What a step father is NOT

Summary

The video script emphasizes that stepfathers should not attempt to replace or substitute a child's biological father. Instead, stepfathers are 'bonus fathers' who bring something additional and supportive to the family dynamic. The speaker stresses that stepfathers should not assume the role of disciplinarian or corrective parent, as this responsibility belongs to the child's mother. Attempting to replace the biological father can create immense pressure, conflicts, and identity issues for the child, ultimately leading to heartache. The key message is for stepfathers to accept their supportive role without trying to fill the shoes of the biological father.

Takeaways

• 😁 A stepfather is not meant to replace the child's biological father, but rather serve as a bonus or additional father figure.
• 😐 Trying to replace the child's biological father can create pressure, conflicts, and force the child to feel they must choose between loving the stepfather or their biological father.
• 👐 A stepfather's role is to be a supportive parent, not a disciplinarian or corrective parent. That role belongs to the biological parents.
• 🤝 A stepfather should support the child's mother in disciplining and correcting the child, but not take on those responsibilities directly.
• 🙅‍♂️ A stepfather should not attempt to substitute or replace the child's biological father, as that will only lead to heartache and headaches.
• 😇 Recognizing that a stepfather is not a replacement for the biological father can bring relief and reduce pressure on the stepfather.
• 👪 The child already has a father, even if the biological father has passed away, and the stepfather should respect and acknowledge that bond.
• 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 A stepfather's role is to add value and bring something extra to the child's life, not to replace the existing parental figures.
• 🤲 A stepfather should offer suggestions and point out observations to the child's mother, but not directly to the child or in front of the child.
• 🙏 It's important for stepfathers to understand and embrace their role as a bonus or additional father figure, rather than trying to replace the biological father.

Q & A

What is the main point the speaker is trying to convey about being a stepfather?

The main point is that a stepfather is not meant to replace the biological father of the children. The stepfather's role is to be a 'bonus father', providing additional support and guidance, but not aiming to substitute the biological father.

Why does the speaker recommend against trying to replace the biological father?

The speaker suggests that trying to replace the biological father can create a lot of pressure on the stepfather and the children. It can also cause conflicts within the children, as they may perceive the need to choose between loving the stepfather or their biological father, which is counterproductive.

How does the speaker describe the roles of a stepfather and a biological parent in terms of discipline?

The speaker states that the stepfather is not the 'corrective parent' or disciplinarian. That role is reserved for the biological parent(s). The stepfather is meant to be the 'supportive parent', offering suggestions and observations to the biological parent(s) when appropriate, but not directly disciplining the children.

What advice does the speaker give to stepfathers regarding their role?

The speaker advises stepfathers to take the pressure off themselves and not try to replace the biological father. The stepfather's role is to be a 'bonus father', adding value and support, but not attempting to substitute the biological father.

How does the speaker suggest stepfathers should communicate observations or suggestions about the children?

The speaker suggests that stepfathers should never make observations or offer suggestions about the children in front of them. Instead, they should communicate these things privately with the biological parent(s).

What does the speaker mean by the term 'bonus father'?

The term 'bonus father' refers to the idea that a stepfather brings something extra or additional to the child's life, but is not meant to replace or substitute the biological father.

Why does the speaker believe it's important for stepfathers to understand their role?

The speaker believes it's crucial for stepfathers to understand their role as a 'bonus father' and not a replacement for the biological father. This understanding can help alleviate pressure, avoid conflicts, and maintain a healthy dynamic within the family.

How does the speaker describe the potential consequences of a stepfather trying to replace the biological father?

The speaker suggests that attempting to replace the biological father can lead to great heartaches and headaches for the stepfather and the family. It is described as a useless and counterproductive endeavor.

What emotion does the speaker aim to instill in stepfathers by clarifying their role?

The speaker hopes to bring a little bit of relief to stepfathers by clarifying that their role is not to replace the biological father, but rather to be a 'bonus father'. This understanding is meant to alleviate pressure and provide a sense of clarity and comfort.

How does the speaker summarize the key point about what a stepfather is not?

The speaker summarizes the key point by stating, What a stepfather is not, a stepfather is not a replacement for Dad. That's pretty much all that I wanted to tell you today because this is very, very important.