How to Get What You Want By Letting Go [The Backwards Law]

Summary

The video script delves into the paradoxical lessons learned from Navy SEAL training's 'drownproofing' exercise, where one must counterintuitively let go and surrender to survive. It draws parallels between this exercise and life's experiences, introducing the concept of inverted curves, where the more effort exerted, the further one moves away from the desired psychological state like happiness or confidence. The key is relinquishing control and accepting negative experiences, allowing one to resurface and breathe anew, much like in drownproofing. Ultimately, it encourages embracing the art of 'doing and not doing' to overcome the mind's self-sabotaging tendencies and achieve fulfillment.

Takeaways

• 🏊‍♂️ In Navy SEAL drownproofing training, letting yourself sink counterintuitively helps you stay afloat longer, teaching the skill of relinquishing control in life-threatening situations.
• 📈 Most things in life operate on a diminishing returns curve, where the more effort you put in, the less rewarding it becomes after a certain point.
• 🔃 Some psychological experiences like happiness and confidence exist on an inverted curve, where pursuing them directly pushes them further away.
• 🧠 Our minds often chase abstract desires like a dog chasing its own tail, failing to realize the pursuit itself is the problem.
• 🔓 To achieve psychological states like happiness and confidence, we must paradoxically let go of our desperate desire for them.
• 💪 Relinquishing control is not about feeling powerless, but about exercising power over what is within our control.
• ✅ Accepting that failure and negative experiences are inevitable is key to making progress and finding fulfillment.
• ➰ Linear effort-reward relationships only exist for simple, repetitive tasks, not complex life experiences.
• 🌊 The more we struggle to stay on the surface of satisfaction, the more we plunge into dissatisfaction.
• 🧘 Practices like meditation and dancing may also operate on inverted curves, where trying too hard undermines the goal.

Q & A

What is 'drownproofing' in Navy SEAL training?

Drownproofing is an exercise in Navy SEAL training where the trainee's hands are bound behind their back, their feet are tied together, and they are dropped into a nine-foot pool. The goal is to survive for five minutes by letting themselves sink to the bottom and pushing off to come up for air repeatedly.

What are the two counterintuitive lessons of drownproofing?

The first lesson is that the more you struggle to keep your head above water, the more likely you are to sink and drown. The second lesson is that the more you panic, the more likely you are to burn oxygen and energy, increasing the chances of falling unconscious.

How does the author relate drownproofing to life?

The author argues that the ability to relinquish control, give yourself up to a higher cause, and let go under stressful circumstances, which is required in drownproofing, is an important skill for life in general.

What are the three types of effort-reward curves discussed in the script?

The three effort-reward curves discussed are: 1) Linear curve for simple, repetitive tasks, 2) Diminishing returns curve for complex, novel experiences, and 3) Inverted curve for emotional and psychological experiences that exist within our minds.

What is the inverted curve, and why is it important?

The inverted curve is where increasing effort towards an experience actually makes it worse or leads to failure. It is important because it applies to emotional and psychological experiences that exist within our minds, which influence how we interpret everything else in life.

Can you provide an example of an experience that follows the inverted curve?

The desire for happiness is an example of an experience that follows the inverted curve. The more we consciously desire to be happy, the further away from happiness we get, as desiring it reminds us that we are not currently happy.

How does the author explain the inverted curve in relation to the mind?

The author compares the mind to a dog chasing its own tail when it comes to abstract goals like happiness or confidence. The more the mind (dog) chases these goals (tail), the more they seem to run away because the mind lacks the perspective that it and the goal are the same thing.

What advice does the author give for achieving psychological experiences like happiness or confidence?

The author advises relinquishing control, not because of powerlessness but because of power – accepting that sometimes we won't feel confident or happy, but doing the thing anyway. He suggests accepting failure and letting go of things beyond our control as the only way to achieve these experiences.

How does the author connect the concept of the inverted curve to drownproofing?

Drownproofing exemplifies the inverted curve because the more a trainee struggles and panics (increasing effort), the more likely they are to fail and drown. Success comes from letting go, relinquishing control, and accepting the negative experience (sinking) as a positive one.

What is the main takeaway or message conveyed in the script?

The main takeaway is that for emotional and psychological experiences that exist within our minds, the more we consciously pursue them (e.g., happiness, confidence), the further away we get from achieving them. The key is to let go, accept negative experiences, and relinquish control over things beyond our control.