Avoid Assumptions and Ask!

Summary

The speaker emphasizes the importance of communication in resolving workplace issues by addressing 'invisible elephants'—problems that are evident but unspoken. They discuss the 'eggshell fear factor,' which includes the fear of hurting feelings, criticism, and retaliation, and how these fears hinder open dialogue. The speaker suggests regular team meetings to openly discuss these issues, reduce their power, and foster a culture of respect and growth. They also share personal experiences to illustrate the benefits of overcoming these fears and the positive impact on professional development.

Takeaways

• 🗣️ The three-letter word 'ask' can solve many communication problems, but people often avoid asking questions to maintain politeness.
• 🤔 Being 'nice' can lead to miscommunication and unresolved issues, as people may not voice their concerns to avoid conflict.
• 🐘 'Invisible elephants' represent unspoken issues that everyone knows exist but no one addresses, leading to tiptoeing around them.
• 🥚 'Eggshells' are metaphors for the fear of emotional fallout that prevents people from discussing issues openly.
• 😣 The fear of hurt feelings is a common reason people avoid discussing issues that could improve the practice or workplace.
• 👎 The fear of criticism or judgment stops individuals from proposing new ideas or changes for fear of negative reactions.
• 🔄 The fear of retaliation makes people hesitant to address problems, as they worry about potential negative consequences.
• 💬 Team meetings can help eliminate 'eggshells' by openly discussing the fears and issues that team members face.
• 🙅‍♀️ Leaders are not immune to these fears; they also worry about making tough decisions and being judged by their team.
• 🚀 Overcoming fear is crucial for personal and professional growth, as it allows for the introduction of new ideas and improvements.

Q & A

What is the three-letter word suggested to improve communication?

The three-letter word suggested to improve communication is 'ask'.

Why do people sometimes hesitate to ask questions or address issues?

People hesitate to ask questions or address issues because they want to be nice and avoid rocking the boat, fearing potential negative reactions or conflicts.

What is an example of an 'invisible elephant' in an office?

An 'invisible elephant' in an office refers to problems or issues that everyone is aware of but no one discusses openly, leading to a tense and cautious atmosphere.

What is the 'eggshell fear factor' mentioned in the script?

The 'eggshell fear factor' refers to the fear of emotional fallout or negative reactions that prevents people from addressing issues or communicating openly in the workplace.

What are the three predominant 'eggshells' that people fear in the workplace?

The three predominant 'eggshells' are the fear of hurt feelings, the fear of criticism or judgment, and the fear of retaliation.

Why is it important to address issues that affect the practice's performance?

Addressing issues that affect the practice's performance is important because ignoring them can hold the practice back from growing and improving.

How can team meetings help in reducing the fear of addressing issues?

Team meetings can help reduce the fear of addressing issues by bringing concerns out in the open, allowing for a collective discussion and reducing the power of unspoken fears.

What is the role of fear in the context of the 'eggshells'?

Fear is the driving force behind the 'eggshells', as it represents a negative prediction of the future and can prevent action unless individuals feel confident in their ability to handle the situation.

Why is it beneficial for leaders to share their concerns with the team?

Sharing concerns by leaders can create clarity and show that everyone has fears, which can encourage open communication and a collective approach to problem-solving.

How can teaching respectful communication help a practice grow?

Teaching respectful communication can help a practice grow by fostering an environment where difficult topics can be discussed openly, leading to better problem-solving and overall improvement.

Outlines

00:00

🗣️ The Power of Communication: Overcoming 'Nice'

The speaker emphasizes the importance of asking questions to resolve communication issues, suggesting that being 'nice' can actually hinder effective communication. Using the example of Barb, who avoids asking questions due to her niceness, the speaker illustrates how unaddressed concerns can escalate and damage relationships. The speaker argues that addressing issues promptly, even if it might seem impolite, is healthier for both personal and professional relationships. The concept of 'elephants in the room' is introduced as metaphors for problems that everyone is aware of but no one discusses, leading to a toxic work environment.

05:02

🚫 Breaking the Eggshells: Conquering Fears in Communication

This paragraph delves into the 'eggshell fear factor,' which refers to the apprehensions that prevent people from addressing issues in the workplace. The speaker identifies three main fears: the fear of hurting feelings, the fear of criticism or judgment, and the fear of retaliation. Each fear is explored with examples and advice on how to overcome them. The speaker shares a personal experience of overcoming the fear of judgment by taking on a leadership role and encourages others to face their fears to foster growth and innovation within their teams.

10:04

🤝 Fostering Open Dialogue for Team Growth

The final paragraph stresses the necessity of teaching team members to communicate respectfully about difficult topics to ensure the practice can progress. The speaker suggests that without effective communication, issues remain unaddressed, leading to a 'herd of elephants' in the office. The importance of addressing these elephants to maintain a healthy work environment is highlighted, emphasizing that fear, which underlies communication barriers, is merely a negative anticipation of the future and can be managed with the right approach and confidence.

Keywords

💡Communication

Communication is the process of exchanging information, ideas, or feelings. In the video, it is emphasized as a crucial tool for resolving misunderstandings and conflicts in a workplace. The speaker suggests that asking questions is a key part of effective communication, which can solve many issues if people are willing to be open and direct.

💡Nice

In the context of the video, 'nice' refers to the tendency of individuals to avoid confrontation or difficult conversations to maintain a pleasant demeanor. The speaker uses the term to illustrate how this behavior can lead to the suppression of important issues, which can eventually cause more significant problems. The example of Barb shows how being 'nice' can lead to unresolved tensions.

💡Elephants

The term 'elephants' metaphorically represents the unspoken issues or problems within an office environment that everyone is aware of but no one addresses. The speaker discusses how these 'invisible elephants' can hinder progress and create a tense atmosphere if not confronted and resolved.

💡Eggshells

Eggshells in the video symbolize the delicate and小心翼翼 situations that people are afraid to approach due to fear of negative outcomes. The speaker identifies 'walking on eggshells' as a behavior that results from the presence of 'elephants', indicating a need to navigate office dynamics with extreme caution to avoid conflict.

💡Fear of Hurt Feelings

This concept refers to the apprehension people have about causing emotional distress to others, which often prevents them from discussing important matters. The speaker explains that this fear can be detrimental to a practice's growth and performance, as it stops necessary conversations from happening.

💡Fear of Criticism or Judgment

The fear of criticism or judgment is the anxiety that arises from the possibility of being negatively evaluated by others for one's actions or ideas. The speaker uses this concept to explain why individuals might refrain from suggesting new ideas or changes, which can hinder innovation and improvement within a team or organization.

💡Fear of Retaliation

Fear of retaliation is the worry that addressing an issue with a colleague or team member might lead to negative consequences or revenge. The speaker mentions this as a common concern that prevents open and honest communication, which is essential for resolving conflicts and improving workplace dynamics.

💡Team Meetings

Team meetings are suggested as a solution to address the 'eggshells' and 'elephants' in the office. They provide a platform for open discussion and the resolution of issues. The speaker believes that having regular team meetings can help in identifying and eliminating the fears and unspoken issues that affect the workplace.

💡Respect

Respect in the video is portrayed as a foundational aspect of professional relationships, necessary for effective teamwork and communication. The speaker argues that while you don't have to like your colleagues, respecting them is essential and can lead to better working relationships and a more productive environment.

💡Fear as a Negative Prediction

The video discusses fear as a negative anticipation of future events rather than a reality. It is presented as a driving force behind the 'eggshell fear factor', where the speaker encourages the audience to recognize that fear is often unfounded and can be overcome by building confidence in handling challenging situations.

Highlights

The three-letter word 'ask' can solve 90% of communication problems.

People avoid asking questions to be nice and not rock the boat.

Being nice can lead to misunderstandings and negative assumptions.

Example of Barb not asking questions leads to a buildup of negative feelings.

Communication breakdown occurs when people are too 'nice' to address issues.

Invisible elephants in the office represent unspoken problems.

The success of communication depends on identifying and eliminating these 'elephants'.

Eggshell fear factor stops people from addressing issues.

The fear of hurt feelings is the first 'eggshell' that prevents communication.

Professionalism requires discussing issues that affect the practice, despite personal feelings.

Respect is more important than liking your coworkers.

Fear of criticism or judgment is the second 'eggshell'.

Example of overcoming fear of judgment by taking on a leadership role.

Fear of retaliation is the third 'eggshell' that hinders communication.

Team meetings can help eliminate 'eggshells' by discussing fears openly.

Leaders also experience fear, contrary to common belief.

Fear is a negative prediction of the future and not a reality.

Teaching respectful communication can help the team grow and move forward.

The importance of addressing communication issues to prevent a 'herd of elephants' in the office.

Transcripts

there's a three-letter word that could

solve 90% of your communication problems

and that three-letter word is ask a s k

but the problem is we don't ask because

we want to be nice some of us in this

room are nice people some of us in this

room say you know I'm not gonna rock the

boat I'm a nice person anybody like that

in this room raise your hand go ahead I

won't pick on you but yeah yeah all

right they're like I'm nice I'm not

gonna really raise my hand either

they're good so you're nice so let me

share a little bit about you being nice

who is that oh you were nice can i play

give me permission I'll be nice maybe

okay so tell me your name Barb and

Barbie remind me that you get a book at

the end from foreplay nice

okay so Barb and I work together right

aren't you lucky and I do something and

you know how you get that little twinge

in your gut you go hmm

I wonder what she meant by that so she

gets that little twinge in her gut and

she goes oh I'm not gonna say anything

because I'm a nice person right that's

unfamiliar yeah okay so here's barb

okay so then something else happens that

day maybe another day and she gets a

little bigger twins you know get as you

guys I'm not gonna say anything though

because I'm a nice person and then and

then something else happens and this

time it's kind of more of a punch in the

gut that's just I'm a nice person not

good to say anything

thank goodness I don't smoke and there

she is

she's walking around the office being

nice nice and then I come up to her

oblivious and I think bar and I ask her

something that's neutral but by this

time there's nothing neutral and Barb

bills I'm sorry if anybody gets hit with

sorry so now she bows up and I'm

standing there going what happened that

happens doesn't it

see nice isn't keeping it in and being

nice and I hope I hope you get over this

nice thing nice would be the first time

she had that little twinge in the gut

she said hey Judi Kay can we talk not

quite sure what you meant by that

because I'll guarantee you that her

assumptions were much more negative than

what was real and I might not have had

the foggiest idea that I was stepping on

her toes or I'd done something that made

her feel uncomfortable but instead she

let it build and by the time she blew up

she no longer wants to work with me she

didn't wanna have anything to do with me

and she never gave me the chance to even

explain but that happens all the time

and a lot of times it's not just nice

nice is you're talking about it a lot of

times it's because of the elephants some

of you have invisible elephants in your

office some of you have a whole darn

herd don't you the success of your

communication in your practice depends

on the identification and the

elimination of these invisible elephants

in your office the elephants that I'm

talking about are what's not working or

could be better or improved and

everybody knows they exist but nobody

will talk about them and as a result

everybody starts walking on eggshells

and you're tiptoeing around

the eggshells are the emotional response

or fallout that you fear may happen if

you actually do talk about these

elephants so here you have people in

your office and they're like you're like

tiptoeing around these eggshells I'm

trying to squeeze in between the

elephant's right some of you it's like

oh we don't talk about this or we don't

say this when I come into offices to

observe I say well how is everything oh

it's everything's fine

fine is that fine is an acronym fear of

intense negative emotion that's what it

is I told you I was an addict they it

seriously there are so many elephants

sometimes roaming and no one says

anything and the spirit of eggshells is

what I refer to as the eggshell fear

factor and it's what stops us there are

actually three predominant eggshells so

I run into consistently the first one is

the fear of hurt feelings we worry so

much because we're nice we don't want to

hurt somebody's feelings but here's the

scoop if it affects the patience and the

practice you have to talk about it but

we don't because we want to be nice but

it holds our practice back if it affects

the patience and the practice the

performance of it we have to talk about

it if it's personal leave it out you

don't have to love the people you work

with you don't even have to like them

seriously you don't you just have to

respect them and here's the funny thing

when when you start to respect them like

comes after that and sometimes even love

but hurt feelings we worry we we don't

say anything we don't want to hurt their

feelings we have to be professionals we

have to talk about the things that stop

us from growing

the second eggshell is the fear of

criticism or judgment we worry that if

we say something they're gonna just come

back and criticize us so we're not going

to say anything fear of judgment and

criticism actually stops a lot of us

from trying to grow and be better from

trying to take on something new a year

ago I was invited to

the president of NSA which is National

Speakers Association Minnesota chapter I

will tell you when they asked me I said

are you kiddin me

I work with people in this chapter who

have been speaking for 40 years and they

don't coach they strictly speak they're

probably speaking 200 times 150 times a

year sometimes it's just unbelievable

they're masters I'm thinking how could I

possibly be the president of these

people they know so much more I'm a

newbie compared to them and what if what

if I don't do a good job huh what if I

fail

they could even impeach me and I got

scared and then I got excited and I

thought you know what I'm gonna do it

I'm not gonna worry about whether they

criticize or judge me and they didn't

they were supportive I learned a lot I

had my gavel over in a couple weeks and

I'm actually sad it's been a phenomenal

year so I would tell you that sometimes

that fear of judgment and criticism

stops you from wanting to do something

new in your practice that would be

exciting because you're afraid that you

might not do it well sometimes fear of

judgment and criticism stops dentists

from bringing new things back to the

practice because they want to do it so

well right from the beginning you have

that perfectionist personality push

yourself it helps to create a more

positive it's exciting to grow and learn

even if it's scary that gut test if it's

scary but it's a heck yes do it it's

worth it it really is the third eggshell

is the fear of retaliation but no matter

you know if something's not going well

why would we possibly address it with

another team member because it probably

is gonna only get worse right we worry

about that and sometimes we worry about

bringing times we worry after a manager

for fear that it's going to come back

and haunt us so fear of retaliation one

of the best ways to get rid of

eggshells is to have a team meeting I

believe in team meetings have a team

meeting and talk about what are the

eggshells that people fear in the

practice get it out in the open it's

amazing how when you start to talk about

things the power from it disappears I

think the most interesting fact about

the eggshells is that teams always think

that doctors and managers are really

comfortable in their leadership they're

not it's not comfortable it's scary

they don't want to make some of the

decisions that they have to make it's

sunk they don't want to hurt somebody's

feelings they don't want to they're

worried about being judged and

criticized and so what happens is when

the doctor and the manager or doctors

the managers share what their concerns

are it starts to create clarity for

everybody that hey everybody has these

fears but regardless of the fears we

still have to approach it we still have

to be able to talk about it in a

respectful way and we're gonna get into

that the funny thing about fear because

it's the driving force behind each of

these eggshells is that fear isn't a

reality it's only a negative prediction

of the future that's it and whether or

not we take action is governed by a

simple ratio our perception of danger

versus our confidence in the ability to

handle the situation see if we believe

that we can handle any situation that

comes our way

the fear we feel is minimized

and we're going to be able to take

action so it's really important that we

teach the entire team how to communicate

with each other in a respectful manner

to be able to talk about things that are

difficult so that the entire practice

can grow and move forward because pretty

soon if you don't know how to

communicate or you're not comfortable

communicating everything is off the

table and you have that herd of

elephants in your office