4 Social Skills SECRETS that Make You Attractive AF

Summary

This video offers timeless advice from Dale Carnegie's 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' to enhance social interactions. It emphasizes the importance of showing genuine interest in others, remembering names, smiling, and giving sincere compliments. The speaker shares personal anecdotes and practical tips, such as the 'three for three' rule for names and the power of a smile to improve approachability. The video also touches on the concept of 'detachment' from outcomes to ensure authenticity in social engagements.

Takeaways

• 😀 Be genuinely interested in others rather than trying to be interesting yourself. This creates a more engaging and positive social interaction.
• 🔗 Detachment is key: Don't use social techniques as gimmicks to win people over; instead, be authentic in your interest.
• 📛 The power of a name: Remembering and using someone's name makes them feel valued and can significantly improve your rapport.
• 🤔 The 'three for three' rule: Aim to say a new acquaintance's name three times within the first three minutes of meeting them.
• 😐 Be mindful of your facial expressions; a simple smile can make you appear more approachable and friendly.
• 👍 Compliments and recognition are powerful; they can leave a lasting impression and motivate people to live up to positive expectations.
• 🌟 Start difficult conversations with sincere appreciation to set a positive tone and make the other person more receptive.
• 💡 Praise the qualities you want to see grow in others, as this can encourage positive behavior and reinforce good actions.
• 📈 Dale Carnegie's advice is timeless and can significantly improve your social skills and personal relationships.
• 🎯 The video also promotes the 'Metamorphic' coaching program, suggesting a deeper, structured approach to personal development.

Q & A

What is the main challenge the speaker describes in social situations?

The main challenge is being stuck in your own head, overthinking, and feeling unsure of what to say, which can make social interactions uncomfortable and prevent success.

What key principle from Dale Carnegie does the speaker mention to improve social interactions?

The speaker highlights Carnegie's principle of being interested in other people rather than trying to be interesting. This involves asking questions and showing genuine empathy.

How does the speaker contrast two types of conversations at a party?

The speaker contrasts a conversation with someone who only talks about themselves, making the interaction one-sided, with a conversation where the other person shows genuine interest and asks questions, making the interaction enjoyable.

Why is detachment from outcomes important when applying social principles?

Detachment is important because if you're using social principles just to get people to like you, it can come off as needy and inauthentic. Genuine interest, without expecting anything in return, is more effective.

What does Dale Carnegie say about the power of remembering someone’s name?

Dale Carnegie says that a person's name is the sweetest sound to them, and remembering it shows that you value them, which helps build rapport.

What tip does the speaker give for remembering names during social interactions?

The speaker suggests using the 'three for three' rule—saying someone's name three times within the first three minutes of meeting them to help commit it to memory.

How does the speaker suggest avoiding awkwardness when forgetting someone's name?

The speaker recommends using the phrase 'Good to see you' instead of 'Nice to meet you' if you're unsure whether you've met someone before, which helps avoid the awkwardness of forgetting their name.

What is 'resting face' and how can it impact social interactions?

Resting face refers to a neutral or focused facial expression that can come off as unapproachable. The speaker suggests smiling more to appear warmer and more approachable in social situations.

How does the speaker explain the power of compliments in social situations?

The speaker notes that compliments, especially sincere ones, are impactful because people rarely receive them, and they can help build rapport. However, they should be genuine and not flattery.

What does the speaker emphasize about making changes in social interactions?

The speaker emphasizes that improving social interactions requires effort, trying new approaches like smiling or being more open, and understanding that effort can significantly change how others perceive you.

Outlines

00:00

🗣️ Overcoming Social Anxiety and Becoming a Good Listener

The paragraph discusses the common struggle of social anxiety and the impact it can have on various aspects of life, such as work and relationships. It introduces the concept of a 'road map' to improve social interactions, referencing a century-old book that still holds relevance today. The speaker shares four practical tips, starting with the importance of being genuinely interested in others rather than trying to be interesting. The first tip is illustrated through a party scenario where two different types of conversations are compared: one where the speaker dominates the conversation and another where they show genuine interest. The speaker emphasizes the power of asking questions and listening empathetically, which can significantly improve social interactions. Dale Carnegie's advice is highlighted, suggesting that showing interest in others can lead to more friendships than trying to make others interested in you. The paragraph concludes with a note on detachment, cautioning against using these principles manipulatively.

05:00

😄 The Power of Names, Smiling, and Sincere Compliments

This paragraph continues with the second and third tips for enhancing social interactions. The second tip is about the importance of remembering and using people's names, which is emphasized through the 'three for three' rule: saying someone's name three times within the first three minutes of meeting them. The speaker also suggests using 'good to see you' instead of 'nice to meet you' when encountering someone you've met before to avoid breaking rapport. The third tip focuses on the impact of facial expressions, particularly smiling, on approachability and warmth. The speaker argues that even a slight smile can make a person seem more friendly and open to conversation. Dale Carnegie's quote about the importance of facial expressions is mentioned, and the paragraph concludes with the fourth tip: the power of sincere compliments. The speaker explains that compliments are rare and can leave a lasting impression, influencing behavior. The concept of praising qualities you want to see grow in others is introduced, and the difference between flattery and honest appreciation is discussed. The paragraph ends with a promotion for a coaching program called 'Metamorphic' and a call to action for viewers to apply for it.

Keywords

💡Overthinking

Overthinking refers to the excessive analysis or rumination on a situation, often leading to negative outcomes such as anxiety or inaction. In the video, overthinking is depicted as a common social barrier that can hinder one's ability to connect with others naturally. The speaker mentions that overthinking can make social interactions worse, as it often leads to self-doubt and a focus on oneself rather than on the other person.

💡Charisma

Charisma is a personal quality that makes someone naturally attractive, charming, or influential. The video discusses how charisma can be perceived as a desirable trait in social settings, with the speaker contrasting the pressure to be 'interesting' with the more effective approach of being genuinely interested in others.

💡Being Interested

Being interested, as opposed to trying to be interesting, is a social strategy highlighted in the video. It involves showing genuine curiosity and care for others by asking questions and listening attentively. The video suggests that this approach can lead to stronger connections and more positive social experiences, as it makes others feel valued and heard.

💡Detachment

Detachment, in the context of the video, refers to the practice of not being overly attached to outcomes or results in social interactions. The speaker emphasizes the importance of being genuinely interested in others without the ulterior motive of winning their approval or affection. This concept is linked to Eastern self-development ideas and is presented as a way to maintain authenticity in social engagements.

💡Names

The power of using someone's name is a recurring theme in the video. It is presented as a simple yet effective way to show respect and personal attention. The speaker suggests that remembering and using people's names can significantly enhance social interactions, as it makes individuals feel recognized and important.

💡Resting Bitch Face (RBF)

Resting Bitch Face (RBF) is a term used to describe a neutral facial expression that may be perceived as unfriendly or stern. The video addresses this concept by suggesting that a simple smile can transform one's approachability and warmth in social situations. The speaker uses this term to illustrate the impact of non-verbal communication on how others perceive us.

💡Compliments

Compliments are positive remarks that express praise or admiration. The video discusses the power of compliments in social dynamics, noting that they can leave a lasting impression and motivate people to live up to the positive traits they are recognized for. The speaker differentiates between insincere flattery and genuine, sincere appreciation.

💡Recognition

Recognition is the act of acknowledging or identifying someone's presence, achievements, or qualities. In the video, recognition is tied to the human desire for validation and the importance of appreciating others. The speaker suggests that offering recognition can foster positive relationships and motivate individuals to maintain or improve the traits they are praised for.

💡Consistency

Consistency refers to the state of being stable and unchanging over time. The video touches on the idea that people strive to remain consistent with the identity they have formed in their minds. This concept is used to explain why compliments and positive reinforcement can be powerful, as they align with an individual's self-image and encourage them to act in ways that uphold that image.

💡Metamorphic

Metamorphic, in the context of the video, refers to a personal development program mentioned by the speaker. It represents a process of transformation and self-improvement, where individuals shed off layers of old habits or beliefs to reveal a more authentic and improved version of themselves. The speaker uses this term to invite viewers to participate in a coaching program that aims to facilitate such personal growth.

Highlights

The frustration of being in your own head can negatively impact social life.

A century-old book provides a roadmap to make people like you in 10 minutes.

Being interested in others rather than trying to be interesting is a practical tip for social success.

The pressure to be the performer in social situations can be counterproductive.

Dale Carnegie's advice on being interested in others can help make more friends.

Detachment from outcomes is important when applying social principles.

The power of remembering and using someone's name is emphasized.

The 'three for three' rule for remembering names in social interactions.

Using someone's name can break rapport if overused.

Smiling can make one appear more approachable and warm.

The importance of effort in social interactions and the impact it has on attracting people.

Compliments are memorable and can influence behavior.

Sincere appreciation can lead to people living up to a fine reputation.

Praising qualities you want to see grow in relationships.

The difference between flattery and sincere appreciation.

The book's big ideas are still relevant and practical today.

Metamorphic coaching program for personal growth and self-improvement.

The importance of effort in personal development and shedding off layers to reveal one's true self.

Transcripts

we've all been there i know you felt it

at a party maybe you felt it on a date

maybe it's even preventing you from

crushing it at work that frustration of

being in your own head i don't know what

to say do people even like me how is

that guy so charismatic you start

overthinking everything does that make

your social life better no makes it

worse but what if i told you there was a

road map to get people to like you in

literally 10 minutes despite this book

being almost a century old yes a hundred

years 36 is when it was written damn do

these ideas hold up more than ever i'm

going to share with you four of the most

practical tips things that you can

literally walk away from this video and

start using in your social situations

people are going to be like something

about that guy here's the first point

picture this you're at a party and you

have two conversations conversation

number one you get cornered with a woman

who won't stop talking she literally

won't shut up doesn't matter what you

say doesn't matter you trying to give

cues that you want to leave she'll find

a way to turn every single conversation

or talking point back onto her you just

got back from a vacation well i'm going

on vacation next month let me tell you

all about it that's so cool you just got

a new job so do my friend and

now your second conversation of that

night goes a little different they're

asking you the questions they're

laughing at your jokes seems like they

actually pay attention to you and care

what did person number two do they used

what dale carnegie calls being

interested

not trying to be interesting early 20s i

was learning a lot of pickup game and

how to talk to women it was literally

like really poorly recorded videos of 45

year old dudes trying to teach you magic

tricks being like this is how you get

girls this is how you be interesting i

never learned any of the magic tricks so

i can't say if they worked or not but

what i do remember is there was a lot of

pressure pressure being the performer

and it turned every social situation

into like this performance of you have

to win people over by being the most

interesting and having the life of like

the dos equis man most interesting man

in the world if you just become

interested in people and you start

asking them questions and you kind of

turn on them and you actually care you

listen empathetically it's almost a

surefire way if someone goes up to them

at the end of the day they're gonna be

like i like that dude that girl listened

to me she's cool there's a quote that

dale carnegie says he says you can make

more friends in two months by becoming

interested in other people than you can

in two years by trying to get other

people interested in you one caveat here

it's very very very very very important

it's more of an eastern self-development

idea that we talk about on this channel

of detachment okay detaching from

outcomes and how that you shouldn't do

this principle as a way or a gimmick or

a trick to get the girl in the bar to

pay attention to you and like if you're

doing that they can sense it the

intention behind that is almost a

neediness i'm gonna use this principle

to get them to like me yeah you want

them to like you sure but you don't need

anything right it's obvious when a guy

is just talking to a woman and they just

want to sleep with them and they're

acting really interested that's so crazy

you eat pineapples on pizza me too it

kind of defeats the whole purpose the

second big idea you ever heard someone

and they're like oh i'm so bad with

names what does that even mean you're

just so unimportant to me that i won't

even take the half calorie energy

expenditure it takes to know your name

screaming i don't care in leadership

development they drill this into you

the power of someone's name

really think about that it's the one

thing that's unique to you that you've

been called your entire life even dogs

know their own name bill carnegie

famously said remember that someone's

name is the sweetest sound but what do

you do if you are actually bad with

names i got some tips for you i call

this the three for three rule make a

goal to say someone's name three times

in the first three minutes of meeting

what's your name justin cool nice to

meet you justin it's clark so justin

where are you from boom right there

three times tip number two there's

nothing worse than meeting someone

forgetting their name and then having to

meet them again and be like what's your

name oh it's oh yeah okay oh yeah we met

before we're gonna break rapport a bit

so what you do learn this from a

hollywood social coach don't worry not

the magician pickup artist you say good

to see you

not nice to meet you nice to meet you

dude we already met good to see you this

works super well if you're going out if

you're being social at parties or bars

or meeting people for the first time if

you just take this little extra effort

of knowing people's names and

remembering it and calling them that

they're gonna like it but not if you

overuse it

okay this is the biggest warning

it is creepy if you just call them their

name every single time i get it you

learn this tip and you're like hell yeah

clark i'm gonna use this get everyone to

like me and if all you have is a hammer

everything kind of looks like a nail

don't overuse this justin how's it going

justin listen justin i was thinking

later justin you and i justin justin

will ask what drugs you're on probably

never want to talk to you again remember

that a person's name is the sweetest

sound to them tip number three i was

told once that i had resting face

you ever heard that term i'll show you

look this is me literally completely

relaxed and focused now if you've never

seen me before and we're strangers is

this a face that like that's warm if we

were having a conversation would you

feel safe opening up why is this guy

gonna mug me in two seconds but what's

crazy is like that's me completely

relaxed and focused and there's nothing

wrong versus if i have just a slight

smile on and i'm nodding my head a few

times see how much more approachable and

warm that is what's the difference

smiling that's how you cure the rbf

smiling a bit more dale carnegie quote

the expression one wears on one's face

is far more important than the clothes

that wear on one's back even when you're

on the phone with people you can tell if

they're smiling or not can't you now

some people argue with this like why am

i gonna smile when i'm not actually

happy or if i'm like mad or you know i'm

not feeling it i want to be real like i

want my vibe to just like keep it real

and look i'm not saying be a fake person

i'm not saying like smile and laugh like

you're live in the suburbs and someone's

coming over for cheese board and wine

night but what i am saying is put some

effort into it that's i think the

biggest takeaway from this book effort

goes a long way so if you don't like the

social interactions you're having right

now if you want them to be better you're

gonna have to change things and that

doesn't have to be huge it doesn't have

to be fake but maybe being open to

trying things a different way and if you

don't smile you're gonna act pissed off

and hard to be around guess who you're

gonna attract like attracts like is that

a circle you want a bunch of people who

sit around complaining that sounds great

i don't think that is cause that's why

you're watching this video so put some

damn effort into it and smile and the

fourth big idea i was watching a

comedian come up on tick tock it said

women if you give guys a compliment

they will remember that for the rest of

their lives because guys get so few but

careful what you compliment them on

because it's gonna stick you say his

jeans make him look good he's gonna wear

those jeans every day and never wash

them for the next two years the point is

that compliments are kind of few and far

between these days and in here dale

carnegie says that even if you have to

have a difficult conversation with

someone that you should begin with

honest and sincere appreciation that

people are dying for recognition you

could even argue that's why we're so

self-obsessed we post photos for

validation that part of human psychology

will never change everyone loves

recognition everyone loves a good job a

pat on the back being acknowledged you

know what i like about you no one's ever

gonna say dude shut up yeah i don't care

most people will be on the edge of their

seat dale carnegie says in leadership

that you should give people a fine

reputation to live up to human beings

have a need to remain consistent with

the identity that they create in their

head if you say i am a runner you're

going to get up every morning and you're

going to run even if you're on vacation

because you are that i am extremely

disciplined that wasn't a trait i always

had but in college someone told me clark

you're extremely disciplined that

appreciation stuck with me and to this

day i view myself as someone who can

cultivate discipline there's also a

relationship tip which is praising the

qualities you want to see grow you want

your partner to do the dishes compliment

them when they do the dishes you want

your partner to give you back rubs

compliment how good they are at giving

back rubs not criticizing when they

don't or nitpicking when they do now i

know what you're thinking clark isn't

this just like flattery and telling

blowing smoke up people's ass there's a

difference between flattering

appreciation

honest and sincere appreciation that's

what we're asking for here people are

going to pick up when it's honest and

sincere too and look guys this can be

simple you don't have to pause someone

in the middle of a workday and tell them

why you agree with their values and you

can see their hearts and it's shining

through their like no these are little

things that go so far you know what's

nice

not having two-minute sponsorships on

these videos isn't that kind of nice i

don't have to sell you moisturizing

creams or websites or socks nothing

wrong with them but it's because i

self-sponsor these videos we have a

coaching program it's called metamorphic

the whole point is to design and create

and help you

shed off the layers of what i call this

2.0 version of okay we're acting as if

it's kind of fake fake it till you make

it all the self-improvement advice can

be confusing and overwhelming i don't

buy that i believe that you already have

that 2.0 version of you deep down inside

that we just got to shut off some layers

that aren't really you and let go of

some old stories and baggage how much

more energy are you gonna have you're

gonna have a lot and so that's what we

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that i know you'll love so if you want

to hear more about that and you're ready

to like make these youtube videos out

there i mean i love them but sometimes

they can be entertainment not education

and if you feel like you're in the same

spot you were 12 months ago what's going

to change what's going to be that thing

that gets you to the next level

so if you're really ready for a

challenge you want the next 12 months to

be different than the last apply down

below there's a coach one of our coaches

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you through some details and see if it's

a good fit for you absolute legend of a

book just chock full of big ideas and if

you're someone who does like these types

of videos where we're talking about

books and big ideas i'll link up here

the five books you should read this year

that changed my life i know you'll love

one two three in here and get something

out of it so go watch that now it's a

perfect follow-up i'll see you there