Why successful men use escorts: what the rich and the beautiful have in common
Summary
TLDRDr. Orion Taban explores why successful men might choose to use escorts in the first part of a three-part series. He challenges the assumption that these men are merely 'losers' and explains how the economics of dating change with success. Taban argues that as men's value in the 'sexual marketplace' increases, traditional dating becomes more expensive and time-consuming, leading some to seek alternatives like escorts to avoid the emotional labor and financial costs of conventional dating.
Takeaways
- 📚 The speaker, Dr. Orion Taban, clarifies that the talk is not an endorsement of prostitution and shares a personal shift in perspective regarding men who use escorts.
- 🤔 A common misconception is challenged: successful men who use escorts are not necessarily 'losers' but may have legitimate reasons tied to their unique challenges in the dating market.
- 💼 The talk is aimed at women to help them understand the problems faced by highly successful men, which could be useful for those seeking long-term relationships with this demographic.
- 💸 As one's success in the 'sexual marketplace' increases, traditional dating becomes more expensive in terms of time, energy, and money.
- 👠 The 'sweet spot' for attractiveness and success can avoid the downsides of being exceptionally beautiful or wealthy, which come with their own set of problems.
- 💰 High earning men, such as those making high six to low seven figures, can face a unique set of problems that are often misunderstood or dismissed by less successful individuals.
- 🕰 The time cost for a successful man dating can be prohibitive, especially when considering the hourly rate of their profession.
- 💡 The use of escorts by some successful men may be due to the high cost and effort of traditional dating, rather than a lack of attractiveness or options.
- 📈 The script suggests that the economics of dating change with success, impacting both men and women differently and creating a complex dynamic in the dating market.
- 📝 The speaker emphasizes the importance of understanding these dynamics to better position oneself in the dating market, especially for those seeking relationships with successful men.
- 📑 The transcript also mentions the speaker's book and newsletter, indicating a broader context of discussing value and relationships beyond the scope of this specific talk.
Q & A
What is the main topic of Dr. Orion Taban's talk?
-The main topic of Dr. Orion Taban's talk is why successful men use escorts, and it is the first part in a three-part series on this subject.
What is Dr. Taban's initial stance on the use of escorts by men?
-Dr. Taban initially held a judgmental view, thinking that men who used escorts were losers who couldn't get access to women without paying for it.
How has Dr. Taban's opinion on men using escorts changed?
-Dr. Taban's opinion has changed due to numerous conversations with men who have used escorts and his own experiences in the sexual marketplace.
Who is the target audience for Dr. Taban's talk?
-The talk is specifically addressed to women to help them understand the unique problems of highly successful men who might be the type of men they would like to target for a long-term relationship.
What is the 'sweet spot' for a man's income according to the talk?
-The 'sweet spot' for a man's income is high six low seven figures a year, which provides a comfortable and enjoyable lifestyle without the additional problems that come with higher wealth.
Why does Dr. Taban believe that traditional dating becomes increasingly expensive for highly successful men?
-Traditional dating becomes expensive for highly successful men because their time is extremely valuable, and the process of dating, including dealing with rejection and planning dates, can be time-consuming and costly.
What is the example given to illustrate the cost of dating in terms of time for a successful man?
-The example given is a corporate lawyer who bills his time at $1,300 an hour. A 3-hour date with an hour of commuting would cost him $5,200 in terms of the value of his time.
What does Dr. Taban suggest is the emotional labor performed by men in dating?
-Dr. Taban suggests that men perform emotional labor in dating by being charming, funny, or cool, stimulating women's emotions, arousing attraction, and showing genuine interest without giving the impression that it's work for them.
What is the 'invisible 90%' mentioned in the script?
-The 'invisible 90%' refers to the majority of men on dating apps who are functionally ignored by all women, not receiving matches or engagement.
Why might a highly successful man choose to use escorts despite having good optionality with women?
-A highly successful man might choose to use escorts because traditional dating becomes prohibitively expensive in terms of time, effort, and emotional labor, and there is no guarantee of attraction or a sexual encounter.
What is the purpose of the book 'The Value of Others' mentioned by Dr. Taban?
-The purpose of the book 'The Value of Others' is not explicitly stated in the script, but it is available for pre-sale on Amazon and likely relates to the themes discussed in Dr. Taban's talks.
Outlines
😀 Understanding Successful Men's Use of Escorts
Dr. Orion Taban introduces a three-part series discussing why successful men might use escorts, clarifying that he does not endorse prostitution. He shares his personal evolution from judgment to understanding, influenced by conversations with men who've used escorts and his own experiences. The talk aims to help women comprehend the unique challenges faced by highly successful men in the dating market, suggesting that understanding these dynamics could help them better position themselves for relationships with such men. Dr. Taban emphasizes the economic aspects of dating for those with high sexual marketplace value, noting that both very attractive women and successful men can find traditional dating costly and challenging.
💼 The High Cost of Traditional Dating for Successful Men
In this segment, Dr. Taban explores the financial and temporal implications of dating for high-earning individuals, using the example of a corporate lawyer who bills at $1,300 an hour. He outlines the various stages of traditional dating, from initial attraction to securing a date, and the associated costs in terms of time and money. Dr. Taban calculates the opportunity cost of a single date for such a man, highlighting the significant investment of time and emotional labor involved. He suggests that the complexity of dating, coupled with the high stakes and potential for rejection, can make traditional dating feel like an additional job for busy, successful men.
🤔 The Perspective of Successful Men on Dating
Dr. Taban concludes the first part of the series by emphasizing the perspective of successful men on dating, acknowledging the time, energy, money, and emotional resilience required in the dating process. He notes that for men working long hours, dating can feel burdensome and likens it to an unpaid job. The summary invites listeners to reflect on their own experiences and share their thoughts in the comments. Dr. Taban also mentions his book 'The Value of Others' and encourages listeners to engage with his content through various channels, including his newsletter and consultation services.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Prostitution
💡Sexual Marketplace
💡Judgment
💡Success
💡Attraction
💡Emotional Labor
💡Traditional Dating
💡Optionality
💡Economics of Dating
💡Champagne Problems
💡Time Investment
Highlights
Dr. Orion Taban discusses the reasons successful men might use escorts, emphasizing it's not an endorsement for prostitution.
The speaker used to be judgmental about men who hired escorts, but his opinion has changed after conversations with such men.
The talk is aimed at women to help them understand the unique problems faced by highly successful men in the dating market.
As one's sexual marketplace value increases, traditional dating becomes more expensive and challenging.
Being '8.5' on attractiveness scale is ideal for women as it balances attention and avoids downsides of extreme beauty.
The speaker argues that the problems faced by very attractive people are real but often not understood or sympathized with by others.
For men, earning a high six to low seven figures is the 'sweet spot' before dating becomes prohibitively expensive.
Wealthy people face unique problems that are often scoffed at but are real and challenging.
Highly successful men have good optionality with women but still may use escorts for reasons beyond objectification.
The cost of traditional dating in terms of time and money can be very high for a man billing at $1,300 an hour.
The dating process requires significant emotional labor from men, often overlooked in discussions about relationships.
The speaker explains the financial implications of a 3-hour date for a high-earning man as an example of dating's costs.
Men perform emotional labor to charm, stimulate, and maintain relationships, often without showing it as work.
For busy successful men, dating can feel like another job, which they pay to perform.
The speaker acknowledges women's frustrations with dating but focuses on the perspective of successful men in this series.
The episode concludes with an invitation for listeners to share their thoughts and experiences in the comments.
Dr. Orion Taban promotes his book 'The Value of Others' available for pre-sale and his free weekly newsletter.
Transcripts
I'm Dr Orion taban and this is psych
Better Living Through psychology and the
topic of today's short talk is why
successful men use escorts this is the
first part in a three-part series on
this subject so you'll need to be
patient to hear the whole story I'm
going to begin this talk by explicitly
stating this is not an endorsement for
prostitution personally I have never
hired an escort or a prostitute in my
life and to be honest when I was younger
I used to be very judgmental with
respect to the men who did in so many
words I thought such men must be losers
who for whatever reason couldn't
otherwise get access to women unless
they paid for it and while I'm sure
there are some unattractive or even some
revolting men who use prostitutes for
this reason I actually don't believe
they constitute the majority of an
escort's
clients in fact I've since radically
changed my opinion of these men
in part due to numerous conversations
I've had with men who have used escorts
and in part due to my own experiences in
the sexual Marketplace as I've become
more
successful though I can't say that I
endorse the use of escorts I can
certainly understand it and this talk is
specifically addressed to women to help
them comprehend the types of problems
unique to highly successful men who are
presumably the kind of men they would
most like to Target for a long-term
relationship by understanding how the
economics of dating change as a function
of success women can better position
themselves to secure the type of men
with whom they most want to meet and
date provided they like me can move past
the reflexive judgment they may carry
with respect to the topic under
consideration let's get to
it the fact of the matter is regardless
of whether you're a man or a woman the
higher your normalized sexual
Marketplace value the more traditional
dating becomes increasingly
expensive in fact the most attractive
women and the most successful men often
end up pricing themselves out of the
dating Market this is why for example
it's probably best for a woman to be
like an 8.5 if you're an 8.5 you're
definitely attractive enough to get
plenty of attention and prefer
treatment however because you're not
like a world class Beauty you actually
avoid a lot of the downsides and
liabilities associated with being
fabulously attractive these are problems
that less attractive women don't even
know exist and never have to deal with
they might roll their eyes at this Suite
of problems and say oh poor baby can't
handle being beautiful I wish I had her
problems but frankly that's really an
Envy reaction the problems of really
beautiful women are real problems
they're not problems of survival but if
we're honest neither are the problems
that their haters are contending with
beautiful women receive little to no
sympathy for their difficulties not
because their difficulties aren't real
but because there are so few other
people who have experienced them the
same thing holds true for men The Sweet
Spot for being a man is probably earning
High six low seven figures a year that
is more than enough to provide a comfort
a and enjoyable lifestyle for yourself
and your family anything more than that
and Men start to deal with a suite of
problems that less successful men don't
even know exist and never have to deal
with and if anyone Garners more unearned
hatred than the beautiful it's the
wealthy people scoff at the champagne
problems of the rich but the problems of
really successful men are real problems
and these men experience even less
sympathy for their difficulties than
women do not because their difficulties
aren't real but because there are so few
other people who have experienced
them now you might think that being a
highly successful man would be a
wonderful liability in the sexual
Marketplace and you would be correct
after all if a man has wealth and status
and fame he typically enjoys very good
optionality with women so why would a
man like this use escorts it isn't as
though there are a there is a dir of
women who would be interested in dating
him is it really true that all these men
are just immature narcissists who
Delight in the objectification of women
or might there be another explanation
for this not uncommon Behavior among
this particular
demographic but before I answer these
questions if you're liking what you're
hearing please consider sending this
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from its message because its Word of
Mouth referrals like this that really
helped to make the channel grow
you can also hit the thanks button and
tip me in proportion to the value you
feel you've derived from this episode
I'm proud to announce that my book the
value of others is now available for
pre-sale on Amazon it'll be released in
just a few days so take action now to
get your hands on it I'm also writing
original content for my free Weekly
Newsletter if you'd like to sign up you
can do so on my website finally please
fill out an inquiry form on my website
if you're interested in booking a paid
consultation the links to everything I
just talked about are in the description
below so check them out all right let's
get back to
it the reason why so many of these top
tier men use prostitutes is because it
becomes prohibitively expensive to date
traditionally once you cross a certain
point let's examine why this might be
the case one of my good friends is a
corporate lawyer and he bills his time
at $1,300 an hour now that may sound
like a lot but it's kind of the going
rate for a partner at a top tier Law
Firm by the same token there are folks
in Myspace online who charge $2 to
$3,000 an hour for a consultation and
then you get into the rarified realm of
Bank presidents celebrities tycoons and
professional athletes who can easily
command tens of thousands of dollars or
more for an hour of their time however
to make this talk more accessible let's
just use the lawyer rate as the standard
of measurement so let's assume a man is
making 1,300 bucks an hour like my
friend in the traditional dating
pipeline what would be expected of him
well first he'd have to spend some time
making something happen maybe he has to
go out to a bar on a Saturday night and
RIS up a girl and this is hardly a sure
thing even at the local meat market so
he'll have to have the energy and the
emotional resilience to deal with the
rejection that inevitably stands between
him and an actual Prospect or or he'll
have to spend time creating a dating
profile on an app that won't land him in
the invisible 90% functionally ignored
by all women and swiping on hundreds of
accounts in order to get some matches
either way once he succeeds in getting a
number he'll need to spend more time
playing the text game in order to help
the woman feel sufficiently safe and
sufficiently attracted which is not an
easy balance to strike to meet up for an
actual date of course he'll be expected
to plan the date which will almost
certainly occur at some neutral location
as opposed to his house several days or
even weeks out on the date he'll be
expected to cover all the expenses but
as we'll see this is the most
inexpensive part of dating for him the
meeting itself will probably last two
maybe three hours with potentially an
hour of commuting to and from the
location so he likely has to block off
an entire evening and busy successful
men may only get one evening off a week
if that and given all this time and
effort and expense there is of course
absolutely no guarantee that the man
will even be attracted to the woman in
question let alone succeed in securing a
sexual encounter and irrespective of the
moral or ethics involved this is
frustrating because since men attempt to
exchange resources for sexual
opportunity in the sexual Marketplace
this is why he's
there so even if we ignore all the
monetary expenses associated with the
date itself which are potentially not
insignificant a 3-hour date bookended by
an hour of travel at $1,300 an hour is
$5,200 this means this guy is paying
five grand in terms of the cost to his
time to go on a date with you and this
does not include any of the time and
effort that went into securing the date
this may come as a shock but most women
do not just show up into a man's life
with an intention to make his life
easier for most men it's a lot of
[ __ ] work to get sex and
relationships from women you hear a lot
about the emotional labor that women
perform for men but it's absolutely true
that men perform a great deal of
emotional labor for women it's just that
the man's labor typically has to do with
getting laid and securing and
maintaining the relationship to do this
men often have to be Charming or funny
or cool they have to stimulate your
emotions and arouse your attraction they
have to listen to you talk about your
day and care about the woman inside your
body and they have to do all this
without giving the slightest impression
that this isn't anyway work for them or
that they could possibly want to do
literally anything else with their time
and attention because if you get the
impression that they're just doing this
because it works and not because they
authentically want to do it you won't
[ __ ]
them this is not easy to do even the
most successful casanovas strike out
more often than they get on Bas women
are extremely complex and most men do
not even begin to approach an
understanding of how you operate in any
case dating you requires a lot of time
energy money and emotional resilience
and if you're working 80 hours a week
you just might not have the bandwidth
for that dating just feels like another
job but a job that you pay to
work I understand that women have their
own frustrations with the dating process
but that's not why we're here today
we're looking at dating from the
perspective of successful men in these
episodes we'll get back to you later so
that's the end of part one what do you
think does this fit with your own
experience let me know in the comments
below as always I appreciate your
support and thank you for listening
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