The lies we tell ourselves about who we are
Summary
TLDRThis video script explores the concept of self-deception through the lens of Carl Jung's psychology, highlighting how societal and familial expectations shape our ego and persona, leading to the creation of the shadow self. It discusses the lies we tell ourselves about our identities, the impact of these narratives on children, and the importance of self-compassion and integration of the shadow self for personal growth. The script encourages viewers to embrace their totality, including both light and shadow aspects, to achieve a more authentic and holistic self-understanding.
Takeaways
- 🧠 Carl Jung's psychology is the foundation for understanding the structure of the mind, which includes the conscious and unconscious.
- 🎭 The Persona is the mask we wear publicly, showing others who we want to be perceived as.
- 🌑 The Shadow Self represents the parts of ourselves that our ego rejects as unacceptable or unsocially desirable.
- 🔮 The Self, according to Jung, is the totality of the psyche, including both Persona and Shadow, conscious and unconscious.
- 🌈 We are the entire spectrum of our traits, not just a point on it, which includes both what we embrace and what we reject.
- 👶 Labels and narratives given to children can become self-fulfilling prophecies and shape their identity and Shadow.
- 🚫 Limiting narratives can restrict our potential and prevent us from seeing the totality of who we are.
- 🤔 We often create overly positive or negative stories about ourselves, which can be limiting and affect our self-compassion.
- 🤝 When we encounter someone who triggers our Shadow, it's an opportunity for self-reflection and growth, not judgment.
- 💡 The goal is not perfection but self-compassion, acknowledging both our Persona and Shadow as part of our identity.
- 🌟 It's healthier to have compassion for the totality of others, understanding that everyone has a mix of traits and is not defined by a single aspect.
Q & A
What is the main idea of the video script?
-The main idea of the video script is to discuss the concept of the self, particularly through the lens of Carl Jung's psychology. It explores the lies we tell ourselves about our identities, including the development of the Persona (the mask we wear publicly) and the Shadow Self (the unconscious aspects of ourselves that we repress).
What is the Persona according to Carl Jung?
-The Persona is the mask we wear publicly, representing the aspects of ourselves that we want others to see. It is formed as the ego develops and begins to shun traits that are not socially or familially acceptable.
What is the Shadow Self in Jungian psychology?
-The Shadow Self is the unconscious aspect of the psyche that contains everything the ego dislikes or finds distasteful about oneself. It is the opposite of the Persona and includes all the qualities that the ego rejects.
How does the video script relate the concept of the Shadow Self to our behavior?
-The script suggests that when we encounter situations that challenge our Persona, our Shadow Self may be triggered, leading to behaviors that we typically suppress or deny. This can result in a lack of self-compassion and difficulty accepting our full range of traits.
Why is it important to be mindful of the things we tell children about who they are?
-It is important because children absorb everything and can internalize these messages, which can shape their self-concept and Shadow Self. The script warns that labeling children can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies and limit their potential for growth and self-discovery.
What does the script mean by 'the totality of the self'?
-The 'totality of the self' refers to the complete spectrum of one's personality, including both the conscious and unconscious aspects, the Persona and the Shadow Self. It represents the whole person, not just the parts they choose to display or accept.
How does the script suggest we can have a more integrated view of ourselves?
-The script suggests that we should practice self-compassion towards both our Persona and Shadow Self, acknowledging that both are part of who we are. It encourages us to stop labeling ourselves and to embrace a more holistic understanding of our identities.
What is the danger of idealizing our Persona or striving for perfection?
-The danger lies in creating an imbalance where the brighter the Persona, the darker the Shadow becomes. This can lead to a 'monster' within, representing repressed traits that may eventually cause conflict or distress.
How can we deal with the activation of our Shadow Self when we encounter it in ourselves or others?
-The script advises leaning into the judgment or reaction, questioning where it comes from, and identifying which part of our Shadow is being activated. This self-reflection can lead to greater self-compassion and understanding.
What is the role of the ego in our psychological development according to the script?
-The ego plays a crucial role in our psychological development by helping us function and interact with the world. However, the script cautions against letting the ego dominate to the point where it limits our self-perception and growth.
Why is it beneficial to have compassion for others' totality, as suggested by the script?
-Having compassion for the totality of others allows us to see them as complex individuals with a range of traits, not just the ones we perceive as negative. This can lead to a more empathetic and less judgmental view of others.
Outlines
🧠 Understanding Our Selves Through Jungian Psychology
The paragraph discusses the concept of self as viewed by Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist who diverged from Freud's theories. Jung believed the mind is divided into conscious and unconscious parts. As we grow, our ego develops and rejects traits that are not socially or culturally accepted, pushing them into the unconscious, forming the 'Shadow Self.' This is contrasted with the 'Persona,' the mask we present to society. The self, in Jungian terms, is the complete picture of an individual, encompassing both Persona and Shadow, conscious and unconscious, ego-syntonic and ego-distonic. It's the integration of all aspects of ourselves, the light and the shadow. The speaker uses the analogy of a personality test to illustrate how we might only identify with a part of ourselves, but in reality, we are the entire spectrum of traits.
🌱 The Impact of Labels and Stories on Personal Identity
This section delves into how we form identities based on the labels and narratives we create and internalize, particularly in childhood. It explains how these self-fulfilling prophecies can shape a person's identity and their Shadow Self. The speaker warns of the dangers of telling children they are 'so this' or 'so that,' as it can lead to a limited sense of self. The paragraph also touches on how we lie to ourselves about our abilities and traits, often creating limiting narratives that can be harmful. It emphasizes the importance of being mindful of the language we use, especially when speaking to children, as it can greatly influence their self-perception and potential.
🌜 Embracing the Shadow: The Path to Self-Compassion
The final paragraph addresses the lies we tell ourselves about our potential for perfection and the unattainable ideal of a flawless Persona. It discusses how striving for perfection can lead to a darker Shadow Self. The speaker encourages self-compassion for both the Persona and the Shadow, recognizing that both are integral parts of our identity. The paragraph suggests that instead of labeling ourselves or others, we should aim for a more holistic understanding of our personalities. It advises against seeing people as entirely good or bad, but rather acknowledging the complexity of human nature. The speaker also suggests that we should not be overly critical of others when they exhibit traits we dislike, as it often reflects our own repressed qualities. The goal is to integrate these shadow aspects into our sense of self to achieve a more authentic and compassionate identity.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Psyche
💡Conscious
💡Unconscious
💡Ego
💡Persona
💡Shadow Self
💡Self-compassion
💡Self-fulfilling Prophecy
💡Identity
💡Perfectionism
💡Judgment
Highlights
The psyche is split into conscious and unconscious, similar to Freud's view.
The ego develops and rejects unacceptable aspects of the self, leading to the formation of the unconscious.
The Persona is the mask we wear publicly, showing others who we want to be.
The Shadow Self is the opposite of the Persona, representing everything the ego dislikes about us.
The self is a wholeness that includes both the Persona and the Shadow Self.
We are the entire spectrum of traits, not just a point on it.
Children often internalize labels given to them, which can shape their identity and Shadow Self.
The ego seeks to maintain its values and avoid its opposite, leading to self-compassion issues.
We should be mindful of the narratives we tell children about who they are.
Limiting narratives are common, especially among young people who believe there is something wrong with them.
The issue is not in the diagnosis but in how we identify ourselves.
We tell stories about ourselves that are limiting, both negative and positive.
The ego reassures itself by identifying with certain traits and denying others.
When we encounter someone who activates our Shadow, we tend to be critical and judgmental.
We should lean into our judgments and consider what part of our Shadow is being activated.
The goal is not perfection but self-compassion towards both the Persona and the Shadow.
We should stop thinking of ourselves in limited terms and acknowledge our integrated whole self.
Labels are limiting, and we should practice compassion for our shadows.
It's healthy to experiment with different personas but not let them limit us.
We should have compassion for others and not label them based on single traits.
Our identities are often illusions created by our ego.
The ego is necessary for survival, but we should avoid letting it impact our lives negatively.
Transcripts
I want to talk today about The Lies We
Tell ourselves about who we are
specifically in today's chat I'll be
taking a yian perspective meaning
inspired by the teachings of K Yung a
swis psychiatrist who broke off from
Freud back in the day check my other
videos on Yung Yan psychology if you
need a deeper dive into what it is but
to give you a simplified version of how
Jung saw the structure of the mind like
Freud he believed that the psyche was
split up into conscious and unconscious
and that over the course of
socialization as we grew up and matured
our ego developed which started to shun
things that weren't societally or
familiarly accepted aspects of the self
that weren't socially acceptable and as
the ego started shunning those things to
the unconscious it also started forming
something called the Persona The Mask we
wear publicly who we want to show people
that we are and then the very opposite
of that Persona everything that is ego
distonic meaning everything that our ego
doesn't like about us gets personified
into something called The Shadow Self so
you have consciously the Persona and the
e ego working very hard to keep your ego
syonic and you have under that its very
opposite the Shadow Self the unconscious
Realm of the psyche the self according
to a yian perspective is the totality of
all of it it is the Persona and the
shadow it's the conscious and the
unconscious the ego syonic and the ego
distonic the self is wholeness the self
is integration it's not just what we
want to be it's also everything we want
very hard not to be it's both Shadow and
light think about it this way let's
imagine that you're taking some sort of
personality test and it's trying to test
a specific trait like whether you're
more quiet or loud so you have on one
end if you're 100% quiet and you have on
the other end if you're 100% loud and
you may like to think of yourself as
somewhere on that linear Spectrum you
might like to think that you are 82%
quiet 18% loud what you don't understand
is that you are the entire Spectrum you
are both quiet and loud that is the self
that is the totality of you because you
are also sometimes what you wish not to
be and everything that you wish not to
be gets personified inside you in the
unconscious you are the whole Spectrum
not a point on it so keeping this in
mind what are the lies that we tell
ourselves about our identities
[Music]
what are the lies that we tell about
ourselves and other people one is that
as children we start to tell kids you're
so this you're so that and they start to
become these self-fulfilling prophecies
and we're in part shaping who the
children become and who their Shadows
become let's say for instance that
you're a mother and you have a kid who
is very talented at writing and you tell
them that you say hey you're so good at
writing you're awesome at that little
guy the child is going to internalize
that and keep telling themselves that
over the course of their life they're
going to start to identify with being a
good writer and as time goes on if
sometimes they brush up against maybe a
difficult assignment in school where
they don't do so well or an English
teacher that doesn't really resonate
with them what do you think is going to
happen the Shadow Self gets triggered
the part of them rears its head that
lingers in the dark everything that they
wish not to be everything that they
think that they're not and when that
happens it's very difficult to have
self-compassion because the ego wants to
be completely aligned with its values
the ego doesn't want to be exact
opposite of its values so we have to be
very careful especially when speaking
with children because they're like
sponges they absorb everything we have
to be very mindful of the things we tell
them about who they are because those
stories can become very limiting to them
they need to be able to choose almost
like a tabularasa they need to be the
ones to decide what they can and cannot
do another way that we tell lies is we
tell stories about who we are we like to
think of ourselves as holding certain
clusters of traits for instance I like
to think of myself as a tidy person a
person that's attentive to detail a
person that is eloquent I don't think of
myself as somebody that's particularly
good at math I don't think of myself as
a particularly extroverted person in
this day and age we see so many of these
limiting narratives among particularly
young people who want very badly to
believe that there is something
pathological with them who want for
there to be something wrong with them
psychologically or sometimes even
physically who say no I can't be
organized because I have a HD no I can't
be socially Savvy because I have autism
spectrum disorder no I can't turn in my
homework cuz I have pots the narratives
we tell about ourselves are always
limiting in some way but some are a lot
more limiting than others now no one's
denying maybe you do have ADHD ASD pots
the issue is not in the diagnosis the
issue is in how you identify yourself
because when you identify yourself with
the conscious aspects of you you're not
seeing yourself fully you're not seeing
the totality of the self you're not
seeing that yeah maybe sometimes you
struggle to be socially Savvy but other
times you're quite good at getting
intimate with people the stories that we
tell about ourselves are sometimes
overly negative or sometimes they're
overly positive in this example when
they're negative when they say no I
can't do this because I'm this way it's
still the ego getting its needs met
because the ego on some level wants to
be reassured it wants you and the people
around you to reassure so that then you
can feel good about yourself the self
with a capital S doesn't care about
those things the self with a capital S
understands that sometimes it struggles
with those things and sometimes not and
neither of them Define the self now
other times the ego tells an overly
positive story it tells us that we're
the greatest person in the world we're
so good at all these different traits I
mean there's a reason why in almost
every single field people tend to
believe that they are better than
average at what they do which
mathematically just doesn't add up I
mean I said I'm not good at math but
even I understand that doesn't add up
when we tell ourselves these idealized
versions of who we are when we over
identify with a person without realizing
that it's not really who we fully are
then when we come into contact with
somebody who activates a part of our
shadows we can be very critical and
judgmental and hard on them we can start
pointing fingers and saying well you
shouldn't do that because that's not
according to my values you know what
they say when you point one finger you
got three others pointing back at you
because we don't like to see aspects of
ourselves that we've shunned either in
ourselves or in other people when we see
them in other people it reminds us that
we have that capability within ourselves
and we instantly want to distract from
that we instantly want to start pointing
fingers and assigning blame for example
let's say that you always want to be a
very kind person and you notice somebody
expressing their anger in a very blunt
way you might feel tempted in that
moment to say wow I don't think they
should do that that wasn't very nice of
them because really what you're saying
in that moment is I have that capability
inside me too I sometimes overreact to
things when I'm angry too and I feel a
lot of Shame about that and so in order
to repress that side of me I'm going to
shame the person in front of me when in
reality when we come into contact with
someone who activates our shadows what
we should do instead is lean into it and
wonder where is this judgment coming
from what part of my shadow is this
activating what is it that I feel
ashamed of now about myself because if I
were to fully do the shadow work and
integrate that into the totality of
myself I wouldn't be so shocked that
this person's overreacting a little bit
in the way that they're expressing their
anger because I would understand that
sometimes it happens there is anger just
as there is kindness and look nobody's
perfect at this nobody is free of
judgment or free of criticizing other
people who are falling short of their
values it's a constant process you
constantly have to implement this as you
go about your life in order to gain more
insight about yourself and integrate the
unconscious along with the conscious
another lie that we tell ourselves is
that we can be perfect that the Persona
can somehow find tune itself to be
Beyond reproach the brighter light
shines the darker the Shadow's going to
be right you don't really see Shadows on
overcast days when it's not very bright
the brighter you try to make your
persona the darker Your Shadow is going
to be as well and so if you try to
idealize yourself or burn yourself out
with perfectionism you're going to have
a monster buried under your porch the
goal is not self-esteem the goal is not
let me try to be the best person that I
could possibly be the goal is
self-compassion towards both the Persona
and the Shadow acknowledging that both
are part of who I am so what is a
healthier alternative to telling
ourselves these lies about who we are
well we can stop thinking of ourselves
in such limited terms in terms of I have
these traits and I am not good at these
things we can instead start to
acknowledge a more integrated whole
version of ourselves we can acknowledge
our shadows we can get to know them a
little bit we can practice compassion
for them and we can try not to label
ourselves because labels are inherently
limiting now masks can be fun you know I
love Halloween I love dressing up for
the occasion masks are an opportunity to
play around with different personas and
that is in part healthy you should
experiment with different ways of being
different traits that you want to Tinker
with and you should also have an intact
ego because if you don't have an intact
ego that is essentially psychosis you
don't see the difference between
yourself and the environment we need an
ego to function the goal is not ego
death the goal is merely self-compassion
towards the full self and not limiting
ourselves playing around with different
masks different personas but not
treating them like chains that have to
keep us stuck in one place forever and
it's also healthier to have compassion
for the totality of others to not label
them to not say this is a bad person or
this person is cruel and instead to see
that sometimes they're cruel sometimes
they're not nobody is all of one thing
everybody is one thing and it's polar
opposite at once and when you notice
yourself feeling judgment towards other
people lean into it lean into what it
means about yourself not about that
person I think you'll find that a lot of
our identities are essentially Illusions
created by our ego and again that's not
all bad we need the ego to survive it's
healthy to have an ego just don't let it
get to a point where it's starting to
impact your life have a great day
[Music]
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