Are Indian Parents Toxic? | Explained With Data
Summary
TLDRThe video script addresses the intense academic and career expectations Indian parents often have for their children, highlighting the pressure and potential emotional toll it can take. It discusses the traditional Indian parenting style, emphasizing academic achievement and specific career paths, and contrasts it with the importance of understanding and validating individual aspirations. The speaker shares personal experiences and offers strategies for open communication with parents, advocating for a more accepting and evolving approach to parenting that acknowledges the changing world and supports children's individuality and mental health.
Takeaways
- 🎓 Indian parents often place a strong emphasis on academic achievement and social status, sometimes prioritizing career success over a child's well-being and happiness.
- 🌟 The societal pressure and expectations from parents can lead to a narrow definition of success, often limiting young individuals to specific career paths like engineering or medicine.
- 🚫 Indian parenting style can sometimes be toxic, with a lack of open communication and emotional manipulation being prevalent issues that affect children's mental health and self-esteem.
- 🔄 The script highlights the importance of parents adapting to changing times and being more accepting of their children's choices, rather than strictly adhering to traditional norms and expectations.
- 📈 The video discusses the impact of parents' expectations on children's confidence and self-worth, and how these pressures can lead to long-term negative effects on mental health and personal growth.
- 🤝 It is crucial for parents to build a foundation of love, trust, and communication with their children, allowing them to feel heard, valued, and supported in their individual pursuits.
- 💡 Indian parents are encouraged to understand that their children are not extensions of themselves, but rather unique individuals with their own desires, beliefs, and ideologies.
- 🌐 The rapidly changing world requires a different approach to parenting, where children are encouraged to explore various career options and are not confined to a narrow set of professions.
- 🔄 The script suggests that children should be able to negotiate with their parents and present well-researched arguments to gain the freedom to make their own life choices.
- 📚 Parents are urged to be open to learning from their children, acknowledging that they may not have all the answers and embracing the evolving landscape of technology and ideas.
Q & A
What is the main topic discussed in the video?
-The main topic discussed in the video is the impact of traditional Indian parenting styles on children's self-esteem, career choices, and overall well-being.
What percentage of Indian parents prioritize successful careers over their children's well-being, according to the HSBC Global report?
-51% of Indian parents prioritize successful careers over their children's well-being, as per the HSBC Global report.
What are the typical career paths that Indian parents consider prestigious and successful?
-Indian parents typically consider careers in engineering, medicine, and other professional fields such as law and civil service as prestigious and successful.
How does the script suggest that Indian parents view their children as extensions of themselves?
-The script suggests that Indian parents view their children as extensions of themselves by imposing their beliefs, opinions, and career choices onto them, often prioritizing family honor and community ties over individual desires.
What are some negative consequences of the traditional Indian parenting style mentioned in the script?
-Negative consequences include stifling children's critical thinking skills, discouraging risk-taking, suppressing individuality, and potentially leading to long-lasting resentment and mental health issues.
How does the speaker propose to improve communication and understanding between parents and children?
-The speaker proposes that children should present well-researched, evidence-based arguments to their parents to demonstrate the validity of their choices and experiences, much like a sales pitch.
What advice does the speaker give to parents who want the best for their children?
-The speaker advises parents to build a strong foundation of love, trust, and communication, to be open to learning from their children, and to accept that their children are their own individuals with unique desires and beliefs.
How does the societal pressure and expectations in India affect parenting styles?
-The societal pressure and expectations in India often lead to a status-driven and collectivist mindset, where parents push their children towards traditional, successful careers to elevate the family's social standing and fulfill community expectations.
What is the significance of the speaker's personal experiences and startup in addressing the issues discussed in the video?
-The speaker's personal experiences and startup, Junior Champs, provide a first-hand account and a platform for improving parenting practices by focusing on social-emotional skills and more accepting, adaptable parenting behaviors.
What does the video suggest as a key factor in changing traditional Indian parenting practices?
-The video suggests that open communication, understanding, and willingness to adapt to changing times are key factors in changing traditional Indian parenting practices.
How does the speaker address the issue of parents using emotional manipulation as a control tactic?
-The speaker addresses this issue by pointing out how such emotional manipulation can make a child's sense of love and support feel conditional and transactional, and encourages parents to avoid such practices for a healthier parent-child relationship.
Outlines
🎉 Celebrating Achievements and Addressing Parental Expectations
The paragraph begins with a celebration of achievements, acknowledging the efforts made to meet certain expectations. It then shifts focus to discuss the pressure of parental expectations, particularly in the context of Indian families. The speaker shares a personal anecdote about their own journey of dealing with such pressures and emphasizes the importance of having open and honest conversations with parents. The introduction of a sponsor, ODU, an enterprise resource planning software, is used as a metaphor to highlight the importance of adapting and evolving, just as one would in managing an online business presence.
🤔 Exploring the Impact of Indian Parenting Styles
This paragraph delves into the characteristics of Indian parenting, highlighting the intense focus on academic success and social status. It discusses the societal and cultural expectations that drive these parenting practices, referencing movies and reports that have brought this issue to light. The speaker shares statistics to emphasize the unrealistic expectations placed on young people, and the potential negative impact on their self-esteem and mental health. The paragraph also touches on the collectivist nature of Indian society and how it influences parenting behaviors, leading to a lack of individual expression and personal fulfillment.
😢 Navigating the Pressures and Sacrifices in Indian Families
The paragraph discusses the emotional and psychological toll of the pressures faced by children in Indian families, particularly in the context of education and career expectations. It explores the financial sacrifices made by parents and the implications of these sacrifices on both the parents and the children. The speaker uses a hypothetical scenario to illustrate the stress and anxiety that can result from these pressures, leading to tragic outcomes. The paragraph also addresses the changing job market and the challenges faced by young people in finding employment, emphasizing the need for parents to understand and adapt to these changes.
🚫 Challenging Traditional Indian Parenting Norms
This paragraph critically examines traditional Indian parenting norms, discussing the long-term impacts of helicopter parenting and the suppression of individuality. It highlights the importance of risk-taking and independent thought, and how these are often discouraged by traditional parenting practices. The speaker shares personal strategies for negotiating with parents and advocating for one's own career choices, emphasizing the need for understanding and compromise. The paragraph also encourages parents to be open to learning from their children and adapting to the changing world.
💪 Encouraging Adaptation and Openness in Parenting
The final paragraph addresses Indian parents directly, acknowledging their love and sacrifices while urging them to adapt to the changing world and the evolving definition of success. It emphasizes the importance of communication, trust, and understanding between parents and children. The speaker advises parents to let go of rigid expectations and allow their children to explore their own paths. The paragraph concludes with a call for shared experiences and stories to help others navigate difficult parent-child relationships, and a reminder that it's never too late to change and build a healthier relationship with one's children.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Parenting Practices
💡Toxic Parenting
💡Self-Esteem
💡Career Expectations
💡Collectivist Society
💡Emotional Manipulation
💡Individuality
💡Communication
💡Success
💡Mental Health
Highlights
The speaker shares a personal story of reducing their father's expectations and the impact it had on their life.
A breakthrough in emotional validation is achieved, highlighting the importance of self-confidence and self-esteem.
The question posed to the audience about what they would be if not influenced by parental expectations provokes thought on individual aspirations.
The introduction of ODU, an enterprise resource planning software, emphasizes its e-commerce features for boosting businesses online presence.
The video aims to discuss the toxic aspects of some Indian parenting styles without vilifying parents, but rather understanding their perspective.
Indian parenting's focus on academic achievement and social status is highlighted as a widely known cultural trait.
A discussion on how Indian parents often prioritize successful careers over their children's well-being and happiness is presented.
The societal pressure and expectations in India are linked to the pressure on children to achieve career milestones.
The speaker shares their own experience of growing up in an Indian family and the struggles they faced with parental expectations.
The importance of understanding and changing with the times is stressed, as seen in the speaker's positive relationship with their parents.
The societal impact on Indian parenting is discussed, including the collectivist nature of Indian society and its effect on individual desires.
The speaker's first startup, Junior Champs, focused on improving parenting and instilling social-emotional skills in children.
The limited career options known to Indian students and the pressure to conform to narrow definitions of success are critiqued.
The negative impacts of certain Indian parenting behaviors on adult life are discussed, including the stifling of individuality and creativity.
The speaker suggests strategies for navigating conversations with parents and emphasizes the importance of mutual understanding.
The video calls for a reevaluation of traditional Indian parenting practices in light of changing societal and economic landscapes.
The speaker addresses Indian parents directly, urging them to adapt to the changing world and support their children's individual paths.
The video concludes with a call for sharing experiences and support for those struggling with parental relationships.
Transcripts
welcome everybody according to our last
quarterly analysis
report Val ouris aren met and to top it
off
Sops me
estimate did you make any efforts to
reduce your dad's IIT
expectations Rohit
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[Applause]
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9% for the first time in my life
physical
[Applause]
affection
emotionally damage to selfconfidence
and selfesteem
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issues
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normaliz
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tions
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valid this is a breakthrough emotionally
damed to you have done the impossible
self
confidence and self
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estimation
I have a question for all of you what
would you be if your parents didn't
decide what you will become I'm sure
most of you have an answer to the
question but are scared to say it out
loud if you don't know you will find out
why but before we begin today's video I
want to quickly thank our partner for
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description below now back to the video
in today's video I want to tackle a
sensitive but a rather important topic
are Indian parents toxic sounds like
blasphemy when I say it like that right
now a lot of you want to click off right
away saying no Aina my parents are
amazing I am genuinely so happy for you
but the data I came across about Indian
parents is quite troubling so I realized
it's a discussion that we all needed to
have the markets people Society is
changing at a much faster pace and a lot
of parents are still stuck in the past
my goal in this video is not to vilify
parents but to have an honest
examination of parenting practices in
India more importantly I want to help
you develop a deeper understanding of
your parents perspective and provide you
with practical strategies for navigating
important conversations with them
because your future and well-being is at
stake here so like most other Indian
families and knew my parents were also
loving but strict education was of f
most important nothing mattered more
than getting top marks in every subject
extracurricular activities were
encouraged as long as they didn't
interfere with academics they were the
usual fights growing up don't use your
phone too much don't use the internet
don't waste time don't go out you know
how it goes you know growing up I feel
like a lot of us have this innate need
to be understood and to be validated by
our parents so it's very troubling when
they don't understand us you feel very
confused that why AR they getting it we
not doing anything wrong this is what
all our friends do I also went through
the same thing but thankfully over the
years I was able to reach a point my
parents but I genuinely absolutely love
their company even all my friends and
honestly it was because they decided to
be more accepting change with the times
and understand their own shortcomings
and trust me and support me in literally
all my decisions which is so rare to
find so thank you Mom and Dad but I'll
tell you what not everyone's story ends
this way since mine did I wanted the
world to have it too in fact my very
first startup Junior Champs was also
focused on how parents can instill some
social emotional skills in children and
how they can do parenting better and
while researching and building this
product I literally spoke to so many
parents studied a lot of parenting
behaviors so allow me to help you all
navigate through this now the Indian
parenting Style with its laser-like
focus on academic achievement and social
status is literally so widely known it's
practically a cultural meme at this
point you remember when the movie tar
Zer came out I think there was the first
time Indian parenting came in the
linelight and and so many kids related
to it after that we had three idiots but
it's practically Global understanding
now that Indian parents are loving but
bossy nurturing but controlling and they
will push you to Greatness whether you
like it or not did you know Indians are
among the most academically oriented
parents on the planet hsbc's Global
report the value of Education found that
51% of Indian parents chose successful
careers as more important over a child's
well-being and happiness and what is
success for Indian parents either you
get into iits IMS or you become a doctor
but if you actually do the math less
than
0.005% of Indian youth graduate from
prestigious it each year and less than
0.06% of Indian graduates make it to the
elite IM Business Schools so by this
definition 99% of Youth have already
failed before they even get started at
life think about the confidence H so
many people take based on these
parameters and it's not just this there
are a lot of other parenting behaviors
that I'd like to call out that need to
be re-evaluated again they are our
parents they mean well for us they do
love us but they are also a result of
their upbringing and I really want you
to stay till the end of the video
because I also want you to understand
and see where their behavior stem from
so coming to Parenting behaviors
building Legacy through children's
careers the fact that 51% parents are
keen on their child having a successful
career over them being healthy or happy
also underlines how achieving a career
Milestone is linked to the pride it
brings not just for the parents but the
community at large and I graduation is
seen as a way to elevate the family
social standing for generations to come
certain professions like doctors lawyers
civil servants are also seen as
respected and committed careers so
having a child from the family make it B
in these careers allows for
intergenerational pride and admiration
you know we've spoken about this many
times before how India is a
status-driven society not a well-driven
society so we do things to outdo what
other person has achieved not because we
want it to in a status-driven society
the basic mechanism is that they don't
like anyone going up the ladder so they
keep pulling others down in this way we
end up competing for the sake of
validation we get out of it not always
because it creates something of value
for those involved you know Indian
parents want us to beat Sharma G kab
beta not be equivalent to him and also
as a function of this a lot of Indian
parents adhere to extremely nrow
definitions of success any field that's
not engineering or medicine is looked
down upon God forbid you express an
interest in a lesser field like arts or
Sports you'll be mobbed or forcibly
rerouted to science a research conducted
by mindler of over 10,000 students in
tier 2 and tier three cities found that
93% Indian students are aware of just
seven career options out of 250 odd
career options available in India a lot
of Indian parents force their opinions
and beliefs on their children the child
is seen as an an extension of the parent
and their beliefs not as their
individual selves see India at its core
is a very collectivist Society we place
a high value on family honor and
Community ties often prioritizing them
over individual desires and a parents
but again raised with these beliefs now
you might question and say is listening
to everything a parents say and being an
extension of them a bad thing well not
always but sometimes yes it has its
repercussions and now that we have
enough research on this for a lot of
people these repercussions can be
crippling in adult life I'm going to
list out all of these in the later parts
of the video now coming to communication
a lot of Indian parents outright reject
open communication and children speaking
their minds is often labeled as
disrespectful and disobedient because
answering back is the biggest sin in the
parenting world and I'll tell you what's
even worse is emotional manipulation at
times a lot of parents use guil tripping
and emotional blackmail to control their
children without even realizing saying
things like we sacrifice so much for you
and this is how you repay
us this for some children can make a
parents love and support feel
conditional transactional and something
that can only be achieved and received
through good marks or by following their
orders wo wo wo wo stop did you like the
way that video was edited well I'm doing
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register for the master class see now
the thing is it's not a lie that Indian
parents do make a lot of sacrifices for
us all parents do as much as 49% of
Indian parents work extra hours and take
a second job to pay for their children's
University education about 64% of Indian
parents have taken on depth to put their
kids to University but I wanted to
imagine a situation here okay imagine
you're a child from tier 2 or tier three
city in India your parents don't have
the means to afford higher education for
you so they draw out a loan and send you
for J or neat coaching they take this
loan with understanding that you will
make it to a good college and you will
be able to repay the loans however mid
prep you realize that your aptitude
isn't good maybe you feel a bit
disinterested in the course and
environment of the coaching Institute
altoe every test you give your rank and
scores take a hit subsequently your
confidence too for a parent in this
situation who has already incurred a
loan it can be quite stressful to know
that kid isn't doing well but they are
trapped too they have to repay the loan
and your education is of utmost
importance moreover you are stressed
because you feel responsible for doing
well but do not have the mental or
physical health to Ace the test and any
step you take has repercussions for you
and your parents' overall well-being in
fact because of situations like these
earlier this year three children in Kota
took their lives by suicide because they
couldn't cope with the fact that their J
grades were poor and their parents had
taken a loan and you know what on an
average 35 Indian students take their
lives on a daily basis these kind of
situations leave the parents the family
and all of their dreams in worse shape
than where they began let's say we take
another scenario where we assume this
child from a poor socio economic
background does well on the test and
secures a place in an institution of
choice they still have to fight another
battle when it comes to finally getting
a job and God forbid they graduate
during a recession or when the world's
Tech is changing at such a fast pace as
right now they'll find it so difficult
to land a job in this environment and
might remain underemployed for a long
long time so imagine this child from a
poor social economic background steps
into the world well worsed in the rules
of the game only to later realize the
game of the success has changed see now
you must be like is this really a
parents fault the job market is bad how
can you attribute this to parents I
agree with you a lot of it is not our
parents fault but they are the ones that
are pushing children to these fields
because they don't know any better so
how will they honestly they don't even
know what they are doing wrong when I
was researching for my previous startup
I realized that parenting is actually a
full-time job and there is no coaching
for parenting they didn't have internet
or podcast they could go and watch
whenever they fa any problems in fact
they had zero Guidance the only
reference point that they had was people
around them and their parents and think
about the times our grandparents and our
parents grew up in what were the kind of
jobs that were available during those
times it was only in the post
Independence era when we had all these
white colar jobs and honestly during
those times education was the only means
to securing a job and a better life for
middle class it was the ticket out of
poverty into respectability
doctors engineers and bureaucrats formed
the ranks of the new Elite so pushing
your kid into these professions became
the ultimate aim of parenting also a
very important thing to understand here
is a lot of our parents were raised with
a scarcity mindset meaning they see Life
as a zero some game and end up saving
and holding resources playing it safe to
avoid losing what they have following
society's definition of success instead
of their own and this mindset is common
among majority of Indian parents because
a lot of them came from very little yet
this is the same mindset that can hold
you back is the mindset the difference
our parents from understanding the
concept of risk all together risk is
seen a scary something that will destroy
your career when that's not the true
case in fact minimizing risk all your
life can be the biggest risk you're
taking risk of living a life that you
didn't want to it's also worth noting
that the safe path often isn't safe at
all just look at all the tech folks who
are getting laid off from corporate jobs
right now and honestly it doesn't end
here sometimes times the weight of all
these expectations can be crippling and
straight up harmful here are some
long-term impacts that I spoke about
earlier that I will be listing out see
Indian parents want you to listen to
them at every stage of life this type of
helicopter parenting discourages
critical thinking skills by dictating
your academic path and career choices
from a very young age think about it
okay when you go out in the real world
and all You' have been taught is to
follow orders and be a yes man you are
going to be crushed by the society if
you don't speak up for yourself in
today's socioeconomic environment you
become successful by standing out not by
fitting in you been leverage by being
number one in a field any field not by
being the Thousand person doing the same
average work and parents need to
understand this tell me this okay with
no opportunities to exercise independent
thought how can you expect to
confidently navigate life's biggest
decisions as an adult by diminishing
your appetite for risk- taking by
forcefully labeling certain professions
as the only options you will end up
avoiding any semblance of risk leaving
you paralyzed to explore alternative
paths even after becoming financially
independent suppressing your identity
dreams and individuality in the
single-minded persu of society's narrow
definition of success can honestly breed
long lasting resentment towards your
parents when you realize how they
stifled your authentic self this will
make you feel fundamentally
misunderstood and insecure by
controlling every aspect of your life
without any space for for
self-expression you know never being
able to be your true self cripples your
self-confidence and selfworth over time
it pushes you into living dual life
where you have this obedient public
Persona to please parents while
internally you struggle with your real
identity now I genuinely wish I was
making all of this up but simply look up
Reddit threads on Indian parenting and
you will realize why Indian parenting
needs to be scrutinized time and again
in pop culture because it does harm our
potential and there are more than enough
research papers and studies around it
I'm going to link them all in the
description below if you want to share
them with your parents see I'm also
aware that a lot of comments on this
video will be people who have obeyed
their parents justifying they are right
in doing what they did and I totally
understand you I would defend it too if
I had always obeyed my parents but if by
small chance you are someone who seeks
to feel understood by your parents I
want you to know it is possible I have
done it for my career let me give you a
few examples see okay whenever you're
approaching your parent or trying to
make a pitch for yourself you have to
prove how serious you are before you go
and Pitch your idea I'll give you an
example there was a point of time when I
wanted to shift into becoming a uiux
designer and my mom and dad had no idea
what the hell a uiux designer is so I
did all my research about the
opportunities available how many people
are pursuing this career what is the
future of it what is the salary package
I can get also spoke to some other
people who could then come and talk to
my parents so I literally created a
presentation deck and presented it to
them just to ease their anxieties and so
they could trust me into making this
decision and they didn't feel like I was
playing with my career I'll give another
example I also had a friend who switched
to design after completing engineering
she took up freelancing design work
prepared for courses in design school
secured a seat landed a job at a leading
design agency of her own will noticing
the efforts of my friends put in proving
into how serious she was made her
otherwise strict mom trust her more see
I know this might come across as a
little silly to some of you but hear me
out arguing with parents and fighting
for a chance to make your own choices is
kind of like being a salesperson you
need to learn the art of negotiation
think of your parents as the customer
that is buying a product from their
children I know you must be like what is
she saying but it is what it is you got
to understand your customer you got to
understand your parents you got to
understand their motivations what they
want and make your pitch accordingly now
this pitch could be a different career
the choice to join a startup and the
choice to set up a business if you're
suggesting a switch in the subject you
study showing your parents how you will
land a job what the job prospects are
and how you will figure it out is the
key if you're pitching your dream of
working at a startup talking to them how
that will help your career in the future
will be an important discussion so have
all of your points and proof ready see
it's simple okay if you decide to make a
case for making new choices then what
your parents wanted you will have to do
some homework on how you will achieve
the desired result and think of these
conversations with your parents as a way
to to negotiate for a life that you
create on your own and don't go into
these battles with ego and anger go into
these negotiations with a lot of points
back in what you're seeing also know
that a good compromise is when both the
parties are disatisfied so your parents
may not agree at once but if you really
want to make different choices you will
have to keep negotiating sure against my
positive stories there will be hundreds
where parents still don't listen that is
the default Indian parents operate at
but as someone witnessing how fast
technology and economy is changing I
want to warn you and through you your
parents that most of the ways of
securing a future or being successful
are already outdated or soon will be now
if you're an Indian parent watching this
I've got a message for you see I know
you want the best for your child I know
youve worked hard and sacrificed so much
to give them a better life but sometimes
in your desire to protect them and guide
your child you can end up pushing them
away you see your children are growing
up in a very different world than the
one you grew up in the rules have
changed the opportunities have expanded
and the definition of success has
evolved what worked for you may not work
for them and that is okay your pressure
your expectations your rigid beliefs
they can be suffocating for your child
they can make them feel like they're not
good enough like they'll never measure
up to your standards and that is a heavy
burden to bear for a child you know
there's a reason why so many young
Indians move away from their parents as
soon as they can it's not because they
don't love you or respect you it's
because they need space to breathe to
grow to figure out who they are and what
they want I am sorry but your children
are not your extensions they are not
your trophy to flaunt in public they are
their own people with their own desires
beliefs and ideologies and they are
growing up in a really complex world at
really complex times and you don't want
them to grow up into individuals with
mental health problems because of you
please don't suffocate them I know
you're worried about their safety and
their future but the more you try to
control them the more you'll push them
away the more you try to protect them
from the world the less prepared they'll
be to face it instead focus on building
a strong Foundation of love trust and
communication create a space where your
child feels heard value and supported
and most importantly be willing to learn
from them your child may know more than
you in certain areas and that's a good
thing not a bad thing they can teach you
about new technologies new IDE ideas new
ways of thinking don't be afraid to
admit when you're wrong or when you
don't have all the answers honestly this
vulnerability the humility will only
stand on your Bor I know it's a
difficult Journey but the rewards of a
healthy honest relationship with your
child are immeasurable it's never too
late to start your child is waiting for
you hoping for you and rooting for you
all you got to do is accept some of your
shortcomings and be willing to take the
first step that's all lastly if you're
someone who going through a tough
relationship with your parents and has
been able to tackle it or come out of it
please do share your experiences in the
comments below if it could help someone
else feel less lonely and figured how to
tackle it better nothing like it anyway
that's all for today's video my name is
atina Maya thank you for watching please
don't forget to hit the Subscribe button
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