Changing the way you think about Stress | Dr Libby Weaver | TEDxCurrumbin

Summary

This talk delves into the nature of stress, challenging the conventional approach of managing it and advocating for a reduction in stress hormone production. It explores the impact of stress on health, including digestion, sleep, and immunity, and emphasizes the role of our thoughts and perceptions in creating stress. The speaker encourages understanding the evolutionary context of stress response and offers strategies to reduce stress by questioning our thoughts and seeking truth, ultimately aiming for a state of trust over constant stress.

Takeaways

• 🌟 The speaker proposes a shift from managing stress to understanding and reducing the production of stress hormones.
• 🔍 Stress is viewed through the lenses of nutrition, biochemistry, and emotions, impacting various aspects of health and well-being.
• 🌱 Acknowledgement of real stress in the world is essential, but the focus is on the self-created stress that stems from our thoughts and perceptions.
• 🧠 The speaker emphasizes that stress is not caused by external factors alone, but our responses to them, highlighting the need to change our reactions.
• 🌐 The rapid changes in the 'commercial era' have led to an evolution in how we produce stress hormones, affecting our bodies and minds differently.
• 🏃‍♀️ The speaker suggests that our bodies have not yet adapted to the constant production of stress hormones due to modern triggers like caffeine and perceived disapproval.
• 📝 The concept of 'foreign words' is introduced as a tool to identify personal traits we desire others to see in us, which often lead to stress when perceived as threatened.
• 📈 The speaker discusses how social media and other modern stressors can amplify stress, especially when they become channels for perceived judgment.
• 💬 The importance of questioning our thoughts and the dialogue we have with ourselves is highlighted as a way to reduce stress and live more authentically.
• 🌱 The speaker concludes by encouraging the audience to trust the unfolding of life, to embrace the lessons and growth opportunities that come with stress.

Q & A

What is the main focus of the speaker's approach to stress?

The speaker focuses on understanding why individuals produce stress hormones and helping them produce fewer of them, rather than just managing stress.

How does the speaker suggest we perceive stress?

The speaker suggests that stress is not just from external factors but also from our internal thoughts and reactions to those factors.

What are the three lenses through which the speaker views health?

The speaker views health through the lenses of nutrition, biochemistry, and emotions.

How does the speaker relate stress to human evolution?

The speaker relates stress to human evolution by discussing how our world has rapidly changed in the last 75 years, which is a very short time in human history, and how our stress hormone production has adapted to these changes.

What is the term the speaker uses to describe the traits we want others to see in us?

The speaker uses the term 'foreign words' to describe the traits we want others to see in us.

Why does the speaker believe that social media can be a source of stress for some individuals?

The speaker believes social media can be a source of stress because it is one of the modalities through which some individuals allow others to judge them.

What is the speaker's view on the relationship between stress and our perception of others' opinions of us?

The speaker views stress as often stemming from our perception of how others see us and the need for their approval, which can be a significant source of stress if not managed.

What does the speaker suggest is the opposite of stress?

The speaker suggests that the opposite of stress is trust, particularly trust in the unfolding of our lives and the lessons we are meant to learn.

How does the speaker propose we reduce the production of stress hormones?

The speaker proposes that we reduce stress hormone production by training our 'new brain' to catch ourselves in the space between our initial reactions ('old brain') and our conscious evaluations.

What is the significance of the 'space' mentioned by Dr. Viktor Frankl according to the speaker?

The 'space' mentioned by Dr. Viktor Frankl is significant because it represents the opportunity we have to choose our response to stimuli, which is where our growth and freedom lie.

How does the speaker connect our thoughts and self-perception to stress?

The speaker connects our thoughts and self-perception to stress by explaining that our judgments and negative self-talk can lead to a cycle of stress and poor self-care, which can be broken by questioning and changing our thought patterns.

Outlines

00:00

🧠 Understanding Stress and Its Impact

The speaker proposes a shift in the way we approach stress, moving from managing it to understanding why we produce stress hormones. They emphasize the importance of looking at health through the lenses of nutrition, biochemistry, and emotions. Stress hormones can disrupt various bodily functions, including nutrient absorption, sleep quality, and immune response. The speaker acknowledges the existence of real stress but focuses on the self-created stress stemming from our thought patterns. They explain that stress is not caused by external factors but by our reactions to them, using the example of a pile of dirty dishes to illustrate how our response can vary. The speaker also discusses the rapid changes in human life over the last 75 years, which they term the 'commercial era,' and how these changes have affected our stress hormone production. They suggest that our bodies have not yet adapted to the modern triggers of stress, such as caffeine or perceived disapproval, which were not present in our evolutionary history.

05:01

🌟 The Power of Perception and 'Foreign Words'

The speaker delves into the concept of 'foreign words,' which are the traits individuals desire others to perceive in them. They encourage self-reflection to identify these traits and then consider how stress might arise from perceived judgments that contradict these desired perceptions. The speaker highlights the difference between actions driven by duty and those by genuine care, noting that the latter is energizing while the former is depleting. They discuss the impact of social media on stress, particularly among younger individuals, and how it can be a source of judgment and stress. The speaker also touches on the stress caused by being late and the underlying fear of judgment from others. They emphasize the importance of being selective about whose opinions matter to us and the need to recognize that our worth is not determined by others' views.

10:01

🤔 Challenging Our Thoughts and the Quest for Approval

The speaker discusses the human pursuit of love, approval, and acceptance, which are deeply ingrained for survival reasons. They point out that this drive is now unnecessary for adult needs and must be unlearned. The speaker challenges the audience to question their thoughts, especially self-judgments that are not based on truth. They use examples of negative self-talk following the consumption of too much ice cream and how these thoughts can lead to a cycle of negative behavior. The speaker introduces the work of Dr. Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, who emphasized the power of choice in our responses to stimuli, which is key to personal growth and freedom. The speaker differentiates between the 'old brain' and 'new brain' thought systems, explaining how the old brain operates on unconscious patterns and associations, leading to automatic emotional responses, while the new brain applies reason and logic but is optional and slower to respond.

15:02

🌱 Trust as the Antidote to Stress

The speaker concludes by suggesting that trust, rather than calm, is the true opposite of stress. They encourage embracing the unfolding of life and its lessons, which may be uncomfortable but are essential for personal expansion. The speaker reminds the audience to listen to the universe's whispers and to live authentically, embracing both the pain and beauty in life. They end with a poetic reflection on the journey of the soul and the importance of recognizing the hidden depths within ourselves.

Keywords

💡Stress Hormones

Stress hormones, such as adrenaline, are chemicals released in the body in response to stress. In the video, it is discussed how the production of these hormones has evolved and how they can be triggered not only by physical threats but also by psychological factors like perceived disapproval or urgency. The speaker emphasizes the importance of understanding and managing stress hormones as they impact various aspects of health and well-being.

💡Nutrition

Nutrition is the process by which the body obtains and utilizes nutrients from the food we eat. The video mentions nutrition as one of the three lenses through which the speaker views health, alongside biochemistry and emotions. Stress can disrupt nutrient absorption and digestion, highlighting the interconnectedness of stress and nutrition in maintaining overall health.

💡Biochemistry

Biochemistry refers to the chemical processes that occur within living organisms. In the context of the video, biochemistry is used to understand how stress hormones affect bodily functions. The speaker discusses how relentless stress hormone production can disrupt various internal functions, such as sleep quality and thyroid function.

💡Emotions

Emotions are feelings that can influence a person's thoughts and actions. The video script connects emotions with stress, suggesting that emotional responses to situations can trigger the production of stress hormones. The speaker encourages viewers to look at their emotional reactions to understand what leads them to produce stress hormones.

💡Adrenaline

Adrenaline, also known as epinephrine, is a hormone that prepares the body for a 'fight or flight' response. The video explains how modern life has led to the constant production of adrenaline, not just in response to life-threatening situations but also due to everyday stressors like caffeine consumption or perceived urgency.

💡Human Evolution

Human evolution refers to the process by which humans have developed and diversified over time. The video uses the concept of human evolution to explain how our bodies' stress responses have not caught up with the rapid changes of the modern world. The speaker contrasts the old pattern of adrenaline production in response to physical threats with the new pattern of constant adrenaline production due to psychological stress.

💡Commercial Era

The Commercial Era is a term used in the video to describe the last 75 years of human history, characterized by rapid technological advancements and a consumer-driven society. This period is highlighted as a time when stress hormone production patterns have changed significantly, with modern stressors like social media and constant connectivity playing a role.

💡Self-Talk

Self-talk refers to the internal dialogue one has with oneself. The video discusses how stress can impact self-talk, leading to negative thought patterns that can further increase stress hormone production. The speaker suggests that changing our self-talk can help reduce stress and its negative effects.

💡Foreign Words

Foreign words, as introduced in the video, are the traits that individuals feel they need others to see in them. The speaker suggests that stress often arises when we perceive that others are not seeing us in the way we want to be seen, or not acknowledging our 'foreign words.' This concept is used to illustrate how our need for approval and recognition can lead to stress.

💡Old Brain and New Brain

The video introduces the concept of 'old brain' and 'new brain' to describe two different thought systems. The old brain operates quickly and unconsciously, generating feelings based on patterns and associations. The new brain is slower, conscious, and capable of applying reason and logic. The speaker argues that reducing the gap between the old brain's emotional reactions and the new brain's logical evaluation can help reduce stress.

💡Trust

Trust is presented in the video as the opposite of stress. It involves having faith in oneself and the unfolding of life's events. The speaker suggests that learning to trust can help reduce stress hormones, as it allows individuals to accept the present moment and their life's journey without resistance.

Highlights

Stress management is not effective; instead, understanding stress hormone production is key.

Stress impacts various health aspects including digestion, sleep, immunity, and energy.

Real stress exists, but much of it is self-created through our thought patterns.

Our response to situations, not the situations themselves, determines stress.

Human evolution has not kept pace with modern stressors like caffeine and perceived disapproval.

Adrenaline production has shifted from life-threatening situations to daily stressors.

Understanding 'foreign words' or traits we want others to see can reduce stress.

Social media is a significant stressor for some due to perceived judgment.

Running late can be stressful due to concerns about others' judgments.

Stress can be a teacher, revealing areas where we feel judged by others.

Anxiety is linked to the number of people we allow to judge us.

Our worth is not dependent on others' opinions, a truth often forgotten.

Stress hormones can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms like overeating or exhaustion.

Pain and beauty coexist, and we can choose to focus on growth amidst pain.

Questioning our thoughts is crucial for managing stress and emotions.

The quest for love and approval is outdated and should be unlearned for mental health.

Dr. Viktor Frankl's insights on the power of choosing our response to stimuli.

Our 'old brain' generates feelings unconsciously, while the 'new brain' applies reason.

Training our 'new brain' to evaluate the 'old brain's' responses reduces stress.

Trust is the opposite of stress, and we should learn to trust life's unfolding.

Our life's purpose is our unique expansion and growth.

Transcripts

it's time to change the conversation

about stress for too long we've been

told to manage it and i'm not that

thrilled with how that's working out for

any of us with our health and our

quality of life so instead i want to

learn what leads an individual to make

stress hormones in the first place and

then help them to make fewer of them

when it comes to health i look at

everything through three lenses

nutrition biochemistry and emotions

relentless stress hormone production

disrupts the function of so much inside

us from nutrient absorption and

digestion to sleep quality sex hormone

balance immunity and thyroid function

energy and resilience are also often

impacted as is our self-talk and the way

we speak to everyone around us so the

ripple of stress is significant

it's very important to acknowledge that

there is very real and genuine stress

going on in the world and in people's

lives right now

but there's also a huge amount of stress

we create for ourselves because of how

we think and that's the part i'm

interested in because that's the part we

can change

we think that stress comes from

everything outside of us

from that person or that situation

but what we've lost sight of is that

it's actually our response to that

person or that situation that makes

something stressful or not

so think about a pile of dirty dishes in

the kitchen some days you simply walk

past the dishes and you think i just

hope an angel will turn up and sort them

out for me but then other days when you

see a pile of dirty dishes you think my

entire life is falling apart so the

dishes are the same but our response to

them from day to day can be vastly

different

to understand why we do this we need the

perspective of human evolution

our world has radically and rapidly

changed across the last 75 years a time

i refer to as the commercial era we've

seen the introduction of color

televisions pesticides fast food chains

credit cards the internet mobile phones

and social media alongside a burgeoning

theme of i want it all and i want it now

but let's ponder the past 75 years in

the context of the enormous expanse of

time humans have been on the planet

consider a 14-hour flight from sydney to

la and let's have this flight time

represent the 150 000 years our species

has been here

this means that the last 75 years would

represent a mere 25 seconds of the trip

shorter than the air steward's arrival

announcement

and in this tiny amount of time so much

has changed including our pattern of

stress hormone production

up until the very recent past we've made

adrenaline in a burst in response to a

physical threat to our life

and not enough time has yet passed in

our evolution for our body to comprehend

that adrenaline production can be driven

by other factors now

in modern times we make adrenaline

anytime we consume caffeine yeah i know

sorry not ideal

we make it when we perceive pressure or

urgency sure some things are urgent if

you get a phone call from school that

your child's been injured that's urgent

but what most of us do is we make what

we get to do each day

full of urgency

and we also make adrenaline when we

consciously or unconsciously perceive

that others disapprove of us

a colleague from work might phone you

and ask where's that work i needed it

yesterday

now that request for work is not in and

of itself stressful

but we will usually make more adrenaline

in response to this request why

because we don't hear what someone says

we hear what we think they meant

so what you might hear is my colleague

thinks i'm inefficient or lazy or i've

let them down

in other words you perceive some form of

disapproval coming from your colleague

which you've entirely made up and we do

it all the time

our old pattern of adrenaline production

was a spike when our life was in danger

followed by a return to baseline now

it's a daily escalation a constant

relentless climb from thoughts about

endless emails a conversation we had

yesterday the health of someone we care

about among a million others

and this climbing pattern of adrenaline

is very new to us as a species

our body responds to the information we

give it it has not yet learnt to discern

between the adrenaline we make when

we're worried about our workload and the

adrenaline we make when a car drives out

in front of us

so it's time to do what we can to

communicate the truth to our body which

is that we are thankfully relatively

safe

to do this i encourage you to explore

what i call your foreign words which are

the traits you need others to see in you

so at some point take pen and paper and

ask yourself how do i need others to see

me

there's no right or wrong just what is

unique to you

some common ones i've had people share

with me over the years are i need people

to see me as kind thoughtful

selfless efficient reliable hard working

perfect creative strong the best

intelligent or the biggest ray of

sunshine who ever walked into a room

and then the next time you're stressed

pause and consider am i perceiving that

someone is seeing me in a way that is

the opposite to one of my foreign words

because most of the time the answer will

be yes

we might run ourselves ragged or agree

to help another to ensure their needs

are met and yes we do this because we

care

but if you peel another layer back what

becomes visible is that we care very

much what these people we run ourselves

ragged for think of us

we want them to see our forehead words

well and truly on display

yet doing things out of duty is

depleting

while doing things from a place of

genuine care is energizing

so the key is do you have any

flexibility in how you can handle others

seeing you sure we'd prefer to be liked

but we will never control what another

thinks of us and if you have no

flexibility in how you can handle others

seeing you this will be an endless

source of stress hormones

i ran some focus groups as part of some

research i was doing to look at what

stressed women of different ages

in the 18 to 25 year old group one thing

that consistently came out as a major

source of stress was social media all

the groups don't understand this because

social media would never feature on

their list of things that stress them

out and that's because they use social

media to see photos of their family or

to watch funny dog videos

whereas for those for whom social media

was a significant source of stress it is

simply one of the modalities through

which they allow others to judge them

for the 35 to 50 year old group a common

source of stress was running late yet

running late doesn't stress everyone out

that's how you know it's not real

what can make running late stressful is

that we worry what the person who'll be

on the receiving end of our running late

will think of us

and when we know that this is what it's

really about

it changes the conversations we then

have with them

so your stress can be an insightful

teacher for you if you allow it to

it will show you where you allow others

to judge you

now what i've just described is one

reason my anxious feelings have become

so common how many people do you allow

into your inner circle when i was

growing up i could have counted them on

my fingers these days because of social

media too many people care about what

thousands of people think of them and

most of them they've never even met

we want to be highly selective about

whose input we listen to

always remember you know your own heart

and your worth is not dependent on how

others see you

but we have to address our stress

hormones because what is their constant

relentless production costing you how do

you cope with stress do you drink too

much alcohol or too often

do you eat too much or do you eat too

much poor quality food maybe you don't

eat enough or are you always exhausted

and searching for more energy

you might yell and overreact to the

people close to you or perhaps you

withdraw from those you love and they

don't understand your silence

or maybe you mask other emotions with

stress i think sometimes when we say

we're stressed we might really be sad or

grieving or frightened or disappointed

or devastated

and there are times and experiences in

our lives that are

truly horrendous

and that might hurt us deeply

yet even when it's truly painful there

is still so much beauty in that moment

so may we be able to remind ourselves

that what hurts can be a luminous

offering to learn and grow

and may we be able to untangle that pain

from the magnificence of our being

that is always present pain and beauty

coexist it's just that we usually focus

on one or the other we or we perceive

more drawbacks than benefits to the pain

and we can switch these if we choose to

but to unravel this we need to train

ourselves to question our own thoughts

and the dialogue started out for me

sounding something like

do you believe your own thoughts

what do you mean that voice in my head

is not who i am don't i think my

thoughts well if that voice in your head

is you then who's listening to it

so your thoughts are not who you are and

not all of your thoughts are true

so start to notice does your thinking

oppose things as they are

do you react with thoughts of how things

should be

do your thoughts focus on what you

perceive is missing rather than on what

is start to become aware of all the

thoughts you use to deny yourself

contentment and foster tenderness for

yourself in that process because it's

been going on for a while from childhood

onwards humans endlessly pursue love

approval appreciation acceptance and we

do it to try to stay safe to ensure we

are fed and we have a home

we test out all sorts of ways to please

others or even just experience fleeting

moments of their admiration

but we don't really notice our efforts

we just think that's life or how we are

we don't realize as adults that this

drive for approval we have linked to our

survival is now superfluous to our needs

and we need to unlearn it

the quest for love and approval is at

the heart of so many of our thoughts

the trouble is seeking love and approval

leads us to lose the awareness of both

you can lose the awareness of love but

not love itself because it's what we are

yet we persistently seek it because of

how we think

we think thoughts and we believe them

but they aren't true

i hate too much ice cream i'm hopeless

i'm pathetic i have no willpower if you

think such a thought do you pause to

consider if it's true no you just keep

going you might not even realize you've

had the thought the first part of the

sentence might be true you might have

eaten too much ice cream but the second

part of the sentence the judgment that

you're hopeless you've made that up and

if you create a story about yourself

that this is who you must be to have

eaten too much ice cream you will have

judged yourself in similar ways endless

times across the day in response to all

sorts of situations

and if you never question whether such

thoughts are true thinking this about

yourself over and over and over again is

what will lead you to go back and smash

the ice cream again the next night

because you don't believe you're worth

taking care of

which is not true

but it's challenging to change our

behavior until we learn how we think and

teach ourselves to question our thoughts

do your absolute best to deal with

what is

rather than imaginings

we are so fortunate to have the work of

dr viktor frankl in the world

he was a psychiatrist author and

holocaust survivor

dr frankl his wife and extended family

were all sent to concentration camps

where he witnessed then be tortured and

murdered

and yet

despite experiencing such unspeakable

atrocities

he still had the most insightful

presence of mind to offer us this and he

wrote

between stimulus and response

there is a space

and in that space is our power to choose

our response

and in our response lies our growth

and

freedom we get to choose how we respond

to everything

and i mean

everything

even the genuinely tough stuff

but it's a little tricky because of

where we humans are at with the

evolution of our brain at this point in

time and the way that we think we have

two thought systems and they don't

really speak to each other i've named

them old brain and new brain our old

brain the first thought system we

evolved to have works at lightning speed

and it generates a feeling

it works out what feeling to generate

based on patterns and associations we've

unconsciously created since we were born

and that's part of the challenge with

old brain what it generates is

unconscious to us

and still until we seek to make it

conscious

it's always operating and at this point

in our evolution our old brains

responses are completely automatic

our new brain is relatively slow to

respond but it has the ability to apply

reason and logic it's conscious so we're

aware of it but at this point it's

completely optional

so let's look at the two thought systems

in action an acquaintance walks past you

at the farmers market and doesn't speak

you might consciously think you've upset

her

but before that your old brain generates

a feeling that you're unaware of based

on an association you have tucked away

in there

unconsciously and at warp speed you

might perceive her disapproval of you

and believe this is a risk to your

survival because it was when you were

five years old

but you don't consciously think any of

this through all you notice is that when

you went to the market you felt fine now

your mood is flat or irritated and all

you can think about is how you can't

wait to polish off the ice cream or the

wine or whatever it is you choose in

those moments when even though you know

better you can't stop yourself

we don't have to stay in this state

though because we have our second

thought system new brain ready and

waiting to be used and new brain would

help you see

that your acquaintance had the weight of

the world on her shoulders or perhaps

she had a pimple on her face and she was

really hoping to not run into anyone she

knew that morning

so so much of our emotional overwhelm

what we now refer to as stress stems

from what our old brain generates and

what our new brain fails to examine

can't stop our old brain doing its job

nor would we want to it's just that the

less time we spend between what our old

brain generates and what our new brain

evaluates the fewer stress hormones we

make and the more we live from truth

we have to begin the journey of training

our new brain catching ourself in the

space

for that's the stress solution

so what is the opposite of stress

i think many people today think it's

calm

i'm going to suggest to you that it's

trust

yet we forget to trust

to trust the unfolding

during our turn on earth our lessons

can't be avoided

and they can be minorly or majorly

uncomfortable

when we avoid what is true for us

the universe does everything it can to

coordinate our reorientation

initially this might arise as a whisper

but it will become a raw if we don't

tune into it

our entire life

is a grand odyssey dedicated to our

unique expansion it's all for you

all of it

to finish and to paraphrase my favorite

poet david white

we are all a sun-lit moment come from a

long darkness

what moves us always comes from what is

hidden

what seems to be said so suddenly

has lived in a soul for a long long time

this has lived in my soul for a very

long time

thank you