My Indonesian Girlfriend is "Emotional Retarded"

Summary

A man shares his emotional frustrations about his long-distance relationship with an Indonesian girlfriend, focusing on communication breakdowns and mismatched expectations. He feels misunderstood and triggered by her behavior, especially when she makes emotional remarks or accuses him of acting a certain way. The speaker expresses disappointment in the emotional maturity of his girlfriend, questioning whether the relationship can survive if she continues holding onto unrealistic, delusional expectations. He emphasizes the importance of mutual respect, boundaries, and understanding that feelings in a relationship naturally ebb and flow over time.

Takeaways

• 😀 The speaker feels emotionally triggered and frustrated by their partner’s actions and interpretations of their behavior, leading to misunderstandings.
• 😀 There is a significant disconnect in communication, particularly around emotional expression and expectations. The partner's remarks about the speaker acting 'off' were misinterpreted as criticism rather than care.
• 😀 The speaker feels that their emotional efforts and investments, including long-distance effort, are not being fully appreciated, especially when their partner makes accusations or expresses dissatisfaction.
• 😀 The speaker stresses the importance of emotional maturity, stating that relationships must evolve over time rather than expecting constant novelty or intensity.
• 😀 There’s a strong focus on boundaries and respect. The speaker does not tolerate being mocked, ridiculed, or emotionally manipulated, and they want their partner to respect these boundaries.
• 😀 The speaker feels that their partner’s behavior is rooted in unrealistic emotional expectations that are difficult, if not impossible, to fulfill, leading to dissatisfaction.
• 😀 The partner's emotional withdrawal and cold shoulder are seen as toxic behavior by the speaker, making it harder to resolve conflicts and maintain a healthy relationship.
• 😀 The speaker suggests that if the partner’s emotional needs and expectations cannot be met realistically, the relationship should end, signaling that emotional compatibility is crucial for success.
• 😀 The speaker highlights that emotional issues should not be ignored but expressed constructively, and they feel their partner is too quick to complain without understanding the reality of the situation.
• 😀 The speaker acknowledges the importance of individual perspectives and emotional needs but argues that both people in a relationship need to adjust to reality rather than live in an idealized version of the relationship.

Q & A

What caused the speaker to feel upset during the conversation with their girlfriend?

The speaker became upset after their girlfriend made a remark about them acting 'off' during a conversation. He felt confused and triggered, believing he was just acting normally and was being criticized for no reason.

How did the speaker perceive his effort in the relationship?

The speaker felt he was putting in a lot of effort by investing time, attention, and resources, including saving money and planning travel, to make the relationship work. He believed he should be valued for his commitment.

Why did the speaker feel accused by his girlfriend regarding his text message?

The speaker felt accused of talking to other women when his girlfriend referenced a previous text about his favorite desserts, implying he was copying and pasting messages. This led him to feel offended, as he was not talking to multiple women.

What is the speaker's stance on having to explain himself in the relationship?

The speaker felt frustrated and unwilling to explain himself or justify his actions, especially when accused or questioned unnecessarily. He believed he shouldn’t have to constantly defend his actions.

How did the speaker react to his girlfriend's behavior of giving the 'cold shoulder'?

The speaker was highly bothered by his girlfriend's emotional withdrawal and 'cold shoulder' behavior. He considered it disrespectful and intolerable, particularly in situations where conflicts arose.

What is the speaker's perspective on relationship dynamics, particularly regarding novelty and expectations?

The speaker emphasized that novelty and intense emotions, such as those from the honeymoon phase, naturally fade over time in a relationship. He believes expecting those early sensations to last indefinitely is unrealistic and unfair.

Why does the speaker think that many past relationships with his girlfriend ended?

The speaker speculated that previous relationships with his girlfriend ended because she maintained unrealistic, rose-colored expectations, which were unsustainable. He believed that no one could meet those expectations long-term.

How does the speaker differentiate between showing care and emotionally criticizing someone?

The speaker argued that showing care in a relationship involves supporting and understanding the other person, not criticizing or mocking them. He disagreed with his girlfriend's approach of pointing out when someone is 'acting off' as a way to show care.

What does the speaker think about emotional delusion in relationships?

The speaker believes that emotional delusion—holding onto unrealistic expectations or refusing to accept the natural ebb and flow of emotions in a relationship—is a choice. He sees it as harmful and unproductive, eventually leading to dissatisfaction.

What is the speaker's final stance on the relationship if expectations continue to be unmet?

The speaker stated that if his girlfriend's expectations were unrealistic and continued to cause emotional turmoil, he would be willing to end the relationship. He emphasized that if he couldn't meet her demands, it would be better for her to find someone who could.