3 habits that kill your confidence | Shadé Zahrai | TEDxMonashUniversity

Summary

This video discusses how self-doubt develops in childhood and manifests in adults through unhealthy thought patterns that trap people in inaction. It identifies three common 'mind pits' fueled by self-doubt: failure to launch where overthinking leads to analysis paralysis; treading water where people fail to commit and finish goals; and destination obsession where achievement feels unfulfilling. Practical solutions are provided to reframe limiting narratives, find meaning to sustain motivation, take purposeful breaks, and compare oneself compassionately. By recognizing and reshaping habits that exacerbate self-doubt, we can rediscover our innate confidence and potential.

Takeaways

• 😟 Self-doubt is a learned behavior that manifests in unhealthy thought patterns
• 😯 There are 3 common 'mind pits' caused by self-doubt: Failure to Launch, Treading Water, and Destination Obsession
• 🌟 Children don't naturally doubt themselves - self-doubt emerges over time through life experiences
• 📝 Overthinking and rumination drive the Failure to Launch pit, preventing action
• 😫 The Treading Water trap causes people to start projects but fail to finish them
• 🏆 Destination Obsession makes people chase goals without feeling fulfilled
• 💡 Reframing negative self-talk into empowering language can help overcome self-doubt
• 🙏 Connecting your work to a greater purpose provides meaning and motivation
• 🧘‍♀️ Take purposeful breaks to avoid burnout and reset perspective
• 👪 Self-worth shouldn't be tied solely to achievements and comparisons with others

Q & A

What are the three main 'mind pits' that lead to self-doubt?

The three main 'mind pits' are: 1) Failure to Launch - being stuck in a cycle of preparation without taking action, 2) Treading Water - starting things but failing to finish them, 3) Destination Obsession - chasing achievement after achievement without fulfillment.

How does the 'failure to launch' mindset manifest?

The 'failure to launch' mindset leads to overthinking, rumination, procrastination, and getting stuck in perpetual research and preparation without ever taking action.

What is an effective strategy for overcoming the 'failure to launch' pitfall?

An effective strategy is to shift your internal narrative from disempowering to empowering language, moving from 'why' questions to 'what' action questions. Taking immediate action, even if small or imperfect, can short-circuit overthinking.

What causes people to start things but fail to finish them?

A lack of meaning or purpose often causes people to lose motivation and interest partway through goals or commitments, leading them to constantly seek out new things before reaching the finish line.

How can finding meaning help overcome the 'treading water' trap?

Identifying a clear 'why' or bigger purpose behind goals and commitments makes it easier to stay focused and push through challenges to reach the finish line.

What fuels the 'destination obsession' mindset?

Destination obsession is often fueled by upward social comparison and a feeling of never having accomplished enough, leading to chasing short-lived happiness through achievements.

Why might bronze medalists feel happier than silver medalists?

Research shows bronze medalists tend to compare downwards and feel happy to have medaled at all, while silver medalists compare upwards and feel they failed by missing gold.

How can you avoid falling into the destination obsession trap?

Setting boundaries, scheduling purposeful breaks, and disconnecting self-worth from achievements can circumvent the destination obsession cycle.

Are we born with self-doubt?

No, we learn self-doubt through developmental patterns and life experiences - but that also means we can unlearn it by building more empowering habits.

What is the key takeaway of the presentation?

Raising self-awareness to notice and counteract habitual thought patterns before they escalate into confidence-killing mind pits allows us to tap into our innate potential.