How To Be Calm And Precise In An Argument
Summary
TLDRDieses Video skizziert fünf Tipps von Dr. Jordan Peterson, wie man Diskussionen gewinnt, ohne dass jemand 'zerstört' wird. Es geht darum, auf gemeinsame Punkte hinzuweisen, den anderen zuzuhören und zu verstehen, um offener für neue Perspektiven zu sein. Peterson betont die Notwendigkeit, die eigene Identität von den Meinungen zu trennen und aus einer Neugierde heraus zu kommunizieren, um ein besseres Verständnis der Wahrheit zu erlangen. Das Video fordert dazu auf, zwischen 'richtig sein' und 'richtig handeln' zu unterscheiden, um eine klare Wahrheitsfindung zu erzielen.
Takeaways
- 📚 Das Ziel eines Arguments sollte nicht sein, den anderen zu 'zerstören', sondern das Problem zu lösen.
- 🏆 Gewinnen eines Arguments kann die Beziehung beschädigen, wenn es ohne Takt getan wird.
- 🤝 Beginne Diskussionen oft mit der Festlegung der Übereinstimmungen statt der Differenzen.
- 🗣️ Verwende die Aussage 'Es scheint so, als', um die eigene Interpretation der Meinung des anderen einzuführen und Korrekturen einzuladen.
- 🔍 Überprüfe, ob du die Meinung des anderen richtig verstanden hast, bevor du auf deine eigenen Punkte eingehen.
- 🌟 Eröffne deinen Standpunkt, indem du deine guten Absichten hervorbringst und das Gefühl vermittelst, dass du nicht versuchst, den anderen zu 'fallen lassen'.
- 🧘 Trenne deinen Ego von den Ansichten, die du in die Diskussion einbringst, um eine offene und konstruktive Unterhaltung zu ermöglichen.
- 🤔 Verwende Phrasen, die zeigen, dass du das Argument und nicht die Person kritisiert, um die Verteidigungsmechanismen des Ego zu umgehen.
- 🔄 Zeige Bereitschaft, deine eigenen Ansichten zu überdenken, um das Vertrauen des anderen zu stärken und eine offene Diskussion zu fördern.
- 🤝 Validiere die Person und ihre Bedenken, um ein Gefühl der Verständigung und des Austauschs zu schaffen.
- 💡 Stell dir vor jedem Argument die Frage: 'Möchte ich Recht haben oder möchte ich das Richtige tun?', um eine klare Wahrheitsverständigung zu erzielen.
Q & A
Was ist das Hauptthema des Videos?
-Das Hauptthema des Videos ist, wie man Diskussionen gewinnt, ohne dass jemand 'zerstört' wird, mithilfe von Tipps von Dr. Jordan Peterson.
Welche Rolle spielen 'destroy' Videos auf YouTube?
-Auf YouTube sind 'destroy' Videos populär, bei denen Menschen gerne zuschauen, wie andere in Diskussionen unterlegen sind oder emotional zusammenbrechen.
Was sagt Jordan Peterson über das Ziel von Diskussionen?
-Jordan Peterson betont, dass das Ziel von Diskussionen nicht darin besteht, den anderen zu 'zerstören', sondern gemeinsam ein Problem zu lösen.
Was sind die fünf Tipps von Dr. Peterson, um Diskussionen zu gewinnen?
-Die fünf Tipps umfassen: 1) Auf gemeinsame Punkte aufmerksam machen, 2) Klarstellen, was man versteht, 3) Gutgemeintes betonen, 4) Ego von der Diskussion trennen, 5) Offen für neue Perspektiven bleiben.
Wie kann man die Zustimmung des Gegenübers in einer Diskussion fördern?
-Man kann die Zustimmung fördern, indem man auf gemeinsame Punkte eingehen und diese ausbauen, um das Gesprächspartner das Gefühl zu geben, gehört und verstanden zu werden.
Was ist der Unterschied zwischen 'It seems like' und 'What you're doing'?
-'It seems like' lädt zur Korrektur ein und zeigt ein Bemühen um Dialog, während 'What you're doing' den anderen direkt seine logischen Sprünge unterstellt.
Wie kann man in einer Diskussion gut gemeinte Kritik äußern?
-Man kann gut gemeinte Kritik äußern, indem man seine guten Absichten betont, z.B. 'Ich versuche dich nicht zu fangen, ich meine es ernst'.
Was bedeutet es, Ego und Meinungen in einer Diskussion zu trennen?
-Es bedeutet, dass man erkennt, dass seine Meinungen nicht unveräußerlich sind und dass man sie ändern kann, ohne sich selbst zu verlieren.
Wie kann man zeigen, dass man offen für neue Ideen ist?
-Man kann zeigen, dass man offen für neue Ideen ist, indem man die Bereitschaft zur Selbstreflexion und zum Ändern seiner Meinungen betont.
Was ist die zentrale Botschaft des Videos?
-Die zentrale Botschaft ist, dass man in Diskussionen nicht darauf bestehen sollte, Recht zu behalten, sondern vielmehr danach streben sollte, die Wahrheit zu erforschen und zu verstehen.
Was ist BetterHelp und wie kann es hilfreich sein?
-BetterHelp ist ein Online-Dienst, der es Menschen ermöglicht, professionelle Beratung von zu Hause aus zu erhalten, um in verschiedenen Lebensbereichen Fortschritte zu machen.
Outlines
😀 Das Geheimnis des Argumentierens
Dieses Video skizziert fünf Tipps von Dr. Jordan Peterson, wie man Diskussionen gewinnt, ohne dass jemand 'zerstört' wird. Es untersucht die Bedeutung von Konsens, die Bedeutung der Zustimmung, die klare Kommunikation der eigenen Meinungen ohne Angriff auf die andere Person, die Trennung des eigenen Egos von den Meinungen und die Bedeutung, offen für neue Perspektiven zu sein. Der erste Tipp ist, Diskussionen mit der Festlegung von Übereinstimmungen zu beginnen, nicht von Differenzen. Peterson demonstriert in einem Gespräch mit Sam Harris, wie die Betonung von Zustimmung die Offenheit für andere Sichtweisen erhöht. Zudem wird gezeigt, wie man die eigene Meinung klar ohne Angriff auf die andere Person darstellt und wie man die eigene Bereitschaft zur Selbstreflexion signalisiert.
🧐 Trennung von Ego und Meinung
Der zweite Absatz konzentriert sich darauf, wie man sein Ego von den Meinungen trennt, die man in eine Diskussion einbringt. Es geht darum, zu erkennen, dass unsere Ansichten nicht unbedingt 'unsere' sind, sondern von anderen übernommen wurden und dass wir sie ändern können, ohne einen wesentlichen Teil von uns selbst zu verlieren. Peterson verwendet eine Phrase, die zeigt, wie man eine andere Person nicht als falsch, sondern ihre Argumente in Frage stellt. Dies hilft, die Ego-Verteidigungs-mechanismen der anderen Person nicht zu aktivieren und die Diskussion produktiv zu halten. Man betont, dass man bereit ist, seine eigenen Meinungen zu überdenken, was die andere Person verstehen lässt und offen für Veränderung hält.
🤔 Die Bedeutung der Neugierde im Argumentieren
In diesem Abschnitt wird betont, dass man in einer Diskussion eine neugierige Mentalität annehmen sollte, um die beste Perspektive zu gewinnen. Es wird empfohlen, sich nicht nur darauf zu konzentrieren, 'richtig' zu sein, sondern 'richtig' zu verstehen. Peterson teilt, wie man von einer Mentalität wegwechselt, die darauf abzielt, 'richtig' zu sein, zu einer, die darauf abzielt, 'richtig' zu bekommen. Er betont die Bedeutung, offen für neue Informationen zu sein und wie dies zu einer klareren Wahrnehmung der Wahrheit führen kann. Zudem wird ein Sponsor erwähnt, der Online-Beratung anbietet, was für Menschen nützlich sein kann, die Hilfe benötigen, um durch ihre Probleme zu kommen.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Destroy-Videos
💡Straw-Man
💡Winning an Argument
💡Takt
💡Points of Agreement
💡Expanding on a Point
💡Clarification
💡Ego
💡Non-Identification
💡Be Right vs. Get It Right
💡Curiosity
💡BetterHelp
Highlights
Destroy videos on YouTube are popular, but winning an argument doesn't necessarily mean solving the problem.
Jordan Peterson emphasizes the importance of not just winning but finding solutions in discussions.
Establishing common ground is a key starting point for disagreements, as demonstrated by Peterson.
Agreeing and expanding on the other person's point can make them more open to new ideas.
Using phrases like 'It seems like' invites correction and shows a desire for dialogue.
Clarifying the other person's point in a way they would agree with is crucial for effective communication.
Establishing good intentions can help make your stance clear without making the other person feel attacked.
Separating ego from views during a discussion can prevent personal attacks and maintain a productive conversation.
Disagreeing with a perspective without attacking the person can help keep the conversation calm and productive.
Validating the individual and their objections can make them feel understood and open to change.
Showing willingness to reconsider your own opinions can foster a more open and persuasive discussion.
The mindset of being open to learning rather than just being right can lead to a clearer understanding of the truth.
Jordan Peterson's calm demeanor in discussions may be attributed to his experience as a clinician.
BetterHelp is recommended for those seeking professional counseling to discuss personal issues.
Counseling can be valuable for individuals who are stuck or need a professional to listen and help work through problems.
The video encourages viewers to ask themselves if they want to be right or get it right before engaging in an argument.
Transcripts
There’s a phenomenon of “destroy” videos on Youtube, it seems that we love to watch
people have meltdowns when they’re verbally bested.
Now we normally consider the person who did the destroying to be the winner of those interactions.
But there is different take which I want to examine today in this video.
And we’re going to be using Jordan Peterson in his recent conversations with Sam Harris
as an example.
Now here is the problem in his own words, Jordan: “you’re going to have contentious
discussions about how to move forward, and it’s very frequently the case that your
words will be--that you’ll be straw-manned, your words will be taken out of context, the
other person, and you too, will try to win instead of trying to solve the problem”.
Winning an argument and even destroying the other person isn’t the same as solving the
problem.
Worse, winning an argument can damage the relationship if it isn’t done with tact.
So in this video, we’re going to look at five tips from Dr. Peterson on how you can
win arguments without either person having to get destroyed.
Now to be clear, there are times when Jordan is going to be more aggressive or defensive,
and maybe I will do another video on those type of point scoring debates if that’s
something you’re interested in.
But for now, the first tip that you need to know is that you should begin most disagreements
by delineating not where you differ, but where you agree.
Which is where Jordon started in his discussion with Sam Harris in Vancouver, Jordan: “I
thought what I might do, is just lay out some places that I think Sam and I agree and because
there’s lots of places we agree.”
And in this next clip and you’re going to see concretely how calling out areas of agreement
can make someone more open to alternate viewpoints, for context the student who’s asking the
question is pointing out what he perceives to be a potential hole in Jordan Peterson’s
argument against hate speech laws.
Watch how Jordon responds and notice how the student begins to nod, Student: “Feel as
if they can’t really engage in retaliatory you know clarificatory discourse against them
because they fear the potential repercussions, even if they don’t lead to violence, they
just fear it so much that it might irrationally or rationally even drive them”, Jordan:
”Oh it happens, it happens all the time!
In fact, it’s the standard situation, you know if you look across the world…”
Essentially Peterson spends the next two minutes agreeing and expanding on the student’s
point.
Now the student nods through much of this because Peterson is expanding on the issue
that the student himself raised.
The more that Jordan elaborates on the student’s point, the more that he feels heard and understood.
What’s interesting is that when Jordan then lays out a perspective the student hasn’t
considered before, the nodding continues, Jordan: “And so the consequences of the
regulation become, incalculably worse as a problem than the problem that they were designed
to deal with.
To think otherwise is to think in this sort of Utopian manner”.
Now if Jordan just lept into what this student had missed, that nodding probably would not
have been there and more importantly, the student would not have been open to a new
idea.
But in laying out the points of agreement and expanding on the point of the person that
you are speaking with, you actually create more likely likelihood that they’re going
to open up to other perspectives.
When you’re trying to establish your points of commonality or even you’re differences,
you don’t actually know for certain if you understand what the other person thinks.
So what is best to speak in terms like these, Jordan: “Okay so then, it also seems like
we agree that the core element of tribal alliance, which would have its roots in the Chimpanzee…”
Jordan: “Well, you’re basically--what you’ve basically stated, so far as I can
tell, there would be a socio-culture agreement…”
To be crystal clear you can’t just say “so you’re saying” and then fill in the straw
man argument, we saw how that turned out in the other video we did on Jordan Peterson.
You have to clarify the other person’s point in a way that they would agree with.
Now when this is done in good faith, there is a profound difference between using the
phrase “It seems like” and simply saying “What you’re doing”.
“It seems like” invites correction and it comes from a desire to engage in a dialogue,
rather than telling the other person what logical leaps they’re making.
I also mentioned the phrase it seems like in our last video on tells that you’re dealing
with an arrogant or person who is lacking in confidence so if you want to know more
of those go ahead click below to check that video out.
But you will eventually have to come to contentious points of disagreement in your conversation
in your conversation, it’s inevitable.
And there is a number of ways to make your stance clear without making the other person
feeling attacked.
You can begin, for instance, by establishing your good intentions like this, Jordan: “What’s
the--and I’m not trying to trap you here I’m seriously not”.
Jordan: “We’re on the same page there, now but, what I noticed when you wrote the
moral landscape, and I’m not trying to trap you, you tell a story about…”
It’s counter to instinct, but you need to come back to this feeling of not wanting to
trap the other person and you need to do it often.
When you say this congruently it diffuses the core issue with most arguments, which
is we so easily become identified with our views, after all, they're OUR views.
So when those views are attacked and dismantled, we as individuals feel attacked and dismantled.
This does sound extreme but being trapped in an argument can feel like being trapped
by a predator.
This brings us to point four, you need to separate your ego and the other person’s
ego from the views that you had when you entered the discussion.
This is hard!
It means recognizing that your views aren't really yours.
You picked them up from somewhere and you can change them without losing an essential
part of yourself.
Non-identification with your opinions is a huge topic that's bigger than this video
because it's going to affect everything from arguing, your general level of life satisfaction
and many more things.
But for the purpose of this video, make it clear that you’re not attacking the person.
You are merely disagreeing with a particular perspective and here’s an excellent phrase
to help you do that, Jordan: “The problem I have with your argument, and this isn’t--I
don’t mean that you’re wrong, I see what you’re doing and I see why you’re doing
it, and as far as I can tell is laudable.
But the problem is, as far as I can tell, there’s problems it doesn’t solve and
there’s other problems it leaves unaddressed that don’t have to be unsolved or unaddressed”.
This is especially effective because deep down people are terrified of being wrong,
the existential feeling of being wrong for the world is one of the deepest and most common
human insecurities.
That’s why we cling to our stuff, our identities and our arguments.
If they are right, we feel like we must be right.
So in saying that “I have an issue with the argument” and by the way in saying
“the argument” as opposed to “your argument” is wise because in saying that you make it
clear that you don’t think the individual is tied to that argument.
When you do that you’re saying that the individual themselves isn’t wrong, you avoid
triggering their ego and its defense mechanisms and you hopefully keep things calm and productive.
This is a pattern of validating the individual, and the same pattern is going to play it with
specific objections that they might raise up against your points like this, Sam: “Then
there must be a deeper level of reality that explains why they both work that can’t be
reducible to Christianity being true or being Hinduism being true.”
Jordan: “Yeah that’s--look Sam that’s a--there’s absolutely nothing wrong with
that objection.”
And you’ll make the other person feel understood and open to change by noting your own willingness
to reconsider your own opinions, like this, Jordan: “One of the things that I’ve been re-considering
since we talked last night, is the nature of our dispute about the relationship between…”
but rather than belabor these points let me make one larger distinction that ties them
all together.
In order to win in any argument, the best thing you can do is not identify with “your
perspective”.
Instead realize that you are improved on your deeply held perspectives are challenged to
the point of breaking and even when the person you’re talking isn’t so nice about it,
Jordan: “And so one of the things you have to remember when you’re discussing things
with people, even if they’re out to defeat you let’s say, is that there is some glimmering
of the possibility that you could walk away with more knowledge that you walked in with,
and that’s worth--that can be worth paying quite a price for”.
Actually internalizing the mindset is a massive undertaking, meditation helps, even so, you’re
likely to slip back into defending your ego attachments, it’s part of being human.
But If you can manage to try to have to conversation with a truly curious mentality the relationship
will go better, you’re going to be more likely to be persuasive if you raise valid
points and you just might learn something.
So if you take only one thing from this video before enduring your next argument, discussion,
debate, whatever you like to call it.
I’d advise it to be this, ask yourself “Do I want to be BE RIGHT?
Or do I want to do what it takes to GET IT RIGHT?”.
You might not destroy anyone with that mentality but you're going to win the argument because
you’re going to walk away with a clearer understanding of the truth.
Now I think a huge reason that Jordan is capable of being so calm during these interactions
is that of his time as a clinician, he learned to listen and help people who often feel attacked.
If you feel like you often don’t get the chance to speak to people who genuinely just
listen without an agenda to defeat, trap, or impose their view of how you should live
on you, you might find our sponsor BetterHelp useful.
Now, this is something that I’ve recommended to friends I’ve actually used it myself,
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So I hope that you enjoyed this video, if you are interested in BetterHelp, go ahead
click below and check that link out and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.
Actually, I forgot, one other thing, if you want to see that video on debates that might
be more point scoring televised, feel free to let me know in the comments.
I’m not definitely going to do it because it's not a situation that we often find ourselves
in, but if it’s one you’re interested in go ahead and let me know in the comments
and maybe I can do it.
Take care!
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