The Problem With Most Dating Advice For Men - Dan Bilzerian

Summary

The video script delves into common misconceptions that hinder men in attracting women, emphasizing that external factors like wealth or appearance are less influential than one might think. The speaker advocates for a shift in mindset from chasing to being pursued, suggesting that when a woman is interested in a man, his flaws become less noticeable. He also discusses the importance of not over-communicating interest and being discerning in interactions. The speaker shares personal experiences and insights, including the value of not just focusing on physical appearance and the power dynamics in social interactions.

Takeaways

• 🚫 Limiting beliefs, such as thinking one is not attractive due to height or wealth, are common but unfounded assumptions that can hold men back in attracting women.
• 🔄 The dynamic of attraction changes significantly when a woman is pursuing a man versus when a man is pursuing a woman; flaws become less noticeable in the former scenario.
• 🔍 It's crucial for men to look beyond physical appearance and to engage in deeper conversations to truly understand a woman's character and qualities.
• 💬 Over-communicating interest early in an interaction can put women in a position to reject, which is often the default response when they feel pressured to make a decision.
• 🎯 Men should aim to be discerning and challenging in their interactions, rather than simply being 'nice', which can come off as insincere or desperate.
• 🤔 The idea of 'being yourself' is nuanced; it's important to present the best version of yourself, not just any version, when interacting with someone you're interested in.
• 💡 A strategic approach to initiating conversation involves asking unique questions that stand out and don't immediately communicate romantic interest.
• 🗣️ The way you communicate is as important as what you say; even a simple question can lead to a meaningful conversation if delivered with confidence and genuine interest.
• 👤 Understanding the mindset of someone who is often pursued, like a 'hot girl' or a famous person, can provide insight into how to approach interactions without being cliché or overly eager.
• 💼 The principles discussed can be applied broadly to various aspects of life, such as sales, negotiation, and business, where the person who can walk away holds the power.

Q & A

What are some common limiting beliefs that men have about attracting women?

Men often have limiting beliefs such as thinking they are not attractive enough because they are not tall or rich, which are perceived as barriers to attracting women.

How does the speaker suggest that external factors like wealth or physical attributes do not necessarily attract women?

The speaker uses the example of Bill, who had all the things men think they need to attract women, including being on a deserted island with 36-year-olds, yet still failed to attract them, proving that these factors are not as crucial as believed.

What is the main difference between pursuing a woman and having her pursue you, according to the speaker?

When a woman is pursuing a man, the man's flaws disappear, and the woman's flaws magnify. Conversely, when a man pursues a woman, he tends to focus on her flaws, which can hinder the attraction.

Why does the speaker argue that men should not overcommunicate their interest in women?

Overcommunicating interest can put women in a position where they feel they must accept or reject the man, and rejection often becomes the default response.

What is the speaker's advice for men who want to approach a woman they are attracted to?

Men should not start the interaction by overcommunicating interest. Instead, they should engage in a conversation without immediately expressing their desire, and be discerning and challenging.

How does the speaker recommend men to show interest in women without being overly eager?

Men should change their default setting from being overly nice to being challenging. They should ask questions, dig deeper, and show interest in a way that does not put the woman on the spot to accept or reject them.

What is the 'chasing versus choosing' paradigm mentioned by the speaker?

The 'chasing versus choosing' paradigm refers to the dynamic where men who chase women often face rejection, while women who have the choice to pursue men are more likely to be successful because they are not seen as desperate.

How does the speaker suggest men should approach giving compliments to women?

Men should give compliments on something unique about the woman that she has earned, rather than just commenting on her looks, which she has likely heard many times before.

What insight did the speaker gain from becoming famous that relates to understanding the mindset of attractive women?

The speaker realized that being famous is similar to being an attractive woman in that both experience forced interactions and hear the same generic compliments repeatedly, leading to a desire for more genuine and unique interactions.

Why does the speaker compare the interaction between men and women to a poker game?

The comparison to a poker game illustrates that revealing too much too soon, like showing all your cards, can lead to a loss of power and interest, as it does in both poker and dating scenarios.