Imposter Syndrome Is Holding You Back In Life...
Summary
TLDRThis video script delves into imposter syndrome, a psychological phenomenon where individuals feel like frauds despite their accomplishments. It explains the distressing experience and explores the origins, often rooted in childhood, where comparisons to 'golden children' or parental expectations can instill a belief that success should be effortless. The script highlights how imposter syndrome paradoxically drives overachievers to work harder due to an intense fear of being exposed, and although it's not a psychiatric diagnosis, it's pervasive in high-achieving environments. The video offers insights into cognitive patterns that maintain this syndrome and suggests ways to challenge these thought processes to alleviate its effects.
Takeaways
- 🤔 Imposter syndrome is the feeling of being a fraud or not deserving one's success, often accompanied by a fear of being exposed as incompetent.
- 🔍 People with imposter syndrome tend to attribute their accomplishments to external factors like luck, rather than their own abilities or efforts.
- 💡 The concept of imposter syndrome was initially discovered among high-achieving women who felt like imposters despite their success.
- 👶 Imposter syndrome often has its roots in childhood, stemming from being the sibling of a 'golden child' or being viewed as a gifted child with high parental expectations.
- 🏆 Success for those with imposter syndrome paradoxically leads to a decrease in their sense of competence, as they feel they don't deserve their achievements.
- 🔑 A common cognitive pattern in imposter syndrome is the failure to attribute one's success to personal effort and competence.
- 🤷♂️ Imposter syndrome is not officially recognized as a psychiatric diagnosis, and therapists may not be trained to address it specifically.
- 🛠️ Challenging cognitive patterns, such as devaluing one's own efforts and attributing others' successes to hard work, can help in overcoming imposter syndrome.
- 👨👧👦 High-achieving families often contribute to imposter syndrome by valuing achievements but not acknowledging the effort behind them, leading to a belief that success should be effortless.
- 🎯 Imposter syndrome can be seen as an adaptive response that, while causing suffering, also drives individuals to work harder and achieve more.
- 🤝 Developing a sense of pride in one's own accomplishments and not relying solely on external validation is key to combating imposter syndrome.
Q & A
What is imposter syndrome and how does it make people feel?
-Imposter syndrome is a psychological pattern where individuals doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent fear of being exposed as a 'fraud'. People with imposter syndrome often feel like they are living a fake life and are terrified that others will discover they do not truly belong or are not as competent as perceived.
What is the connection between imposter syndrome and the concept of a 'House of Cards'?
-The 'House of Cards' metaphor is used to describe the feeling of imposters that their success is a fragile facade that could collapse at any moment, revealing their perceived lack of competence or worthiness.
How does imposter syndrome affect a person's self-esteem after achieving success?
-Contrary to the typical boost in self-esteem after success, individuals with imposter syndrome may feel worse about themselves, believing they have faked their accomplishments and do not deserve their success.
What is the role of HG coaches in addressing imposter syndrome?
-HG coaches are trained on a curriculum that helps understand and address imposter syndrome. They assist individuals in building the life they want, including careers, relationships, and personal growth, by focusing on lasting behavioral change.
What are two common backgrounds from which people develop imposter syndrome?
-Two common backgrounds include being a sibling of a 'golden child' or 'gifted kid' where comparisons are often made, and being a 'golden child' or 'gifted kid' themselves where parents may denigrate their efforts, leading to a belief that success should be effortless.
Why do people with imposter syndrome feel that their achievements should be effortless?
-This belief stems from their upbringing, where they may have been told or felt that their intelligence or talents should naturally lead to success without much effort, creating a fear that if they struggle, there must be something wrong with them.
How does imposter syndrome paradoxically lead to more success?
-Imposter syndrome can be an adaptive response that leads individuals to work harder and not relax, fearing that any mistake could expose their perceived fraudulence, thus driving them to achieve more to maintain their facade.
Why is imposter syndrome more prevalent in high-achieving environments?
-Imposter syndrome is more common in high-achieving environments because the syndrome itself drives individuals to work harder and achieve more, creating a cycle of increased success and heightened feelings of being an imposter.
How can someone with imposter syndrome begin to challenge their cognitive patterns?
-One can start by attributing their success to their own efforts, recognizing when they deserve credit, acknowledging that others may also get lucky, and developing a sense of pride in their own accomplishments rather than relying on external validation.
Why is it important for someone with imposter syndrome to take pride in their own accomplishments?
-Taking pride in one's own accomplishments helps to break the cycle of imposter syndrome by shifting the focus from external validation to internal satisfaction and self-worth, which can lead to healthier self-esteem and a more balanced perspective on success.
What is the significance of the imposter syndrome being an 'adaptive response'?
-Labeling imposter syndrome as an 'adaptive response' highlights that while it causes suffering, it also serves a purpose by driving individuals to work harder and achieve more, thus it is both harmful and beneficial in certain contexts.
Outlines
🤔 Understanding Impostor Syndrome
This paragraph introduces impostor syndrome as an internal experience where individuals feel like frauds, fearing that others will discover their perceived lack of competence. It discusses the stress and fear associated with this syndrome, and the paradoxical effect of success on the self-esteem of those affected. The speaker also mentions the creation of HD to address the lack of effective resources for managing impostor syndrome, highlighting the importance of understanding what drives and changes behavior.
🧐 The Origins and Impact of Impostor Syndrome
The second paragraph delves into the origins of impostor syndrome, often rooted in childhood experiences such as being the sibling of a high-achieving 'golden child' or being viewed as a gifted child oneself. It explains how parental attitudes and expectations can contribute to the development of this syndrome. The speaker also discusses the paradox that success does not lead to a sense of competence for those with impostor syndrome, but instead reinforces their feelings of being undeserving and fraudulent.
🚀 The Adaptive Nature of Impostor Syndrome
This paragraph explores the idea that impostor syndrome, while distressing, can be an adaptive response that paradoxically leads to increased effort and success. The speaker describes how high-achieving individuals, including students from prestigious universities and professionals from high-performing institutions, may suffer from impostor syndrome. It discusses the cycle of panic and hard work that characterizes those with the syndrome, and how this can lead to even greater achievements.
🛠 Cognitive Patterns and Overcoming Impostor Syndrome
The final paragraph focuses on the cognitive patterns that maintain impostor syndrome, such as not attributing success to personal effort, attributing others' successes to hard work, and an emphasis on pleasing others. The speaker suggests strategies to challenge these patterns, including reflecting on one's own contributions to success and considering the role of luck in others' achievements. The paragraph concludes with the idea that developing self-pride and not relying on external validation is key to overcoming impostor syndrome.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Imposter Syndrome
💡Cognitive Patterns
💡Golden Child
💡Effort
💡Success
💡Self-Esteem
💡External Validation
💡Childhood
💡Adaptive Response
💡Therapy
💡Panic
Highlights
Imposter syndrome is characterized by a persistent internal belief of being a fraud despite external evidence of competence.
Individuals with imposter syndrome feel like their success is due to luck or deception rather than their own abilities.
Success for those with imposter syndrome paradoxically leads to a decrease in self-esteem and an increase in feelings of fraudulence.
Imposter syndrome often originates in childhood, influenced by family dynamics and parental expectations.
Growing up in a family with a 'golden child' or being one can both lead to the development of imposter syndrome.
Parents who devalue effort and focus solely on achievement can contribute to a child's feelings of imposter syndrome.
High-achieving individuals, such as those from prestigious universities or companies, are often not immune to imposter syndrome.
Imposter syndrome can be an adaptive response, driving individuals to work harder despite the emotional toll.
The syndrome is not a psychiatric diagnosis and is not formally recognized in therapeutic training, making it difficult to address in traditional therapy.
Cognitive patterns that maintain imposter syndrome include not attributing success to personal effort and devaluing one's own achievements.
Impostors often attribute their success to external factors and luck, rather than their own competence and hard work.
A common cognitive distortion is the belief that others' successes are due to hard work, while one's own are due to luck.
Imposters place a high emphasis on pleasing others and seeking external validation for their achievements.
Developing a sense of pride in one's own accomplishments, independent of external validation, is key to overcoming imposter syndrome.
Imposter syndrome is prevalent among successful individuals, suggesting it may be an adaptive response to high-pressure environments.
Challenging cognitive patterns and focusing on internal validation can help alleviate feelings of imposter syndrome.
The video suggests that recognizing one's own efforts and successes is a practical step towards combating imposter syndrome.
Imposter syndrome is a complex phenomenon that affects high achievers and can be both a source of stress and a driver of success.
Transcripts
today we're going to talk a little bit
about imposter syndrome and let's start
off by understanding what the experience
of having imposter syndrome is like
the people with imposter syndrome
oftentimes feel like imposters they feel
like they're living a fake life they
tend to be terrified that one day
someone will figure out that they don't
actually belong
they sort of have have this impression
of themselves that they've somehow
managed to skate by and trick everyone
into thinking that they're competent and
so they always kind of feel like the
House of Cards is about to come tumbling
down so it's a very stressful experience
to feel like an imposter and to have
imposter syndrome hey there thanks for
watching and I'm glad these videos have
been helpful a lot of times I'll read
the comments and see people asking well
what do I actually do about it which is
a great question and unfortunately the
resources out there haven't been that
great which is precisely why I started
HD in the first place HG coaches are
trained on a curriculum that integrates
my understanding of what motivates us
what paralyzes us and most importantly
what leads to Lasting behavioral change
if you're ready to take the next step HG
coaches can help you build the life that
you want they've helped people build
careers help people find relationships
build networks of friends and even do
things like discover their passions or
pursue Hobbies so if this sounds like
something that you'd be interested in
check out the link Link in the
description below there are a couple of
other key features which are really
important to understand the most
important is actually that someone's
accomplishments don't actually lead to a
sense of competence so if we look at a
normal person when I succeed or
accomplish something what tends to
happen is my self-esteem gets a boost
right like after all I was successful I
did a good job I should feel better
about myself but with someone with
imposter syndrome the opposite actually
happens when someone with imposter
syndrome succeeds or accomplishes
something instead of at actually
boosting their competence they somehow
arrive at the conclusion that they've
faked it that they don't actually
deserve to be successful they they
didn't actually achieve something
through their own effort and so
paradoxically the better they do the
worse they feel about themselves and so
where does imposter syndrome really come
from how does someone start to think
this way and so research shows that it
actually begins usually in childhood so
there are two main sort of profiles of
people who develop imposters syndrome
the first profile is sibling of a golden
child or gifted kid so these are
situations in which someone grew up
having a usually an older sibling who's
very very accomplished and frequently
that families would make comparisons
between the person who eventually
develops imposter syndrome and The
Golden Child these are situations in
which growing up you know parents will
say things like oh you know your oldest
sibling is so smart they're so talented
they do such a good job it seems like
the older sibling is effortlessly
successful and meanwhile you've got the
younger sibling who's terrified and
struggling to keep up because they've
got very very big shoes to fill a lot of
Parental expectations and if my older
brother and sister are able to do it I
should be able to do it too
the other interesting thing is that the
other group of kids who grew up to have
imposter syndrome actually deal with
those pressures directly themselves they
are sort of viewed as a gifted kid or
Golden Child and these kids tend to come
from high achieving families that put a
lot of pressure on their kids and the
key thing here is that parents of
children who grow up to have imposter
syndrome will appreciate the child's
accomplishments but won't appreciate or
actually denigrate the efforts that the
child has to go through so these are
parents who wouldn't sort of say hey you
did you got an A that's a really good
job you must have worked really really
hard to get that a in fact what these
parents will do is they'll say they'll
sort of assume that the child should get
an a right because you're smart and
because we're smart and because you're
so smart and talented everything should
be easy for you and so when they start
to deal with a child who sort of and
kind of put a pressure on them that
everything should be easy for you what
does that do to the child it creates a
very very scary situation where oh I
managed to do a good job which is what I
was supposed to do right so like I got
an A that's what I'm supposed to do but
it's supposed to be easy for me but it
actually it was hard for me and so what
starts to happen is they start to lose
confidence in themselves and they start
to believe that achievement should be
effortless in nature and if I am having
to work hard to get an A then there must
be something wrong with me so these are
the two backgrounds that lead to
imposter syndrome if we kind of tunnel
down to what is the common shared
feature the most common feature of
imposter syndrome is this idea that the
more success you have the more you
accomplish the less competent you feel
in yourself and this is something that I
was I got super interested in so when I
was doing my residency at Massachusetts
General Hospital we got a lot of kids
who were like college students from MIT
in Harvard and places like that and I
saw something really Czar which is that
these kids should feel really confident
in themselves right these are some of
the smartest kids most talented kids
most accomplished kids in university in
the United States and yet they have
really bad self-esteem problems and as I
continued working with kind of like high
Achievers I noticed that imposter
syndrome kept on cropping up over and
over and over again and I got kind of
confused right because as I worked with
like Bankers from places like Goldman
Sachs or like you know other really
talented people entrepreneurs CEOs
things like that game developers from
like you know very prestigious companies
I was super surprised that I was seeing
more and more and more imposter syndrome
and so I started to think a little bit
about okay hold on a second like why is
this okay so we sort of know that the
more you accomplish you're not able to
develop a sense of competence but why is
it that all of these people at high
performing institutions are winding up
with imposter syndrome because I thought
that imposter syndrome is like a bad
thing right these are people who are
suffering with imposter syndrome they're
stressed out all the time they're afraid
that everything is going to come
crashing down around them but this is
when I sort of realized that imposter
syndrome isn't a bug it's actually a
feature and if you look at research on
imposter syndrome which you begin to
realize and if you work with these
people is that the reason that imposter
syndrome is so prevalent and is so hard
to deal with is because it's actually an
advantage in some ways
so imposter syndrome is essentially an
Adaptive response it's something that's
a painful adaptation it's an adaptation
that leads to suffering but it's
absolutely an adaptation so let's
understand why imposter syndrome is
actually hard to kick and what it
actually does for people so let's start
by looking at a normal person okay so a
normal person works really really really
hard and then they accomplish something
they succeed in some way and when they
succeed in something they feel good
about themselves and what do they do
they go out and they celebrate on the
flip side someone with imposter syndrome
when they work really really really hard
and they achieve something how do they
feel about themselves they feel
terrified they feel like oh my God I got
so lucky I barely scraped by I got so
lucky that the professor likes me
otherwise I wouldn't have gotten an A
and so what do they do after they get an
A they actually double their efforts
they actually work twice as hard they
don't relax at all they actually work
harder because remember if in your mind
you are maintaining this elaborate
facade that could come crumbling down
around you at any moment you can't relax
at all right because if if you make a
single mistake everything's gonna come
tumbling down you have no sense of
Reserve you have no sense of resilience
you can't rely on things to work for you
and it's because you're kind of like
screwing up right like you're on the
verge of everything coming crashing down
there's no room for relaxation and so
now we can begin to see that the
behavior of someone with imposter
syndrome actually leads them to more and
more success which is precisely why you
have more and more imposters in more
successful places
and for the record you know back in
residency I did a lot of work with like
homeless people I worked in the jail for
a few months and I didn't see a single
case of imposter syndrome in the
homeless population there aren't people
out there who are like oh my God I'm not
really homeless like people are going to
figure this out and that everything is
going to come crashing around in fact
imposter syndrome correlates with
outward achievement and so this is the
really bizarre thing is that these are
people who should feel really confident
in themselves in fact imposter syndrome
just as a quick historical side note was
actually discovered in high functioning
and high performing women who despite
the fact that they were very very
successful felt like imposters
so now that we understand that imposter
syndrome actually encourages people to
work extra hard and is sort of like an
adaptation that leads to more success
and accomplishment how do we tackle this
and this is where things get a little
bit tricky because technically imposter
syndrome is not actually a psychiatric
diagnosis so you can't be diagnosed with
imposter syndrome because it's not even
officially recognized by therapists
psychologists psychiatrists and
furthermore it's not something that the
average psychologist or psychiatrist or
therapist gets any training in so if you
look at the formal kind of curriculum
that therapists get trained in imposter
syndrome usually has zero hours of
training and this is something
unfortunately that we've had to deal
with at healthy gamer because we get a
lot of clients in our coaching program
who've actually tried therapy and
discovered that the amount of help that
they got with imposter syndrome was
highly variable so the therapists were
really good at dealing things with like
anxiety disorders and mood disorders but
unfortunately we've seen a lot of
unfortunate outcomes in terms of
imposter syndrome and therapy now this
doesn't mean that you can't get help
from a therapist and I've worked with a
bunch of people with imposter syndrome
and I think I've been able to help them
a lot I have a lot of colleagues who've
been very successful but you should know
that your mileage may vary
so today what we're going to do is talk
a little bit about how imposter syndrome
gets maintained so that you can
challenge some of the cognitive patterns
that you may be dealing with so
researchers have discovered something
really interesting when it comes to
imposter syndrome since it's not really
a diagnosis it kind of gets maintained
through particular patterns so unlike
something like a mood disorder which may
be like neurotransmitter mediated or
things like that like maybe a serotonin
deficiency or for example a panic
disorder is an inappropriate activation
of your adrenaline system it seems like
imposter syndrome is actually reinforced
through particular cognitive patterns
and what we're going to share with you
today is what those patterns are how to
find them and even how to counteract
them so the first pattern involving
imposter syndrome is not attributing
your success to your effort so if you
talk to an imposter and you ask them
okay why are you successful you'll get
lots of answers that have nothing to do
with them oh I I ended up going to
Harvard because my parents are smart I
ended up going uh getting promoted
because I'm lucky I ended up Landing
that contract because uh you know the
people thought I was very friendly or
they took pity on me the successes of
people with imposter syndrome are
actually never taken on by themselves so
they always attribute their successes to
some external factor or luck and when
you do that what that sort of means is
that you can't log a w in the W column
right because you don't really deserve
to be successful that success has
nothing to do with your actual
competence
and so this is what's really interesting
there's actually research that shows
that you can actually ask someone with
imposter syndrome to think a little bit
about what they did to deserve a win and
this is the kind of thing that we'll
teach our coaches and it actually works
surprisingly well is simply to ask
someone so anytime you have some sort of
accomplishment you sort of think a
little bit about what you did to deserve
it
and think a little bit past your
knee-jerk reactions for why you're
successful so instead of just assuming
that you were lucky and that's why you
got an A oh it turns out that I missed
one review session and that review
session wasn't on a test that's why I
got the a whereas this person is
ignoring the 90 of the stuff that they
did right they went to class every day
they did their homework every day they
went to all the other review sessions
that were on the test they got notes
from a friend so there's a really
interesting cognitive pattern that
happens in people with imposter syndrome
which is that they actually devalue
their own efforts that lead to success
so what you want to do if you struggle
as an imposter is any time you're
successful pay attention to that first
thing that your mind says which is that
you're lucky and instead think a little
bit about what did you do to deserve
this
the second cognitive pattern that
maintains imposter syndrome is that we
attribute other people's successes to
hard work so when someone else gets
promoted when someone else gets an a
that's because they worked really hard
and they really deserve it right they
didn't get lucky there was no nepotism
involved or anything like that everyone
else's successes they deserve but my
successes I don't deserve so the second
cognitive pattern that we need to attack
is that one so this is a situation where
when you see someone else succeed what
is your default response in your mind
wow they really deserve it and so this
is where what we actually want to do is
flip the script a little bit and start
to ask yourself well what are the
advantages that they had in what ways
did they get lucky and even articulating
some of this stuff starts to challenge
this cognitive pattern the third
cognitive pattern in imposter syndrome
is an emphasis on pleasing others so
when when you're successful or not it
really has nothing to do with you so
your idea of success if you're an
imposter is is what do other people
think so if I get an A and this is where
kind of that high achieving families
Dynamic comes in when I get an A what do
other people think about it that's what
imposters care about so if you're a kid
who grew up with a sibling who was a
golden child even if you get an A no one
is proud of that accomplish in and of
itself right they're not proud of that
accomplishment what they're proud of
what you're kind of doing is you're
comparing your accomplishments to other
people so one of the things that we know
about people with imposter syndrome is
they're very very concerned with
external opinions and external
validation and that's why we're so
terrified of of you know everything
coming crashing down and people will
will it'll be revealed that we're
imposters and we don't actually deserve
our success so when you succeed the mind
of someone that with imposter syndrome
is going to default to thinking about
what other people think so when I get an
A on a test I'm not happy until my
parents say good job kid you're so smart
when I do a good job at work what I
really care about about I can't relax or
feel competent or feel proud until my
boss says good job and once I've made my
boss happy I have maintained the scam
right this is another day that's gone by
at work where they haven't figured out
I'm incompetent and my boss still thinks
that I'm a good person right so we
really care what other people think and
we're not able to take pride in our own
accomplishments the idea that I can be
proud of something and someone else may
be disappointed in it is completely
foreign to someone with imposter
syndrome that just does not compute at
all there's no way I can be proud of
something and someone else be
disappointed in something
and so this is the thing that we kind of
want to tackle is to develop a sense of
pride in our own accomplishments and
that too can be done somewhat simply by
simply asking yourself okay when you do
a good job at something how do you feel
about it and you may say well how do I
know if I've done a good job well you
just think about it for a second right
so if you went to work today
you can ask yourself what can I be proud
of that I did today if you cooked a meal
what can you be proud of what are you
actually satisfied with was the meal
tasty to you is there any part of it
that you can be proud of and the key
thing is that people with imposter
syndrome actually skip this step they
try really hard to skip that step and
they substitute it with well what did
other people think about the meal that I
made so if you want to challenge this
cognitive pattern of imposter syndrome
just stop for a second and think a
little bit about what can I take prior
pride in what can I actually be proud of
so at the end of the day imposter
syndrome is something that we're seeing
more and more and more and bizarrely the
people with imposter syndrome are the
ones that kind of deserve it the least
so the more accomplished you are the
more likely you are to to feel imposter
syndrome and we've seen this a lot in
our career coaching program in our
creator coaching program where we work
with people like YouTube creators and
twitch creators and all of them have
imposter syndrome and why is that it's
because imposter syndrome is not
actually it while it's harmful it's also
adaptive so it's a harmful adaptation
and how is it adaptive well that's
because someone with imposter syndrome
instead of celebrating when they do a
good job what they actually do is panic
and work twice as hard and if you really
think about it instead of celebrating if
you're panicking all the time and
working twice as hard do you suffer sure
but you're also going to be very very
accomplished and very successful because
you're working hard all the time and as
people are able to acknowledge the
things that they've done that deserve
success as people are able to
acknowledge that if someone else is
successful maybe they got a little bit
lucky too and lastly as people are able
to take pride in themselves instead of
relying on someone else's validation
that's when you see start to see
imposter syndrome get a lot better
تصفح المزيد من مقاطع الفيديو ذات الصلة
Break Free from Nice Guy Syndrome | No More, Mr. Nice Guy | Dr. Robert A Glover | Book Summary
What hallucination reveals about our minds | Oliver Sacks
Imposters: The psychology of pretending to be someone you're not: Matthew Hornsey at TEDxUQ
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