STOP People Pleasing for Good | Set Strong Boundaries With Feminine Energy

Summary

In this video, the speaker discusses strategies to overcome people-pleasing tendencies. She advises making interactions transactional to ensure fair exchanges and setting boundaries by asking what value others bring. The speaker also suggests physical cues like leaning back in conversations to let go of control and recommends inner work to identify areas of life where control is sought. She emphasizes the importance of self-care, being selfish, and eliminating choice fatigue to break the cycle of people-pleasing.

Takeaways

• 🌟 Make interactions transactional to ensure a fair exchange of energy and value.
• 💪 Recognize your worth and set boundaries by asking what you're gaining from interactions.
• 🚫 Politely decline when you have somewhere else to be or something else to do.
• 🔄 Understand that people-pleasing stems from a desire for control and manipulation.
• 🧘‍♀️ Lean back during conversations to let go of control and relax into the flow.
• 👥 Observe body language to understand who is controlling the conversation.
• 💬 Listen more and speak less to be a better conversationalist and lean into your feminine energy.
• 🚀 Be assertive when setting boundaries by leaning forward after being relaxed.
• 👶 Reflect on childhood experiences where boundaries were not respected to understand people-pleasing tendencies.
• 🔗 Break the cycle of stress and people-pleasing by acknowledging your new identity and setting boundaries.

Q & A

What is the main focus of the video transcript?

The main focus of the video transcript is on how to stop people-pleasing tendencies and the importance of valuing one's own time and energy.

What does the speaker suggest as the first tip to stop people-pleasing?

The first tip suggested is to make interactions transactional, meaning to ensure that there is a fair exchange of energy, connection, or emotions in any interaction.

How does the speaker describe the value of a woman in the context of transactional interactions?

The speaker emphasizes that a woman's value is precious and that she should ensure that any time spent is exchanged for something of equal value, whether it be emotional support, connection, or other forms of energy exchange.

What role does masculine energy play in setting boundaries according to the transcript?

Masculine energy plays a protective role in setting boundaries by being transactional and firm with boundaries, which helps in controlling people-pleasing tendencies.

Why does the speaker recommend leaning back during a conversation?

Leaning back during a conversation is recommended as it helps in letting go of control, allows the conversation to flow naturally, and is a way to relax and be present in the interaction.

How does the speaker link people-pleasing to control and manipulation?

The speaker links people-pleasing to control and manipulation by explaining that it stems from a desire to manage how others perceive oneself, which is a form of control and manipulation.

What is the significance of the rubber band analogy mentioned in the transcript?

The rubber band analogy signifies the discomfort and resistance one might feel when stretching their consciousness and breaking away from people-pleasing habits, which is a temporary phase in personal growth.

How does the speaker suggest dealing with choice fatigue as a people pleaser?

The speaker suggests dealing with choice fatigue by setting better boundaries, valuing one's own time, and not overcommitting to activities that deplete personal energy.

What is the importance of being selfish according to the video transcript?

Being selfish is important because it allows individuals to prioritize self-care and fill their own cups before pouring into others, which is essential for showing up as the best version of oneself.

How should one react to people unfollowing them on social media according to the transcript?

One should feel excited when people unfollow them on social media because it means they are attracting a more aligned audience and letting go of those who do not value their content or energy.

What is the final piece of advice the speaker gives for dealing with people-pleasing online?

The final piece of advice for dealing with people-pleasing online is to protect one's energy by being selective with the content shared and not being afraid of losing followers who are not aligned with one's values.

Outlines

00:00

🔄 Transitioning from People Pleasing

The speaker begins by emphasizing the importance of stopping people-pleasing behaviors, which is a recent realization for her. She suggests making interactions transactional, not in a toxic or masculine way, but as a means of valuing one's own time and energy. The speaker shares her personal experience of how she evaluates the value she gains from interactions. She also discusses the role of masculine energy in setting boundaries and protecting oneself. The speaker encourages the audience to be aware of what they are getting out of their interactions and to set boundaries when necessary, even in seemingly insignificant encounters.

05:03

💆‍♀️ Leaning Back: A Physical and Energetic Shift

The second paragraph focuses on the concept of 'leaning back' during conversations as a way to relax and let go of control. The speaker explains that this physical act can help in stepping out of the need to control conversations and people's perceptions. She contrasts her past eagerness with her current approach of being more relaxed and open. The speaker also touches on how body language can indicate who is in control of a conversation. She advises that when setting boundaries, one should lean forward to assert oneself, but otherwise, leaning back can help in being more present and a good listener. The concept of choice fatigue is introduced as a stressor that leads to people-pleasing, and the speaker encourages setting better boundaries to avoid it.

10:03

🚫 Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Self-Care

In the third paragraph, the speaker discusses the importance of setting boundaries and self-care. She emphasizes that it's okay to be selfish and prioritize one's own needs, especially for people pleasers who often neglect their own well-being. The speaker suggests that by keeping oneself occupied with personal plans and commitments, one can learn to value their time more. She shares her own experiences with friends canceling plans and how she has learned to value her own time instead of feeling let down. The speaker also addresses the issue of people-pleasing online, particularly on social media, and the need to protect one's energy from being drained by others.

15:04

🌐 Online Presence and Inner Work

The final paragraph addresses the challenges of people-pleasing in the digital space, especially for social media influencers. The speaker advises getting excited when followers unfollow, as it means that those not aligned with one's energy are leaving. She encourages focusing on one's own consciousness and values rather than seeking validation from others. The speaker also stresses the importance of doing inner work to overcome people-pleasing tendencies and offers coaching services for those who need further guidance. She concludes by thanking her audience for their time and support.

Keywords

💡People Pleasing

People pleasing refers to the act of constantly trying to meet the needs or expectations of others, often at the expense of one's own needs or desires. In the video, the speaker discusses how people pleasing can stem from a need for control and validation, and shares personal experiences of how she has learned to curb this tendency. The script mentions that people pleasing can be draining and exhausting, especially when it involves engaging in small talk or conversations that do not provide a fair exchange of value.

💡Transactional

Transactional, in the context of the video, means treating interactions as a fair exchange of energy, time, or value. The speaker suggests making things transactional as a way to protect oneself from being overly giving or people pleasing. She explains that this approach helps in evaluating whether the interaction is worth one's time and energy, such as when deciding whether to engage in a conversation with a stranger or an acquaintance.

💡Masculine Energy

Masculine energy, as discussed in the video, is associated with being assertive, setting boundaries, and protecting oneself. The speaker mentions that making interactions transactional is a way for one's masculine energy to protect them by being firm with boundaries. This is contrasted with feminine energy, which is about letting go of control and allowing things to flow naturally.

💡Inner Work

Inner work refers to the process of self-reflection and self-improvement, often involving examining one's thoughts, emotions, and behaviors to achieve personal growth. The video emphasizes the importance of inner work in addressing the root causes of people pleasing tendencies, such as seeking validation or feeling out of control. The speaker encourages viewers to ask themselves where they seek control and validation in their lives.

💡Body Language

Body language is the non-verbal communication through which people express themselves, including posture, gestures, and facial expressions. In the script, the speaker provides a tip on using body language to combat people pleasing by suggesting to 'lean back' during conversations. This physical act is meant to symbolize letting go of control and allowing the conversation to flow naturally, which can help in reducing the urge to please others.

💡Validation

Validation is the confirmation or approval of one's feelings, thoughts, or beliefs by others. The video discusses how people pleasing can be a result of seeking validation from others, which may stem from a lack of self-validation. The speaker advises doing inner work to identify areas where one seeks validation and to work on self-validation instead.

💡Boundaries

Boundaries are the limits or rules that a person sets for their interactions with others. The script talks about setting boundaries as a way to protect oneself from being taken advantage of or from people pleasing. The speaker shares her experiences of setting boundaries by politely declining to engage in conversations when she has somewhere else to be, illustrating how to say no without feeling guilty.

💡Choice Fatigue

Choice fatigue refers to the mental exhaustion that comes from having to make too many decisions. In the video, the speaker connects choice fatigue to people pleasing, as people pleasers often overcommit to various activities and decisions to avoid disappointing others. She advises setting better boundaries with oneself to avoid this fatigue and to prioritize self-care.

💡Selfish

In the context of the video, being selfish is redefined as taking care of one's own needs and setting healthy boundaries. The speaker encourages viewers to be 'selfish' by prioritizing their own well-being and not feeling guilty about it. She argues that this is essential for personal growth and for being able to show up as the best version of oneself for others.

💡Social Media Influencer

A social media influencer is someone who has built a following on social media and has the power to affect others' opinions and purchasing decisions. The video addresses the unique challenges influencers face in protecting their energy from being drained by their followers, such as dealing with unfollows or negative comments. The speaker advises influencers to be selective about their content and excited about unfollows, as it means they are attracting a more aligned audience.

💡Consciousness

Consciousness, in the video, refers to one's level of awareness and alignment with their true self. The speaker talks about how people pleasing can be a result of being in 'survival mode' and not being true to one's consciousness. She encourages viewers to stretch their consciousness by breaking free from people pleasing tendencies and embracing their authentic selves.

Highlights

The importance of recognizing and controlling people-pleasing tendencies.

Making interactions transactional to ensure a fair exchange of value.

Understanding that setting boundaries is a form of self-protection.

The role of masculine energy in setting boundaries and protecting oneself.

Evaluating whether a conversation is worth your time and energy.

The impact of small talk and how to handle it when it's draining.

Being polite yet assertive when setting boundaries in conversations.

The realization that people-pleasing stems from a desire for control.

Inner work to identify areas where one seeks validation and control.

Using body language to convey control and relaxation in conversations.

The concept of leaning back to let go of control and allow natural conversation flow.

Observing body language to determine who is in control of a conversation.

The advice to lean back physically and energetically to enhance listening and presence.

The importance of leaning forward to assertively set boundaries when necessary.

Understanding the link between people-pleasing and the desire to be perceived well by others.

The impact of childhood experiences on the development of people-pleasing behaviors.

Recognizing the temporary discomfort of breaking the people-pleasing cycle.

The concept of choice fatigue and its relation to people-pleasing tendencies.

The importance of self-care and filling one's own cup before helping others.

Being selective with one's time and energy to avoid being overwhelmed.

The idea of being excited when followers unfollow on social media as a sign of alignment.

Encouragement to do inner work to overcome people-pleasing tendencies.

Final thoughts on the necessity of setting boundaries and valuing one's own time.

Transcripts

welcome girls today we're going to be

talking about how to stop people

pleasing this was the video I wish I saw

when I first started my inner work

Journey because I only just recently

realized how to stop and how to control

my people pleasing Tendencies the first

tip I have is to make things

transactional now I know you're probably

thinking like this is toxic it sounds a

little bit masculine I know I feel you

remember and realize that you're value

as a woman is so precious what are you

exchanging your time and value for it

could be a fair exchange of energies

connection emotions whatever it is it

does not have to be physical but you do

have to get something out of that all of

my friends when I spend time with them I

feel good we have a high vibrational

exchange within each other and I feel

amazing spending time with them and just

being in their presence that to me is

enough of a fair exchange okay this is

editing Jasmine here making things

transactional does sound very masculine

the reason for this is because this is

your masculine energy protecting you by

being transactional by being a little

bit more firm with your boundaries but

the next time you are with someone you

can ask yourself what is this person

offering me are they offering me a good

conversation any kind of energetic

exchange that you feel is worth your

time and your energy this doesn't always

have to be the case sometimes you may be

mentoring someone or coaching someone or

just genuinely being their support so

just know that this isn't the end all

Beall formula but it's definitely going

to help you with strangers or people

that you don't know to help you set that

boundary and realize well what am I

getting from this there would be moments

where I would be in a grocery store for

example and random people would come up

and talk to me or employees would come

and talk to me but I really had

somewhere to be and so the old version

of me the timid version of me with no

boundaries she would say oh that's

amazing and she would try to kind of

make small talk and keep the

conversation going but small talk to me

is so draining and exhausting the

current version of me would ask well am

I getting something valuable from this

conversation no I have something else to

do I have a place to be so instead now I

politely say hey I have somewhere to be

and I leave and I say thank you so much

for your time there are polite ways of

setting a boundary and when you realize

your worth and your time and value as a

woman those boundaries will be set so

naturally for you people pleasing comes

from a place of control you want to be

in control you want to control how

people perceive you once I started

realizing that people pleasing actually

does come from a place of control and

that it is manipulation the first step

is acknowledging that the next step is

to do some inner work so you can ask

yourself what areas of your life do you

like BL control and where am I seeking

validation from so these two questions

are really good to help you get started

to see where this feeling of being out

of control is translating into people

pleasing in your life we're going to get

to the root of that my next tip is more

of a body language and physical tip that

you can apply but it is literally to

lean back during a conversation this is

amazing because feminine energy is all

about letting go of control leaning back

and just letting the conversation take

you where it wants to go so for example

if people pleasing comes from a place of

control which we discussed in the last

Point literally leaning back forces you

to step out of control a big problem

with me is often times I felt too eager

or too in somebody's face um and that

was because I wanted control of the

conversation I wanted to control how

they perceived me I would try to talk

over for them things like that so for me

letting go and just leaning back allowed

me to get out of my people pleasing

Tendencies something that I noticed

actually especially with women and men

at restaurants you can really tell who

is in control of the conversation simply

by their body language what I've

observed sometimes it's usually men

they'll be leaning a little bit more

forward and the woman will be leaning a

little bit more back but it can always

switch you can tell who is more in

control control of the conversation just

by their body language which way they're

leaning so as a woman a lot of the times

we want to feel chased we want to feel

like the man is obsessed with us so how

you get this treatment literally Lean

Back Lean Back Your physically and let

go you'll naturally notice that when you

lean back you're going to be so much

more relaxed and the other person might

take control of the conversation a

little bit more if your struggle as a

people pleaser is maybe being too eager

or too much in someone's face then maybe

what you can do is tone that down relax

yourself a little bit lean back this

allows you to naturally be in your

feminine energy most of the time when

people speak of leaning back they speak

of leaning back energetically but you

can also do it physically if you've ever

read How to Win Friends and Influence

People I believe one of the best ways to

be a conversationalist is actually to

just be a good listener a lot of the

times I will just listen to people just

hear what they have to say and certain

people will be like you are such a great

conversationalist and I was like all I

did was

listen so this just goes to show you it

really does work leaning back will help

you just relax in your body and fully

listen and be present in the

conversation on the other side if your

problem is setting boundaries with

people and you're people pleasing and

you're you know too timid and people can

just walk all over you that is actually

when you'd want to do the opposite you'd

want to lean forward when it is time to

set your boundaries lean back so that

when you do lean forward and you are

taking more control of the conversation

when it is time to set up that wall or

that boundary people will take you more

seriously as well because this whole

time you've been relaxed this whole time

you've been content and just calm but

when it is time to leave you speak up

you lean forward it will communicate

that now your body and your energy is

ready to be assertive and people will

take you so much more seriously this way

when you are talking to people just be

conscious of how your body language is

are you leaning back or are you leaning

forward that's just something to keep in

mind if you are familiar with pikme

girls pikme girls are wanting to be in

control it comes from a place of wanting

to be perceived well by men in

particular so a lot of the times they

may put other women down I know this

because as a people pleaser this was

sometimes my tenden as well another

thing that you can do in terms of inner

work is just to make a list of all of

the times that your boundaries were not

respected as a child this makes you feel

like you are not in control this is very

scary as a child and it can make you

feel like you need to people please in

order to fit in in order to feel safe if

your nervous system is not regulated

your nervous system is going to feel

comfortable when you are in a state of

stress this is our our next point you

can have an addiction to stress and an

addiction to people

pleasing that is so scary to think about

if you have been people pleasing from a

young age your nervous system is

probably so regulated to constantly

maneuver and manipulate your emotions

and the way that you are perceived

around other people constantly when you

try to stop your people pleasing

Tendencies You may actually notice that

your body might get really triggered

your body might start to feel like this

is not safe that's normal girls there's

this concept that Alexis came up with

one of my favorite inner work coaches

and she talks about your Consciousness

being a rubber band when your

Consciousness stretches like this rubber

band it is going to be very

uncomfortable for you you're going to

feel like who is this person like I

don't know and you're going to want to

shrink back down into that level of

Consciousness that you originally had

I'm here to assure you that even though

this addiction to people pleasing might

be

scary it's only temporary this

uncomfortable feeling is only temporary

and you will break past it I promise

your rubber band will stretch and you

will feel so much more confident as a

woman just to recap that when your brain

has been in survival mode ever since you

were a child it believes that people

pleasing is the only way that it can

keep you safe so I'm here to assure you

that you can break out of that cycle

accept your new identity affirm to

yourself that I'm no longer available

for people pleasing when you catch

yourself leaning forward in a

conversation when you catch yourself not

valuing your worth as a woman and you

just let people walk all over you set

that boundary tell yourself I'm not

available for that I'm am not available

for people pleasing I only available for

healthy relationships I am only

available to release control and lean

back another note on the addiction to

stress this is a con concept that I feel

like not enough people are talking about

Choice

fatigue Choice fatigue is basically when

you have so many choices so many options

to choose from that you get tired just

from the thought of being overwhelmed

just from the thought of which one do I

pick so as a people pleaser we tend to

fill and occupy our time with so many

things because a lot of the times we

don't value our own time so when people

ask us hey do you want to hang out at

this time you'll be like yeah even

though you have something else at that

time and you're like oh well I'll just

try to fit it in no we are no longer

available for that addiction to stress

we are no longer available to be a

people pleaser eliminate Choice fatigue

eliminate the feeling of getting

overwhelmed when you have so many

options to choose from so many

commitments that you've made with other

people set better boundaries with

yourself tell yourself that I'm not

going to be available for people if I

genuinely have something that I need to

do if I know that this time is meant for

me to relax I am not going to be giving

that time away to anybody else because

in order for me to heal I need to be

able to fill up my own Cup first before

I can pour into other people it is so

important this is how you want to show

up you are not going to be able to show

up as that best version of yourself

unless you take care of yourself and

fill up your own Cup first it is okay to

be selfish sometimes this as a people

pleaser is the biggest thing that we

need to

hear be selfish it is okay it is one of

the best things that you can do for

other people you might think that you

are going to be disappointing these

people if you do disappoint them then

they are not meant to be in your life

I'm telling you this now they are not

your best supporters even though these

people can sometimes be your family

members a parent a close friend no if

they truly loved you and if they truly

respected your boundary they would tell

you that I respect the fact that you

need to go inward right now you need to

relax I respect your downtime a journal

prompt if you are struggling with Choice

fatigue you can ask yourself what areas

of my life do I feel the need to conceal

or run away from so what if you are

having trouble realizing your value as a

woman what you can do is genuinely keep

yourself occupied with your time keep

yourself busy that is one of the best

ways that you actually can realize your

worth value and time as a woman if

people cancel plans on you last minute

how do you feel I had a friend who would

constantly cancel plans on me last

minute all the time and the only reason

she felt like she could do this is

because my energy communicated to her

this was before I started my inner work

my energy communicated to her it is okay

if you cancel plans on me I'm not going

to be mad I know that it's going to be

okay I'll forgive you but as I started

doing more inner work I did not have to

say a word to her my energy just

naturally communicated to her that I'm

no longer available for last minute

plans because I value my time and I

value my energy now I would inform her

if she tried to make plans with me I

would actually tell her no sorry I have

this plan and this plan at this time I

think it's going to be too tight maybe

we can schedule it in on this weekday or

on this day be so aware of how valuable

your time is

this is how you do it by keeping

yourself occupied by making so many

plans for yourself to work on your

business for your health for your

relationships that giving your time away

becomes precious I was going to meet up

with one of my friends and I was really

looking forward to this but she texted

me a few hours before we were going to

meet and she told me hey Jazz I'm so

sorry but something came up I'm not

going to be able to meet up with you the

old version of me would have felt really

uncomfortable and said sad and probably

would have just wasted that day anyways

the best version of myself what I do now

is I create plans anyways I felt no

resentment towards my friend getting to

work with my friend on our businesses

together was just a bonus it didn't

matter if she was there or not the last

tip I have is actually for online but

you can also be a people pleaser online

as a social media influencer it is so

important to protect your energy because

every everybody wants a piece of it so

I'm letting you know now that you need

to be able to protect your energy how do

you do this get excited when people

unfollow

you this might be a little bit

triggering to hear or a little bit

confusing I know you might be thinking

like what like why would I be excited if

I lose followers but the truth is the

people who are not aligned with you are

just falling off they would have

probably left rude or mean comments

anyways I used to feel so afraid of

posting certain things on my Instagram

because on my ASMR Channel I only want

to post ASMR content so that was a

limiting belief that prevented me from

posting regularly on my Instagram and

sharing tidbits of my natural life

before I used to be so afraid when I

would see followers go down when I

posted things that were not ASMR content

on my story I would be like oh no like

these people like I'm not giving them

what they want people are leaving now

when I see those followers go down I get

excited

because I'm like yes I am that much

closer to attracting my soul aligned

audience and I am excited for that I am

happy let those people go because they

were never meant to be in my life in the

first place following these tips I can

guarantee you that you will see a big

difference in your people pleasing

Tendencies girls please also do the

inner work because that will really help

you but the biggest thing if I could

just pick one or two things from this

video it would be to physically lean

back during the conversation that is

something that you can always do and for

online purposes I would say get excited

when you lose followers because that is

a good thing you are constantly speaking

from your level of Consciousness from

the level of you that you align with

that you agree with so if those people

don't see what you are on about what you

have to share and they don't find Value

in that let them leave hold the door

open for them they don't need to be in

your

life well girls that is everything that

I have to offer you today please note

that I do offer coaching my coaching

services are available at slice of

jazz.com it will be linked in the

description box below I really

appreciate you for spending your time

and energy with me today if you made it

this far thank you your support means

the world to me have an amazing rest of

your day thank you so much for being

here bye