Repressed Anger | What It Looks Like & How To Cope
Summary
TLDRDieses Video skizziert, warum Menschen oft ihren Zorn unterdrücken und welche Folgen dies hat. Es zeigt, wie frühkindliche Erfahrungen und gesellschaftliche Erwartungen das Ausdrücken von Zorn beeinflussen. Der Therapeut, der das Video präsentiert, diskutiert die Bedeutung von Zorn als normalem Gefühl und wie man es angemessen ausdrücken kann, anstatt es zu unterdrücken. Er betont die Notwendigkeit, eigene Bedürfnisse zu akzeptieren und sie durch beherzte Kommunikation und klare Grenzen zu verteidigen. Das Video bietet nützliche Strategien, um passive und aggressive Verhaltensweisen zu vermeiden und stattdessen eine ausgewogene, respektvolle Art zu kommunizieren.
Takeaways
- 😀 Manche Menschen unterdrücken ihren Zorn, weil sie sich dessen bewusst sind oder weil sie aufgefordert wurden, dies zu tun.
- 🤔 Es gibt Menschen, die behaupten, nie wütend zu sein, und andere, die sich dessen bewusst sind und es unterdrücken.
- 😡 Wenn Therapeuten mit Menschen arbeiten, die Zorn unterdrücken, kann dies zu einer starken Empathie führen, wobei der Therapeut das Gefühl des Zorns für den Patienten empfindet.
- 🔥 Zorn ist eine normale Emotion, die oft mit vielen zugrunde liegenden Ursachen, Ausdrucksformen und Temperamenten einhergeht.
- 🏠 Die Gesellschaft ist oft schlecht darin, Zorn zu verstehen und effektiv zu behandeln, und viele Menschen wurden mit der Vorstellung aufgewachsen, dass Zorn schlecht ist.
- 👪 Die familiäre Erziehung und kulturellen Erwartungen beeinflussen, wie wir mit Zorn umgehen, oft in unterschiedlichen Weisen für Männer und Frauen sowie für verschiedene Kulturen.
- 🚫 Wenn Menschen aufgewachsen sind, in einer Umgebung, in der Zorn nicht ausgedrückt wurde oder nur von bestimmten Familienmitgliedern ausgedrückt wurde, kann dies zu einer Neigung führen, Zorn zu unterdrücken.
- 🗣️ Die Fähigkeit, behauptungskräftige Sprache zu verwenden, ist ein Mittel, um Zorn effektiv auszudrücken und Konflikte zu vermeiden.
- 💡 Durch die Verwendung behauptungskräftiger Kommunikation und die Einhaltung von Grenzen können Menschen ihre Bedürfnisse besser artikulieren und positivere Ergebnisse erzielen.
- 🔄 Es gibt eine positive Rückkopplung, wenn man lernt, behauptungskräftig auszudrücken: Man erhält bessere Reaktionen und kann so seine Beziehungen verbessern.
- 🔗 Die Fähigkeit, Grenzen zu setzen und sie durchzusetzen, ist entscheidend für die Behauptung von Bedürfnissen und die Vermeidung von Zornunterdrückung.
Q & A
Warum könnte jemand seine Wut unterdrücken?
-Jemand könnte seine Wut unterdrücken, weil er in einer Familie aufwuchs, in der er entweder nicht erlaubt wurde, Wut auszudrücken, oder weil er beobachtete, dass jemand anderes in der Familie Wut in einer zerstörerischen Weise ausdrücken konnte.
Was sind mögliche Folgen, wenn man seine Wut unterdrückt?
-Unterdrückte Wut kann zu Gesundheitproblemen führen und dazu führen, dass man sich schlecht behandelt, indem man seine Bedürfnisse ignoriert oder nicht durchsetzen kann.
Wie unterscheidet sich aggressives Verhalten von assertivem Verhalten?
-Aggressives Verhalten ist oftmals respektlos und kann andere bedrohen oder herabwürdigen, während assertives Verhalten respektvoll ist und auf eine Lösung ausgerichtet ist, die den Bedürfnissen aller Beteiligten gerecht wird.
Was ist ein Beispiel für assertiven Ausdruck in einer Konfliktsituation?
-Ein Beispiel für einen assertiven Ausdruck könnte sein, wenn man in einem Geschäft wartet und zwei Mitarbeiter sich nicht um die Kunden kümmern. Ein assertiver Ausdruck könnte darin bestehen, zum Kassierer zu gehen und um Hilfe zu bitten oder den Manager zu bitten, eine weitere Kasse zu öffnen.
Wie kann man seine Bedürfnisse respektvoll und effektiv artikulieren?
-Man kann seine Bedürfnisse respektvoll artikulieren, indem man assertives Sprachgebrauch verwendet, um klar und respektvoll Anfragen zu stellen, ohne andere herabzuwürdigen oder zu bedrohen.
Was ist der Unterschied zwischen passivem und passive-aggressivem Verhalten?
-Passives Verhalten bedeutet, dass man seine Gefühle oder Bedürfnisse nicht mitteilt, während passive-aggressives Verhalten darin besteht, indirekte oder versteckte Formen der Rache oder des Ausdrucks von Unmut zu verwenden.
Warum ist es wichtig, Grenzen zu setzen und durchzusetzen?
-Es ist wichtig, Grenzen zu setzen und durchzusetzen, um sicherzustellen, dass man respektiert wird und seine Bedürfnisse beachtet werden. Ohne klare Grenzen kann es schwierig sein, ein gesundes und zufriedenstellendes soziales Umfeld zu schaffen.
Wie kann man lernen, seine Wut nicht zu unterdrücken, sondern konstruktiv auszudrücken?
-Man kann lernen, seine Wut konstruktiv auszudrücken, indem man assertives Kommunikationstraining durchführt, sich mit seinen Emotionen auseinandersetzt und sich bewusst wird, dass es in Ordnung ist, Wut zu empfinden und sie in einem respektvollen und effektiven Weg auszudrücken.
Was sind mögliche Ursachen für das Unterdrücken von Wut in der Gesellschaft?
-Mögliche Ursachen für das Unterdrücken von Wut in der Gesellschaft können kulturelle Erwartungen, familiäre Erziehung und die Art sein, wie Wut in der Gesellschaft wahrgenommen und behandelt wird.
Was ist ein Beispiel für passives Verhalten, wenn es um das Ausdrücken von Wut geht?
-Ein Beispiel für passives Verhalten könnte sein, wenn man sich über die Musiklautstärke eines Kollegen im Büro ärgert, aber nichts sagt, um seine Unzufriedenheit zu verbergen und seine Wut zu unterdrücken.
Outlines
😡 'Unterdrückter Zorn' und seine Ursprünge
Der erste Absatz behandelt das Phänomen des unterdrückten Zorns und wie es entsteht. Es wird beschrieben, dass Menschen, die ihren Zorn unterdrücken, entweder sich dessen bewusst sind oder es von anderen erfahren haben. Der Therapeut, der das Skript geschrieben hat, teilt seine Erfahrungen mit, wie er sowohl Menschen mit offensichtlichem als auch mit verstecktem Zorn begegnet ist. Er betont, dass Zorn eine legitime Emotion ist und dass die Gesellschaft oft nicht gut darin ist, mit Zorn umzugehen. Der Therapeut erklärt, dass Zorn unterdrückt wird, weil er als Kind in einer Familie aufwuchs, in der entweder Zorn nicht akzeptiert wurde oder nur von bestimmten Familienmitgliedern ausgedrückt wurde. Dies führt dazu, dass manche Menschen lernen, ihre Bedürfnisse für unerwünscht zu halten und Zorn als ein negatives Gefühl zu betrachten.
🗣️ 'Behauptungskräfte stärken' durch beharrliche Kommunikation
Der zweite Absatz konzentriert sich auf die Rolle beharrlicher Kommunikation und die Bedeutung von Behauptungskräften im Zusammenhang mit unterdrücktem Zorn. Der Therapeut gibt Beispiele dafür, wie man beharrlich kommunizieren kann, ohne aggressive oder passive Sprache zu verwenden. Er erzählt eine Geschichte aus dem Supermarkt, in der er auf eine Gruppe von Mitarbeitern aufmerksam wurde, die sich nicht um die Kunden kümmerten. Statt aggressiv zu reagieren, schlägt er vor, wie man beharrlich und respektvoll um Unterstützung bitten kann. Der Therapeut betont, dass beharrliche Kommunikation dazu beiträgt, Grenzen einzuhalten und dass es wichtig ist, zu lernen, wie man beharrlich kommuniziert, um positive Ergebnisse zu erzielen und eine bessere Arbeitsumgebung zu schaffen.
🎧 'Grenzen setzen und Zorn effektiv ausdrücken'
Der dritte Absatz thematisiert das Setzen von Grenzen und die Auswirkungen auf unterdrückten Zorn. Der Therapeut erklärt, dass das Setzen von Grenzen und die Verwendung beharrlicher Sprache dazu beitragen, Zorn effektiver auszudrücken und dass dies zu einer positiven Verstärkung führen kann. Er gibt ein Beispiel von einem Büromitarbeiter, der von Musik gestört wird, die von einem Kollegen abgespielt wird, und wie man beharrlich und respektvoll um die Verwendung von Kopfhörern bitten kann. Der Therapeut betont, dass das Setzen von Grenzen und die Verwendung beharrlicher Sprache dazu beitragen, dass andere Menschen deine Bedürfnisse erfüllen können, und dass dies zur Verbesserung der Beziehungen und zur Reduzierung von Konflikten führt.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Unterdrückung von Wut
💡Therapie
💡Gesellschaftliche Erwartungen
💡Behauptungssprache
💡Grenzen
💡Passiv-Aggressiv
💡Bedürfnisse
💡Gesundheitsprobleme
💡Negative Kernüberzeugungen
💡Ausdruck von Wut
Highlights
Therapists observe that some people are aware they repress anger, while others are not.
Repressed anger can lead to explosive outbursts or a constant feeling of seething inside.
Society often conditions individuals to view anger as a negative emotion.
People may repress anger due to upbringing where it was considered bad or not acknowledged.
Cultural and societal expectations can influence how anger is expressed or repressed.
Repression of anger can stem from a belief that one's needs or feelings are not important.
Assertive communication is a healthy way to express anger without being aggressive.
Examples of assertive language are provided to illustrate reasonable expression of needs.
Passive-aggressive language is a common result of repressed anger.
Enforcing boundaries is key to managing anger and ensuring one's needs are met.
Assertive communication can lead to positive outcomes and reinforce healthy behavior.
Repressed anger can become a habit, preventing individuals from speaking up even in safe situations.
Learning to speak up for oneself can empower individuals and improve relationships.
A free PDF is available to help identify negative core beliefs that may contribute to repressed anger.
The importance of addressing repressed anger for personal well-being and healthy relationships is emphasized.
Transcripts
I'm guessing you're here because either
you repress your anger and you are aware
of that or you've been told you've
repressed your anger and you're not
really aware of that but you kind of
want to explore it so in my 20 years as
a therapist working with people who
repress their anger I saw people on both
sides of that I saw people who were like
yep I repressed my anger and it simmers
and it simmers and then sometimes it
explodes or but I never explode there
could be that version or there would
sometimes be people who'd be like no I'm
never angry I'm never angry and usually
with those clients at some point in our
discussion they would be telling me
something and I would realize that I was
seething inside like I was so angry and
I would be like I would be so angry I'm
angry even just listening to this I'm
angry that this happened to you just
listening to it how could you not be
angry and I began to realize that when I
had a client who was like really
repressing an emotion boy boy would I
feel it strongly and that person might
have no connection to that feeling of
anger all right we're going to talk
about why you might repress your anger
where it comes from and what you can do
about it I'm going to throw in why it's
really important to do something about
it anger is not a simple emotion it
comes with many underlying causes
Expressions temperaments but our society
is really bad at understanding anger and
knowing how to address it effectively
most of us are conditioned to think
anger is bad it's a bad thing and if you
grew up thinking anger is a bad thing
you probably don't want to acknowledge
that you feel it and you might repress
it and then you might feel bad about
yourself for feeling it but anger is an
okay emotion and we just I talk about
this in a few of my other anger videos
separating out the feeling of Anger from
what you do with it but let's focus on
the what you do with it being to repress
it okay and just a quick spoiler alert
the solutions to fix this not quick
fixes but it can be done so why do you
repress your anger you probably grew up
in a household where either you were not
allowed to express your anger and
somebody else in the family was allowed
to probably rage they were probably
allowed to express their anger in a
pretty destructive way that's definitely
a setup for growing up and learning
anger is bad or you might have grown up
in a family where nobody's allowed to
express anger whoa that's also a way to
learn hmm anger must be very scary if
not even my parents can deal with it so
those are probably the two situations
you would grow up with and if that's not
the case please do comment below love to
know that and then there's all sorts of
societal and cultural expectations that
impact how we deal with anger you know
men are allowed to be angry in a
different way than women are right and
different cultures have a different
approach so you've got your family
system you've got your original culture
you've got the larger culture all of
these could impact how comfortable you
are with anger so let's say you grew up
in one of those two families either you
weren't allowed to express anger but
somebody else was or nobody was allowed
to express anger my guess is you may
have grown up feeling like you were not
allowed to have needs because our anger
is something that happens when our needs
are ignored or our feelings are hurt
something's unfair and when we're not
allowed to express that and I'm not
saying rage okay I'm simply saying
Express even in a healthy way but we're
not allowed to express hey my needs
aren't being considered here hey this
feels really unfair you know I'm really
hungry and I really need to eat instead
of take care of that we're not allowed
to express that stuff we learn our needs
don't matter I don't matter better maybe
my needs aren't important as other
people's needs so you deserve to feel
your emotions you're allowed to have
needs and now that you're no longer
growing up dependent in a family system
you can begin to give yourself what you
need and to help those around you give
you what you need by being more
comfortable with the fact that you're
allowed to have needs it's okay and
having needs means once in a while you
might feel angry if somebody else is
asserting their needs or wants over
yours it's gonna happen but it can be
navigated without huge amounts of
conflict or huge amounts of like ah out
there anger so you might be listening to
this thinking what does it even look
like to have a reasonable expression of
your needs so I'm going to give you a
couple of examples and these examples
will utilize assertive language now
lessons people hear assertive language
and in their head they're thinking
aggressive but it's very different so
there's aggressive language they there's
assertive there's passive and then
there's that really tough one passive
aggressive so when we repress our anger
we probably do use passive aggressive
language or we may be using a lot of
passive language or if we repress
repress and then explode we use all the
passive language until we're ready to
get aggressive assertive is the middle
ground most effective way to communicate
so I'm going to share an example that
happened to me relatively recently I
think it's a pretty common example that
you will be able to relate to but let's
say you're in a grocery store and the
line is really long to check out and
you're feeling a little bit stressed and
very annoyed and you notice there's two
employees like over that away chatting
with one another laughing joking not
working and you're watching the person
who's doing the checkout at your line
working really hard trying to go really
fast and you're like looking at the
checkout person looking at the employees
not paying attention I'm a business
person so my main goes to like where's
the manager and this isn't helpful for
the store and it isn't helpful for the
people in line and it's not helpful for
the person who's working so hard at the
checkout my response is to either go to
the help desk at the supermarket and say
hey do you think you could open another
line or I might say to the person who's
working so hard trying to check
everybody out even though I know it's a
little bit of an extra burden for her
but like hey is it possible to call
somebody else to open another line
that's assertive it's not aggressive
it's not passive passive you just stay
in line you just wait and you might
simmer and seeth aggressive would be
what the f is going on why can't you
guys organize this better and just
screaming you might scream at the person
who is in front of you move faster you
might yell at the checkout person even
if she's working as hard as you can you
might yell at anybody if you have an you
know boom aggressive approach to
expressing your anger but the assertive
approach is like a little bit more like
problem solving you can sort of see a
win-win right and there's not always win
wins but there's a balance it's okay to
be a assertive and in that situation
it's really interesting to me how many
people don't do that so learning
assertive communication is really about
incorporating that feeling of like you
know it's okay if I have needs and wants
and desires and I can balance that with
the needs wants and desires of another
person neither of us has to dominate we
can negotiate and be balanced right and
this leads us to boundaries and by the
way in the boundary program I have I do
a whole module on assertive
communication how to develop it what it
means what phrases to use how to
practice it super important so if you
repress your anger my guess is that you
don't really enforce boundaries you
might try to set boundaries once in a
while and then you're really PO'd that
the other people aren't following them
but you don't take the step of enforcing
it you may not even be sure of what that
means as you begin to practice setting
boundary reason as you begin to practice
assertive communication it can be really
empowering because there's like a
positive Loop that develops if you learn
to express something assertively rather
than passively passive aggressive or
aggressive you get a better response so
let's say you work next to somebody in
an office and they just play their music
and they seem to think everybody wants
to hear this music and you don't want to
hear their music and you might put up
with that and put up with that if you
repress your anger you might just like
maybe initially you're not even aware of
it but over time it just begins to
irritate you more and more and we'll go
through three options here let's say you
never say anything all right you're
going to be repressing anger which
actually causes health problems which is
what I wanted to talk about why it's
important to get over repressing your
anger but anyway you'll probably just
keep repressing your anger forever but
you'll be passive you won't say anything
another option might be that you repress
repress ignore ignore seize why don't
they know why how could they impose on
the rest of us how could they think
think that this is okay how did they
grow up they didn't grow up well right
and good there's a whole story and
eventually you blow up you scream at the
person you might call them names you
might tell them they're selfish you
might ask them who brought them up and
make derogatory comments yeah that's not
gonna do anything great for the working
relationship maybe the person will put
their earphones on but it's not really
gonna help the work environment right
the other option is to be like you know
I really have a hard time concentrating
with music and I'm wondering if you'd be
able to use headphones you have a
co-workers play music you don't want to
hear make the request you're not
imposing your will they could say no
you're not being aggressive you're not
putting them down for doing it you're
simply saying you know for me to
concentrate really be helpful to not
have the music playing do you mind
wearing headphones that would be
assertive language and I guarantee that
is the most likely to get a positive
result so if you use that language you
get a positive result the person puts
their headphones on wow that was an easy
solution that becomes very reinforcing
so that's why understanding your
boundaries and understand your
boundaries is tied to the others is
about knowing it's okay to have needs
and wants knowing how to use that
assertive language and then making the
request and I had an interesting
question recently actually from somebody
who is taking my boundary course about
kind of questioned like what's the first
step and if the first step is making a
request is that a boundary and sort of
yes right making the request boundaries
don't have to start off with boom you
have to do this you're crossing my
boundary by having that music playing
now just treat the other person like
they're a decent human being you're a
decent human being it's an I'm okay and
you're okay approach to boundaries you
make the request if the other person is
reasonable they adapt and the other
person is not reasonable much more
complicated I got a ton of videos on
boundaries toxic people toxic situations
another thing to look at but one reason
I'm talking about this now with regard
to the repressed anger is that your
repressed anger has become a habit so
you are not speaking up even in those
situations where it's safe to do so
because you've learned that you don't
have that right so I'm not saying that
every situation can be solved with
assertive language and boundaries and
everything always works out no not
saying that at all but if you have a
habitual pattern of not speaking up for
yourself you're not even giving other
people the chance to meet your needs
you're not giving your close friends
Partners the chance to make you happy
which other people sometimes do want to
do so learning to speak up for yourself
sort of language boundaries hope this is
helpful I do have a free pdf which might
help identify what that negative core
belief is that's kind of keeping you
from speaking up for yourself or keeping
you feeling unsafe safe keeping you
dealing with emotions by repressing them
it's called transform your negative core
beliefs link will be in the description
I've heard from many people super
helpful if you like this video give me a
like and I'll see you next week
foreign
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