5 Signs An Avoidant Is Secretly Obsessed With You (And Won't Admit It)

Summary

This video delves into the subtle signs of obsession in avoidant individuals, exploring how their emotions and thoughts leak out in unexpected ways. Avoidants may mirror your habits, send cryptic messages, redirect negative emotions, compete with you in subtle ways, and experience paradoxical deactivation when you become unavailable. These behaviors are driven by deep-seated fears of vulnerability and dependence. The video offers a deeper understanding of how obsession manifests in avoidants, revealing their internal tug-of-war between wanting connection and maintaining emotional distance.

Takeaways

• 😀 Avoidants don’t directly chase or confess their feelings, but their obsession leaks out in subtle ways.
• 😀 The first leak is mimicking the other person’s habits, which happens unconsciously due to mirror neurons, even years after a relationship ends.
• 😀 Avoidants send mixed signals through cryptic messages or likes to test if the other person is still interested.
• 😀 This behavior is similar to narcissistic supply, where avoidants repeatedly test their connections to fill their emotional cup.
• 😀 Avoidants use emotional displacement to redirect negative emotions, often channeling them into hobbies or work instead of addressing their feelings directly.
• 😀 The obsession of an avoidant is often visible in the way they redirect their energy toward things that remind them of the person they’re obsessed with.
• 😀 Avoidants may engage in competitions, subconsciously seeking validation by outperforming or 'winning' over the person they’re obsessed with.
• 😀 Their desire to 'win' isn’t about malice, but about alleviating internal fears of inadequacy and validating their worth.
• 😀 Paradoxical deactivation occurs when an avoidant experiences a push-pull dynamic, acting distant when someone is unavailable but obsessing internally.
• 😀 The avoidant’s emotional struggles are often masked by their outward indifference or detachment, but they still subconsciously seek control over the connection.
• 😀 The fear of vulnerability and dependence causes the avoidant to maintain emotional distance while still remaining tethered to the person they’re obsessed with.

Q & A

What is the main focus of the script?

The script explores the subtle signs and behaviors that reveal an avoidant individual's obsession with someone, despite their tendency to avoid emotional closeness and avoid confronting their feelings.

What are mirror neurons, and how do they relate to the avoidant's behavior?

Mirror neurons are responsible for mimicking the behaviors, habits, and preferences of others. When someone has feelings for another person, their mirror neurons become hyper-attuned, leading them to subconsciously mirror the actions and preferences of the person they are attracted to, even without realizing it.

How does an avoidant's obsession leak out through mimicking habits?

Avoidants may unconsciously start to mirror your habits, interests, or actions as a way of connecting with you. These behaviors reflect their obsession, even if they do not directly acknowledge or express their feelings.

What is 'breadcrumbing,' and how is it related to avoidant behavior?

Breadcrumbing refers to sending mixed signals, like vague texts or random likes on social media, to keep someone engaged without directly committing to a conversation. For avoidants, this is a way to test the waters and maintain control over their emotional connections without the risk of rejection.

Why do avoidants use breadcrumbing?

Avoidants use breadcrumbing as a way to fill their emotional 'cup' without committing to a deeper connection. They test if the other person is still interested and ensure they aren't at risk of emotional vulnerability by seeking reassurance through subtle interactions.

What is emotional displacement, and how does it affect avoidants?

Emotional displacement is a defense mechanism where negative emotions are redirected to less threatening areas, like work or hobbies. For avoidants, this means that their obsession with someone might show up in their energy being channeled into activities or objects unrelated to the person they secretly care about.

How do avoidants deal with negative emotions in relationships?

Avoidants tend to suppress or redirect their negative emotions, such as guilt or loneliness, rather than confronting them directly. This redirection often ends up focusing on things like hobbies or work, but the emotions related to the original source of their discomfort, like a romantic partner, still linger.

How do avoidants use competition to mask their obsession?

Avoidants may engage in competitive behavior, like trying to win a breakup or outperforming someone, as a way to validate their self-worth and keep their emotional investment hidden. Their obsession with someone is often channeled into this need to prove they are better or more capable.

What is paradoxical deactivation in avoidants?

Paradoxical deactivation occurs when avoidants push away emotionally or act indifferent when they sense the other person becoming unavailable. Despite their outward detachment, they obsess internally and experience intrusive thoughts about losing the person they are emotionally invested in.

How can you recognize paradoxical deactivation in an avoidant?

Signs of paradoxical deactivation in avoidants include sudden bursts of attention followed by withdrawal, subtle jealousy, uncharacteristic gestures, and a performance of indifference. These actions reflect an internal conflict where the avoidant struggles between wanting connection and fearing dependency.