Why Charisma Isn't What You Think It Is
Summary
TLDRThis video script explores the development of charisma beyond physical attractiveness, emphasizing that charm is multifaceted. It delves into the components of charisma, highlighting communication skills, honesty, and reliability as more critical than looks. The speaker encourages viewers to cultivate a personal vision, practice authenticity, and refine their communication style to naturally attract others. The script offers practical advice on how to implement a vision, be authentic, and communicate effectively to enhance charisma significantly.
Takeaways
- 🌟 Charisma is not solely about physical attractiveness; it is a multi-dimensional trait with physical attractiveness accounting for only about 10.5% of its variance.
- 💡 Developing charisma involves improving three main attributes: vision and vision implementation, authenticity, and communication skills.
- 🔮 Vision is more than just setting goals; it's about having an abstract idea or direction for one's life, which can inspire others and align different parts of one's life.
- 🏛 Schools and societal norms often condition individuals to abandon personal vision in favor of standardized competencies and goals.
- 🛠 Vision implementation requires clarification of ideals, structuring the 'when, where, and how' of achieving those ideals, and strategic thinking to overcome setbacks.
- 💪 Authenticity is key to charisma; being genuine and trustworthy naturally attracts people, as it addresses the prevalent issue of distrust in society.
- 📝 The act of writing can significantly improve communication clarity, which in turn boosts charisma, as it allows for thoughtful articulation of ideas before verbalizing them.
- 🤝 Authenticity should be tempered with compassion, ensuring that honesty serves to uplift and respect others rather than cause harm.
- 🗣️ Clear communication of one's vision and authenticity can make a person appear more charismatic, as it demonstrates a clear direction and trustworthiness.
- 🕊️ The combination of vision, implementation, authenticity, and clear communication can significantly increase an individual's charisma, independent of physical appearance.
- 📚 Dr. K suggests that by focusing on these aspects, one can improve charisma by a substantial percentage, making them more attractive to others based on personal qualities rather than looks.
Q & A
What is the main topic of the video script?
-The main topic of the video script is about developing charisma, especially for those who may not be physically attractive, and how to naturally attract people through charisma rather than relying on physical appearance.
Why does the speaker say that physical attractiveness is often overemphasized when it comes to charisma?
-The speaker mentions that physical attractiveness is often overemphasized because modern research shows it is just one of the six dimensions of charisma and not the most important one, accounting for only 10.5% of the variance between charismatic and non-charismatic individuals.
What are the three main attributes of charisma mentioned in the script that are more important than physical attractiveness?
-The three main attributes of charisma that are more important than physical attractiveness are communication skills, being honest and reliable, and having a vision and implementing it.
What does the speaker mean by 'vision' in the context of charisma?
-In the context of charisma, 'vision' refers to having a clear and abstract idea or direction for one's life, rather than just concrete goals or targets. It's about the quality of aspiring to something more profound and meaningful, like selling 'beauty' instead of just selling flowers.
How does the speaker describe the process of developing a vision?
-The speaker describes the process of developing a vision as involving introspection to clarify what one truly aspires to, considering the ideals one wants to live towards, and then structuring how to implement this vision through deciding the when, where, and how of pursuing it.
What is the role of authenticity in developing charisma according to the script?
-Authenticity plays a crucial role in developing charisma because it builds trust with others. People are naturally attracted to those who are genuine and reliable, and being authentic means sharing one's true self, including aspirations and vision, without deception.
Why is it difficult for people to develop a vision in today's society according to the script?
-It is difficult for people to develop a vision because society, particularly through education systems, conditions individuals to focus on standardized competencies and goals rather than fostering a sense of personal vision. Additionally, the uncertainty and crises in the world make it challenging to envision and plan for the future.
How does the speaker suggest using writing to improve communication and charisma?
-The speaker suggests that writing about one's thoughts and ideas before speaking about them can clarify those thoughts. This process makes communication clearer and more articulate, as the thinking process has already been completed, leading to more effective and charismatic communication.
What is the importance of strategic thinking in the context of charisma and vision implementation?
-Strategic thinking is important for charisma and vision implementation because it allows individuals to navigate setbacks and continue moving towards their vision. It's about finding ways to move past obstacles and keep pursuing one's aspirations, which others find attractive and inspiring.
How does the speaker define 'authenticity' in the video script?
-The speaker defines 'authenticity' as being true to oneself and transparent with others. However, it should be tempered with compassion, meaning that one's truthfulness should be delivered in a way that is considerate of others and not harmful.
What is the connection between charisma and the ability to communicate clearly?
-The connection between charisma and the ability to communicate clearly is that clear communication helps convey one's vision, authenticity, and aspirations effectively. It makes an individual sound more competent and confident, which are attractive qualities in a charismatic person.
Outlines
😌 Overcoming Insecurity with Charisma
The video script begins by addressing the struggle of individuals who feel unattractive and the challenges they face in engaging with others. It criticizes the reliance on manipulative techniques to gain attention and argues for the development of genuine charisma. The speaker introduces the concept that charisma is not solely based on physical attractiveness but is a multi-dimensional trait. Research is cited to emphasize that communication skills, honesty, and reliability are more significant components of charisma than physical appearance. The goal is to naturally attract people through personal charisma rather than resorting to superficial tactics.
🌟 The Essence of Vision and Its Implementation
This paragraph delves into the concept of vision, distinguishing it from mere goals or targets. It argues that vision is an abstract idea about the direction of one's life, which is often suppressed by societal structures like school, which favor standardization over individual aspirations. The speaker highlights the difficulty of maintaining a vision in a world with uncertain future prospects. Despite these challenges, the importance of cultivating a personal vision is emphasized for its contribution to charisma. The paragraph outlines the first steps in developing a vision: letting go of concrete goals and embracing broader life ideals, which can inspire and align one's actions, making them more charismatic.
🛠 Steps to Implementing Your Vision
The speaker outlines a three-step process to implement one's vision: clarification, structure, and strategic thinking. Clarification involves introspection to define what one wants life to represent. Structure is about determining the when, where, and how of pursuing the vision, focusing on the process rather than the outcome. Strategic thinking is addressed as a means to navigate setbacks and continue moving towards one's vision. The paragraph suggests that having a clear vision and the demonstrated effort to implement it can significantly enhance an individual's charisma.
🗣️ The Power of Authentic Communication
Authenticity is presented as a key component of charisma. The speaker argues that in a society rife with distrust, being genuine and trustworthy naturally attracts others. Authenticity is not about sharing every detail of one's life but about being true to one's vision and values. The paragraph also introduces the concept of tempering authenticity with compassion, drawing from Eastern philosophies that emphasize the importance of nonviolence in truthfulness. The speaker advises using writing as a tool to clarify thoughts and improve communication, which in turn boosts charisma.
📝 Writing as a Catalyst for Clear Communication
The speaker shares a personal strategy for clear communication: writing out thoughts before speaking about them. This practice is said to simulate the thought process, allowing for more articulate and intelligent speech. The speaker admits to using this method to appear knowledgeable during live streams, attributing the clarity of communication not to innate intelligence but to the preparatory act of writing. The paragraph concludes by emphasizing the impact of clear communication on enhancing charisma, suggesting that it is a skill that can be learned and applied to improve one's appeal to others.
🚀 Enhancing Charisma Through Vision, Authenticity, and Communication
The final paragraph summarizes the key points discussed in the script, reiterating that charisma is significantly more than physical attractiveness. It emphasizes the importance of having a clear vision, being authentic, and communicating effectively as the primary means to enhance charisma. The speaker humorously acknowledges an unprepared ending, serving as a testament to the importance of planning and clarity in communication. The video concludes with a call to action, inviting viewers to explore a guide to mental health that combines the speaker's experience as a monk and psychiatrist.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Charisma
💡Physical Attractiveness
💡Vision
💡Vision Implementation
💡Authenticity
💡Communication Skills
💡Manipulative Techniques
💡Strategic Thinking
💡Compassion
💡Writing
💡Setbacks
Highlights
Developing charisma is possible even for those who are unattractive, as physical attractiveness is only one aspect of charisma.
People often resort to manipulative techniques to gain attention due to feeling unattractive.
Charisma is composed of six dimensions, with physical attractiveness being the least significant.
Research indicates that communication skills are the most important aspect of charisma, accounting for more than physical attractiveness.
Honesty and reliability are key components of charisma, contributing more than physical attractiveness.
Vision and its implementation are critical for developing charisma and are more important than physical attractiveness.
Society often conditions individuals to abandon personal vision through standardized education and expectations.
Developing a vision is challenging due to the unpredictability of the world and the fear of disappointment.
Having a vision and implementing it makes an individual inspiring and attractive, despite physical appearance.
Authenticity is a significant part of charisma, as trustworthiness attracts people.
Strategic thinking in life's setbacks is essential for moving towards one's vision and is attractive to others.
Compassion should temper authenticity to ensure positive and constructive communication.
Clear communication of one's vision and authenticity can significantly boost charisma.
Writing as a technique to clarify thoughts leads to clear and charismatic communication.
Combining vision, implementation, authenticity, and clear communication can improve charisma by a significant percentage.
Charisma is not based on physical traits but can be developed and improved through personal growth and communication.
Dr. K's guide to mental health offers a practical application of the discussed principles for personal development.
Transcripts
today we're going to talk about how to
develop Charisma even if you're
[Music]
unattractive most people are of average
attractiveness or even below average
attractiveness and what do you do if
you're one of those people and this is
one of the things that bothers me the
most because when I talk to people who
are of average attractiveness or even
somewhat unattractive it is such a
struggle to engage with other human
beings you have to work so much harder
than someone who's attractive and what
this sort of ends up in is you engaging
in all kinds of techniques to get other
people to like you and in fact there's
even a whole industry that is designed
to teach you these techniques so that
you can try to level the playing field
with people who are naturally attractive
the experience that I'm talking about
here is someone who like you're always
texting your friends but they never
really text you back that when they need
something you're going to drop
everything and you're going to do
whatever they need but they never
reciprocate so what ends up happening is
that you're kind of chasing these
friendships and you're putting in more
time and more effort and sometimes you
even have to resort to special kinds of
manipulative techniques like okay I'm
going to do this or I'm going to do
negging or I'm going to do this other
kind of crap to get this person to
engage with me and you deserve better
than that I want you to have better than
that I want you to be in a situation
where by virtue of who you are your
charisma is so developed that you
naturally attract people to you because
you absolutely deserve that and I'm
going to help you get there so the first
thing that we've got to understand is
what is charisma now a lot of people
think that Charisma is simply physical
attractiveness but as the modern
research shows physical attractiveness
is just one of the six dimensions of
Charisma and on top of that it's not
even one of the most important ones
there are actually three attributes of
charisma that are worth more when it
comes to Charisma Than Physical
attractiveness now y y'all may not
believe that right because we all kind
of know for example that like clearly
Charisma means physically being hot
right well let's actually take a look at
the research because I think it's really
fascinating so to begin with we're going
to take a quick look at this paper
called generic Charisma
conceptualization and measurement so
these two people bless them I can't
pronounce these names because they're
from Croatia and Slovenia they sort of
sat down and tried to figure out okay
like what is charisma actually composed
of and here's what they found which is
really staggering so the first is that
attractive is a part of Charisma but it
accounts for 10.5% of the variance
between people who are charismatic and
not charismatic the really interesting
thing is if we actually look at the
components of Charisma what we discover
is the most important aspect of Charisma
is communication skills someone who
attracts admiration and inspires right
so that's not the same as physically
attractive and someone who's honest and
reliable and if we look at the
cumulative variance what that sort of
means is what percentage of Charisma is
embodied by these three things what we
tend to see is first of all these three
are all worth more than physical
attractiveness and about half of the
Charisma that you exude or that most
people exude is actually like made up of
these three things and it has nothing to
do with physical attractiveness in fact
physical attractiveness is only
responsible for 10.5% of the
when it comes to Charisma now that's
just one paper and I'm not saying that
this one paper you know explains
everything there are other papers that
we kind of dig into but the first thing
to understand is that people have
researched Charisma and physical
attractiveness accounts for only about
10.5% of it and so then the question is
what is the rest of Charisma and how do
I develop it so we're going to focus on
three attributes because these are the
things that you can actually learn how
to do and as you improve these what you
will naturally find is that people are
more interested in spending time with
you even if you're physically
unattractive so the three things that
we're going to talk about are vision and
vision implementation authenticity and
communication okay so let's start with
vision and vision implementation so the
first thing to understand is that in our
current Society we don't have a whole
lot of vision so what does vision mean
so companies will have things like
targets right we want to sell
$100,000 worth of flowers this year and
that's like a really solid like that's a
business metric baby like this is a goal
that I want to accomplish and if you
look at your life chances are you will
have all kinds of goals for yourself and
you think that accomplishing these goals
will make people like you right like I
need to get one foot taller my dick
needs to get a couple inches bigger
maybe my tits need to get a couple
inches bigger you know maybe I need to
make more money and if I hit these
targets then people will like me but it
turns out that vision is not hitting
Targets in fact it's the opposite so
vision is the quality of we don't sell
flowers we sell Beauty it's this weird
abstract kind of thinking it's Vision
right it's not a concrete thing it's
some kind of idea that you have about
your life and the direction that your
life is going in now why is it hard for
us to develop this floofy floofy idea
like what is your vision of your life if
I ask you that question you're like I
don't know right you can give me a goal
but you don't have some weird aesthetic
idea of what you want your life to
Aspire to be you're not some like Greek
philosopher who's like oh yes like I
will pursue Beauty because I'm epicurian
like uh we don't know how to do that
crap right and the question is why it's
because that instinct of vision is
actually conditioned out of us through
things like school so if you look at
something like school what is school
actually for do we take a group of a
hundred kids and try to enhance their
understanding and help them develop
their sense of vision between the
formative years of like literally five
and and 22 when most people are in
school for 17 years of the basic most
formative part of their life we actually
try to get rid of vision schools are not
places to help you cultivate a vision of
life there's they're factories they're
factories designed to create a
particular kind of person so we have
standardized classes with standardized
competencies that we measure and
standardized ways and when you get let's
say a degree in finance everyone who's
employing you expects you to have a
minimum level of competence so the
reason that it's hard for us to develop
vision is because we have a society that
doesn't care about vision and actually
actively conditions us to no longer have
a vision and youall may have noticed
this because at some point in life you
probably had these tiny little inklings
of vision and you're like I want to do
this thing and everyone else is like no
you cannot do that thing you need to
become doctor how dare you try to do
something to change the world and make
it a better place and you want to live a
life of Art and Beauty Al who will marry
you if you are living an art of a life
of Art and Beauty you need to become
doctor then you will find a good wife
the second reason why it's really hard
to have Vision right now is because the
world is falling apart so vision is
about the future right it's like hey I
want to accomplish this thing or not
even accomplish it's like I want to live
in service to this thing over the next
20 years of my life 30 years of life we
don't even know what state the world is
going to be in like 2 years from now
we've had about three or four Once in A-
lifetime crises in like 5 years I've
heard that the crab population is
cratering it's 25% of what it was like
four years ago something insane like
that if you're the under the age of 30
it's impossible to buy a house it's like
impossible to date whether you're a man
or a woman whether you're a dude it's
like 90% of people ignore you and if
you're a woman it's like if you message
someone you're going to get a dickpick
so the fundamentals of life in the the
future can't be counted on and so
psychologically what do we do when we
can't count on a future there's no point
in having a vision because Vision means
disappointment now here's the problem
with that even though it's really hard I
still want yall to try to cultivate it
it's been beaten out of you and it's not
a good idea but literally if you look at
the science of Charisma and you want to
become a more charismatic in individual
developing a vision is a key part of it
okay and let's understand why because in
this world where everything is falling
apart if you occasionally meet a human
being who has Vision about their life in
the future holy that's so inspiring
right so let's focus on Vision so let's
understand a couple of fundamentals the
first is that vision is not a goal so
when you're trying to develop your
vision of Life anything in your mind
that is a goal which is by the way how
you've been conditioned to think right
promotion this percentage of you know
increase in salary this kind of
certification this kind of award reward
this kind of achievement this kind of
whatever like it's always goals goals
goals goals goals I want to lose 5
pounds that's different from I want to
live a life of Health right my body is a
temple what does that mean those are
those Vision kinds of statements that
then you move towards in a particular
way and when you have a solid vision of
your life then people will sort of
notice that in all of the actions that
you do because in pursuing that Vision
you will start to align different parts
of your life and people will be like wow
that person is so organized so how do we
develop this Vision first thing that we
do is we get rid of goals has nothing to
do with goals second thing is that we
want to really think about what are the
ideals that you want to live your life
towards and be as floofy and
uncalculated as possible all those
thoughts that you've let go by the
wayside because they're not useful and
you can't achieve them in this world is
something that you need to start to
develop now Vision also gets coupled
with vision implementation and if we
look at the research on Charisma these
two things are really important it's not
enough to have an ideal in life you also
need to be able to implement it and the
implementation of your vision involves
three steps the first is clarification
and this is kind of also step one
because you know we kind of say I say
like develop a vision you're like at
this point in the video you haven't done
that yet right so what you really want
to do is really start to think about
what do I want my life to look like when
I look back on it what do I want my life
to be perceived as by other people what
would make me happy on my deathbed if my
life was this way and I can guarantee
you that if you kind of like well I
guess not guarantee you but it's not
going to be a particular Target right
like when you're 80 years old and you're
thinking back to your life and you're
like man the one thing that makes me
really happy is that when I was 28 years
old and I applied for that promotion I
got that particular promotion at that
particular company and thank God I
achieved that goal because that has made
my life worthwh no it doesn't work like
that right when you look back on your
life what are the ideals that you were
shoo shooting for what was the direction
that you wanted your life to go these
are Concepts like you know I want to
create a story that inspires people or I
see that there's a lot of suffering in
this world and I want to capture that
suffering and share it with other people
in the in the form of like a story or
something like that these are kind of
more floofy sort of ideas right I want
my body to be a temple I want to live a
life that I can be proud of I know it
sounds kind of bizarre but that's all
Vision stuff and the next thing is to
just simply clarify that idea and as ask
yourself a little bit about why do I
want this what's important to me and the
more you do that kind of introspective
work the more that you will develop
Vision the second thing about Vision
implementation is structure so now that
we have some kind of Ideal and it
doesn't have to be fully fleshed out it
can be a work over time right is there's
a big part that people who are goal
focused and not Vision focused kind of
focus on which is the what so I want to
accomplish this thing it's all about the
Target right what's the target we're
shooting for we want to increase sales
we want to lose 10 lb it's all these
targets and we love targets because
they're easy to measure and the other
thing is that everybody else loves
targets because it's a quick way to
reduce us to a number it's a way to rank
a mass of human beings so we want to
abandon that way of thinking when it
comes to Vision so Vision implementation
is about structure and what we mean by
that is where when and how so for
whatever ideal you have don't focus on
what the goal is focus on when you're
going to do it where you're going to do
it and how you're going to do it so it's
not even about the goal it's really
about the process and the more that you
focus on the process of it the where the
when the how and if you say to yourself
okay I want to live a life of beauty
what the hell does that mean so then ask
yourself where am I going to live a life
of beauty when am I going to live a life
of beauty how am I going to live a life
of beauty what does that mean that means
that okay I'm going to make some kind of
artwork and present it on March 27th
2024 at this particular community of art
local artists or whatever right so as
you tunnel down into the when where and
how it's not about the what or whether
you achieve your goal or not achieve
your goal it's when are you going to do
it where are you going to do it and how
are you going to do it whatever appeals
to you there's no right or wrong okay
the next part of vision implementation
is strategic thinking so this may sound
like kind of common sense right like oh
I should like think strategically about
my life but that's not actually what
happens so let me give you all an
example so let's say that I have some
kind of setback in life let's say I get
dumped and what is our experience of
being dumped we usually don't think
about our life in a strategic way right
the setback hurts us so much we start to
develop all these views about the
opposite sex or maybe the same sex we
start to lose our faith and love and
humanity and all this kind of stuff we
let these events around us shape our
future so what strategic thinking means
is when it comes to your life and you
have a vision that you want to move
towards and you figured out a where a
when and a how inevitably things ain't
going to go your way because you're just
learning how to do this stuff and how do
we respond when things don't go our way
this is where human beings are very good
at strategic thinking when it comes to
work but they are very bad at strategic
thinking when it comes to their own
lives because at work there's no
emotions involved there's no ego
involved there's no like usually parents
involved right but when it comes to our
own lives we can't think about our life
strategically because when things don't
go away our way we feel bad and then we
want to drink or we want to get high or
we want to play video games or whatever
we don't think about things
strategically so what does it mean to
think strategically so that's where when
you have a vision or a particular
direction that you want to go and you've
sort of figured out the where when how
anytime you have a setback you think
about okay how can I move past this
right how can I circumvent whatever has
just happened and continue moving
towards my vision it's about sort of a
strategic approach to always moving
forward it's not about a goal it's not
about achieving a a particular thing
although you can let a goal roll in it's
no big no big deal but to really think
about for any setback you have in life
what can I do about this how can I move
past that and what we sort of know from
the science of Charisma is it's when
human beings start to do this that other
people around them are like wow look at
that person they're attracted to this
right because what does this look like
from the outside wow that person did not
let a setback hold them back this person
persevered through success men they are
moving relentlessly towards a particular
goal it's not a goal it's actually a
vision right they're and the when where
how means that they're actually doing
stuff so this is a huge part of Charisma
the next thing that we're going to talk
a little bit about is communication
style and authenticity and we're going
to kind of roll these together even
though they're separate factors so the
main thing that we can do to boost our
Charisma is to be more authentic now
what does that mean so if we sort of
think about let's say things that are
naturally attractive so let's say like
there's 's a campfire okay and if you
sort of think about a campfire it's very
inviting right it's like warm it's
cheery it's crackly it looks cool it's
like fire bro and it's also like it
feels good to like sit next to it right
so we're sort of naturally attracted to
campfires so how do we have other people
be naturally drawn towards us we have to
be authentic and why is that it's
because when people can't trust us they
will not be attracted to us so we
currently have a society that is built
on distrust so dating profiles are very
calculated methods of distrust right
you're trying to advertise some of this
stuff oh yeah the person never mentioned
that they've got kids or they never
mentioned that they're actually in jail
or like you know there's all kinds of
stuff there's so much deception going on
in the world today with employees
employers with each other with
relationships and youall know what I'm
talking about because if you've tried to
exist in this world you've realized that
being authentic is like kind of stupid
and you get punished for it and at the
same time the more that you can develop
that authenticity the more people will
be drawn towards you right because they
know what they're going to get and the
primary concern that so many people have
in the world right now is that you can't
trust people so if you are one of the
people that people can actually trust
that's going to be a huge chunk of
Charisma and we've already looked at
some of the data and there's a lot of
data that shows that you know
authenticity is very very important now
there are a couple of caveats to
authenticity because we don't want to be
authentically like negative and spewing
all that crap right so what we really
want to be authentic about is our sense
of vision our sense of direction who we
aspire to be you can share some
negativity there's no problem in that
but what we really want you to do is try
to be your authentic best self and if
there's a chunk of negativity in there
that's actually okay because that shows
you as being more authentic the problem
right now is that a lot of people
confuse authenticity of self as verbal
diarrhea for for all of my trauma and
those are not the same two things I mean
sure that's one version of authenticity
but that's the kind of authenticity that
you should have with a therapist right
not people that you met 5 minutes ago on
the internet and then the third thing
that we're going to focus on is a
particular kind of communication style
which is the most important part of
Charisma now this communication style
it's not just that you can do these
three or four tips and then you're going
to be charismatic there's absolutely
pieces of that but this communication
style is built on the other two so the
next thing about authenticity is if
you're trying to figure out what is too
authentic what is not authentic I would
encourage you to temper your
authenticity with compassion so in Asia
like East Asia like India China some of
these areas that have like Buddhist and
Hindu Roots they have this really
interesting approach to truthfulness so
they say that there's this thing called
SATA which is something you should
aspire to you should try to be truthful
all the time but they say that Satya is
subject to aimsa which means nonviolence
and so when they're trying to figure out
how honest should I be or should I share
this or not share this it's not that I'm
radically honest and so I'm going to be
an to you because this is my
authenticity no what they mean is that
your truthfulness should be subject to
compassion so compassion should be your
number one goal and truthfulness should
be in service to that so if you're
trying to figure out should I share this
should I not share this is this part of
my authentic being think about letting
compassion temper that what will this
authenticity due to the people around me
and this is where you say well doesn't
that mean you're not being authentic
because you're starting to hide things
no you don't want to fake positive stuff
so you want to let stuff out that is
absolutely authentic but you want to
temper with compassion as much as
possible now we're going to get to the
third part which is communication style
and communication style is absolutely
like certain techniques that you can do
but these are subject to number one and
number two so as you develop a vision as
you clarify a Vision as you start
implementing a vision as you start
practicing authenticity and compassion
this is where we get to communication
and so what we want to communicate is
number one and number two right so you
want to share authentic things you want
to share what your vision is with people
you don't want to brag about it I did
this I did this my body's a temple I'm
doing this I'm so cool look at me I'm so
Alpha but what we really want you to do
is clarify your communication and the
way that we do this so when people when
you ask people you know what is the key
aspect of like communication for someone
who's charismatic and it's that they're
very clear with their communication and
there's a very easy technique to develop
that which is actually to practice
writing so with whatever you end up
talking about or communicating with
other people write about it first now a
lot of people are super surprised by
that but I'll give you all a simple
example so people will look at me and
arguably I'm somewhat charismatic right
and let's let's let's use the Dr K test
so if you think I'm charismatic great if
you don't think I'm charismatic well I
don't know so maybe I'll still fail the
test and I'll fail these Dimensions so
when youall kind of like look at me
right what do yall see do you think that
I'm authentic do you think I'm
transparent do I communicate things in a
clear way do I have a vision of what I'm
trying to accomplish so as we check
those boxes because it's not that I'm
like particularly sexy right like I know
that some people think that and oh my
God Dr K is such a thirst trap I don't
think so bro like I'm a 41-year-old dad
of two who exercises intermittently I'm
not that attractive right got a decent
head of hair I'll give you that but at
the end of the day these are the
qualities that I try to Aspire to right
it's having a Clear Vision of what we're
doing it's trying to be as authentic as
possible with y'all and at the end of
the day it's communicating things in a
clear way so let's focus on that number
three so when I started streaming on
Twitch everyone was like oh my God this
guy is so good at talking about stuff oh
my God he's so brilliant oh my God right
and believe me I love it but I'm going
to give you all the little hack that I
use to pretend to be smart which is that
I write about everything before I open
my mouth so before I did my
first stream on Twitch around the time I
did my first stream I was writing a book
on video game addiction I was writing a
book or I wrote a book about the
neuroscience and psychology of
Technology it is this 160 page Mammoth
tone that is absolute garbage right so
everyone's like oh my God Dr K can I
read it no it sucks trust me you don't
want to read it but what that process of
writing when I wrote 160 pages and like
88,000 words it clarified all of my
ideas so that when I opened my mouth it
made me sound like I was a smart person
I'm not actually that smart I just
figured this piece out about clear
communication and that's why I'm sharing
it with you so when it comes to clearly
communicating the most important thing
that you can do is write out your
thoughts you don't have to stick with
them you don't have to repeat them or
memorize them or anything like that but
if you look at the Neuroscience of
writing and speaking when we go through
the process of verbalization and sort of
writing this stuff out this is when we
actually clarify our thinking and now
the cool thing is when you open your
dumb mouth all of the thinking has
already been done so that when you start
speaking it comes out super clear
because most people when they
communicate they're thinking at the same
time right so just think about this for
a second when you're having a
conversation and you formulate some kind
of response to a question that's the
first time you're thinking about it so
if it's the first time you're thinking
about it how clear do you think it's
going to be and this is why most
conversations are not filled with
brilliant Revelations but if you want to
have conversations that are filled with
brilliant Revelations start writing
about it the simple Act of writing will
clarify the thoughts and then when you
speak you will sound much much clearer
much more competent so I know it sounds
kind of crazy but it turns out that
physical attractiveness is a small
percentage of Charisma accounts for
10.5% of the variance of Charisma and
there are other things that are
absolutely in your control that you can
use to level up your charisma plus three
to Charisma baby look at that racial
bonus from D and D hell yeah dude make
you a strong Paladin make you a strong B
it's going to be lit plus three to
Charisma baby how do we do this Vision
Vision implementation authenticity and
communication if you can do these four
things all of the literature about the
science of Charisma from business to
psychology suggest that you will improve
your charisma by about 44% right that's
the variance of these three categories
roughly actually that's not correct but
it'll go up quite a bit I'm confident to
that and the coolest thing is that this
is something that is not based on the
jawline that you were born with or the
way that your face looks and especially
in a world where everyone is trying to
survive a single human being who can
speak clearly has a vision that they're
implementing and is someone that you can
trust well wouldn't you be attracted to
them so give it a shot and level up your
charisma and you will be thanking me for
them that's dumb see I didn't think
through this yet so now I don't know how
to close it because now I sound like an
idiot do you all see how different it is
when I haven't thought I didn't think
through how I was going to end this
video and now I sound like a dumbass so
maybe that's the best proof I can give
you so now go and do it hey y'all if
you're interested in applying some of
the principles that we share to actually
create change in your life check out Dr
K's guide to mental health it combines
over over two decades of my experience
of both being a monk and a psychiatrist
and distills all of the most important
things I've learned into a Choose Your
Own Adventure format so check out the
link in the bio and start your journey
[Music]
today
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