Show Up for Yourself - A Message for Those Feeling Stuck
Summary
TLDRThe speaker passionately addresses the unfairness of life, urging viewers to stop expecting it to be equitable. They share personal struggles, including their parents' divorce and financial hardships, to emphasize the importance of self-accountability. The message is clear: despite external circumstances, one's success is determined by their own actions, perseverance, and the courage to face and overcome internal challenges. The speaker advocates for a mindset shift towards self-improvement and taking control of one's destiny.
Takeaways
- 😀 Life isn't always fair, and it's important to stop expecting it to be so and focus on what you can control.
- 👨👩👧👦 Some people are born into privilege and have opportunities handed to them, but this is not something we can control or change.
- 💪 Taking control of your own life means showing up for yourself every day, regardless of external circumstances.
- 🏠 You can't control your family background or circumstances, but you can control your own actions and decisions.
- 🕒 Discipline and consistency in daily habits like waking up on time, studying, and exercising are within your control and are crucial for personal growth.
- 🚫 Avoid focusing on things you can't control, as it can lead to a victim mentality and prevent you from making progress.
- 🔒 Recognize that often, the only thing holding you back is yourself, and taking accountability is the first step to overcoming obstacles.
- 🏋️♂️ Success requires both hard work and smart work; start by working hard to gain the experience needed to work smart.
- 🤔 Be honest with yourself about your efforts and performance, using self-reflection as a tool for improvement.
- 🪞 The 'accountability mirror' concept involves looking at yourself honestly and taking responsibility for your actions and their outcomes.
- 🌐 Everyone has the freedom and opportunities to shape their lives, but it requires personal effort and accountability.
Q & A
What is the main message of the speaker regarding life's fairness?
-The speaker emphasizes that life is inherently unfair and one should stop expecting it to be fair. Instead, focus on what one can control and take personal responsibility for one's life.
How does the speaker describe the impact of their parents' divorce on their life?
-The speaker describes the parents' divorce as sudden and emotionally devastating, leading to feelings of abandonment, loneliness, and confusion. However, they chose not to use it as an excuse to avoid responsibilities or commitments.
What does the speaker suggest as the first step to overcoming life's challenges?
-The speaker suggests taking full accountability for oneself as the first step to overcoming life's challenges. This includes recognizing and controlling one's actions and reactions to life's events.
Why does the speaker criticize the mindset of 'working smart to avoid working hard'?
-The speaker criticizes this mindset because they believe that working hard is a necessary precursor to working smart. One must gain experience and learn from failures to understand how to work effectively.
What is the 'accountability mirror' concept mentioned by the speaker?
-The 'accountability mirror' is a concept where one looks at themselves honestly in a metaphorical mirror, acknowledging their shortcomings and areas for improvement without sugarcoating or making excuses.
How does the speaker relate their personal hardships to the importance of self-accountability?
-The speaker uses their personal hardships, such as their parents' divorce and the emotional trauma that followed, to illustrate the importance of self-accountability. They highlight how overcoming these challenges required them to take responsibility for their own healing and growth.
What is the significance of the Navajo reservation experience mentioned by the speaker?
-The Navajo reservation experience is significant because it taught the speaker about gratitude and the joy of living with less. It served as a stark contrast to their own complaints and realization of the opportunities and luxuries they had, prompting a change in perspective.
What role does the speaker believe excuses play in a person's life?
-The speaker believes that excuses are a form of self-sabotage, preventing individuals from taking necessary action and holding themselves back from achieving their full potential.
How does the speaker define 'taking massive accountability' for oneself?
-Taking massive accountability involves a lifelong process of recognizing and owning one's actions, emotions, and decisions. It includes addressing emotional traumas, committing to self-improvement, and continuously striving to be a better person.
What advice does the speaker give for dealing with emotional trauma?
-The speaker advises dealing with emotional trauma head-on by finding healthy outlets such as journaling, meditating, and engaging in self-reflection to understand and heal from past experiences.
What is the speaker's view on the importance of pursuing one's dreams despite life's difficulties?
-The speaker strongly advocates for the pursuit of one's dreams regardless of life's difficulties. They believe that the cost of not chasing these dreams and living with regret is far greater than any challenge one might face in the pursuit.
Outlines
🤔 Embracing Inevitability of Life's Unfairness
The speaker acknowledges the inherent unfairness of life, emphasizing that it's unproductive to expect fairness. They discuss the disparity between those born into privilege and their own background as a child of immigrants, highlighting the importance of focusing on controllable aspects of life, such as personal effort and self-improvement. The speaker encourages viewers to take responsibility for their actions and attitudes, rather than blaming external factors or feeling like victims. They stress the importance of hard work and self-accountability as the key to overcoming personal limitations and achieving one's goals.
🏋️♂️ The Necessity of Hard Work Over Excuses
The speaker criticizes the mindset of seeking shortcuts and avoiding hard work, using the example of people who aspire to 'work smart' without understanding that hard work is a prerequisite for smart work. They argue that it's essential to put in the effort first and learn from failures before one can effectively work smart. The speaker also addresses the tendency to make excuses for oneself while being quick to blame external factors for setbacks. They introduce the concept of the 'accountability mirror' from David Goggins, which involves being brutally honest with oneself about one's actions and shortcomings, as a tool for personal growth and transformation.
💔 Overcoming Personal Adversity Through Accountability
The speaker shares a deeply personal story about their parents' divorce during their eighth-grade year, which led to a significant emotional upheaval and a period of separation from their mother. Despite the turmoil, they chose not to use their situation as an excuse to shirk responsibilities or commitments. Instead, they took full accountability for their actions and emotions, recognizing the importance of dealing with emotional trauma head-on. The speaker emphasizes the value of self-reflection and the lifelong process of taking accountability for personal growth and healing.
🌟 Pursuing Dreams Amidst Life's Challenges
The speaker encourages viewers to pursue their dreams and callings despite life's hardships, using their own experiences to illustrate the importance of perseverance and self-accountability. They highlight the contrast between the privileges many have and the hardships faced by others, such as during their missionary work on the Navajo reservation, to underscore the need for gratitude and the pursuit of purpose over societal expectations. The speaker calls for a wake-up call to identify one's purpose and to live in pursuit of it, regardless of the challenges faced.
🛣️ The Price of Regret Versus the Pursuit of Dreams
In the final paragraph, the speaker reflects on the cost of not pursuing one's dreams and the potential regret that comes with it. They stress that the sacrifices made in the pursuit of one's aspirations are far less than the pain of regret that could be felt later in life. The speaker urges viewers to consider what is truly important to them, to live in alignment with their values, and to continuously strive for improvement, regardless of the difficulties encountered along the way.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Accountability
💡Fairness
💡Control
💡Opportunities
💡Hard Work
💡Self-Worth
💡Victim Mentality
💡Emotional Trauma
💡Commitment
💡Gratitude
💡Regret
Highlights
Life isn't fair and one should stop expecting it to be so.
Some people have opportunities handed to them, but this is out of one's control.
The speaker acknowledges their parents' immigrant background and the hardships they faced.
Control over one's life is about showing up for oneself every day.
The importance of self-accountability in personal growth and development.
Controlling aspects of life such as waking up on time, studying, and exercising.
The speaker emphasizes that they are an investment worth making in themselves.
A critique of people who focus on things they can't control and play the victim.
The realization that the only thing holding one back is oneself.
The speaker's personal struggles with insecurity and self-accountability.
A discussion on the necessity of working hard before working smart.
The critique of the mindset that seeks to avoid hard work by working smart.
The importance of taking full accountability for oneself in all aspects of life.
The concept of the 'accountability mirror' introduced by David Goggins.
The practice of being brutally honest with oneself to foster growth.
The speaker's personal experience with their parents' divorce and its impact.
The importance of not using personal hardships as an excuse for lack of progress.
The need for emotional healing and addressing past traumas for personal growth.
The power of gratitude and learning from communities with fewer resources.
The call to action for individuals to pursue their dreams and take responsibility for their lives.
The potential cost of regret if one does not take accountability and chase their dreams.
Transcripts
let me break something to you all right
life isn't fair no matter how you slice
it it will never be fair so stop
expecting it to be fair
there will always be people out there
that
come up in perfect households that have
Mom and Dad work incredible jobs and
then they serve them these opportunities
on a silver platter so they don't raise
a finger and their entire lives already
made for them then they post on social
media that they're in Aruba for the 12th
time
I don't know life's not fair
but those things are out of your control
you know I can't control the fact that
my parents are immigrants I can't
control the fact that they never step
foot in a college
nor can I control the fact that they've
always worked tedious and difficult jobs
just for us to get by
I can't control the fact that they got
divorced
hand control
that's what I can control
as simple as that sounds I can control
showing up for myself every single day
because even if I don't matter to anyone
else
no matter how much I feel that way
that the world is against me
I matter to me
I can control that
I could control waking up at a certain
time each day
I can control studying another hour
I can control running another mile I
could control staying strict with my
diet
I can control those things you see
because I'm
an investment worth making
I've told myself that
and so every single day is showcasing to
myself that I really do matter
that's what you can control
okay and some of you guys won't even
control that some of you guys are
wasting your time and energy focused on
things that you can't control and then
you whine and act like a victim and
saying I can never get
to where I want to be in life because if
X Y and Z when reality the only thing
holding you back is you
it's you it's me the only thing that was
always holding me back was not the fact
that my parents didn't come for money
that I looked different from everyone
growing up no it was because I was
insecure
it's because I felt guilt
it's because I would hold every other
person
in the world accountable but when it
came to me I gave myself a pass
I was holding me back
and
I think this is probably my biggest pet
peeve
I get these people like
let me give you a little bit of context
on me my parents could never afford to
live in the neighborhoods that we lived
at but they made some poor financial
decisions so that
we were always living
day by day right
and my parents were always being dead
but they were trying to uphold us a
lifestyle that we couldn't actually keep
up with and so while it looked like we
were all good we weren't good I promise
you that
but I grew up in a community that was
very well off and
man you would hear this all the time
this is my biggest pet peeve it's oh I'm
trying to figure out how to work smart
so I don't have to work hard
what are you
are you honestly are you
because I don't buy it for a second
yes I do believe that working smart
is absolutely
a necessity once you figure out how to
work smart but you got to work hard you
got to get enough body of work enough
experience failing to be able to know
how to work smart right rather than
sitting there with their hands behind
your back and just waiting for
opportunities on your lap and you're
like oh no I'm not gonna pursue this
because I'm gonna try and figure out how
to work smart
it is
outrageous okay
you have to work hard you have to work
hard you've got to stop getting this
mindset of
oh I'm gonna figure out how to work
smart and then I work hard work hard
first
and then figure out how to work smart
after that and then once you put those
in combination then yeah you'll become a
Powerhouse but stop running away from
hard work just because you're making all
these excuses in your own mind you are
holding yourself back you want to
exercise your freedom on the world but
you don't want to exercise it on
yourself you are so quick the moment the
world tells you that you can't do
something to shut it down but you won't
say anything to you when you're not
doing what you're supposed to be doing
you'll give yourself every excuse in the
book so let yourself feel good about you
you will say oh it's been a long week oh
I haven't had much sleep oh it's been
really stressful for me oh I'm going
through a breakup oh I deserve this rest
but let the government do that to you
let your school or let your employer do
that to you then you are irate then you
are pissed off then you are losing sleep
then you are outraged to the point that
you are getting people to sign your
petitions you are straight up infuriated
right yes yes that's a good thing fight
for the things that you believe in but
can we please can we please let those
beliefs include you your life will
change forever the moment you start
taking full accountability for yourself
I can promise you that and so if you
take nothing away from this video
whatsoever please remember that one
point it is so important I've been
listening to this speaker a lot recently
his name is David Goggins and his books
have now become some of my favorites of
all time and he speaks on this concept
called the accountability mirror and
it's one in which I've been applying to
my life on a daily basis and it has
completely transformed the way that I
approach everything
the premise is you look at yourself in a
mirror and you are brutally honest with
everything that you see it's not about
sugar coating it's not about saving your
feelings it's all about recognizing the
fact that this is your life that you
must start taking control and stop
waiting on someone to come and try and
save your life because it ain't
happening right and so if I was to
reenact this
and we use my hand here as a mirror it
would look something along the lines of
this
June your presentation was absolutely
horrendous today
the audience was disengaged this entire
time you forgot a few of your main
points and that made you stumble across
multiple slides and it would
continuously bleed in to the subsequent
topics and the whole thing was a mess
and it wasn't because the presentation
was hard in and of itself it was because
you were so overly confident about it
you thought that this was going to be so
easy that you could skip those practices
you could skip those rehearsals that you
normally would do and that put you in a
position to fail and you failed
miserably June you took off a lot of
sets in the gym today you certainly
didn't give it your full effort you were
acting like things were a lot harder
than they actually were because you
wanted to leave earlier June you didn't
give it your 100 and now you are feeling
guilty about it
June you didn't get a good grade on your
exam again similar to that presentation
not because it was difficult in and of
itself not because of that excuse in
which you told everyone else but in
reality you didn't try hard enough do
better and
I understand that might sound cheesy or
cliche or cringy to you even and it
might seem useless but I can promise you
it's quite the opposite it is empowering
and it is necessary because if you don't
ever take the time to intentionally be
real with yourself you will continue to
live this disillusioned life that
everything is okay and that you are the
victim and that you have no control over
the things that happen in your life and
by the time when you are 50 and some
chaotic thing happen in your life some
crisis happened and it wakes you up from
that nightmare you're gonna recognize
the fact that it's a little bit too late
right now you have the responsibility to
look at yourself in this accountability
mirror and
take responsibility for everything and
that is the first step for you to
actually build the lifestyle that you've
always dreamed of it's not going to be
handed to you it's not going to be
gifted to you again life isn't fair you
don't have parents they're gonna hand it
to you on a silver platter it's your
responsibility go out there and take it
and I know that you can let me tell you
a story and this is one in which is dear
to my heart and very personal to me
because it has to do with my parents
divorce but I want to share it with all
of you because one I trust you guys and
I believe this is a family that we've
created together and I am so honored to
have it and number two I believe it's
necessary
I want to be as transparent as possible
every opportunity that I get because I
need you to see the things that I'm
telling you aren't just pulled from thin
air
no these are real experiences that I
went through these are real painful
hardships that I had to overcome but it
was in the process of overcoming those
seemingly unbearable hardships at the
time
that I've learned so many of the things
that have enabled me to be the person
that I am today
and I hope that as I share these
vulnerable moments with you in my past
that you can learn and take away certain
things and apply it to your life without
having to experience the same things
because I don't waste that on anyone so
let's get right into it my parents
divorced when I was in eighth grade I
like to say and
I've always been close to both of them
but at that age I was particularly close
with my mom and the reason for that
was because my dad had always worked
12-hour shifts but my brother my sister
were then at the ages in which they had
responsibilities outside of the house
they had clubs or sports or just hanging
out with their friends on the weekends
because they're much older than I
and so they spent a majority of their
time outside of the house whereas I was
in the house with my mom and my mom
didn't work
um after she had gone through some
surgeries and
she also never had her license while I
was also in the house because I was too
young to have my license so we spent a
ton of time together so we were really
close it was a big part of everything
that I did and when I tell you that my
parents divorce was sudden I don't know
how better to describe that
to save you all the minute details
basically overnight my mom had moved to
a different country permanently and I
had lost contact with her for three and
a half years straight
overnight did I mention that
if that sounds bizarre it's because it
was it was
a whirlwind of emotions at that time
I felt abandoned broken lonely I felt
guilty I felt sad I felt terrified
and
what made matters worse was it wasn't
that I was just missing my mom but to
see your dad go through something like
that was heartbreaking because your
dad's supposed to be your hero growing
up you never see him break down but he
had the hardest years of his life during
that three and a half years he didn't
really recover
that quickly
and so
I was having to deal with the absence of
my mother
deal with my dad going through a really
tough time
but
add another element to this I was so
confused
my sister and my dad in hopes to protect
me
didn't tell me much at all didn't tell
me what was happening behind the scenes
and didn't really tell me all the
details and so
me
being that young I was just lost
altogether in life and I had to grow up
really quickly
the funny thing is
I never used that as an excuse
not one time
register my brain to utilize it as an
excuse
I think it would have made a ton of
sense if I stayed home
for a few days I think it would have
made sense for me to
skip practices what made sense for me to
skip events
at that time I was a club leader
I was
leading at my church but I didn't take
off at all for any of these
responsibilities because I knew I'd made
a commitment and if my parents had ever
taught me anything when I was growing up
it was the idea that you stay committed
to something long after the emotions in
which you originally set them in have
subsided and now even though I could
utilize my parents
divorce as an excuse for me to take some
time off
I didn't
and I didn't even tell anyone I didn't
want sympathy from people I knew that
it was a big moment in my life
I also knew that I needed to take full
accountability of where I was in that
current moment mentally physically and
spiritually and I was also accountable
for me getting out of it does that make
sense if I was in that situation just
waiting for someone to come and save me
I don't think it would have ever
happened right like I don't think I
would be in the place that I am today in
fact I know that I wouldn't be right I
had to still excel in school to be able
to get all the experiences and the
opportunities that I was able to get in
high school and then in college
I had to work twice as hard because now
I had to do a lot of what my mom used to
do in my life like packed my lunches and
make my breakfast and things of that
nature
but at an early age
in the most heartbreaking years of my
life
I still wanted to
remain accountable for me and taking
accountability didn't mean just putting
my head down and pressing forward
without dealing with any of the inner
work that was required for me to fully
heal at that age I just didn't know how
to do it but once I matured and realized
years down the line that
I was being held back by this emotional
trauma that I went through that I never
addressed it was then when I looked at
myself in what I now call the
accountability mirror
and said
you are not where you're supposed to be
at because you never dealt with this
emotionally so you need to deal with it
you need to deal with it head on you
need to figure out how to journal you
need to figure out how to meditate you
need to figure out how to get in touch
with your inner dialogue and it was very
uncomfortable it was really hard but I
knew it was necessary because that was
another aspect of me taking
accountability right and so it's not
going to be just a one year two year
three year process it's a lifelong
process of always trying to figure out
ways to take massive accountability for
yourself in ways that you didn't even
notice that you could take
accountability prior now you know and so
you better take accountability right
and I believe that everyone needs to
have that type of
accountability for their lives because
life is hard and it sucks and it feels
like a never-ending painful
Quest and I know how defeating that can
feel
but
you must take it in stride you must
learn how to extract the positives out
of it to build on the things that were
good and to work on the things that
weren't good and figure out how you can
be a better human being tomorrow than
you were today it's all part of it but
it's not easy
but I need you to understand that
all of this is about showing up for
yourself it's about recognizing the fact
that you got dreams that you got
callings that you have
A Life That's ahead of you that
you should be pursuing but you
constantly ignore
that calling because you don't think
you're good enough you think that
because life has treated you a certain
way that you're not deserving of it
no you are deserving of it you need to
go out and chase after it and try and
attack it with full force because the
only thing holding you back is you take
a step back and look at where we are a
majority of us are here in the United
States but even if you're not here
you're most likely in a country that has
all these freedoms and opportunities
that most of the world couldn't even
dream to have
and we have all these tools available to
us whether it's in us or around us to
handle the challenges that life hands
our way in a manner that is much more
convenient again than the majority of
the world
and I think about this all the time I
did missionary work at a Navajo
reservation and they didn't have access
to running water nor electricity nor
access to the Basic Essentials or
medications even
and they live the life with so much joy
and it was one of the coolest
experiences that I've ever had because I
learned so much I learned what it meant
to actually live life with gratitude
and their spirit
can't describe it in words but
touched me in a way that really opened
my eyes because here I was that had all
these great opportunities that had all
the luxuries that life could ever offer
and I was complaining way more than they
were I was the one pointing fingers at
everyone else and trying to blame people
for where I was rather than taking
accountability you see we have so much
that we could
utilize to our advantage and again use
it for good so I urge you to do so I
hope that this can be a wake-up call to
figure out what is your purpose what's
important to you not what Society tells
you is important
it could continue to live every day in
pursuit of that and whether you fail or
succeed that day is not the goal but the
goal is to stay in that process no
matter how hard it gets because I
promise you even if the cost of winning
even if the cost of chasing your dreams
seems to be too much I guarantee you it
will never be as much as the price of
regret
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