How I Brainwashed Myself to Success
Summary
TLDRThe speaker recounts their personal journey from a life filled with anxiety, anger, and frustration to one of success. They challenge the societal misconception that negative emotions are inherently bad, instead advocating for their use as fuel for motivation. The speaker shares three key strategies: negative visualization to create fear of stagnation, increasing frustration tolerance to achieve goals, and questioning the validity of negative thoughts to break the cycle of self-sabotage. This talk serves as an inspiring guide for harnessing negative emotions to drive personal growth and success.
Takeaways
- 🤔 Negative thoughts and emotions can be repurposed as fuel for success, contrary to societal norms that label them as detrimental.
- 🚫 Avoid labeling negative feelings as 'wrong'; instead, view them as part of the human experience and tools for growth.
- 🔄 Recognize that momentum can swing either way in life; it's your perspective on negative energy that dictates its impact.
- 💡 Use 'negative visualization' to motivate change by envisioning worst-case scenarios if no action is taken.
- 🥗 Losing weight or achieving goals isn't just about desire; it's about facing fears and avoiding the scenarios you dread.
- 🧠 High frustration tolerance is key to achieving goals; it allows you to endure discomfort to reach your objectives.
- 🏋️♀️ Build frustration tolerance by accepting, labeling, and creating realistic mental cues for the emotions you experience.
- 🌟 Embrace the idea that thoughts are not facts, and emotions are not commands, to break the cycle of negative behavior.
- 🤯 Challenge your thoughts by questioning their truthfulness, impact, and the alternative outcomes of not believing them.
- 🔄 Retrain your brain by proving it wrong, creating a compelling case for new, empowering thoughts.
Q & A
What was the speaker's emotional state when they were 19 years old?
-The speaker was anxious, angry, frustrated, and felt hopeless at 19 years old.
How does the speaker suggest using negative thoughts and emotions?
-The speaker suggests using negative thoughts and emotions as fuel to drive oneself towards achieving their goals, contrary to societal beliefs that negativity is bad.
What was the turning point for the speaker that led to change in their life?
-The turning point was the sixth time the speaker was arrested, and the police took them home to their parents, leading to a realization that their life was heading in a dangerous direction.
What was the speaker's father's reaction when they were arrested for the sixth time?
-The speaker's father did not yell at them but expressed concern that they might kill themselves due to excessive drinking and drug use.
What was the speaker's initial reaction to their reflection in the mirror after the conversation with their father?
-The speaker felt a deep sense of self-hatred and saw themselves as a victim, being controlled by negative thoughts and feelings.
What commitment did the speaker make after realizing the need for change?
-The speaker committed to changing their life, cutting off friends, getting off social media, and dedicating themselves to becoming the person they always wanted to be.
What is the first tool the speaker used to change their life trajectory?
-The first tool was negative visualization, where the speaker asked themselves productive questions about the consequences of not changing their current behavior.
How does the speaker define frustration tolerance and its importance?
-Frustration tolerance is the ability to tolerate unwanted thoughts and feelings to achieve goals. The speaker emphasizes that high frustration tolerance is key to achieving high goals.
What are the three steps the speaker suggests to build frustration tolerance?
-The three steps are: accepting the frustration, labeling it, and creating realistic mental cues around the situation.
How does the speaker differentiate between thoughts and facts?
-The speaker clarifies that thoughts are not facts, and emotions are not commands or directives. They suggest questioning the validity of thoughts and challenging them to change one's mindset.
What are the four questions the speaker asks to challenge their thoughts?
-The four questions are: Is it true? Is it absolutely true? How does this thought make me feel? What would it be like if I didn't believe this thought?
Outlines
🔄 Overcoming Negativity to Achieve Success
The speaker begins by sharing their personal struggles at the age of 19, including anxiety, anger, frustration, and feelings of hopelessness. They acknowledge that many people use negative thoughts and emotions as an excuse not to take action, citing common self-defeating statements like 'I'm not motivated' or 'I'm too anxious.' The speaker challenges the societal notion that negativity is inherently bad, arguing that successful people use these feelings as fuel to drive their ambitions. They recount their own journey of being labeled with various mental health conditions and the realization that there's nothing inherently wrong with having negative thoughts or emotions. The key issue, they argue, is not the presence of these feelings but the labeling and self-judgment that accompanies them. The speaker's life took a turn for the worse, with physical, relational, and academic setbacks, culminating in multiple arrests. A pivotal moment was a candid conversation with their father, who expressed concern that they were on a path to self-destruction. This led to a moment of self-reflection and a decision to change their life. They committed to a new path, cutting off unsupportive social ties and focusing on self-improvement. The speaker emphasizes the importance of mental reprogramming and shares three tools they used to 'brainwash' themselves into a positive spiral: negative visualization, building frustration tolerance, and challenging negative thoughts.
🔧 Tools for Mental and Emotional Transformation
The speaker outlines the first tool for personal transformation as 'negative visualization,' which involves envisioning the worst-case scenario if one does not change their current behavior. This fear of a negative future can be a powerful motivator for change. The second tool discussed is building frustration tolerance, which is crucial for achieving high goals. The speaker explains that high achievers can tolerate unwanted thoughts and feelings, and they share a three-step process for building this tolerance: acceptance, labeling the feeling, and creating realistic mental cues. They also discuss the importance of challenging negative thoughts by questioning their truth and the emotions they evoke, leading to the realization that thoughts are not facts and emotions are not commands. The speaker encourages viewers to prove their brains wrong by questioning the validity of their negative thoughts and replacing them with more constructive beliefs. This approach helps in breaking the cycle of negative thinking and moving towards a more positive and goal-oriented mindset.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Brainwashing
💡Negative Visualization
💡Frustration Tolerance
💡Acceptance
💡Labeling Emotions
💡Thoughts vs. Facts
💡Emotions as Tools
💡Rock Bottom
💡Self-Dedication
💡Realistic Mental Cues
💡Proving Your Brain Wrong
Highlights
The realization that negative thoughts and emotions can be used as fuel for success.
The societal misconception that negativity is inherently bad.
The empowerment of using negative thoughts to drive personal growth.
The personal struggle with anxiety, anger, and frustration leading to a sense of hopelessness.
The pivotal moment of arrest leading to a life-changing decision.
The father's candid conversation that served as a wake-up call.
The commitment to change starting with a social media post and cutting off negative influences.
The importance of starting with the mind to achieve change.
The process of unlearning societal programming that leads to self-imposed limitations.
The concept of negative visualization to motivate change.
The strategy of asking productive questions to avoid unproductive answers.
The role of high frustration tolerance in achieving high goals.
The technique of accepting, labeling, and creating realistic mental cues for building frustration tolerance.
The understanding that thoughts are not facts and emotions are not commands.
The four-question method to challenge and change unhelpful thoughts.
The practice of proving your brain wrong to break the cycle of negative thinking.
The transformation from a downward spiral to an upward trajectory in life.
The top three tools shared for self-brainwashing towards success.
Transcripts
how I brainwashed myself to succeed have
you ever looked at your life and thought
to yourself man I am so far from where I
want to be when I was 19 I was anxious I
was angry I was frustrated and I felt
hopeless I would go so far to say that
99 people in this world feel that way
they use their negative thoughts and
emotions as reasons not to do something
I don't feel motivated I'm too anxious
I'm too upset think about the amount of
times that you've told yourself those
things majority of most of our Lives
we've been told that negativity is a bad
thing I'm here to tell you that the one
percent of people in this world that
succeed know it's the exact opposite
they actually use those negative
thoughts and emotions as fueled to get
what they want you see most of us have
been brainwashed by Society into
thinking that these thoughts and
feelings are bad that they mean there's
something wrong with us you're anxious
you're depressed you're OCD every label
in the book you can think of I was
called and I spent so much time and
energy trying to rid myself of these
things thinking there was something
wrong with me that there was something
broken that I was damaged good there's
nothing wrong with thinking those
thoughts with feeling badly with feeling
negative the problem is labeling it as
something wrong and it telling ourselves
that there's something wrong with us
when we feel these things momentum can
either work for or against you your life
either continues to get worse and worse
and worse or it continues to get better
and better and better it just depends on
what Outlook you have on that energy and
my life was honestly going wrong in
every direction that you could think of
like I was 85 pounds overweight I wasn't
in a relationship I was doing drugs and
drinking alcohol on a regular basis I
was flunking out of school I got
arrested six times and I had really like
no real friends I continued to fail
until what I would say is like one of
the many Rock Bottom moments I had which
was the sixth time I was arrested and
the cops took me home to my parents
house because I was going to college
about 30 minutes away from where my
parents house was where I grew up the
cops took me there I don't remember what
happened I just woke up at my dad's
house and I knew that was not good I was
expecting my dad to yell at me and to
tell me I'm a loser and I'm amounting to
Nothing in life and all these things
that I already knew and I already
thought of myself and instead my dad
told me I don't care if you want to keep
doing this or not doing this but I have
to tell you I do think you're going to
kill yourself
what do you mean he said I think you're
going to drink so much we're going to do
drugs and you're going to die what was
so tough to hear about that was that I
knew he was right I remember leaving
that conversation and going to the
bathroom to take a shower and looking in
the mirror and just hating myself when I
looked in the mirror I saw a victim I
was letting all those thoughts and
feelings dominate me control me rather
than learning how to wield them and use
them as tools to build the life that
I've always wanted and so I went home
that night to my apartment and I made a
commitment to myself I remember
specifically I sat down in bed and I was
so angry angry at the fact that I let my
life get here and I made a post on
Facebook I was proclaiming that I was
going to change my life that I was no
longer going to be at any parties that
you wouldn't see me that I was getting
off social media and I was just going to
go commit myself to bettering my life I
made that post I cut off my friends and
I went to work I decided to dedicate
myself to becoming the version of myself
that I had always wanted to be the
version of myself that I envisioned when
I was a little girl when you're growing
up and people are asking you what do you
want to be when you're in school you're
thinking of this like amazing successful
person I decided to rededicate myself to
that Vision but I knew that in order to
do this I needed to start with my mind
what I really need to do is undo all the
garbage that had been put in my head
when I was growing up through society
and other authority figures that I knew
wasn't right so what I want to share
with you in the rest of this video are
the top three tools I use to brainwash
myself to go from spiraling downwards to
spiraling upwards and become the person
I am today tell me the last time you
asked yourself one of these questions
why am I so fat why can't I succeed why
do I suck at this the first tool that
helped me negative visualization instead
of asking myself questions that were
unproductive and led to unproductive
answers I started asking myself
productive questions if I continue to do
this and I do not change what happens
five years from now well you've gained
85 pounds in about two and a half years
that's impressive and that means at that
rate
oh my gosh I would be 500 pounds in five
years that version of me staying the
same was so terrifying that there was no
option but to change not that I wanted
to change more but that I was terrified
not to change a huge component of life
is learning how to utilize the negative
a lot of people say well you want to
make sure that you're always running
towards something screw that if this
works do it you know what got me to lose
85 pounds not wanting to be skinny in a
bikini but it was being terrified of
being 500 pounds using a more powerful
negative future to propel you into the
future that you actually want to
understand the second tool I'm going to
ask a series of questions and answer
them myself why did I eat because I
didn't want to feel hungry why did I
drink because I didn't want to feel
anxious why did I flunk school because I
didn't want to tolerate feeling like I
wasn't good at something I had a very
low frustration tolerance people who
achieve high goals Studies have shown
that they have very high frustration
tolerance they are able to tolerate a
large amount of unwanted thoughts and
feelings in order to achieve something
usually the reason that we're not able
to achieve any sort of goal is because
we have low frustration tolerance in
that area and the thing about feelings
and leaning into them and being able to
tolerate them is that the more that you
step into them the more they dissipate
here's what I learned and what I do for
myself to build frustration tolerance
and what I did to get myself out of the
place I was in one is accept the
frustration oftentimes we spend so much
energy in life trying to rid ourselves
of anger anxiety frustration sadness
whatever it is acceptance the second is
labeling it label it as frustration I
have frustration here and then the third
step is creating realistic mental cues
around the situation when I was growing
up I was told to say affirmations to
myself so if they work for you that's
great but I actually found this work
better for me I don't say I am a
beautiful confident skinny woman when I
was 85 pounds overweight not confident
at all saying it just felt like I was
like a fraud I want to make sure that I
can get my life in order what can I say
to myself I may feel anxious hungry and
alone but I can become the person I want
to be if I work hard enough with enough
consistency realistic statement I can do
it and the third tool that I used to
change my life was proving my brain
wrong I went personally most of my life
thinking that my thoughts were me that
my thoughts were real that my thoughts
meant something I realized that that
wasn't true at all thoughts are not
facts and emotions are not commands or
directives I think he's going to leave
me I think he's cheating I think I'm
going to lose my job I think I'm gonna
die think about the amount of times that
your brain goes to that well it's wired
to do that what I hadn't been doing for
so long was if I felt some acted on it
and what I learned is I needed to break
the link between feeling and behaving
oftentimes we think I feel so strongly
that it must mean something but what if
it doesn't mean anything so there's four
questions I ask myself when I don't know
what to do because I have very strong
emotions and racing thoughts one is it
true say the thought is I'm so fat I'll
never lose weight is it true maybe not
is it absolutely true I mean it's not
absolutely true because I guess I
haven't tried everything okay so it's
not absolutely true that you can never
lose weight then the third question is
how does this thought make me feel when
I think to myself I can never lose
weight how do I feel
discouraged frustrated anxious depressed
so is that a productive thought probably
not and then the last question I ask
myself is what would it be like if I
didn't believe this thought I might
actually try harder I would actually
show up to the gym because I wouldn't
feel like I was just like a dead end and
there was no point of trying build a
case as to why your thoughts are not
true and then you can create more
compelling reasons to convince yourself
of new thoughts that will lead to the
life that you want instead of ones that
are just going to keep you stuck where
you are
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