Abandoned By My Parents Because Of My Face | Minutes With | UNILAD | @LADbible

LADbible TV

10 Jan 202112:28

Summary

TLDRThe video script tells the deeply personal journey of a man born with Treacher Collins syndrome, a condition that affected his facial features. Abandoned by his birth parents due to his appearance, he was adopted at the age of five by a woman named Gene, who provided love and support. He struggled with societal judgment, self-esteem, and feelings of isolation, leading to a period of excessive drinking and self-destructive thoughts. However, a pivotal romantic relationship with a girl named Beth helped him gain confidence and self-acceptance. Despite heartbreak, he learned to value himself and later sought closure with his birth parents, who chose not to reconnect. The script ends on a positive note, with the man embracing his identity, finding happiness, and building meaningful relationships without the need for surgery to alter his appearance.

Takeaways

😢 The speaker was born with Treacher Collins syndrome, a condition that affects facial development, leading to the absence of cheekbones and incomplete ear structures.
👶 The speaker's birth parents were horrified by his appearance and left him at the hospital, feeling no maternal bond.
🏠 At the age of five, the speaker was adopted by a woman named Gene, who provided love and support, and never avoided difficult conversations about his condition.
👀 The speaker experienced bullying and ridicule due to his appearance, which led him to feel different and to try to alter his appearance by pushing his eyes up.
💔 The speaker struggled with feelings of loneliness and rejection, believing he would never experience love or form intimate relationships due to his facial differences.
🚫 In his teenage years, the speaker developed a hatred for his face and desired surgery not for medical reasons but to have a 'new face'.
🍻 The speaker turned to alcohol as a coping mechanism, using it to fit in with friends and entertain them at the expense of his own health.
💔 He experienced deep depression and thoughts of wanting to escape life, feeling he didn't belong in a world obsessed with image and looks.
😊 A turning point came when a girl named Beth showed interest in him, leading to a relationship that boosted his confidence and self-acceptance.
💌 The speaker attempted to reconnect with his birth parents but received a clear rejection, which, although painful, he came to respect and accept.
💪 Despite the challenges, the speaker learned to love himself and his face, finding happiness and forming meaningful relationships without the need for surgery or external validation.

Q & A

What condition does the speaker have?
-The speaker has Treacher Collins syndrome, a condition they were born with that affects the development of facial bones and tissues.
What physical features are affected by Treacher Collins syndrome in the speaker?
-The speaker's cheekbones, ears, and jaw are affected by Treacher Collins syndrome. They lack full cheekbones, have incomplete ear structures, and a slightly receded jaw.
How did the speaker's birth parents react to their condition at birth?
-The speaker's birth parents were horrified by the child's appearance, felt no maternal bond, and left the hospital 36 hours later, leaving the child behind.
How old was the speaker when they were adopted?
-The speaker was adopted at the age of five, on May 18, 1990.
What impact did the speaker's adoptive mother have on their life?
-The speaker's adoptive mother, Gene, provided an incredible foundation of love and never avoided difficult conversations about the speaker's face and birth parents, which helped the speaker live a fulfilling life.
How did the speaker initially cope with people's reactions to their appearance?
-The speaker initially tried to make their eyes look like everyone else's by pushing them up in the mirror, hoping it would make them more acceptable to others.
What was the speaker's experience with dating and relationships before Beth?
-The speaker had no real experience with dating or relationships before Beth. They felt they would never be intimate with anyone, have a family, or experience love due to their appearance.
How did Beth change the speaker's perception of themselves?
-Beth's acceptance and admiration of the speaker's face made them feel attractive and confident, transforming their self-perception from feeling ugly to feeling like 'the sexiest guy in the world'.
What was the speaker's relationship with Beth like?
-The speaker and Beth had a healthy relationship for a few months, which was the speaker's first experience of a relationship that didn't rely on external factors for happiness.
How did the speaker attempt to reach out to their birth parents?
-The speaker attempted to reach out to their birth parents through a letter when they were around 24 or 25 years old, expressing a desire to meet and share their life with them.
What was the response from the speaker's birth parents to their attempt to reach out?
-The birth parents responded with a letter stating they did not wish for any further contact and that any attempts would be ignored, which they both signed.
What is the speaker's current outlook on life and their condition?
-The speaker has embraced their face and condition, focusing on self-love and self-discovery. They have found happiness, healthy relationships, and opportunities without the need for surgery or altering their appearance.

Outlines

00:00

👶 Struggle with Identity and Acceptance

The speaker begins by describing the physical challenges of living with Treacher Collins syndrome, a condition they were born with that affects facial features such as the eyes, ears, and jaw. They recount their birth parents' abandonment due to their appearance and the emotional impact it had on them. The speaker reflects on their childhood experiences of feeling different and the coping mechanisms they developed, such as pushing their eyes up in the mirror to appear more 'normal.' They also touch upon the social challenges they faced, including ridicule and exclusion, and how these experiences led to feelings of isolation and a desire for drastic change.

05:01

💔 Heartbreak and the Power of Love

In this paragraph, the speaker shares their journey towards self-acceptance and love. They describe an encounter with a girl named Beth, who worked at the same bar and became a significant figure in their life. Despite initial insecurities and a fear of rejection, Beth's genuine interest and affection for the speaker helped them to see themselves in a new light. The relationship, although short-lived, had a profound impact on the speaker's self-esteem and self-perception. It marked the first time they experienced a healthy relationship that didn't rely on external validation. The speaker also discusses the pain of heartbreak when Beth decided to leave for personal reasons but acknowledges the growth and self-discovery that came from the experience.

10:03

🤝 Searching for Roots and Embracing Self

The final paragraph delves into the speaker's quest to connect with their birth parents and the emotional turmoil that followed. After reaching out and receiving a clear rejection, the speaker experiences a renewed sense of self-worth and acceptance. They express gratitude for the life they were given and a newfound happiness in their identity. The speaker also discusses the evolution of their perspective on their facial features, moving from a desire for surgery to a celebration of their unique appearance. They highlight the importance of self-love and the positive changes that have come from embracing who they are, including deeper relationships and personal growth.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Treacher Collins

Treacher Collins is a rare genetic disorder that affects the development of the face, including the ears, cheekbones, and jaw. It is characterized by a range of facial features, such as the absence of cheekbones and a receding jaw. In the video, the narrator is born with this condition, which contributes to their unique appearance and the challenges they face in life.

💡Adoption

Adoption is the legal process of taking a child into one's home with the intention of providing them with a family. It is a way for children to be raised by parents who are not their biological parents. In the video, the narrator is adopted at a young age, which significantly impacts their life and identity.

💡Self-Image

Self-image refers to an individual's perception of their own physical appearance and how they are viewed by others. It can be influenced by societal standards of beauty and personal experiences. The narrator struggles with their self-image due to their facial differences, which affects their interactions and self-esteem.

💡Discrimination

Discrimination is the act of treating people unfairly based on their race, gender, age, or other characteristics. In the video, the narrator experiences discrimination due to their facial differences, which leads to social isolation and a negative self-perception.

💡Self-Worth

Self-worth is an individual's perception of their own value and importance. It is influenced by personal experiences, societal expectations, and interactions with others. The narrator's journey reflects the development of self-worth through overcoming external judgments and finding acceptance within themselves.

💡Identity

Identity refers to an individual's sense of self, including their personality, beliefs, and roles in society. The narrator's identity is shaped by their birth, adoption, and the challenges they face due to their facial differences. Their journey is one of discovering and embracing their true identity beyond the limitations of their physical appearance.

💡Acceptance

Acceptance is the act of giving approval or acceptance to someone or something. It involves recognizing and respecting differences and embracing them. The narrator's story is one of learning to accept themselves and find happiness in their life despite the challenges they face.

💡Self-Love

Self-love is the emotional appreciation and care for oneself. It is a crucial aspect of mental health and personal well-being. The narrator's story is a testament to the power of self-love, as they learn to love themselves and their unique features, rather than seeking to change them.

💡Resilience

Resilience is the ability to recover quickly from difficulties; to adapt well to change; to deal with life's normal ups and downs. The narrator's resilience is demonstrated through their ability to overcome the challenges of discrimination, self-doubt, and societal expectations, and to find happiness and fulfillment in their life.

💡Self-Discovery

Self-discovery is the process of learning about one's own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and desires. It involves understanding one's true self and one's place in the world. The narrator's journey is one of self-discovery, where they learn to love themselves and their unique features, and to find happiness and fulfillment in life.

💡Rejection

Rejection is the act of being turned away or spurned, especially by someone you love or admire. The narrator's experience with rejection is profound, both from their birth parents and in their desire to reconnect with them. This experience shapes their understanding of love, acceptance, and the importance of self-worth.

Highlights

Individual with Treacher Collins syndrome reflects on their life and experiences.

Born without cheekbones, which affects the appearance of the eyes.

Incomplete ear development, referred to as 'bath sim' ears.

Treacher Collins also impacts the jaw, causing a receded appearance.

Birth parents abandoned the child due to the syndrome, feeling no maternal bond.

Adopted at the age of five by a woman named Gene, who provided love and support.

Experiences of public ridicule and bullying due to facial differences.

Struggles with self-esteem and feelings of unattractiveness due to societal pressures.

Desire for surgery not for improvement but to have a 'new face'.

Alcohol abuse as a coping mechanism during teenage years.

Low self-worth leading to thoughts of not belonging in the world.

First job in a bar and the initial challenges of social interaction.

Meeting Beth, who becomes a significant person in boosting self-confidence.

Beth's acceptance and affection, leading to a shift in self-perception.

End of the relationship with Beth, but gaining a sense of self-worth.

Attempt to contact birth parents and their firm rejection.

Coming to terms with the birth parents' decision and finding gratitude.

Realization that facial differences do not prevent finding work, friendships, or love.

Embracing one's face and rejecting the idea of surgery in the 30s.

Acknowledging the strength of love and relationships despite physical challenges.