This Makes You INSECURE... (95% Of People Get This Wrong)

Summary

يتناول الفيديو تحول الفكر في مجال التنمية الذاتية والروحية من نموذج الغورو والتابع إلى قبول الذات والإمبراطورية الداخلية. يُظهر كيف أن مفهوم الكمال مضلل ومدمر، مشيرًا إلى أن القبول الذاتي والحب هما المفتاح للنمو الحقيقي والتحسين. من خلال سرد تجارب شخصية وتفاعلات مع الجمهور، يُبرز الفيديو الضغوط الناجمة عن المعايير الاجتماعية والأهمية البالغة لتملك قصتك الشخصية وتقدير ذاتك كما أنت. يُشجع على التخلص من المقاومة والاحتفاء باللحظة الراهنة كجزء لا يتجزأ من رحلة الحياة.

Takeaways

• 🧘‍♂️ التحول من التصورات القديمة للنمو الذاتي والتعلم الذاتي إلى新模式 يتضمن الاعتراف بال imperfection.
• 🕊️ تkraft التصورات الدينية والروحية القديمة التي تعتمد على العلاقات الأستاذ الملي و الملي، والتي تعتبر ضارة بشكل كبير.
• 🧩 الاعتراف بالعدم الكمال هو جزء من التحول إلى العقل الواسع والرضا بالذات والعالم.
• 🎮 ال比拟 بين الحياة والعبة، والتفكير في نفسك كمستخدم اللعبة، وشخصيتك في اللعبة.
• 🚫 الرفض للتصورات القديمة حول الكمال والنجاح والذات الذاتية.
• 💪 القوة العقلية والعاطفية في الاعتراف بالذات والتحريض على الشعور بالرضا والرضاية.
• 🌟 التركيز على الشخصية الشخصية والرضا والamour propre على الشخص نفسه بدلاً من التوقعات الغير مبنية.
• 🔄 التركيز على التغيير الداخلي والعلاقات الشخصية مع نفسه بدلاً من التركيز على الأهداف الخارجية.
• 💭 التفكير في العواطف والتفكير في تغيير التصور الداخلي للشعور بالقلق والرضا.
• 🌈 التركيز على الرضا والرضاية مع الحال الحالي والعمل نحو الأهداف من مكانة الرضا والحب.
• 🔄 التركيز على تحسين العلاقات مع النفس والعالم بدلاً من التركيز على الأهداف الخارجية والتوقعات.

Q & A

ماذا كان الدور السلبي لل第一位 في ال自助 والعمل على التحسين الذاتي والعمل الروحي؟

الدور السلبي لل第一位 كان في تصويرهم لأنفسهم بشكل مثالي ومتقن، مما يخلق جوًا سخيفًا وغير مفيدًا.

ماذا تعني العبارة '你是视频游戏的玩家，也就是无限的存在'؟

العبارة تشير إلى أن الشخص هو الشخص ال主要有 الذي يتحكم في الشخصية أو الشخصية الظاهرية في الحياة، بينما الشخص هو الشخص ال主要有 الشخص الذي يمتلك القوة والقدرة اللا محدودة.

لماذا يعتقد بعض الناس أن النمو الذاتي والتحسين الذاتي يتطلب الكمال؟

يعتقد بعض الناس أن النمو الذاتي والتحسين الذاتي يتطلب الكمال لأننا متأثرون بتصورات الثقافة والمجتمع التي تضع معاييرًا مبتكرة للupealth والجمال والنجاح.

ماذا تعني العبارة 'You are the goal'؟

العبارة 'You are the goal' تعني أن الشخص هو الهدف النهائي والهدف المطلوب، وأن الرضا بالنفس والحب للذات هو الخطوة الأولى لتحقيق النمو والتحسين.

لماذا يعتقد بعض الناس أن ال感情 السلبية مثل التعب وعدم الرضا هي مجرد إ?

بعض الناس يعتقدون ذلك لأنهم متأثرون بتصورات الثقافة والمجتمع التي ترى المشاعر السلبية comme une forme de faiblesse ou d'échec, et qu'il est préférable de les cacher ou de les ignorer.

ماذا تعني العبارة 'I'm just tripping balls'؟

العبارة تعني 'أنا فقط أشعر بالارتياق والعدم الواقعي'، وهي تعبر عن حالة الشخص في اللحظة当他们在经历一种非二元的或者超验的体验，通常是在某种形式的致幻药物影响下。

لماذا يعتقد بعض الناس أن النمو الذاتي والتحسين الذاتي يتطلب العزلة والعدم التفاعل مع الآخرين؟

بعض الناس يعتقدون ذلك لأنهم يعتقدون أن العزلة والعزلة عن العالم الخارجي تتيح للشخص فرصة للتركيز على الذات والنمو الداخلي، لكن هذا الاعتقاد غير صحيح因为他忽略了我们在社会环境中的相互作用和影响对个人成长的重要性。

ماذا تعني العبارة 'letting go completely and then being in a non-dual state'؟

العبارة تعني أن الشخص يترك كل التصورات والتصورات ال二元ية التي تخلق ال分别是 بينه وعالمه، وي Reached un état de non-dualité où il n'y a pas de séparation entre lui et le monde extérieur.

لماذا يعتقد بعض الناس أن النمو الذاتي والتحسين الذاتي يتطلب القوة العقلية والقوة الجسدية؟

بعض الناس يعتقدون ذلك لأنهم يعتقدون أن القوة العقلية والقوة الجسدية هي المفتاح للنجاح والتحسين، لكن هذا الاعتقاد غير صحيح لأن النمو الذاتي والتحسين الذاتي يتطلب أيضًا الرضا بالنفس والحب للذات والعمل على تحسين العلاقات الإنسانية والتفاعل العاطفي.

لماذا يعتقد بعض الناس أن النمو الذاتي والتحسين الذاتي يتطلب العزلة والعزلة عن التكنولوجيا والوسائط الاجتماعيين؟

بعض الناس يعتقدون ذلك لأنهم يعتقدون أن التكنولوجيا والوسائط الاجتماعيين هما السبب في العدم الرضا بالنفس والحب للذات، لكن هذا الاعتقاد غير صحيح لأن التكنولوجيا والوسائط الاجتماعيين يمكن أن تكون وسيلة للتواصل والتفاعل والنمو الذاتي إذا تم استخدامها بشكل صحيح و بشكل متوازن.

لماذا يعتقد بعض الناس أن النمو الذاتي والتحسين الذاتي يتطلب العزلة والعزلة عن الآخرين؟

بعض الناس يعتقدون ذلك لأنهم يعتقدون أن العزلة والعزلة عن الآخرين ستوفر الفرصة للتركيز على الذات والنمو الداخلي، لكن هذا الاعتقاد غير صحيح لأن النمو الذاتي والتحسين الذاتي يتطلب التواصل والتفاعل مع الآخرين والتعلم من تجاربهم وآرائهم.

Outlines

00:00

🚫 Critique of Traditional Self-Help and Spiritual Gurus

The paragraph discusses the outdated dynamic of guru and follower in self-help and spiritual domains, highlighting the toxicity of such relationships. It critiques the portrayal of gurus as perfect and unattainable role models, emphasizing the shift in the industry towards accepting imperfection and the fallacy of non-dual experiences without physical disconnection. The speaker uses relatable examples, such as the changing standards of physical appearance, to drive home the point that perfection is a social construct and encourages embracing one's own individuality and setting personal standards.

05:02

🙌 Acceptance and Self-Esteem

This section delves into the importance of self-acceptance and the realization that perfection is a misconception. The speaker recounts personal experiences with self-help teachings and the pressure to be present, leading to self-criticism. The discussion shifts to the societal standards of beauty and how they evolve over time, reinforcing the idea that these are artificial constructs. The speaker encourages the audience to challenge these norms and to own their unique qualities, promoting self-esteem through self-acceptance rather than external validation.

10:05

💪 Overcoming Resistance and Embracing Vulnerability

The paragraph focuses on the act of letting go and embracing vulnerability, as demonstrated by the participant's experience of crying on stage. The speaker emphasizes that there is no shame in showing emotions and that it is healthy to express feelings publicly. The concept of 'spiritual bypassing' is introduced, cautioning against using self-acceptance as an excuse for avoiding self-improvement. The speaker encourages the audience to prioritize their own well-being and to be authentic in their emotions and reactions, regardless of others' opinions.

15:08

🎤 The Power of Authentic Expression

This segment explores the idea of expressing oneself authentically and without resistance. The speaker leads a participant through an exercise of screaming loudly while staying relaxed, as a metaphor for releasing inner tension and fully embracing one's emotions. The contrast between forced and genuine expressions is discussed, highlighting the importance of being fully present and connected to one's feelings. The exercise serves as a metaphor for living authentically and the transformative power of letting go of self-imposed limitations.

20:10

🌟 Challenging Societal Norms and Self-Image

The speaker and participant discuss the impact of social media on self-image and the internal struggle with body image. The conversation touches on the societal pressure to conform to certain physical standards and the negative effects of these expectations. The speaker encourages the participant to challenge these norms and to accept themselves as they are, while also acknowledging the possibility of change. The emphasis is on self-love and self-acceptance as the foundation for any personal growth, rather than external validation or societal standards.

💭 Redefining Emotions and Self-Acceptance

In this part, the speaker challenges the traditional labeling of emotions as 'good' or 'bad' and encourages the audience to consider how their experiences would differ if societal norms surrounding emotions were different. The speaker uses the example of anxiety to illustrate how changing perceptions can alter the impact of emotions on individuals. The core message is about embracing the present moment and oneself, regardless of external circumstances. The speaker advocates for self-love as the catalyst for true change and encourages the audience to see themselves as the ultimate goal, rather than seeking validation from external sources.

Keywords

💡self-help

Self-help refers to the practice of improving one's mental, emotional, or physical well-being through self-empowerment and personal development. In the context of the video, the speaker criticizes traditional self-help approaches that promote unrealistic and unattainable standards of perfection, advocating instead for a more accepting and self-loving approach to personal growth.

💡non-duality

Non-duality is a philosophical concept that suggests the ultimate reality is not dualistic or separate but rather a unified, interconnected whole. The video discusses the misconception of non-duality in relation to personal development, emphasizing that complete detachment from the self is not feasible while living in a physical body.

💡ego

Ego refers to an individual's sense of self-esteem or self-importance. In the video, the concept of ego is discussed as a necessary component of being alive and having a body, but it should not be overly attached to or identified with. The speaker encourages viewers to find a balance between self-acceptance and self-improvement without being consumed by the ego.

💡self-acceptance

Self-acceptance is the act of embracing and acknowledging oneself without judgment or criticism. The video emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance as a foundation for personal growth and change, arguing that one cannot effectively improve themselves without first accepting their current state.

💡perfection

Perfection is a state of being without flaws, errors, or shortcomings. In the video, the concept of perfection is critiqued as an unrealistic and harmful goal, as it often leads to self-criticism and a lack of self-acceptance. The speaker advocates for embracing imperfection as a natural part of being human.

💡spiritual bypassing

Spiritual bypassing is a term used to describe the tendency to use spiritual practices or beliefs to avoid dealing with unresolved emotional issues or psychological challenges. In the video, the speaker warns against using the concept of self-acceptance as a means to avoid addressing personal health or emotional issues.

💡resistance

Resistance refers to the act of opposing or refusing to accept something. In the context of the video, resistance is discussed as a barrier to self-acceptance and personal growth, often stemming from societal conditioning or internalized beliefs. The speaker encourages the audience to identify and let go of resistance in order to fully embrace themselves and their experiences.

💡external reference

External reference involves looking outside oneself for validation, approval, or a sense of worth. The video highlights the dangers of relying on external references for self-esteem, as it can lead to a lack of authenticity and an overemphasis on meeting societal standards. The speaker encourages the audience to find validation within themselves rather than seeking it from external sources.

💡self-love

Self-love is the act of having a deep affection and respect for oneself. It is portrayed in the video as a crucial component of personal development and mental well-being. The speaker emphasizes that self-love involves not only accepting oneself as they are but also taking care of oneself and making oneself the priority.

💡authenticity

Authenticity refers to the quality of being genuine, true to oneself, and not pretending to be anything different from what one truly is. In the video, the speaker stresses the importance of being authentic, especially in the context of personal growth and self-expression. Authenticity is contrasted with the pressure to conform to societal expectations and the facade of perfection.

💡conditioning

Conditioning refers to the process of acquiring certain behaviors, attitudes, or beliefs through exposure, experience, or training. In the video, the speaker discusses how societal conditioning can lead to self-imposed standards and expectations that are harmful and unrealistic. The speaker encourages the audience to recognize and challenge these conditioned beliefs in order to achieve self-acceptance and personal growth.

Highlights

The outdated and toxic dynamic of guru and follower in self-help and spiritual work.

The fallacy of gurus portraying themselves as perfect and enlightened beings.

The death-related analogy to explain the impossibility of complete non-dual state while being alive and operating a body.

The misconceptions around non-duality and the use of substances like mushrooms and ayahuasca to achieve non-dual experiences.

The societal and self-imposed pressure to be perfect and the shift towards accepting imperfection.

The evolution of societal beauty standards, from the '50s and '60s to modern times.

The importance of owning one's current state and rejecting the idea of chasing unattainable standards.

The concept of life as a video game, with the player as the infinite and the character as the physical manifestation.

The encouragement to accept and embrace one's emotions, even in public settings.

The discussion on the futility of seeking external validation and the importance of self-validation.

The powerful moment when the audience claps for a genuine emotional expression, challenging traditional norms.

The exploration of self-imposed requirements and the societal conditioning that dictates our reactions.

The concept of spiritual bypassing and the balance between accepting oneself and working on personal growth.

The powerful message of self-acceptance as a prerequisite for true change and personal development.

The practical exercise of transforming a scream from forced to relaxed, illustrating the power of letting go.

The challenge to identify and let go of the resistance to truly loving and accepting oneself.

The profound realization that one's current self is the goal, and the impact of this mindset on personal growth and satisfaction.

The advice on finding equilibrium within oneself, regardless of the emotional state or external circumstances.

Transcripts

- Back in the day, when it comes to self-help,

self-improvement, even spiritual work,

the whole dynamic was guru, follower,

guru, - [Audience] Follower.

- Guru.

- [Audience] Follower - Follower,

which is incredibly toxic.

And those "Gurus," there might be some

that come to mind, right,

long beard, robes.

They portray themselves to ultimately something

that they're not, to be perfect.

Now, when I say this,

it can also be triggering.

Some people would be like, "Well, that's not true.

They were enlightened.

You just don't know."

Hey, hey, hey, I know.

And fortunately, the whole industry movement,

is shifting out of that, where you're realizing that no,

this whole idea of being perfect, of being enlightened,

so on and so forth, even if you think of non-duality,

letting go completely, that's called death.

How can you let go completely

and then be in a non-dual state, yet operate a body?

You can't.

That's completely disconnecting.

People are like, "Well, what about mushrooms and ayahuasca?

You might have those non-dual experiences."

Sure, but can you function in your body during that time?

No, literally every single person was like,

"I had a non-dual experience.

Could you operate your body?"

No, I was just lying there,

just tripping balls, yeah.

That's how you have it,

non-dual, completely disconnected.

Being alive, having a body also means having a certain ego.

It doesn't mean you have to be completely attached to it,

but you can't be non-dual.

If you think of life as a video game,

there's you as the player, which is the infinite,

then there's your character here.

Being in this non-dual state,

being in line is like throwing the controller down

and not playing.

No, you're not meant to live not playing this game of life.

Now, shifting out of this, these misconceptions,

it also means that hey, it's okay to not be perfect.

That's the old conditioning.

Be perfect, even on the self-help,

always be productive.

I remember back in the day, this is,

wow, I think I wanna say around 2007,

when I first discovered Eckhart Tolle.

And I heard about being present to the moment,

and you can raise your hand if you've fallen into this trap.

You find out about being present,

and then you start being very self-conscious

and self attacking every time you're not present.

Anyone have that?

You get all paranoid.

Am I present right now?

Oh no, I'm not present.

I have to be present.

Oh, no, crazy.

A lot of you, raising your level

of self-esteem means being okay, not being "Perfect,"

and realizing that "Perfect" is a constructed image.

Let's just take the most basic definition

of perfect when it comes to physical appearance, right?

Let's just take, when it comes to a man and society,

back in the '50s, '60s, '70s,

what was the pinnacle of man?

If you think of James Bond,

hairy and jacked, but very hairy.

There had to be hair, right?

Yes, no?

- [Audience] Yes. - Yeah.

If you think of, say back in the day,

same thing with women,

it was kind of Marilyn Monroe, curvy, right?

Then as it evolved, is it still as hip

to be a very hairy man?

No, then it's the land of Titanic,

Leonardo DiCaprio, very different.

So people are chasing these made-up standards,

trying to once more justify their existence versus saying,

"Well, what if I were the standard?

What if I took that finish line and placed it behind me

and just started owning everything that is me?"

So, just something to keep in mind as we dive into you,

which once more, just repeat,

you said there's a lot of resistance towards accepting

who you are, right?

How so?

What's going on through your mind right now?

- Right now, I'm hiding my belly.

- Own it, own it.

No, for real, own it.

And take in a positive external reference

of nothing bad happening.

- I'm gonna stop crying. - And that's okay.

Hey, that's okay.

Who says it's not okay to cry?

Those are those self-imposed, yeah.

That's all those self-imposed requirements.

- No. - I can't cry on stage.

Says who?

Like, turn towards me for now.

Look at me, and don't hide it.

- Yeah.

- This is that one environment.

You can just own who you are,

and just feel it and be with it.

- Yeah. - [Audience Member] Woo.

(audience applauding)

- And look, you're getting clapped for crying.

(audience applauding)

Now, do take this in.

This is very powerful.

It won't get to the cause

'cause it's still external. - Yeah.

- But look at how you got a positive external reference

of people clapping.

When you're doing something

and experiencing something in your mind,

you said, "This is not acceptable.

I can never do this."

And that's why I keep saying,

"For all of you says who, so what?"

Oh, but you gotta be a perfect person, no crying.

No, no, no, no, crying in public,

you perfect person.

And what do we do?

We create all these imposed, just metrics.

It's like drop all that.

The same with like, I'm kind of sucking in my gut.

Just own it.

So what, like that's you. - Yeah.

- Now, for everyone,

this doesn't mean there are things that you should,

and this is also called spiritual bypassing,

where it's like,

well, then I'm just never gonna work on my health.

Of course not.

You can work on your health,

but simultaneously own where you are, that's you.

If that's you right now,

why are you resisting you right now?

Be like, hey, yeah, here's what's up, this is me.

I feel like crying, boom, I'm crying.

And it also comes down to my own wellbeing comes first.

What matters more?

Strangers thinking something of you

or how you treated yourself in this moment?

Say even all of them were to boo you,

say you were to cry and everyone's like, "Boo, cry baby."

Say that were to happen, doesn't matter,

'cause in the end,

you being there for you is more important.

- Yes.

- But that's also what conditioning says.

Your needs are not as important as theirs,

or you better please them. - Yeah.

- Versus no, what about pleasing me?

So massive respect on that,

especially in front of a big crowd like that.

That's not nothing.

- Yeah, actually, I was practicing just letting go.

When I feel like crying, I just cry.

And when somebody has a problem with it,

then they have a problem with it, and not me.

But still when I'm gonna stay here,

being on the spot, I get nervous,

and I just want to cry-- - And be with it.

But also realize as we talked about, no matter what you do,

who you are, what you feel, what you think,

someone's gonna have a problem with it,

no matter what, for real.

Maybe you, for example, say,

embracing what you're feeling here,

everyone's clapping, maybe there's someone

in this crowd saying, "Ugh, where am I?

What time, can I go home?

Is this ending yet?

Can I rush towards death a little bit?"

Someone might be thinking that.

Say you were to not cry, then it'd be the opposite.

Everyone's like, "Oh, she should have cried.

What a loser for not crying."

There's always gonna be something negative

that people see, no matter what you do, right?

I use this example too.

I posted on TikTok, this video where I talked

about the difference between being successful,

like a habit or mindset,

let's just say that successful people have.

And it was a very bland, basic idea.

Like, something like just very basic.

You could just simplify it to, hey,

successful people focus on the positive, not the negative,

but just say that's it.

Could you find anything wrong with that?

The biggest thing people found that they hated on it was

that I used the term successful,

because it's labeling people in two categories,

successful and not successful.

And it's making the not successful people feel bad.

And there was literally a bunch

of comments hating saying, "No, the message is good,

but he just had to say successful, didn't he?"

(audience laughing)

So what does that mean?

No matter what, there are gonna be haters,

and you gotta have them.

- Yes.

- And it doesn't matter as you see,

'cause again, what's more important?

You. - Yeah, me.

- Now, what else is going in right now?

- Yeah, that's always the the good questions

where I just go black,

just, yeah. - That's resistance.

Just stay with it.

Don't have to rush the answer,

but stay with it. - Yeah.

- What's that voice saying right now in your head?

- It's unbelievable that I was picked because yeah,

I was just talking to her when I'm gonna be picked

or if I'm gonna volunteer to be here,

I'm gonna cry because I just know I'm gonna be so nervous

that I'm gonna cry, yep. - [Julien] Mm-hmm.

- And it was actually very good to let it out.

- Let's do this.

Scream as loud as you can. - Okay, okay.

Is this a microphone? - Mm-hmm.

(audience laughing)

- And do I have to hold it here or is it--

- You can hold it wherever you want,

ideally right here. - Yeah.

When I scream also? - Yeah.

- Okay, okay.

(woman screaming)

(audience applauding)

- Nice, really good.

- Nice, nice.

- Now, (audience laughing)

very good. - Yeah.

- What I would do though is

we're gonna build on this scream.

- Mm-hmm.

- This was very good, very loud,

but it was still-- - Shaking though.

- Yeah, no massive respect on it.

But in the texture of the scream--

- Uh-huh.

- It still felt a little forced

where you battled in a resistance

and you won. - Okay.

- But there was still some resistance you battled--

- Okay. - Versus this kind of,

I'm gonna be seen. - Yep.

- What if you had to scream while relaxing

at the same time?

What would that sound like?

- Okay. - [Julien] Ready?

- Then I have to relax first.

(audience laughing) - Relax into the screen.

Shoulders down. - Yep.

(Julien exhales)

- And just relax.

It's the difference for all of you here,

between you could say speaking at, for example,

hey everyone, how's it going?

Versus, hey everyone, how's it going?

One is at forced, the other is actually down.

Hey!

Hey.

- [Audience Member] Hey.

- One is down, but it also adds more resonance,

and it draws people in.

The only way to do this, hey, how's it going?

And loud, hey, is for no resistance.

I can't be battling anything.

If I'm fighting against something,

it comes off the other way,

like, hey, oh yeah.

Hey, can you sense?

Do you even notice how even the voice becomes less deep

in a way, a little bit more?

So can you sense the texture of the voice?

Can you sense the texture of the voice?

Different.

So it was an amazing scream in the first layer,

I want the unleashing. - Okay.

- Instead of ha, ho.

- I think I now forgot how to scream.

(audience laughing)

- The floor is yours.

The seminar will not continue,

until we get the most relaxed yet loud scream

we've ever heard. - Okay

- So my glasses are on for it.

Let's do this.

(woman screams)

Yes.

Now, now, no, no, no,

we're gonna keep going.

That was-- - Okay.

- Do you notice the difference in texture there?

- [Audience] Yeah. - Very different, right?

First one was loud, you're like,

"Ooh, that was loud." - Yeah.

- But you also noticed,

and beautiful, and we keep building on it,

the forceful one, there's less resonance,

meaning it also stops faster.

So it's like a quick loud,

like, oh, and then it stopped,

like swallowed back in,

and you're like, no, back in.

As opposed to raw.

This was way more authentic, but 80% there.

Let's get to 100.

I want you to do this same type of scream,

relaxing, but go beyond yourself.

The only way to do it is to not think,

not even worry about what do I sound like right now,

but just purely present and just being

and feeling the scream.

You ready?

Three, two, one.

(woman screams)

Yeah, good.

(audience applauding)

But more relaxed, louder and more relaxed.

See how the relaxedness can fuel the loudness?

You ready?

Go.

(audience laughing)

- Yeah, I was thinking too much, yeah, okay.

(woman screaming) - More, more.

One more, jump up and down a couple times and then do it.

Jump up and down. (woman screams)

Now, jump up,

physically jump up and down a couple times,

and then go, go, go, go.

(woman screams)

Now even more, 20 times louder.

(woman screams)

Give her hands, come on.

(audience applauding)

What resistance surfaces right now around you truly loving

and accepting yourself?

- What, can you repeat the question?

- I'll flip it on the opposite side.

Why don't you love yourself fully right now?

- Because I have another image of myself,

like sporty and skinny.

- Mm-hmm. - Yep.

And I'm not this.

- Who says you have to be that?

- I think social media and then myself, no one else.

No one else says this.

- Who made you believe that?

When did you start believing this?

As a baby you didn't. - No.

- You're like, "Mama Instagram," no?

When did it start?

- I was gaining weight when I was 20--

- [Julien] Mm-hmm. - And now I'm 28,

and I am at my highest weight ever.

And yeah, I think I told it myself also

because it's also health issue to be overweight

and I don't want that.

I feel it that I'm not healthy,

so I told it myself, yeah

- Okay.

- And it only got worse with social media,

like the negative perspective on myself.

- Well, respect for being very honest and open,

and for feeling what you're feeling.

Good job.

With that though, couple things.

Number one, just because, and this is for all of you,

you accept something about yourself,

let's just say,

doesn't mean you can't also have the intention

of changing it at the same time.

I can accept myself with my arms down

with the intention of raising my arms.

Just 'cause I accept that they're down,

doesn't mean I'm just gonna stagnate and stay stuck there.

Self-acceptance means I'm gonna be with me

as I am right now.

Sure, I can have an intention,

a year, two years from now, I'll look differently,

I'll work on my health, et cetera, et cetera.

But I'm gonna be with me every step of the way,

versus withdrawing from me and saying, "Ha ha ha,

you want me to be with me?

Go get that."

So you can accept yourself as you are while having goals.

And here's the other catch, this is number two,

is that in the end, you're always left with the relationship

with the present moment.

You're always left with your relationship with you.

If currently you're not accepting yourself,

if a genie were to appear and say,

"Perfect physique you've always dreamt of,

you've seen on social media,"

you would still find a way to hate yourself,

which is why you'll see people do this.

People get hooked, for example, on plastic surgery.

"If I just lost weight,"

and then they do it,

and then they're like,

"I need to change this and this and this."

Does it actually,

fix the relationship they have with themselves?

Of course not, it amplifies.

Same with people who work out.

You work out, you work out,

but then you're still followed by the same self-image.

You can't actually say, "Hey, you know what?

I made progress.

It's more, more, more never enough."

So even here, if you were to, again, genie, perfect,

because this is your current comfort zone for all of you,

your comfort zone follows you.

If your comfort zone is, I'm not good enough,

I need to look better,

I need to be better, et cetera, et cetera,

hey, that'll follow you.

Even if you got all the things,

if you're still feeling that you'll find

and look for more reasons.

So for you, it's, let's see if I can truly accept

and love who I am and be with myself right now.

And if that's one of your goals,

then I can have an intention of moving there.

But I'm gonna follow it outta self-love, self-encouragement,

honoring myself every step of the way versus self-hate,

and then taking action outta reaction to that,

'cause that is not healthy

and it'll actually make things worse.

- Yep. - Okay.

And then once more, rewind back,

which is why I asked you,

when was the first time this kind of kicked in?

So say we take back to that table and legs, right?

Classic self-help example.

Table, I don't love myself as I am, right?

I'm not in shape.

I need to be in better shape.

I need to be like the people on Instagram.

What are the legs of that table?

Like you said, when I was in my 20s,

maybe social media amplified it,

identify the legs, identify the experiences,

let go of that, and that'll start fading away, okay?

And then lastly, and this is for all of you,

you can always think about the beliefs that really run you.

Imagine you were born in an alternative universe,

I do this even for fun with just how we feel about emotions.

We label certain emotions as bad, right?

Say, all of you,

do you wanna all be very anxious all the time?

- [Audience] No. - No, oh, you don't.

Is that a bad emotion, right?

That's what we do.

Well, what if you're born in a society

where being anxious was the goal,

and people had trouble being anxious,

and there were all these courses

on how to be more anxious, right?

How would that change your experience when you're anxious?

Like say, all of you here,

you were just way too confident,

and you're like, "Julien, I need help being more anxious.

I'm too confident."

I'm like, "Here's some tips and tricks to be more anxious."

Like even you up here,

I'm like, "Come on, more anxious.

You're too confident, damn it, more anxiety."

Say you were to experience anxiety, what would happen?

Your default would be like, "Yes."

And it would have a less heavy effect, and hold on you.

Well, same here.

What if you were born in a society where this was the goal?

Instead of being, "Oh, I need to be like,"

like say everyone on Instagram is like,

"Damn it, I need to be more like this."

Then how would you feel about yourself?

Wherever you are, however you feel,

whatever you look like, that is the goal.

Doesn't mean it can't change a second later,

but make the present moment and the present you the goal,

that's self-love.

And that's also what leads to true change,

'cause otherwise it's always outta reaction.

This is the goal,

this is the goal,

this is the goal.

And that is how you live your life.

And then never use external things as a barrier to that,

'cause here's one final piece of advice,

say you were to get in that perfect physique, guess what?

You're gonna get old.

You're not gonna maintain that.

Say you get it, what if you lose it?

Then 10, 20 years later,

you're like, "Oh no, I'm not like, I'm now,"

you know, like say,

it's like fast forward, "I'm 70 years old.

Look at those 20-year olds on Instagram."

You can't do that.

Ultimately, it's also giving your power away.

No, you are good enough as you are, why?

Just 'cause anyone who says the opposite program beliefs.

Anyone who even tries to justify,

"Well, yeah, but then, but it's like,"

well, that that's your own program belief.

You're the goal, take someone else's.

Completely different, they're the goal too.

We are all the goal.

- Okay, yeah.

- 'Cause it's also your life and your reality.

- Yeah. - No one else is living it.

You can live it outta self-hate or self-love,

choice is yours,

and then letting go and identifying the resistance to that.

So final thing for you, are you the goal?

- Yes.

- That didn't sound very confident.

Are you the goal?

- I am the goal.

- What are you?

- I am the goal.

- Own it, like know how The Rock says, "I'm The Rock."

You're the goal. (audience laughing)

What are you? - I'm the goal.

- One more, even louder.

What are you? - I'm the goal.

- Yeah, come on.

(audience applauding) Amazing.

Hey. - Yeah.

- Bring it in. - Thank you.

(audience applauding)

- Absolutely amazing.

(audience applauding)

One last thing on this, and massive respect,

do keep this in mind.

With being the goal, I also call this "Finding the equal."

Meaning, if you take say,

even your emotional state at any point in time,

we tend to go up and down, right?

Sometimes you're in a great mood, you're in a flow,

sometimes you're down here in your head.

The problem is, we all wanna be up here,

so whenever we're up here, it feels great.

But whenever we're down here, there's resistance,

because what we want doesn't match reality.

If who you are, it doesn't match who you want to be,

it's the same thing.

Now, what I always tell people is if you're out of state,

you're in your head, you're out of this social flow,

the best way to get outta state is

to love being outta state.

As soon as you love being outta state, you're in state.

'Cause in reality, you don't wanna be up here,

you just wanna find the equal.

You just want reality to match what you want.

So option one is always chasing up here.

Option two is, hey, if I'm down here,

hell yeah, that's the equal.

Then in life, you're gonna move up and down,

and wherever you are, find the equal.

You are the goal.

All of you here, not just you,

you are the goal.

And if there's anything blocking you,

and you resistance to accepting this, let go.