3 Psychological Tricks to stop beating yourself up as a business owner
Summary
TLDRIn this video script, the speaker discusses their journey to stop self-criticism despite business setbacks. They emphasize that mistakes are inevitable and necessary for success, sharing personal experiences like the Starbucks CEO's return after failure. The speaker advises reframing failures as learning opportunities, questioning what helpful lessons can be learned, and expecting to make mistakes. They advocate for positive reactions to errors, suggesting that this approach fosters personal growth and effective leadership.
Takeaways
- 🚫 Stop self-judgment: The speaker emphasizes the importance of not being overly critical of oneself despite making mistakes and failures in business.
- 🔄 Reframe mistakes: Mistakes and failures are reframed as prerequisites for success, necessary for learning and growth.
- 🌟 Success stories include failures: Even the most successful individuals, like Howard Schultz and Steve Jobs, have experienced significant failures.
- 🤔 Reflective thinking: After a significant mistake, the speaker introspects and decides to be more productive instead of indulging in self-deprecation.
- 💡 Redirect negative energy: The energy from negative feelings after a mistake can be redirected towards productive actions.
- ⁉️ Ask helpful questions: Instead of jumping to negative conclusions, ask what helpful lessons can be learned from the experience.
- 🚀 Expect and plan for mistakes: Building plans that do not anticipate mistakes sets oneself up for disappointment; it's better to expect and react positively to them.
- 🧠 Train your mind for positivity: Train your thought process to focus on positive takeaways rather than negative assumptions.
- 🌱 Embrace the human aspect: Accept that as a human, you will make mistakes, even with the best planning and intentions.
- 🔄 Relabel experiences: Instead of using the words 'mistake' or 'failure', relabel them as 'experiences' to foster a more positive mindset.
Q & A
What is the main issue the speaker addresses in the transcript?
-The speaker addresses the issue of self-criticism and how to stop beating oneself up over mistakes and failures while building a business.
What is the speaker's initial belief about the relationship between ambition and self-criticism?
-The speaker initially believes that being hard on oneself and extremely judgmental is necessary for the drive to succeed.
How does the speaker reframe the concept of mistakes and failures?
-The speaker reframes mistakes and failures as prerequisites for success, stating that they are inevitable and necessary for learning and growth.
What book and author does the speaker mention to support their reframing of mistakes and failures?
-The speaker mentions the book 'Pour Your Heart Into It' by Howard Schultz to support their reframing.
What examples does the speaker give of successful people who experienced significant failures?
-The speaker gives examples of Howard Schultz from Starbucks and Steve Jobs from Apple, both of whom experienced significant failures before achieving success.
What was the significant mistake the speaker made in 2019 regarding salary delegation?
-The speaker delegated salary decisions without having a proper system in place, leading to unauthorized raises and a mess to clean up.
How did the speaker's perspective change after the salary delegation mistake?
-After the mistake, the speaker realized that beating oneself up is unproductive and instead focused on learning from the experience and being more productive.
What are the three conclusions the speaker came to in order to stop beating themselves up?
-The three conclusions are: 1) Recognize the energy behind self-criticism and use it productively; 2) Ask what helpful lesson can be learned from the experience; 3) Expect to make mistakes and focus on reacting positively to them.
Why does the speaker suggest reframing the word 'mistake'?
-The speaker suggests reframing the word 'mistake' to 'experience' to change the negative connotation and to focus on the learning opportunity it presents.
What advice does the speaker give for dealing with mistakes in a business setting?
-The speaker advises to expect mistakes, learn from them by asking what helpful lessons can be drawn, and to react positively rather than indulging in self-criticism.
How does the speaker suggest using the energy from negative experiences?
-The speaker suggests using the negative energy from mistakes or failures to fuel productivity and positive action, rather than indulging in self-criticism.
Outlines
🚀 Overcoming Self-Criticism for Business Growth
The speaker discusses how they stopped being overly critical of themselves despite numerous mistakes and failures while building their business. This introspection was triggered by a question from an Instagram poll. The speaker used to believe that being hard on oneself was necessary for success, but they later realized that this was not the case. They learned that reframing mistakes and failures as prerequisites for success was essential. The speaker shares a personal realization after reading Howard Schultz's book, 'Pour Your Heart Into It,' where Schultz's own failures and comebacks at Starbucks showed the speaker that even the most successful people experience significant setbacks. The speaker emphasizes that it's not about avoiding mistakes but learning from them and adjusting expectations about them.
🔄 Transforming Negative Energy into Productivity
The speaker recounts a specific incident in 2019 where a payroll mistake led to several employees receiving unexpected raises. Initially, the speaker was very hard on themselves, but they eventually recognized that self-criticism was unproductive. They learned to transform negative energy into positive action by asking what they could learn from the experience and how they could use it to improve. The speaker shares three key takeaways: First, to view mistakes as experiences and use the energy from them productively. Second, to ask what helpful lessons can be learned from the mistake, avoiding negative assumptions. Third, to expect mistakes and adjust reactions to them positively. The speaker concludes that these strategies have helped them to mitigate self-criticism and to view mistakes as opportunities for growth.
🧠 Embracing Human Fallibility in Leadership
The speaker emphasizes the importance of expecting to make mistakes and viewing them as part of the human experience, even for CEOs and business owners. They argue that not expecting mistakes sets oneself up for disappointment and unproductive thoughts. The speaker encourages reframing mistakes as 'experiences' and adjusting one's reaction to them. They also stress the importance of asking the right questions to extract helpful lessons from mistakes, rather than making broad, negative assumptions. The speaker concludes by encouraging viewers to subscribe for more content, highlighting the need for a positive approach to learning from mistakes.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Mistakes
💡Failures
💡Success
💡Ambition
💡Reframing
💡Energy Source
💡Delegation
💡Productivity
💡Self-Deprecation
💡Expectations
💡Learning
Highlights
The speaker shares their journey of overcoming self-criticism despite business mistakes and failures.
The realization that mistakes and failures are prerequisites for success.
Howard Schultz's story from 'Pour Your Heart Into It' inspires the idea that even successful people experience failures.
Steve Jobs's ejection and return to Apple illustrates that even iconic figures have significant failures.
The importance of reframing mistakes and failures as learning opportunities.
The speaker's personal experience of a payroll mistake that led to a significant financial impact on the business.
The acknowledgment that self-criticism is unproductive and doesn't lead to improved performance.
The shift from indulging in self-criticism to being productive after a mistake.
The energy of negative emotions can be redirected towards positive actions.
Asking 'What helpful lesson can I learn from this experience?' as a way to extract value from mistakes.
The tendency of humans to make negative associations from mistakes and how to avoid it.
Expecting to make mistakes as a natural part of the learning process.
The idea that a business plan without anticipating mistakes sets one up for disappointment.
The importance of reacting positively to mistakes rather than expecting perfection.
The suggestion to replace the words 'mistake' or 'failure' with 'experience' to change one's perspective.
Encouragement to subscribe for more content on overcoming self-criticism and building a successful mindset.
Transcripts
what is up today what i want to talk
about is how i stopped beating myself up
despite my mistakes and failures while
building my business
and this came from a question that
somebody asked in i think it was like an
instagram poll and they basically said
um you know how do you keep moving
forward without beating yourself up when
you've made so many mistakes
um and this wasn't directed towards me
though i've made countless mistakes um
but it was really directed about
themselves and this is a question that
i've gotten time and time again
and i kind of had to put more thought
towards it because i could regurgitate
with some other youtube person or
podcast i told you but it wouldn't be
the truth and so i really had to dissect
like my mental framework for how i
stopped doing this to myself and i'll
start with the premise which is i think
that anyone who is driven towards
success and who is ambitious um a lot of
the times they
the other side of that ambition or the
other side of that success is that that
person tends to be very hard on
themselves and so a lot of the times the
beliefs that come with that are beliefs
like well i don't know if i could be
successful if i didn't beat myself up if
i wasn't so hard on myself etc etc
um and i don't believe this to be true
it was a belief that i held for a very
long time which was if i'm not hard on
myself and i'm not extremely judgmental
and critical of myself then i'm not
going to have this drive to succeed
um but what it actually is is that it's
um one it's a reframing okay and then
two it's an understanding of the energy
source that fuels your success and so
what i want to talk about today is the
reframing and then i'll talk next time
more about the energy source and where
you get get that momentum for success
from
um
the first piece of it is that
i i came to the realization
that mistakes and failures are honestly
just the prerequisite for success and so
honestly i remember the first time i had
that thought and it was after reading
the book pour your heart into it by
howard schultz and he talked about his
success and he talked about um when he
stepped out of starbucks and how
starbucks flopped and how he had to come
back into starbucks and the irony of it
was that they they basically fired him
the first time um because he wasn't
doing good for the company because they
didn't think that he was the right
person to grow it to where it needed to
grow to right
and i remember thinking myself when i
read that i was like i still get to
think about it um i was like man even at
that level you can still
[ __ ] up that badly right like where your
whole board of directors is like get out
you're not the right person right and
then you know ironically like seven or
nine years later they brought him back
in but i remember thinking myself like
wow if the biggest companies in the
world and the most noteworthy ceos in
the world still experience mistakes and
failures then i am not immune like i am
still going to experience those mistakes
and failures it's just a matter of how i
deal with them and what my expectations
are about them another good example of
that is just um you know steve jobs and
how they kind of kicked him out and then
brought him back in as well right and
how apple didn't grow for years i think
that we have to take those things into
consideration because for some reason
it's easy for us to stomach it when we
see someone else and we hear about
someone else's mistakes and failures um
but we're not able to do it once
ourselves and it's very interesting to
me because those people are also known
for being insanely successful yet their
failures were huge you know they failed
for years and years on end and so
i look at it like the more success you
want typically the more mistakes and
failure is required because that's
typically how people learn now i would
like to think that we can learn without
the mistakes and failure but i think
that our most powerful learnings do come
from the mistakes and failures and for
myself i think that i have a lot of
different things that i could beat
myself up for right and in the past i
really think that i did that all the
time and it was
um a lot of people say like well do you
think that that would have changed how
the business went if you hadn't beat
yourself up so much if you hadn't been
so hard yourself and i'm like no
absolutely not because i think it's
really unproductive so i'll give you an
example which was in 2019
i decided that i was going to delegate
you know basically salary and pay
and so i said this is you know i think
we've got it down i'm going to delegate
it it doesn't need to get passed through
me anymore
and i didn't have the best system in
place like i thought i did but i did not
um and looking back on it now i think
that with a few small tweaks it could
have been um prevented but instead you
know i passed it off and i kind of just
didn't look at it right and that's you
know if you look at my video on
delegation that's one of the pieces i
should have been checking it and i
passed it off and then one day um one of
my teammates uh slaps me and she's like
layla
i just got a seven thousand dollar raise
and i was like
what because she was my direct report
and i'm like what are you talking about
seven thousand dollar raising you raised
like i'm i'm sorry i just gave you a
raise a few months ago like i'm kind of
confused what do you mean
and she's like oh well you know there
was a decision that you know because of
where i lived or something like that um
it was you know looking at um medium
incomes and such where people live we're
gonna you know just adjust everyone's
income based on where they live and
based on how that may have changed in
the last year and i was like
what i'm like we're a virtual company
what are you talking about i didn't
approve this so i went in i'm all stompy
and i'm like what's happened and
within an instant i was like this is
completely my fault and they had um you
know the people that were deciding this
had decided to basically give
you know i want to say about 12
different people in the company raises
without asking me without telling their
managers i mean it was just a complete
mess and those people were confused they
didn't understand at the same time
they're like i'm not going to say no
it's money um
and that was a not fun mess to clean up
and i beat myself up for a long time
over that i remember sitting on a couch
with alex and i was telling him he was
just like why are you i was telling him
i just feel like i'm gonna funk i feel
like it's something blah blah he was
like why do you keep beating yourself up
over this he's like i've made tons of
mistakes in the business and i was like
right but this was mine like i am so
responsible for this i passed it off too
soon i didn't quality check it like what
the hell and he was like well you know
worrying about him being yourself up
isn't gonna do anything and i was like
[ __ ] he's so right um and i you know
that's something that i like to observe
in other people which is you know i
think that
until that point until i really
experienced that where i had like a
couple weeks where i was in a funk and i
wasn't showing up well for my team i
used to think it was productive to beat
myself up and be hard on myself i'm like
well that's why i'm a high performer
right that's why i'm so successful it's
like no that's [ __ ] but it's a good
story to tell yourself um
and so
the three conclusions i kind of came to
out of that
because that was probably the depth of
my uh self
deprecation was after that mistake
because i just felt like it was public
everyone saw um there was not an easy
way to correct it and it created
long-term you know issues down the road
because people were actually being
overpaid for things that they were doing
and so i had to deal with it for a
really long time and the repercussions
of it and so it kept reminding me and
reminding me of that mistake and so from
that i kind of wrote down the things
that i learned and i wanted to use it as
an opportunity to then say next time
something like this happens i'm not
going to beat myself up i'm instead
going to be productive okay and so that
was the first shift that i kind of came
up with which is um
i realized that when something happens
which you may label as a mistake or a
failure right it's an experience when an
experience happens
um we tend to have a lot of if we think
it didn't go our way negative energy
around it and beating yourself up is
really a way of um i think i want to say
like getting out that negative energy
it's a way of um utilizing the negative
energy and so what i what i kind of
thought to myself was well the energy is
there and whether i use it to beat
myself up or learn from it and do
something more productive with my time
is up to me right the energy is still
there so it's my responsibility to take
that negative energy and turn it into
positive energy
and so now when i make a mistake i'm
immediately i'm like you don't get to
beat yourself up today no we're not
going to indulge in that instead we're
going to say you know how can i use this
to be more productive how can i take
this energy and make it into something
that is going to push me forward and
make me excited to wake up tomorrow
right because beating yourself up isn't
going to like there's no
magical
ideas that are going to come from that
you're not going to do something amazing
for people on your team after you're
beating yourself up for weeks and weeks
on end right it's usually that um
it almost feels good for you to be mean
to yourself and so you just kind of
indulge in that and for some reason you
think it's productive right
so that was the first thing is learning
how to switch the energy the second one
is a question i ask myself which is
what helpful
lesson can i learn from this experience
and it's really key to say helpful
lesson because
a lot of the times what we do
is we make conclusions from mistakes
that are not useful this is because
humans like to make associations about
things right and so we like to say well
this was here and this was here and then
the mistake happened so it must be these
two things
when in reality um
a lot of the times it's more nuanced
than that it's like
something tiny in the details it's not
any of the things you're even looking at
and so a lot of the times what happens
instead is that we we tend to correlate
something that didn't even cause the
mistake so we might say something like
now i just wanted i don't trust anybody
you know now i just know that i just
can't delegate this again now i just
know that nobody can really do it like
me like really nobody ever can and we
come up with all these like grandiose
ideas that are terrible and really
suffocating um that prevent us from ever
moving forward or learning from that
mistake again when in reality
it might just be that you didn't do the
interview screening process as
thoroughly as you could have um you
delegated something too soon and it was
actually on you it's not on them it's
not that somebody else can't do the job
right or it could be that you didn't
train someone well to do the job
and so um that was the second thing that
i realized is i need to ask myself what
helpful lesson can i learn because
humans have the tendency to air towards
the negative and i want to train myself
to go towards the positive and say what
can i positively take away from this
experience right
and the third thing which is
i now expect myself to make mistakes
building
a business plan a personal plan
um a path to a goal that does not
anticipate and expect mistakes is
setting yourself up for disappointment
right and that's because we tend to for
some reason understand that other people
can make mistakes right it's acceptable
we see that we see these iconic figures
who make mistakes and yet for some
reason we think that we are beyond that
and that we should know better right and
we said well i should have known better
i should have done this differently like
i can't believe this happened all these
unproductive thoughts
when in reality if you understand that
most of the time even if you make a
fantastic plan and you really try and
you're really trying your best to be a
great ceo or leader um you're going to
mess up like 20 of the time right i
would say minimum 20 times sometimes i
feel like i'm messing up 50 of the time
but i'd say minimum 20
and so that's the third piece is you
have to expect yourself to make mistakes
just as i would never expect that i
could bring someone new into my team and
then make zero mistakes right i wouldn't
expect myself to make zero mistakes
okay so instead take that expectation
and put it on how you react to the
mistake and say i will instead of not
expecting myself to make mistakes i will
expect myself to
try and react more positively every time
i do
and so that is how i have learned to uh
mitigate i've not eliminated beating
myself up but i've definitely mitigated
it and lessened it um by doing those
three things by understanding that
there's energy under that act of beating
yourself up and i can take that energy
and continue to indulge in beating
myself up or i can take it and put it
into something productive the second one
is asking for the right questions right
which is understanding
is you know what can i get from this
lesson that is helpful for me to move
forward rather than looking at things
that don't actually
add up and kind of making these
grandiose assumptions
and then lastly is just expecting
mistakes remembering that you're human
and just because you now have the title
ceo and you own a business doesn't mean
you are not going to make six you're
still the same human you were before and
no matter how hard you try and how hard
you study you're going to make mistakes
and i would beg you to also not say the
word mistake or failure instead say
experience
and so if this video is useful
go ahead hit subscribe and hopefully i
will see you on the next one
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