Attachment

Summary

This transcript discusses the impact of early attachment on future relationships, referencing Erik Erikson's theory of basic trust. It highlights the importance of early caregiving in shaping attachment styles and how these influence adult relationships, self-concept, and motivation. The discussion also covers the effects of deprivation, parenting styles (authoritarian, permissive, authoritative, and neglectful), and their consequences on a child's development. It emphasizes that parenting styles aren't deterministic and encourages breaking negative cycles by adopting more effective, informed approaches to parenting for better outcomes in children's lives.

Takeaways

• 😀 Attachment extends beyond the family and helps shape feelings of trust in the world, according to Erik Erikson.
• 🤔 Our attachment styles can influence not only relationships but also our motivation to achieve or avoid risk.
• 🧒 Basic trust, as per Erikson's theory, is formed through early relationships with caregivers, affecting our future interactions.
• 😟 Children deprived of nurturing caregiving may face emotional difficulties, anxiety, depression, and lower intelligence.
• 🔄 Parenting styles such as authoritarian, permissive, and authoritative impact children's development and attachment styles.
• 👧 Secure attachment in early childhood can promote a positive self-concept and a healthy sense of identity.
• 💔 Conditional love can lead to insecure attachments where children cling to hope for more affection in toxic relationships.
• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Authoritative parenting balances discipline with respect for a child's ideas and tends to result in higher self-esteem and social competence.
• 📚 Parenting styles can evolve over generations, influenced by parents' experiences and the knowledge they acquire.
• 🔄 Breaking the cycle of toxic parenting requires learning new models of effective parenting to create healthier relationships for future generations.

Q & A

What is the significance of attachment according to Erik Erikson's theory?

According to Erik Erikson, attachment extends beyond the family and is closely related to basic trust, which influences whether we perceive the world as predictable and trustworthy. This concept affects our future relationships and ability to handle risks.

How can childhood attachment impact adult relationships?

Childhood attachment, developed through early interactions with caregivers, serves as a foundation for future adult relationships. If a child forms secure attachments, it may lead to healthier adult relationships. Conversely, insecure attachments can lead to challenges in forming bonds later in life.

What are the potential effects of deprivation of attachment in childhood?

If children are deprived of attachment, they may struggle with anxiety, depression, difficulty forming relationships, lower intelligence, and increased aggression. Prolonged deprivation can further intensify these negative effects.

Can children bounce back from deprivation of attachment?

Yes, some children demonstrate resilience and are able to form attachments and succeed despite adverse early experiences. However, the severity and duration of deprivation play a significant role in determining their ability to recover.

What are the different types of insecure attachment mentioned in the script?

The script refers to avoidant and anxious types of insecure attachment. Children with avoidant attachment may distance themselves from relationships, while those with anxious attachment may cling to small signs of affection, hoping for more.

How does attachment influence a child’s self-concept?

Attachment shapes a child’s self-concept by helping them form a stable understanding of themselves. A well-nurtured child with a healthy attachment may develop a positive self-concept, feeling worthy of love and acceptance.

What are the four main parenting styles discussed in the script?

The four parenting styles discussed are authoritarian (strict, with little negotiation), permissive (lenient, allowing children to make most decisions), authoritative (balanced, enforcing rules while considering the child's input), and neglectful (uninvolved).

What outcomes are associated with authoritative parenting?

Authoritative parenting is linked with higher social competence, self-esteem, and lower aggression. Children raised with this style tend to be more responsible and independent, as their opinions and ideas are respected.

Can parenting style guarantee specific outcomes in adulthood?

No, parenting styles are not deterministic. For example, children raised in strict authoritarian environments may still become successful and well-adjusted, while children from permissive households may also face challenges. Many factors influence adult behavior, including temperament and environment.

How can parents break the cycle of toxic parenting styles passed down through generations?

To break the cycle of toxic parenting, individuals must consciously adopt new models of parenting, reassess their approaches, and be willing to adjust based on the child's temperament and needs. Education and awareness can help parents create a healthier environment.

Outlines

00:00

🔗 Understanding Attachment Styles and Trust Development

This paragraph explores the concept of attachment styles, extending beyond bonding with parents, and how they relate to Erik Erikson’s theory of basic trust. It explains that attachment affects not only childhood relationships but also adult interactions, motivation, and risk-taking behavior. The paragraph delves into how early experiences with caregivers shape our ability to form future relationships and discusses the potential consequences of deprivation or abuse, such as difficulties in attachment, anxiety, depression, lower intelligence, and aggression.

05:00

💡 Impact of Parenting Styles on Attachment and Self-Concept

This paragraph discusses how different parenting styles influence a child's attachment and self-concept. It elaborates on how affection and nurturing in early childhood contribute to a child's self-worth and identity, forming a foundation for success. The text contrasts parenting styles, such as authoritarian, permissive, authoritative, and neglectful, highlighting the effects of each on a child's development. Authoritative parenting, which balances rules with respect for a child’s views, is associated with better outcomes like high self-esteem and social competence.

10:01

📚 Parenting Styles and Their Long-Term Effects

This paragraph emphasizes that parenting styles are not deterministic in shaping a child’s future. It highlights that even authoritarian parenting, common in some cultures, can lead to academic achievement, although it may not guarantee secure adulthood. The paragraph acknowledges that factors such as the child's temperament also play a role, and different children may respond uniquely to strict parenting. It uses the author's personal experience to illustrate the varying outcomes siblings may have under the same parenting style.

15:03

🔄 Breaking the Cycle of Parenting Styles

This paragraph discusses how parenting styles are often passed down through generations. It encourages readers to break cycles of toxic parenting by adopting new, healthier approaches based on better models. The text suggests that higher education can improve parenting knowledge and urges individuals to reassess and adapt their styles to foster better relationships with their children. It emphasizes that understanding one’s upbringing can lead to positive change in future generations, improving attachment and emotional well-being.

Keywords

💡Attachment

Attachment refers to the emotional bond between a child and their caregiver. It is not just limited to the parent-child relationship but influences future relationships and trust in the world. In the video, the speaker highlights how attachment can affect adult relationships and one’s ability to manage risk.

💡Basic Trust

Basic trust, as explained by Erik Erikson, is the belief that the world is predictable and trustworthy, which is established through early relationships with caregivers. In the script, this concept is linked to attachment, suggesting that early nurturing shapes our ability to trust and interact with the world later in life.

💡Deprivation

Deprivation refers to the lack of proper care, affection, or nurturing from caregivers. The video discusses how children who experience prolonged deprivation or abuse may struggle with forming attachments, suffer from anxiety or depression, and face challenges in intelligence and aggression.

💡Insecure Attachment

Insecure attachment is a style where a child feels uncertain about the availability and responsiveness of their caregiver. The script highlights two types—avoidant and anxious—where children either cling to or distance themselves from caregivers due to inconsistent or conditional love.

💡Self-concept

Self-concept refers to an individual’s perception of their worth and identity. According to the video, children who experience secure attachment develop a healthy self-concept, which contributes to their confidence and success later in life. The lack of such attachment may lead to a poor sense of self-worth.

💡Authoritarian Parenting

Authoritarian parenting is a strict style where parents enforce rules without much discussion or flexibility. The video contrasts this with other parenting styles, noting that while it can produce academic achievers, it may also lead to obedience without autonomy and potential struggles with decision-making in adulthood.

💡Permissive Parenting

Permissive parenting is characterized by a lack of boundaries, where parents allow children to do what they want with little guidance. The video suggests that while permissive parents aim to maintain a friendly relationship, this style can result in children lacking self-discipline and the ability to manage limits.

💡Authoritative Parenting

Authoritative parenting is a balanced approach where parents set rules but also respect and consider the child’s opinions. This parenting style is depicted in the video as the most effective, as it fosters high social competence, self-esteem, and healthy development in children.

💡Neglectful Parenting

Neglectful parenting, or uninvolved parenting, is when parents are emotionally or physically absent from their child’s life. The video mentions this as a harmful approach that can lead to attachment issues, poor self-esteem, and a lack of direction for the child, as there is minimal guidance or support.

💡Resilience

Resilience refers to the ability to recover from difficulties or adverse experiences. The video discusses how some children, despite facing deprivation or challenging circumstances, can develop resilience and succeed, although prolonged hardships may limit this ability.

Highlights

Basic trust, according to Eric Erikson, extends beyond family relationships to our general sense of whether the world is trustworthy and predictable.

Attachment styles may impact our ability to manage adult relationships and influence our motivation to take risks or avoid them.

Deprivation of attachment can lead to difficulties in forming healthy relationships, increased anxiety, depression, lower intelligence, and aggression.

Children who experience severe, prolonged deprivation or abuse may struggle with forming attachments and exhibit increased anxiety and depression.

The style of attachment with early caregivers can predict future relationship outcomes and emotional well-being.

Conditional attachment from caregivers, where love is dependent on the child meeting certain criteria, can lead to insecure attachment styles.

Insecure attachment may manifest as clinging to toxic relationships or avoiding attachment altogether.

Parenting styles such as authoritarian, permissive, authoritative, and uninvolved can significantly shape a child's development and social competence.

Authoritative parenting, characterized by setting rules while respecting the child’s input, is associated with higher social competence and self-esteem.

Strict, authoritarian parenting may limit a child's ability to make independent decisions, though it can also raise academic achievers in certain contexts.

Parenting styles are not deterministic; a child’s temperament and external environment also play crucial roles in development.

In authoritarian households, children may excel academically but struggle with self-determination and independent thinking.

Cultural background and generational differences in parenting practices, such as those in Asian cultures, influence how parents approach raising children.

Parents often repeat the parenting styles they experienced, but individuals have the opportunity to break this cycle by adopting new methods.

Higher education in parents often correlates with more effective and adaptive parenting styles, suggesting the importance of ongoing learning in raising children.

Transcripts

attachment Styles is not just about

bonding with parents okay according to

Eric

Ericson um basic trust resembles the

concept of attachment but extends beyond

the family into our feelings of whether

the world is predictable and uh

trustworthy that is um comparing to uh

Eric Ericson's uh Theory

an attachment style may be relevant to

our ability to manage and enjoy adult

relationship it may even be relevant to

our motivation to achieve or to avoid uh

risk so attachment is not just bond with

parents okay it can also be the

foundation of our basic trust as what uh

Eric Ericson uh says and it actually

affects our future uh relationship

someday based on the kind of um

attachment that we have developed from

our parents or from our initial

caregiver the first person who takes

good care of us uh it can predict the

kind of relationship that we will have

uh someday right so here's a question

our basic trust and attachment Styles

determined in childhood according to

Eric Ericson uh basic trust is

established by relationship with early

caregivers and our trust and attachment

Styles uh set by genetics formed by

early experiences with parents reshaped

by new relationship experiences and so

on so um deprivation what's the effect

we are going to study uh those questions

and uh uh before that let me discuss uh

what will be the effect if attachment is

deprived for example because again

our um relationship can

be uh predicted by the kind of

relationship that we have established in

early childhood with our first caregiver

now if our first caregiver for example

deprive us of attachment what happens

what is the effect according to this if

children live without safe nurturing

affectionate caretaking they may still

be resilient that is bounce back

attached and succeed they may still

however if the child experience severe

prolonged deprivation or abuse or she

may he or she may have difficulty

forming attachment have increased

anxiety and depression and have lower

intelligence compared to his peers or

her peers and show increased aggression

so this means that yes uh difficulty

cannot be taken away yeah from Life

Experiences we most likely one way or

another might encounter uh uh conflict

with families uh difficulties and

hardships growing up and so on and so

forth

and it those experiences might still you

know help us develop resiliency and

bounce back to any circumstances that

can but if it is prolonged for example

there's no there's no rest uh from the

beginning until now there's still that

same level of difficulty or much higher

as you grow older for example and the

more uh um Early Childhood adverse exper

expences you experience then most likely

uh you will have difficulty growing up

forming attachment to others uh let's

say you are deprived then most likely

some who are some children who are de

deprived uh with detention in Connection

in love and uh usually uh experience

conditional kind of attachment where

okay I love you if you will listen to me

I love you if you will uh achieve these

grades I love you if you if you only uh

be nice and be good and be obedient uh

all that time so um that's a conditional

way of showing uh affection and love and

so children might develop I don't need

that kind of love or I you're going to

hurt me anyway so uh they will try to

they some kids would develop insecure

type of attachment either they would uh

cling to it and hold on to the um the

crumbs that caregivers give you know

when you say crumb small love you know

not full love but small love that makes

you Hunger for More and hoping that you

will get full or you will receive the

full meal instead of just

crumbs then you stay because maybe

someday he will give it to me so you you

keep on staying in such uh toxic

relationship yeah uh that could be uh

you might develop either an avoidant

type of insecure attachment or anxious

type of insecure attachment have lowered

intelligence as well uh show show

aggression as well and attachment also

help us form uh our self concept if I am

love for example uh uh sometimes

children uh

when um they are well love and nurtured

it gives them a good sense of uh

self-concept that I am love I am worthy

of love I am uh what is that uh someone

likes me accepts me uh whatever whoever

I am so a major task of infancy may be

to form a healthy uh attachment and

through that attachment you form a

healthy self-concept or a stable

understanding uh of yourself and and uh

uh a stable uh Foundation to form an

identity by age 8 to 10 a child moves

from that's me the mirror to I have

skills preferences and goals and this

prepares the child for confident success

yeah uh in this

example so the child somehow able to if

they are given proper nurturing and uh

um Bond was develop uh from the CH with

the child and the caregiver then most

likely the child will be able to come up

with a healthier view of themselves yeah

that will be based where that is where

their identity is going to be based

with now there are different uh what is

that parenting Styles such as

authoritarian permissive and

authoritative and one that is missing

here is neglect

neglectful uh type of parenting where uh

the parents actually uh are not involved

so uh neglect neglectful parenting is

uninvolved parenting style yeah so

there's authoritarian permissive

authoritative and uninvolved parenting

style so authoritarian is you know a

little bit too hard too harsh too strict

kind of parenting where parents are

imposing the rules because I said so you

you need to follow what I said uh you

should follow what I said uh you should

listen only to me uh you should do what

I say uh I tell you to do and without

question and nothing else that's

authoritarian typ permissive on the

other hand is too soft ah okay as long

as you're enjoying you enjoy your life

I'm be I'll be here to just support you

that's the permissive uh type so parents

submit to kids desires whatever the kids

desire even if it's not appropriate if

even if it's not age appropriate the

parents uh allow because they wanted to

maintain a very good friendly uh we're

just you know uh uh uh good friends

we're the best friends of our kids and

so on so uh there's no

boundary uh not enforcing limits as well

or standards for child behavior uh this

is also very risky now and then there's

authoritative or just right type of

parenting so parents enforce Ru rules

limits and standards but also explain

and discuss listen and express respect

for child's ideas and wishes do you they

even involve uh uh the children in in

the decision making asking them if it's

all right with them uh or what do you

think about this so they negotiate with

children uh so these are the conditions

this is what you are expected to do and

if you're going to if you are not able

to fulfill the the the expectation for

example so these are the consequences do

you agree with it or not how can we work

it out how can we uh do it where uh it

is easier for you to accomplish as well

and uh we will be there to support you

uh accomplish it so that's the

authoritative uh style of parenting so

what type of parenting style do you

parent use and when if you are a parent

what type of parenting style do you

think uh you would use so uh in the next

slide are the examples of the effect of

those parenting Styles so authoritative

parenting more than the other two Styles

seems to be associated with higher

Reliance high social competence High

self-esteem low aggression but uh are

these a result of parenting style or are

parenting respon or parents responding

to a child's enironment or are both a

function of culture or Gene so that's

the question right but anyway um you

have to understand though that these

parenting styles are

not deterministic all right that what I

what I mean when I say that is that just

because you grow up in an authoritative

style that means you will be a secure

adult someday it is not a guarantee okay

or or just because you are you grew up

with a very strict parents someday uh

you will not be able to uh be uh uh

highly functioning adult someday where

you know what you want and you know what

to do for example uh because sometimes

parenting style the authoritarian

parenting style is they decide for their

children this is what I decided you just

follow yeah so it does not give the

opportunity for the child to make

decisions for themselves so uh sometimes

people think that just because you have

an authority some parents someday most

likely uh that that is a possibility all

right but again it is not deterministic

that it will go straight like that right

right because if you will remember uh

our Asian culture we really have very

Authority authoritarian uh kind of

parents where they are very strict to

us uh they their word is a command and a

command that needs uh obedience full

obedience right and a lot of us of

course struggle with such kind of uh

parenting style but you know what uh in

this kind of parenting style a lot of

par par have raised uh academic

Achievers um a lot of academic Achievers

actually uh what else a lot of uh

um uh parents who were able to finish uh

uh I mean children who were able to

finish

University uh parents uh children who

were able to finish uh and Achieve uh a

certain degree level of degree and uh go

to to or or establish a a good company

and things like that but again uh not

everyone okay not everyone have that so

uh you can have you can have a

authoritarian very Orient parents but

again you can also have a very good

temperamental uh child where you don't

take uh what your parents uh take Ser

you don't take seriously uh um your

parents uh uh very aggressive approach

in life but you just allow you just

accept it as that's what they are but uh

you know you still can you can still use

listen to them for example but uh um

still able to you know uh take control

and manage uh still be able to take

control and manage uh your

life um yes but if you also are

difficult and your parents are very

strict for example then there's a lot of

clashing uh that will happen yeah

um I have a very

authoritarian uh D but I am uh a very

obedient daughter as well I don't have

issues with he's you know being

authoritarian whatsoever but my siblings

do so um I want to win um most of us I

guess desires I'm not sure but uh in my

case I mostly desires my dad's affection

uh although I am the the closest to him

uh I'm I'm I'm am the closest to my mom

as well so but I do uh want to impress

you know I want my dad to be proud of me

so I'm I'm really good with academics

I'm really good with with uh because my

my sister is already pretty so I have to

be smart so something like that so in

order to to to make him proud of my

accomplishments and things like that so

I have to be good with I have to because

only the only time that we get to spend

much time and see our dad is when uh

special occasions yeah because he's very

busy but yeah Special Occasions uh such

as programming school where we are

getting rewards and things like that so

he will be present and he will be

marching uh with me getting uh medals

and honors uh like and ribbons like that

so um

depending also on the temperament of the

child again as I've said I want to

emphasize relationship is a two-way stad

if you're difficult your dad is very

author and then there's much uh clashing

uh that is going to uh happen for

example but uh allow him to be strict

whatsoever uh because sometimes that

strictness of our parents comes from

their fears as well and what they know

as the kind of parenting that they are

applying to you is the kind of parenting

that they got from their parents as well

and the kind of parenting that their

parents got is from their the kind of

parenting that they got from their uh uh

parents so grandparents and parents and

parents and which is being passed on and

then here's you knowing that you know

knowing that the kind of parenting style

that you are going to apply to your kids

someday is going to affect the kind of

you know relationship that they are

going to build with other people as well

then you bring the what is that you

break the cycle you break the the toxic

kind of parenting where uh parents are

where parents do not listen to the kids

where parents uh uh only is the one who

knows uh everything because uh nobody

knows everything yeah so um we need

sometimes we need to adjust we adjust

reassess the kind of parenting style

depending on you know uh uh our

situation the kind of the our children

as well and so on so uh knowing that now

in your case then you break the

cycle yeah you have to learn to forgive

your parents as well because the kind of

parenting that they have learned is the

kind of parenting that they got that's

why if you want to change your parenting

style you have to look for another

model to model the kind of parenting

that you want wanted yourself to be

because you cannot empty uh uh one thing

and then leave it empty most likely it

will be filled back by you will we have

the tendency to revert back to what we

know you know revert back to what is

comfortable again familiarity revert

back to what uh we are used to so if you

want to change that if you want to

change that then you better fill it up

with another thing yeah with another

thing that you think is more acceptable

to you is more effective to you and more

uh um uh comfortable for you to apply uh

someday so yeah it could be

again parenting Styles can also be

because of course if you have a child

who always got class who always run away

most likely the parents will be strict

who will apply authoritarian type of

parenting yeah so sometimes it depends

on us what kind of

temperment do we have that we show to

our parents as well

yeah or our parents also know need to

know need to learn also that's why um

higher uh education for parents uh have

better parenting style as well so you

you your generation attends College

attends universities the your parents

generation may not have you know

attended University their knowledge are

uh Limited for example so what they know

they got from their parents but you know

better now you know better now you can

do something about it you can improve it

you can apply what you think is more

effective yeah and better in order to uh

influence the kind of uh attachment for

example that your children will develop

the kind of relationship that they're

going to establish as well someday yeah

yeah all right that's the end of the

social

uh aspect and now we go back to the

physical and I'm going to um stop uh

this video and I'm going to discuss this

one uh in the

other

video I hope you have learned something