10 Life Lessons that Most People Don't Want You to Know – Jordan Peterson

Summary

The transcript emphasizes the importance of self-discipline and pushing personal limits to achieve a fulfilling life. It discusses the balance between work and socialization, the need to take calculated risks, and the dangers of complacency. The speaker also touches on the psychological impact of weakness and the value of facing one's fears and challenges. The narrative advocates for setting and pursuing meaningful goals, integrating one's 'shadow' to understand human nature, and the pursuit of a balanced emotional life.

Takeaways

• 🚀 Push yourself beyond your comfort zone to discover your true limits and capabilities.
• ⏱️ Assess your work capacity—whether you can work 12, 8, or even 3 hours a day—and find a sustainable balance.
• 🔍 Understand that there's a balance between discipline and enjoyment in life, and that pushing beyond your current state can lead to triumph.
• 👥 Recognize the importance of socialization and how it can impact your personal growth and the quality of your relationships.
• 💼 If you hate your job, consider the risks of staying versus the risks of seeking new opportunities; sometimes the latter can lead to personal growth.
• 🌱 Embrace the idea that life is about constant improvement, and that you're here to be more than you were before.
• 🔐 Develop self-respect by acknowledging your capacity for strength and danger, and then choosing to control those aspects of yourself.
• 🧗‍♂️ Life is about climbing uphill; it's the struggle that gives us value and leads to positive emotions and personal growth.
• 🏞️ Pursue a life with a horizon of expanding possibilities rather than settling for a stagnant, aimless existence.
• 🔮 It's crucial to have a vision for different aspects of your life, including relationships, career, and personal development.

Q & A

What does the speaker suggest as a method to discover one's limits?

The speaker suggests pushing oneself beyond the current limits of tolerance to discover where the true limits are. This involves questioning how much work one can do, how disciplined one can become, and finding the optimal sustainable point.

How does the speaker view the instinct to go out and do more?

The speaker views the instinct to go out and do more as a natural drive, but notes that it is often unregulated and not as self-conscious as it could be. It's a good instinct to be aware of and to use as a goal to push oneself to discover limitations.

What does the speaker recommend when friends get in the way of self-improvement?

The speaker recommends identifying such friends as not truly supportive and suggests that it's not only possible but advisable to let them go, as their aim to pull one down is detrimental.

Why does the speaker suggest that risks are a part of life?

The speaker suggests that risks are a part of life because there is no secure path forward. He emphasizes that risks are everywhere, and one can either confront them or avoid them, but the latter does not eliminate the presence of risk.

What does the speaker mean when he says 'you're screwed no matter what you do'?

The speaker means that everyone faces risks and challenges in life, and there is no way to completely avoid them. It's a way to highlight that every choice involves some level of risk, so one should choose the risks they are willing to take.

Why does the speaker believe that people should push themselves beyond their limits?

The speaker believes that pushing oneself beyond limits is a way to discover one's true capabilities and to become a better, more competent person. It's about self-improvement and the pursuit of personal growth.

What does the speaker think about the idea of living a life with no goals or direction?

The speaker thinks that living a life without goals or direction is dangerous and leads to a state of aimlessness, hopelessness, and anxiety. He argues that having a sense of purpose and direction is essential for a fulfilling life.

What is the speaker's view on the importance of facing one's fears and weaknesses?

The speaker views facing one's fears and weaknesses as crucial for personal development. He believes that understanding and confronting the 'shadow' or the darker aspects of oneself is necessary for self-respect and peace.

Why does the speaker discuss the concept of 'growing teeth' and what does it symbolize?

The speaker discusses 'growing teeth' as a metaphor for developing strength and the capacity for self-defense. It symbolizes the importance of having the power to be dangerous, but choosing not to be, which is a sign of true strength and self-control.

What does the speaker suggest as a starting point for someone who doesn't know what to do with their life?

The speaker suggests starting with a conservative vision that includes having an intimate partner, family, friends, a job or career, and taking care of one's mental and physical health. He also recommends having an educational plan and making productive use of free time.

Outlines

00:00

🚀 Pushing Personal Limits for Growth

This paragraph emphasizes the importance of pushing beyond one's comfort zone to discover personal limits. It discusses the balance between work and socialization, suggesting that individuals should strive to work hard and discipline themselves to achieve more. The speaker encourages finding one's limits and then operating at a sustainable point just beyond that limit. The idea is to continuously push oneself to become better and more competent, even if it means facing risks and discomfort. The speaker also touches on the value of identifying unsupportive friends and the necessity of taking responsibility for one's own life and career, suggesting that facing risks is a part of personal growth and development.

05:03

🌟 The Value of Personal Dignity and Goals

The second paragraph discusses the intrinsic dignity of individuals and the importance of not envying others' apparent success, as it often hides deeper issues. It highlights that one's own life and challenges are enough to provide meaning and purpose. The speaker advocates for setting goals that are challenging and even unattainable, as the pursuit of these goals is what leads to personal growth and the experience of positive emotions. The paragraph also touches on the human tendency to seek improvement and the importance of having a direction in life, warning against the pitfalls of aimlessness and the dangers of unmapped territories, both physically and metaphorically.

10:05

🛡️ Facing the Shadow and Discipline for Enlightenment

This paragraph delves into the concept of facing one's own 'shadow' or darker aspects of personality as part of the path to wisdom and enlightenment. It suggests that understanding the motivations behind perpetrators' actions is crucial for self-knowledge and control. The speaker argues that discipline involves making sacrifices and taking actionable steps towards long-term goals, even if they are not immediately pleasurable. The paragraph also emphasizes the importance of not avoiding challenges and the value of listening to different perspectives, as they can provide opportunities for growth and learning.

15:05

🌱 Creating a Vision for a Fulfilling Life

The final paragraph provides a comprehensive vision for a fulfilling life, covering various aspects such as intimate relationships, family, friendships, career, and personal development. It suggests that even if one does not know what to do with their life, they can start by focusing on these generic areas of human striving. The speaker also discusses the importance of balance between positive and negative emotions, and the need for a conservative vision that includes taking care of one's mental and physical health, planning for education, and making productive use of leisure time. The paragraph concludes by cautioning against the pitfalls of inaction and the importance of hope and pursuit in life.

Keywords

💡Discipline

Discipline refers to the practice of training oneself to behave, think, and act in a particular way, often to achieve a goal or maintain self-control. In the video, discipline is discussed as a crucial component of personal development and the ability to work towards long-term objectives. The speaker suggests that pushing oneself to work for extended periods, like 12 hours a day, can help determine one's limits and foster discipline, which is essential for becoming a better and more competent person.

💡Limits

Limits in this context refer to the boundaries or constraints of one's abilities or tolerance. The video script emphasizes the importance of pushing beyond one's perceived limits to discover true potential. The speaker encourages the audience to find out where their limits are and to work beyond them, suggesting that this process can lead to a sense of triumph and personal growth.

💡Socialization

Socialization is the process of learning the norms, values, and behaviors necessary to function effectively within a society. In the video, the concept is mentioned in relation to finding a balance between work and social interactions. The speaker suggests that while pushing oneself is important, one should also consider the social implications and ensure that their efforts are optimally sustainable.

💡Risk

Risk is the potential for loss or injury, often associated with the uncertainty of outcomes. The video discusses the inevitability of risk in life and the importance of confronting it to achieve personal growth. The speaker argues that while risks are present in any endeavor, one should not avoid them but instead choose the risks they are willing to take, as this is part of the process of becoming stronger and more capable.

💡Weakness

Weakness in this context is the lack of strength or power, whether physical, emotional, or moral. The video script uses the concept of weakness to illustrate the potential negative outcomes of failing to push oneself or taking responsibility. The speaker warns against the dangers of becoming bitter and vengeful due to weakness, advocating instead for the development of strength and self-respect.

💡Self-respect

Self-respect is the feeling of self-worth and the regard for one's own well-being. In the video, self-respect is linked to the ability to be dangerous but choosing not to be, which signifies control and strength. The speaker suggests that growing 'teeth' or developing the capacity for cruelty and then choosing kindness is a better position than being weak and naive, as it allows one to command respect from oneself and others.

💡Shadow

The term 'shadow' in the video refers to the unconscious aspect of the self, which includes repressed or hidden aspects of one's personality. The speaker mentions the concept in relation to Carl Jung's theory of the human psyche, suggesting that integrating one's shadow is necessary for understanding the potential for both good and evil within oneself and others. This understanding is seen as a path to self-knowledge and control.

💡Pursuit

Pursuit in this context means the act of following or striving after something, often a goal or ambition. The video script discusses the importance of having a pursuit to provide hope and direction in life. The speaker argues against doing nothing, as it leads to hopelessness and anxiety, and instead encourages the audience to have a goal or vision to work towards.

💡Enlightenment

Enlightenment here refers to a state of deep understanding or insight, often associated with spiritual or philosophical awakening. The video discusses the path to enlightenment as a challenging one that involves facing and understanding the parts of oneself that are least desirable. The speaker suggests that this process is rarely taken because it requires confronting difficult truths about oneself and others.

💡Educational Plan

An educational plan in the video is a strategy for personal learning and development. The speaker emphasizes the importance of continuous learning, whether it's academic or practical, as a means of self-improvement. The educational plan is presented as a necessary component of a well-rounded life, alongside other aspects such as career, relationships, and personal well-being.

💡Balance

Balance in the video script refers to the state of equilibrium or equal distribution between different aspects of life or different emotional states. The speaker discusses the need for balance between positive and negative emotions, as well as between work and leisure, to maintain mental health and overall well-being. The concept of balance is used to argue against extremes, such as constant impulsive pleasure-seeking or complete avoidance of risk.

Highlights

The importance of pushing oneself beyond limits to discover personal capacity and work discipline.

The concept of finding a balance between pushing oneself and maintaining sustainable effort.

The instinct to go out and do more and the need for self-conscious effort.

The idea of making oneself into a better and more competent person through discipline and fun.

The psychological triumph of pushing oneself to the limit and beyond.

The value of identifying friends who may hinder personal growth.

The risks of staying in a job that one hates versus the risks of seeking new opportunities.

The realization that there's no secure path forward and the ubiquity of risk.

The fear of weakness and its potential to lead to bitterness and cruelty.

The importance of individual dignity and the value of one's own fate.

The necessity of having a goal and the pursuit of it as a source of positive emotion.

The metaphor of life as an uphill climb and the value derived from the effort.

The danger of unmapped territory in life and the metaphor of spiritual predators.

The psychological appeal of anti-heroes and the desire to incorporate the 'monster' within.

The necessity of integrating one's shadow to understand the human capacity for both good and evil.

The importance of discipline and the ability to make sacrifices for long-term goals.

The recommendation to listen to those who annoy us for potential valuable insights.

The capacity of people to overcome challenges and the meaning of life through these struggles.

The conservative vision for life including family, career, and personal development.

The balance between positive and negative emotions and their role in a well-functioning life.

The need for a vision and plan for various aspects of life including relationships, health, and education.

Transcripts

you should push yourself beyond your

limits of tolerance to find out where it

is how much can you work how disciplined

can you become like can you work 12

hours a day can you work 8 hours a day

can you work 3 hours a day like flat out

where's your limit and how much how much

work can you do and how much

socialization you should find out push

yourself past and then back off to to

that point where it's optimally

sustainable it's what they're doing in I

would say in sort of a halfhazard way

right cuz there there's that instinct to

go out there and do more right and but

it's it's unregulated and it's not it's

not as self-conscious as it might be

it's good to know that there's it's good

to think about that as a goal it's like

you're trying to discover what your

limitations are with so you want to make

sure that what you're doing is age

appropriate and you want to push

yourself in every direction that you can

but you should be doing that with an aim

in mind it's like you're trying to make

yourself into a better and more

competent person and so some discipline

along with the fun is a good idea pushes

you beyond what you already are if you

have a choice you know it's not that

uncommon that what we'll do is choose to

be pushed to the Limit especially when

we're at our best we think wow where's

the limit it's here maybe I can manage

that I'm going to push myself right to

the damn limit then I'm going to push

myself a little bit over just to see if

it's possible and and if if that happens

then you know you emerge with a sense of

of Triumph I'm now more than I was right

and maybe that's what you're here to be

is to be more than you were and to push

those limits one of the things I

recommended to people and I've had quite

a few people if you find out that you

can carry a heavy load and take care of

yourself and have a little leftover for

some other people then you can wake up

at 3: in the morning and think well man

I could be

worse if you're trying to get your life

together and your friends get in the way

that's actually real useful for you

because you've now identified who your

friends aren't and you might think well

I can't give them up it's like oh yes

you can and not only can you you should

and it would be better for them because

if they're aiming down and they want you

going down with them there's nothing

good about what's happening to them and

there's certainly nothing good about

that for you you discount the risk of

familiarity I have a job I hate it's

like well yeah but I'm not dying from it

it's like not as bad as it can be so you

factored in the risks already they get

invisible you think well I can't jump

out of this job because what about all

the risk it's like yeah no kidding you

got to make you got to get your resume

in order you got to send it out you got

to send 50 of the damn things out before

anybody will call you back then you have

to go get interviewed and maybe you're

not any good at that you have to come up

with a story while you're a good

employee maybe and maybe you're not yet

so you have to figure out how to do that

it's like what about all these risks if

I go look for a new job it's like yeah

absolutely man those are risks and

they're harsh and no wonder you're

avoiding them what about the risks for

you to stay with this job you absolutely

hate well let's think that through okay

so I have this dead- end job I hate it

I'm getting bitter where where am I

going to be in 5 years I know where cuz

I've watched this with people you're

going to be you're going to be just like

you are now except a lot more of what's

good about you is going to be gone and a

lot more of what's terrible is going to

be Amplified and you're going to be like

in 5 years you're going to be 10 years

older instead of 3 years older and

because it kills your spirit Som oh man

yeah so it's like you think oh my God

there's a terrible risk in pursuing this

new job it's like yeah there is a

terrible risk there's a terrible risk in

you staying with your job right now and

so one of the things that's really

really freeing to understand is that

you're screwed no matter what you do ah

there's no secure path forward give it

up it's risk everywhere oh my God that's

terrible it's like yes except for two

things you can pick your risk that's the

first thing so you get to pick your

poison that's something and second

you're a lot tougher than you think so

even though there's risk everywhere if

you confront it forthrightly what you'll

find is that you can actually handle the

risk and that's the security

why are you afraid of being weak well

it's the weakness that I was referring

to well it's it's fear it's essentially

fear of hell if you make yourself weak

life is very hard if you make yourself

weak and you suffer stupidly because of

it you will become bitter and once you

become bitter you will become vengeful

and after vengeful there is no limit

that's one of the things I learned from

studying totalitarianism in the 20th

century because I studied it from the

psychological perspective I wasn't

interested in the mass movements I was

interested in the motivations of the

crest owitz guard what was he up to

exactly just exactly where did he dwell

and why it's like well weakness made him

suffer stupidly and that made him cruel

and that was just the beginning and so

that weakness that's just if you make

yourself Weak by engaging in deceit if

you fail to take responsibility then you

transform yourself into something that

cannot bear to endure the structure of

existence and you will torture yourself

and and that leads to very bad places

very bad

places you're a young man you see

someone drive by in a Ferrari with a

blonde and you think my God he's got

everything and you know the woman in the

car is a prostitute who's got a cocaine

addiction and her her life is just one

catastrophe after another and he's had

to lie and cheat his way into this

position and he's afraid that

everything's going to come crashing down

on him and that's what you're jealous of

and it's just not that profound you

don't want someone else's fate man your

Fate's enough and your adventure is

enough it's plenty it's more than you

can ever fully realize and so that's

also part of the reason that we all

believe that the individual has some

intrinsic dignity it's don't be so sure

that your position in your room is so

damn trivial might be your attitude

towards it that's trivial and if you're

in Dire Straits and dire circumstances

just look at how much opportunity do you

have to make things better we're built

to walk uphill and when you reach the

Pinnacle of the Hill you want to stop

and appreciate the vision but the next

thing you want is a higher Hill in the

distance because it's the uphill climb

that it's it's from the uphill climb

that we derive our value and I mean this

technically so almost all the positive

emotion we feel especially the emotion

that fills us with enthusiasm and that's

to be filled with the spirit of God by

the way because that's what enthusiasm

means

that's experienced in relationship to a

goal and so in some sense and this is

part of the religious Enterprise you

want a goal that you can never attain

right so you can always move closer to

the goal that recedes as you move

towards it you think well that's

frustrating it's like cifas pushing the

rock uphill but it's not because as you

pursue that goal you put yourself

together and your life does get better

and richer and more abundant that's why

the highest levels of virtue and goal

are in some sense trans descendant you

want them to be above everything you're

doing so you can continually move

towards something that's more Sublime

and better that's what you are you're

you're here to live not to not to sleep

and the problem with the vision of my

Ties on the beach is that well first of

all that's a vision of of drug induced

unconsciousness second it's only going

to work for about a week third you're

going to be a laughing stalk in a month

and depressed and aimless and and

goalless you want a horizon of ever

expanding possibility

if you don't know what you're doing you

don't know where you are and you don't

know where you're going and if you're in

a place where you don't and you don't

know where you are or where you're going

you're in danger because that's unmapped

territory and God only knows what lurks

in unmapped territory and you can think

about that biologically if you're

somewhere you don't understand and you

don't know where you're going well

there's always the possibility of

predation but you can think about

metaphysically too and that's worthwhile

if you're so confused and disoriented

that you don't know where you are or

where you're going there are predators

of the spirit who are much worse than

snakes that are waiting in wait for you

and the probability that you'll move

from aimless hopeless joyless anxiety to

nihilism corrosive bitterness and

genocidal fantasy in the fundamental

stream is very high and so that's

possession by a predator of the spirit

in the desert of the soul and that's

real part of the reason that people go

watch anti-heroes and villains is

because there's a part of them crying

out for the incorporation of the monster

within them which is what gives them

strength of character and self-respect

because it's impossible to respect

yourself until you grow teeth and if you

grow teeth then you realize that you're

somewhat dangerous and or maybe somewhat

seriously dangerous and then you might

be more willing to demand that you treat

yourself with respect and other people

do the same thing and so that doesn't

mean that being cruel is better than not

being cruel what it means is that being

able to be cruel and then not being

cruel is better than not being able to

be cruel because in the first case

you're nothing but weak and naive and in

the second case you're dangerous but you

have it under control and so the

strength that you develop in your

monstrousness is actually the best

guarantee of peace and that's partly why

Yung believed that it was necessary for

people to integrate their Shadow and he

said that was a terrible thing for

people to attempt because the human

Shadow which is all those things about

yourself that you don't want to realize

reaches all the way to hell and what he

meant by that was it's through an

analysis of your own shadow that you can

come to understand why other people are

capable and you as well and without that

understanding there's no possibility of

bringing it under control and you're

asking yourself well what are these

perpetrators like forget about the

victims let's talk about the

perpetrators the answer is they're just

like you and if you don't know that that

just means that you don't know anything

about people including yourself and then

it also means that you have to discover

why they're just like you and believe me

that's no picnic so that's enough to

traumatize people and that's partly why

they don't do it and it's also partly

why the path to Enlightenment and wisdom

is seldom trod upon because if it was

all a matter of following your bliss and

doing what made you happy then everyone

in the world would be a paragon of

wisdom but it's not that at all it's the

it's a matter of facing the thing you

least want to face

if you're disciplined in fact that's

almost what discipline means it

discipline means that you're capable of

making sacrifices because you're not

disciplined if you just do something you

want more rather than something that

you're doing that's not discipline

that's maybe that works and great if

your life is working out that way great

man but that isn't that isn't discipline

discipline is when you want to do

something right now then you have to

figure out how to decompose what you

want into actionable steps right and

those would be the sorts of things that

you could put in a schedule now that

would mean that your schedule would

hypothetically consist of things that

you maybe you don't exactly want to do

although that would be good but at least

you understand the importance of doing

and are therefore somewhat motivated to

do and then you need to break those

steps down into small enough increments

that you're highly likely to undertake

them you know you have to negotiate with

yourself and figure out what the largest

step you would take towards your goal is

that you would take and if you don't do

it then you make the step smaller and

smaller until you find something that

you would do and instead you think no

I'm going to Forstall my gratification

maybe forever but certainly for a very

long period of Time medium to long

period of time and you concentrate on

something that you think will bear fruit

in the medium to long run and so you

look into the future and you decide that

by making today a little less

impulsively pleasurable shall we say

you'll make tomorrow a little bit more

secure and productive and then you

actually do it too and that's

difficult talking to people who agree

with what you say is like walking around

in a desert you already know everything

that they say the reason you're

associating with them in that situation

is so that they never say anything that

challenges you because you're afraid

that if you go outside of what you

understand that you won't be able to

tolerate the chaos it might be useful to

listen to people that annoy you on the

off chance that they know something that

if they tell you you can use instead of

dying people have an unbelievable

capacity to face and overcome things

they don't understand and not only that

that's essentially what gives life its

meaning don't do nothing that's a big

mistake because all you do is get older

and weaker and you withdraw more and so

even if you don't know what to do

pursuing nothing is a very bad idea you

have no hope then because hope comes

from Pursuit and you're anxious because

you need to specify a path so you have

no hope and you're anxious if you do

nothing so nothing is not the answer so

why don't we just look and see what

other people do that that seems to work

so you don't know what to do with your

life well let's break your life down

probably want an intimate partner most

people do now you might not but probably

you do even if you think you don't and

so you might be one of those exceptions

but don't assume that to begin with

because that's an uncomfortable place to

be if it's true now you maybe you're a

radically creative genius like Leonardo

da Vinci or Picasso and you're so

idiosyncratic that you can't bind

yourself to any one person but you know

they were one in a billion and probably

you're not now maybe you are but that's

that's a whole different kettle of fish

probably you want a family some sort

parents you want to have a relationship

with them siblings children most people

have children that's the best

relationship you're ever going to have

if you're fortunate enough to engage in

it and so you probably need a vision for

that some sort friends helpful to have

some friends you could develop a vision

for that you need a job or a career

because otherwise you die and people

think people think you're useless they

shun you and then you die that's a bad

outcome unless that's what you're after

you should regulate your behavior in

relationship to Temptations like drug

and alcohol abuse and sex because

short-term impulsive hedonic

gratification doesn't play out well

across time and it tends to make you

unpopular so that's not a good recipe

for long-term progress into the future

you should think hard about doing

something on the Civic front you should

take care yourself mentally and

physically you should have a plan for

that you need an educational plan

because there's probably something you

could learn and get better at and that

doesn't have to be academic it could be

extremely practical or creative and you

should figure out how to make productive

generous use of the time you have when

you're not working and so that's like a

conservative Vision right because it it

flashes out the generic landscape of

human striving and it's a good place to

start if you don't know where to start

you could start with one of those things

and move towards

it positive emotion is associated with

movement forward like if you're where

you want to be and things are going well

then your behavior should be AC at so

that you go and get things now one of

the negative consequences of that is

that if you're really in a good mood

really happy you're going to be

impulsive and make mistakes positive

emotion makes people impulsive Maniacs

for example if you're a manic you're one

happy person way too happy everything is

great nothing but wonderful things that

are beyond your imagination are going to

happen to you and then a week later you

know you crash into your depressive

episode and you realize that you're

$150,000 in day yet and you've alienated

everyone that you know it's like that's

untr with positive emotion so how about

no the a pure index of positive emotion

is no way of determining whether or not

a system is working properly even your

own system you need a balance between

positive and negative emotions plus

positive emotions are absolutely

exhausting because if you're in a manic

episode it's like it's time to get

everything good right now fine but you

won't sleep for a week and then you die

because you just burned yourself to a

crisp and so to be overwhelmingly

enthusiastic about everything sounds

like a real blast it's really not good

you need a balance between these two

systems because the whole world isn't

explored territory bursting with nothing

but promise that's not the world the

world is that in the bounded space a

little bit with that absolute Horror

Show going out around the periphery and

both of your both systems need to be

active in order to keep you balanced