability when discussing their past relationships?
-The speaker emphasizes accountability to show that they recognize their own mistakes, such as discussing relationship issues with others, and to highlight that they tried not to speak negatively about their ex.
What negative impact did involving her parents have on the speaker's relationship?
-Involving her parents in their relationship issues permanently changed the dynamic, as it led to external influences affecting their relationship and caused long-term harm.
Why does the speaker advise against letting people into your relationship?
-The speaker advises against letting people into your relationship because external influences can create misunderstandings, interfere with decision-making, and ultimately damage the relationship.
What type of advice does the speaker give when discussing relationships?
-The speaker gives 'perspective advice,' offering different viewpoints without instructing others on what to do. They aim to help people make informed decisions without imposing their own opinions.
What does the speaker mean by 'keep the outside outside' in a relationship?
-'Keep the outside outside' means not letting external influences, opinions, or people interfere with the relationship, as it is the internal dynamics that should matter most.
How does the speaker relate self-love to handling external influences?
-The speaker suggests that just as one should protect a relationship from external influences, one should also protect their self-esteem from external opinions. Self-love must come from within, not be determined by others' views.
Outlines
🤔 The Dangers of External Influence in Relationships
The speaker emphasizes the importance of not discussing relationship issues with others, as it can lead to unwanted influence and damage the bond with a partner. They recount personal experiences where opening up to someone led to their words being used against them. The speaker advises resolving issues internally and being cautious about sharing too much information about one's relationship with others, as it can lead to reliance on external opinions and influence, which can overshadow the positive aspects of a relationship.
😣 The Impact of Family Involvement in Relationships
The speaker shares an experience where involving family in a relationship issue changed the dynamic of the relationship. They discuss how they personally avoided discussing their relationship with their own family to maintain privacy and control over their own relationship issues. The speaker also reflects on a moment when their partner's family member made a comment that hurt them, illustrating the potential for family involvement to cause emotional distress. They conclude by advising caution when it comes to involving others in personal relationships.
😓 The Risks of Sharing Relationship Details
The speaker warns against sharing intimate details of a relationship with friends, as it can lead to jealousy and attempts to undermine the relationship. They discuss how people may use shared information to create a narrative that is damaging to the relationship. The speaker also touches on the idea that some people may not have the best intentions and may try to exploit a relationship for their own gain. They advise being mindful of who is allowed into one's personal life and to be cautious about the information shared with others.
😔 The Importance of Self-Love and Internal Validation
The speaker discusses the importance of self-love and not allowing external opinions to define one's self-image. They mention that attractiveness is not solely about physical appearance but also about one's character and how one treats oneself. The speaker encourages focusing on internal validation and self-appreciation rather than seeking approval from others. They acknowledge the imperfections in their own thoughts and the video's content, but emphasize the beauty in imperfection and the importance of being genuine and human.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Influence
💡Vulnerability
💡Accountability
💡Reputation
💡Dynamic
💡Self-love
💡Attraction
💡Imperfection
💡Grmy and slimy
💡Dating in circles
💡Swingers
Highlights
It's important to never talk negatively about your partner, especially to other people, as it opens up opportunities for external influences to damage the relationship.
Problems in a relationship should be fixed internally, not by seeking external opinions or influences.
Sharing vulnerabilities with others can lead to them using that information against you, damaging trust.
Talking about your relationship to others can create a false narrative, where the negative aspects are magnified while the positive moments are overlooked.
External influences, such as family and friends, can forever change the dynamic of a relationship when they get involved.
Even close friends may not always have your best interests at heart when it comes to your relationship.
Relying on others' opinions for relationship decisions can lead to you prioritizing their thoughts over your own, creating further issues.
If you can’t communicate or solve issues with your partner directly, there is an inherent problem in the relationship.
Bashing your partner to others, or allowing them to bash you, can severely damage the reputation of your relationship in the eyes of others.
Keeping the details of your relationship private helps protect it from external judgments and influences.
External influences can manipulate situations to their advantage, potentially trying to come between you and your partner.
Allowing others to interfere in your relationship can lead to long-term negative consequences that are difficult to undo.
You need to be cautious about whom you confide in, as not everyone wants to see you succeed in your relationship.
External pressures, such as societal or familial expectations, can hinder the natural growth and development of a relationship.
It’s essential to safeguard your relationship by keeping it private and resolving issues directly with your partner.
Transcripts
if you are considering getting in a
relationship or you're already in a
relationship I highly recommend to never
talk bad about your partner in general
but especially to other people you got
to be very careful about the things you
share about your relationship especially
you know the things are going through
because people are always waiting for
opportunity to put their influences in
your relationship and pretty much sever
the bond you have with a person so if
you feel like you can't talk to your
person if you feel like y'all can't come
together and solve issues there's a
problem a lot of the times it happens
because you try to open up to somebody
and they they want you to talk and the
moment you open up they use everything
you said against you everything you
become vulnerable to them you express
how you feel and they use that against
you and then they wonder why you don't
open up they wonder why you seek
external advice and influence because
I'm hurt here you know what I'm saying
where I trusted the most where I was the
most vulnerable those things happen but
you got got to be able to fix the
problems in house nothing external can
fix what's inside so it's not a good
idea to tell people all your business
yeah you might have to talk to somebody
yeah you might have a close friend that
you can trust and things like that but
still you can't talk too much because
you're going to start to get that
outside influence instead of you being
in your relationship thinking well this
is what me and her or this is what me
and my person have to fix you going to
be thinking oh well I wonder what they
thinking I wonder what Mom thinks about
my relationship I wonder what my sister
thinks about my relationship
relationship because you starting to
train yourself to rely on other people
to fix your problems but what I wanted
to talk about specifically is the
reputation you can create about your
partner whenever and I I proud myself
for this and like I said I'm going to
start off with accountability on my part
I did talk about my situations to people
you know that was close it wasn't just
like anybody but the thing is I never
bash my ex never bash my ex and if I
caught myself in a story getting to the
point where I see they face like bro you
dealt with that like no let me go ahead
and clear it up this is like a small
percentage of what happened you know
what I'm saying the negative always gets
magnified but I just want to be very
clear blah blah blah blah blah and I
would always clean up her name always
did but I never did Bash her but it was
a few times she did Bash me and i' I've
heard it in real time you know what I'm
saying but um she would bash
me and her friends would say all this
stuff and they would influence all her
negative thoughts to the point where
they would talk about me behind my back
and say things about me that they would
never say to my face and it influenced a
lot of the things in our relationship
like for example if you sit there and
tell somebody about all the negative
things that happen in your relationship
let's say you're in a relationship and
your partner um just yelled at you and
then they come home Angry the next day
and then a week later they do this and
they do that and you keep running and
telling your friends oh she did this oh
they did that oh they did this oh they
did that they going to be like oh well
this is a horrible person you deserve
better you this you that you need to Le
this person but what about that
Wednesday when that person brought you
flowers what about that Friday when that
person rubbed your back what about that
Saturday when that person listened to
all your problems when you didn't listen
to their problems what about that Monday
when they was brushing your hair what
about all these days they took you on
these excursions and they did all these
things for you not not for you them not
for you to say thank you they just
wanted to do it but when they have these
these slips and slopes that's the thing
that gets focused on it's like when you
good for a person and you doing what you
can for a person even if things aren't
always well you can mean well by the
person but the moment they go out and
spill negative about you all that gets
erased you could literally buy a person
the entire world and you accidentally
step on One Tree or you burned out let's
say you you did it intentionally you
burned down one tree they will have the
whole universe thinking that you're evil
because of those outside influences and
then their influences will get into your
relationship and start to run your
relationship I remember we had an issue
one time and my ex wanted to bring her
parents in it and I was like don't you
dare don't you dare you know what I'm
saying and she was like I'll do it I'll
do it I'm like for one go ahead and you
know what go ahead and show me how
immature you are for one because you you
you you know you claim to want to move
away from your parents and you claim to
want all these things and I'm trying to
help you I'm trying to build this for
us but if you move out you can't just
run to your parents you can't just run
for help I'm I'm literally here trying
to help you you seeking help that has
never been there you know what I'm
saying and then once they get into our
relationship and they know what's going
on they're going to start having
influences you going to stop thinking
for yourself and things are going to be
come tarnished but I said go go ahead
and show me do it so she went and told
her parents about some things you know
and it was simple stuff like it wasn't
some traumatic experiences but she went
and once her parents got involved and
once her family start getting involved
and what we had going on it forever
changed the dynamic of our relationship
forever I never bashed her you know to
my mom or my family I kept all that on
the low profile because it's my
relationship when I would be going
through something my mom would see it
all over my face but I never did Bash up
but one thing that stuck with me
I remember one time I went over there
and you know we was all cuddled up and
stuff and a sister came in the door and
they was talking or whatnot and me and
her little sister was kind of close you
know at a period of time right but um
that started to fade as things happened
but I remember she told her sister I
love my Santa Claus cuz I was acting
like Santa Claus I was walking around
acting like I had presents I was just
doing a whole G and she was like I love
my Santa Claus her little sister said
you need to make up your mind it's a new
story every day and every
week when I tell
you I just turned myself
off I was like
wow now I can speak about it and I don't
feel
anything but in that moment I had to
literally like find a fly on the wall to
act like I didn't hear that and then you
know when somebody did something and
they
get um confronted about it like let's
say somebody was talking about you then
somebody come in the room like wasen you
just talking about that person yesterday
and then they look at you with like that
scary they they want that approval like
I'm sorry like that look I seen her look
up at me I just looked up in the
corner like
huh it's not a good idea it's not a good
idea because it's some type of I don't
know what it is very rarely do you find
people that want you to be happy very
rarely do you find people that are
happier when you're with somebody and
when you're happy and when you're
thriving a relationship even people that
really care about you it's like some
dynamic they they just want you to
themselves and they want you to be
around them they don't want you to be in
a relationship because when I when I was
with my homeboys whenever I got in a
relationship I was nowhere around we
used to chill we used to hang out all
the time you know what I'm saying but
once I got a relationship I disappeared
and it was my choice but they didn't
hate that you know what I'm saying they
supported me in everything I did and
that that's how I am man I give you
advice and like I always say I give
perspective advice all I'm going to do
is offer you a new perspective or show
you what's going on things that you're
not seeing never will I ever tell you
what to do and if I start to give that
instructional advice I'll stop myself
and be like yo I'm not trying to tell
you what to do that is your Rel
relationship all I want you to do is be
happy I want you to make the best
decision possible because I can't I
can't personally I can't leave nothing
on the table personally I can't let
somebody's opinions from the outside
affect what I think and what's going on
for me and the inside of my relationship
so I'm not telling you to do nothing but
what I don't want you to do is go down a
rabbit hole what I don't want you to do
is be blind and naive that's the type of
advice I give when talking about
relationships because it's a sensitive
thing you don't know what that person
going through you don't you don't know
nothing you know what they tell you but
when you go to the outside and you
talking to people just a random person
and I'm not talking about just a person
you don't know I'm talking about random
in the mind they don't care for your
well-being they they rather you be alone
with them and be miserable with them so
they're not giving you real advice they
giving you instructions to get back to
them they don't want to see you happy
they don't want to see you build a
relationship because those things are
beautiful and when you don't have those
things it's pretty sad it's pretty
lonely s somebody close to you have
something so beautiful so you got to be
very careful about the people you tell
like I said I I knew some grmy slamy
people to this day I still know and I
still keep in contact with them because
I want I want you to think that I don't
know things you know what I'm saying
people try to slide behind your back and
get what you have and you know they try
to play like they're your friends to get
what you have and all that stuff that's
why you got to be very careful about
telling people certain stuff because
when they when they hear o if I do that
I could probably take this girl from
it's I'm telling you it's a grimy and
slimy game it's a grimy and slimy game
so you got to be very
careful about who you let into your
relationship because like I said earlier
in the video once you let that person in
they they will forever have the scoop
and relationship and to add to that you
got to be careful about dating and fr
bundles I grew up in a in a town where
these people I ain't going to lie I I
crack I crafted Theory so as I got older
and more aware and this all has
relevance as I got older and more aware
I seen all these people were dating in
circles dating in circles best friend
has best friend and then next day best
friend has other best friend like they
literally trading I'm like that's weird
so then I start hearing rumors about
swingers in town right if you don't know
what a swinger is it's when people are
in relationships and they exchange
partners for activities right they say
hey hey I got a wife you got a wife let
me borrow your wife for tonight you can
borrow my wife that type of thing right
so I had this Theory I said well if they
doing this and it's a lot of swinger
talk around you know town with the older
people
maybe these people are just kids of the
swingers maybe this is their culture
maybe this is what they know well come
to find out it was
true it was very
true they were Children of the swingers
and I found this out one late night in
the gym no there was no activities going
on but I I got to drop on some things
and I was like H that all makes
sense the reason why I brought that
up why did I bring that
up it has relevance I
promise all right let let's let's dig
back into um the thought it's about
letting people in relationship people
Wan what you we
have blah blah blah blah
damn I swear it had relevance
bro I swear I I don't you
know you know I don't bring up any
analogy or any scenario without
relevance I swear they have
relevance all right let's let's do some
backtracking not letting people in your
relationship they want what you have
grmy and slimy stuff I went to school
with people they dated in
circles
man I had it bro I had
it I had
it I could just spend another point off
of it because I compl completely forg
but for instance man let's
[Music]
say let's say you in a relationship with
somebody and let's say if you tickle
your girl's feet with chocolate covered
strawberries it makes her want to do
something that everybody would want to
experience and you go tell one of your
people about that well they might cause
some issues between you and your lady
and then go buy those chocolate covered
strawberries and then tickle her feet
with them you know what I'm saying and
try to fagle their way and man I wish I
knew I I can't even do this man I can't
even do this I wanted to explain my
regular point and I I bet y'all stood
where I was going but it's just man
whatever I was talking about it was so
potent it made so much
sense
[Music]
uh we're just going to induct this video
into the shaman Davis bloopers Hall of
Fame because even though I'm not perfect
you know what I'm saying I've never
claimed to be by the way y'all see me
mess up all the time I keep it in every
video but man more of the story
it's your relationship man keep the
outside outside you know what I'm saying
keep all that stuff
outside you can't
let the water outside your ship sink
it because it
doesn't it's the water that comes inside
the
ship so you have to be very careful of
what you let inside the
ship because that
is what sinks the
poke a big hole in your
relationship and you let everybody come
in and influence it and you start
thinking from the minds of other people
and not for yourself it's going to be
problems if you can't talk to your
partner and you can't solve issues with
your partner there's going to be a
problem
so never let outside
influences influence what's on the
inside and this ain't just just about
relationships this could be about the
way you look at yourself you're calling
yourself ugly because somebody else call
you ugly you got to find that love for
yourself you got to find that attraction
in yourself and by the way if we want to
get real technical attractiveness is not
always being goodlook understand that's
two different things they go hand in
hand every attractive person is not
good-looking and not every good-looking
person is attractive so it's just
certain things like that man selflove
you may not love yourself and that's
because because somebody taught you that
somebody put you through a situation to
where you now look at yourself from
their eyes but you got to get in here
it's like with that relationship work on
here first handle this first this is
sacred keep this safe because the world
is always trying to tear you apart from
what you
love you didn't hear it from me though
I'm not happy with this uh product that
I just produced not happy with this
conversation
but I got to upload it I got to share it
with y'all just to let y'all know that
everything just not perfect
man everything just not
perfect but there's Beauty and
imperfection and I'm
human and sometimes my mind gets lost
when thinking about things I shouldn't
be thinking
about but any
who y'all stay blessed man I'll talk to
y'all soon
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