"How We've Been Misled by 'Emotional Intelligence'" | Kris Girrell | TEDxNatick

Summary

In this talk, the speaker explores the concept of emotional intelligence, particularly in the context of leadership. He recounts his experience creating a 'periodic table of emotions' to engage a group of highly intelligent but emotionally binary individuals. The speaker then delves into a personal journey through grief and loss, culminating in 'The Dark Night of the Soul,' a transformative period that opened him up to a deeper emotional understanding. He argues that true emotional intelligence is not just about recognizing and categorizing emotions, but about achieving emotional intimacy, which fosters genuine connection and compassion.

Takeaways

• 🧠 The idea of communicating through equations was introduced as an ineffective method for emotional communication, highlighting the importance of emotional cues in human interaction.
• 🌟 Emotional intelligence is crucial for leadership, but it's not innate for everyone, suggesting that it can be learned and developed.
• 📚 The speaker's journey began with writing a book about long-term married men, which hinted at a lack of emotional tools in many individuals.
• 🔬 The exploration of 'The Dark Night of the Soul', a theological concept representing a crisis of faith or meaning, was connected to emotional upheaval.
• 💊 The pharmaceutical firm's senior R&D managers, all highly intelligent, needed to learn emotional intelligence to transition into leadership roles effectively.
• 📊 The creation of a 'Periodic Table of Human Emotions' was a creative approach to engage emotionally binary individuals in a scientific community.
• 😅 The speaker humorously assigned atomic weights and symbols to emotions, making the concept of emotional intelligence more accessible and less intimidating.
• 💔 Personal experiences of grief and loss triggered the speaker's 'Dark Night of the Soul', leading to a profound emotional awakening.
• 🤝 Emotional intimacy, not just intelligence, is key to forming deep connections and understanding others on a profound level.
• 🌐 The speaker concludes that emotional intimacy has the power to change the world for the better, making us more compassionate and connected.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the transcript?

The main theme of the transcript is the exploration of emotional intelligence and the importance of emotional intimacy in personal and professional relationships, emphasizing the transformative power of experiencing and understanding emotions deeply.

Why did the author create a periodic table of human emotions?

The author created a periodic table of human emotions as a tool to facilitate a conversation about emotions with a group of senior R&D managers who were not accustomed to discussing emotions and to make the topic more approachable and engaging for them.

What is the 'Dark Night of the Soul' mentioned in the transcript?

The 'Dark Night of the Soul' refers to a period of deep emotional and existential crisis where one's previously held beliefs and understandings no longer provide comfort or explanation for their current situation, often leading to profound personal transformation.

How does the author describe the emotional state of the R&D managers he worked with?

The author describes the R&D managers as 'emotionally binary,' meaning they could only express their emotions in very basic terms like 'good' or 'bad,' and they were not adept at recognizing or managing more complex emotional states.

What was the author's strategy to help the R&D managers understand different emotional states?

The author's strategy was to introduce a playful and scientific-sounding 'periodic table of human emotions' to help the R&D managers differentiate between various emotional states and to encourage them to engage in discussions about emotions.

What personal experiences did the author share that led to his own emotional awakening?

The author shared experiences of losing his best friend, a team member's death, and the closure of an early childhood education center he was running due to lack of teachers. These events collectively triggered his 'Dark Night of the Soul,' leading to a profound emotional awakening.

How does the author define compassion in the context of the 'Dark Night of the Soul'?

In the context of the 'Dark Night of the Soul,' the author defines compassion as the ability to suffer with and bear another person's feelings, which is born out of personal grief and emotional openness.

What is the significance of the 'hole in the chest' mentioned by the author?

The 'hole in the chest' is a metaphor for the author's emotional vulnerability and openness that resulted from his 'Dark Night of the Soul.' It signifies a deep connection to his emotions and the empathy he gained for others.

Why does the author suggest that 'emotional intelligence' might be better described as 'emotional intimacy'?

The author suggests that 'emotional intelligence' might be better described as 'emotional intimacy' because it's not just about recognizing and understanding emotions but also about deeply connecting with oneself and others on an emotional level.

What is the author's final message about the impact of emotional intimacy on the world?

The author's final message is that if everyone could learn and practice emotional intimacy, the world would be a better place, and each person would become a blessing to everyone they meet.