How 3 words will change your life | Johanna Feick | TEDxTwenteU

Summary

The speaker shares a personal journey of overcoming societal expectations and self-doubt to live a life true to oneself. From feeling like an outsider in a small German town to pursuing dreams of travel and career success, the narrative highlights the importance of asking 'how can I?' rather than 'why can't I?'. The speaker emphasizes the power of action over mindset change, advocating for setting goals, researching, planning, and taking daily steps towards them. The message encourages viewers to challenge their fears and live authentically, embracing the growth that comes from stepping out of one's comfort zone.

Takeaways

• 🌟 Living life true to oneself is a common regret among the elderly, highlighting the importance of not conforming to others' expectations.
• 🚫 The speaker's upbringing in a small German town was marked by feelings of being an outsider, which fueled their determination to pursue their dreams.
• 💭 The realization that one's life can be shaped by self-imposed limitations led the speaker to challenge these beliefs and take control of their own destiny.
• 🌱 A pivotal moment in a small forest during springtime sparked an epiphany for the speaker, prompting a shift in mindset towards pursuing personal dreams.
• 🌍 The decision to travel to South Korea at 19, despite language barriers and limited funds, exemplifies the speaker's courage to step out of their comfort zone.
• 🛂 Overcoming initial doubts and proving oneself capable of achieving goals, even without a proven track record, is a central theme of the speaker's journey.
• 🔍 The process of achieving dreams involves researching, planning, and taking actionable steps, as demonstrated by the speaker's preparation for their travels.
• 💡 The speaker emphasizes the importance of understanding the 'why' behind one's desires, as advocated by Simon Sinek, to gain clarity and motivation.
• 🚀 Taking action, despite fear and uncertainty, is portrayed as the catalyst for change and personal growth in the speaker's narrative.
• 🏃‍♂️ The speaker suggests that breaking down goals into smaller, achievable milestones and daily actions is a practical approach to realizing larger ambitions.
• 💪 The fear of regret for not living authentically should motivate individuals to confront their fears and pursue their passions, according to the speaker's experience.

Q & A

What is one of the top regrets of the elderly according to the book 'The Top Five Regrets of the Dying'?

Not living life true to oneself is one of the top regrets of the elderly.

What was the speaker's childhood like in the small town in Germany?

The speaker was considered an outsider and a misfit in the small town, with dreams that were seen as ridiculous and offensive by the community.

What was the turning point for the speaker that led to a change in their mindset?

The turning point was an epiphany experienced in a small forest surrounded by flower petals, where the speaker decided not to be confined by others' expectations.

What steps did the speaker take to realize their dream of traveling the world?

The speaker researched visa requirements, cost of living, and airplane tickets, made a plan, and executed it, eventually traveling to South Korea, Thailand, and Japan.

How did the speaker's experience in South Korea impact their life?

The experience in South Korea allowed the speaker to prove their self-doubts wrong, gain confidence, and ultimately return to Germany with motivation to pursue their dreams.

What is the importance of understanding 'why' behind our desires according to the speaker?

Understanding 'why' behind our desires is crucial as it helps us identify our true motivations and align our actions with our core values.

Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of asking 'how' instead of focusing on 'why'?

The speaker emphasizes asking 'how' because it shifts the focus from the fear of failure to finding actionable steps towards achieving our goals.

What is the role of action in personal growth according to the speaker?

Action is essential in personal growth as it equals motivation and represents active change, allowing individuals to move beyond self-doubt and towards their goals.

How did the speaker approach starting their first company despite having no prior knowledge or experience?

The speaker approached starting their first company by researching extensively, learning from others' experiences, and breaking down the process into actionable steps.

What advice does the speaker give to overcome the fear of taking the first step towards a goal?

The speaker advises to not let fear dictate one's life and to take the first step, as the courage shown will not be regretted, unlike the regret of not living life true to oneself.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 Pursuing Authentic Dreams

The speaker reflects on the regret of not living life true to oneself, a common lament among the elderly. They recount their upbringing in a small German town where their aspirations were often dismissed. Despite being told they couldn't achieve their dreams, they made a pivotal decision to challenge these limitations. A moment of clarity in a forest during spring led them to question their preordained life path. They resolved to travel the world, starting with a move to South Korea at the age of 19. Despite the language barrier and limited funds, they persisted, eventually traveling to other countries, finding odd jobs, and securing a marketing manager position. This experience fueled their return to Germany with a renewed sense of purpose, leading to the founding of a successful tech company by the age of 22. The speaker emphasizes the importance of proving oneself capable and living a life true to one's own desires.

05:01

🔍 Unveiling the 'How' Behind Our Desires

The speaker emphasizes the importance of understanding the 'why' behind our goals, drawing parallels to Simon Sinek's 'Start with Why' concept. They argue that merely knowing what we want is insufficient; we must delve deeper into our motivations. The speaker discusses the common trap of envisioning an ideal life without strategizing how to achieve it, which often leads to inaction due to fear. They advocate for overcoming this by asking 'how' we can realize our dreams, rather than focusing on the fear of failure or rejection. The speaker shares their personal journey of starting a company, highlighting the significance of taking action despite doubts and the comfort of inaction. They stress that action breeds motivation and is the catalyst for change, urging listeners to start with small, achievable steps towards their goals, and to transform their dreams into actionable plans.

10:03

🏃‍♂️ Taking Action: The Key to Realizing Dreams

The speaker outlines the process of turning dreams into reality by breaking them down into actionable steps. They recount their own experience of researching and gathering information on starting a company, despite having no prior knowledge or entrepreneurial background. They emphasize the importance of setting milestones and daily action items to make progress towards goals. Using the metaphor of training for a marathon, they illustrate how even the most daunting tasks can be achieved by breaking them down into manageable parts. The speaker encourages listeners to take the first step, acknowledging the fear that accompanies it, and to confront the greater regret of a life not fully lived. They conclude by challenging the audience to ask themselves 'How can I?' as a means to unlock their potential and to take control of their own life's narrative.

Keywords

💡Courage

Courage, in the context of the video, refers to the bravery required to live life according to one's own values and aspirations, rather than conforming to the expectations of others. It is the driving force that enables the speaker to overcome self-doubt and societal pressures, as illustrated by their decision to move to South Korea despite not speaking the language and having limited resources. The video emphasizes that courage is essential for pursuing one's dreams and living a life without regrets.

💡Self-Made Prophecy

A self-made prophecy in the video is a concept where an individual's belief in their own limitations or failure becomes a self-fulfilling belief, leading them to not pursue their potential. The speaker describes how they initially told themselves that they couldn't achieve their dreams, which became a barrier until they decided to change their mindset. This term is crucial as it highlights the importance of positive self-belief in overcoming obstacles and achieving one's goals.

💡Authentic Self

Authentic self refers to the genuine, true version of oneself that aligns with one's personal values, desires, and beliefs, as opposed to a version that conforms to societal expectations or the desires of others. The video encourages viewers to live as their authentic self, emphasizing that this is the path to fulfillment and happiness. The speaker's journey to South Korea and their subsequent success in business are examples of living an authentic life, pursuing their passions despite societal norms.

💡Mindset Change

Mindset change is the process of altering one's attitudes and beliefs to adopt a more positive and proactive approach towards life. While the video acknowledges the importance of mindset, it argues that action is the key to change. The speaker's journey from a small town with limited opportunities to a successful career in tech is an example of mindset change in action, where they chose to challenge the belief that they couldn't achieve their dreams.

💡Action

Action, in the video, is the tangible steps taken towards achieving one's goals. It is presented as the catalyst for change, emphasizing that without action, even the most positive mindset will not lead to success. The speaker's decision to research and plan their move to South Korea, despite doubts and fears, is a clear example of taking action. The video suggests that action breeds motivation and is essential for overcoming self-doubt and achieving one's desires.

💡Regret

Regret in the video is portrayed as the negative emotion experienced when one reflects on missed opportunities or unfulfilled potential due to not taking action. The speaker references 'The Top Regrets of the Dying' to highlight that not living true to oneself is a common regret among the elderly. The video uses the concept of regret to motivate viewers to take action and live a life aligned with their true desires, rather than one dictated by fear or societal expectations.

💡Comfort Zone

Comfort zone, as discussed in the video, refers to the state of mental or emotional comfort and security within which an individual operates without facing significant challenges or risks. The speaker emphasizes that growth and change require stepping outside of this zone, as staying within it can lead to a life of unfulfilled potential and regret. The video encourages viewers to push beyond their comfort zones to achieve their dreams and live authentically.

💡Passion

Passion in the video is described as a strong and barely controllable emotion that drives an individual towards their interests and pursuits. The speaker's passion for travel and learning about life and people is what initially motivates them to leave their small town and move to South Korea. The video suggests that identifying and pursuing one's passions is crucial for living a fulfilling life.

💡Vision

Vision in the video represents a clear and often ambitious idea of what one wants their life or future to be like. The speaker talks about having a grand vision of their life, which includes traveling the world and achieving success. The video encourages viewers to not only have a vision but also to take practical steps to realize it, stressing the importance of aligning one's vision with actionable steps.

💡Fear

Fear in the video is depicted as a powerful emotion that can hold individuals back from pursuing their dreams and living authentically. The speaker discusses fears of rejection, failure, and judgment, which can prevent people from taking action. The video challenges viewers to confront their fears and take action despite them, as this is the path to realizing one's vision and living a life without regret.

💡Self-Doubt

Self-doubt is the internal skepticism and lack of confidence in one's abilities or worth, as discussed in the video. The speaker initially experienced self-doubt, telling themselves they couldn't achieve their dreams, which limited their potential. The video suggests that overcoming self-doubt is essential for taking action and achieving one's goals, and it encourages viewers to challenge and replace self-doubt with self-belief.

Highlights

The importance of living life true to oneself rather than according to others' expectations.

Not living life true to oneself is a common regret among the elderly, as per Bronnie Ware's book.

The speaker's childhood in a small German town where they felt like an outsider.

The realization that the speaker's life seemed pre-written by others' expectations.

The decision to change and the pivotal moment in a forest that sparked the speaker's epiphany.

The speaker's initial fears and self-doubt that held them back from pursuing their dreams.

The process of researching and planning to travel to South Korea at the age of 19.

The courage to prove oneself and others wrong by taking action despite doubts.

The experience of living in South Korea, traveling, and finding work despite the language barrier.

The motivation to return to Germany and start a company after the travel experience.

The concept of 'how can I' as a driving force for change and personal growth.

The necessity to understand 'why' we want something in order to achieve it.

The fear of asking 'how' can be as paralyzing as the fear of taking action.

The idea that not taking action means letting others make decisions for us.

The importance of taking action to equal motivation and active change.

The practical steps of researching, planning, and executing to achieve goals.

The process of setting milestones and daily actions to work towards a goal.

The challenge to ask 'how can I' and take the first step towards personal dreams.

The fear of regret for not living life true to oneself if one does not take action.

Transcripts

I wish I had the courage to live life

true to

myself and not according to the

expectations and wishes of

others now not living life true to

oneself is one of the top regrets of the

elderly according to prony wear's famous

book the top regrets of the

Dy and I think we've all been there

situations where we've given up on

ourselves before we even started telling

ourselves that we

can't and then then we won't we live up

to our own self-made

prophecy I grew up in

Germany I moved to a small town when I

was a child the type of small town were

even 10 years later people still

consider it to be an

outsider and I was a misfit my dreams of

making it big traveling the world and

moving abroad they were seen as fairy

tale beliefs as

ridiculous maybe even as an

offense and I was told that I can't that

people like us

can't now for a long time in my life

that used to be my go-to excuse Big

Dreams and small ones alike I told

myself that I

can't their prophecy became my

own until I decided to change now I can

still remember that moment as vividly as

if it was yesterday I was walking

through the small forest in Spring a

priest flowing around me circulating

flower pettles all in the air I felt as

if I was in some sort of movie because

that was the very moment I had some sort

of epiphany I was fresh out of high

school and I knew exactly what was

expected of me it almost felt as if my

entire life has been written out by

someone else I have to study I have to

find a stable job marry and have

children but at the age of 19 that is

not exactly what I want to do I want to

travel the world and I want to learn

about life and people and myself and I'm

so young and hopeful and creative and

full of

ideas and yet again I am met with an all

too familiar reality I'm told that I

can't that people like me

can't but I I don't want to be confined

by what other people want my life to

look like so in that very moment

standing in this small for Forest

surrounded by all these pink beautiful

flower petals I start entertaining a

single thought how can I and I will I

decide that I want to travel first so I

start researching visa requirements cost

of living airplane ticket all these

things that I had absolutely nothing to

do with until that time I researched it

I made a plan I executed it and two

months later

I'm sitting in an airplane to South

Korea all alone at 19 years old barely

able to speak Korean knowing full well

that just speaking English isn't exactly

going to be enough and with just enough

money in my pockets to last me for

roughly two months the thought that I

can was still just a concept inside of

my mind it was unproven but I am

determined to prove them and my own

doubts

wrong and it works out I stay for the

entire duration of my Visa 12 months in

total I even travel to Thailand and

Japan I pick up different odd jobs and

ultimately even get my first real job as

a marketing manager and I come back to

Germany and I'm full of motivation I

moved to a large city found a company

and my team my co-founders and I we make

it work by the age of 22 I'm already

able to fulfill one of my dreams living

my passion by Leading products and teams

in Tech and now just a few years later

I'm so grateful to be in a position

where I can support other people on

their journey by asking

myself how can I I even gave myself the

chance to prove that I can and I gave

myself the chance to live life true to

myself now finding out how you can it is

quite the exciting journey and it's not

an easy one but it is so worth it first

we need to clearly identify what it is

that we want in life but just knowing

what you want is not enough you have to

dig a little bit deeper perhaps you're

familiar with Simon sy's famous tat talk

start with why and just like that we

also need to start with why we need to

ask ourselves why again and again and

again

until we get to the bottom of what it is

what we truly desire in

life if you seek wealth and success

because you're hoping that it will help

you find love perhaps it will serve you

better to seek love

instead but even when we understand our

why we get stuck so often I've seen this

many times

firsthand people having this Grand

Vision of what they like life should be

like but never really asking themselves

how they can make it happen it almost

seems as if the fear gap of asking

ourselves how is as big as the fear of

taking action

itself if we don't ask ourselves how we

can we can tell ourselves that

everything we want in life is just a

fairy tale belief that it is what it is

and that nothing can be done and that

can be oddly comfortable because we get

to offload an entire portion of

responsibility we also get to avoid some

sort of pain we don't ask someone that

we like out on a date because we fear

the rejection we don't switch careers

even though we don't like our current

one because we fear the failure and we

don't live as our authentic self because

we fear to be

judged but that that also means that

some decisions or even most decisions

are going to be made for you and not by

you and that can often lead to

regret now that is not how it has to be

like the things we desire the change

that we seek it is always on the other

side of our own comfort zone grow

involves Growing

Pains but only if we take the step to

ask ourselves how we can will we be able

to find ways that we

can we might even realize that the

reality that we created inside of our

own mind is not the reality right in

front of us and all around

us we might also realize that all the

rejection and the failure and the

Judgment that we feared so much is

actually never going to

happen now whenever we're talking about

change we think we have to have a

mindset change I used to think the exact

same thing and perhaps you're thinking

the same in this very moment that you

have to change your

mindset but the truth is as simple as it

is hard you need to take action because

action equals motivation and action is

active change when I went to South Korea

or when I started my first company I was

not sure that I can I hadn't underwent

some magical mindset change that gave me

a 100% confidence score that I can do

this I just decided to take action

because I didn't want these experiences

letting me pass by I decided to take

action against my own doubts against the

doubts of everyone around me and maybe

even against all others but I gave

myself the chance to learn how I can and

in the same sense learning how you can

consists of a step of

actions first you have to decide what it

is that you want to focus on now it

doesn't matter whether that's a big or a

small thing it doesn't have to be

someone that everyone else will perceive

as

crant it is just important that it is

something that you are really passionate

about something that you hold dear to

your heart and then don't even go down

the entire Rabbit Hole of

self-doubt you don't even need to think

about your goal in the context of

whether you personally believe you can

do it you just want to entertain the

thought how someone would go about

achieving this it's a little trick

that's fairly effective at least for

me when I started my company I didn't

know anything about managing or starting

a company at all I didn't grow up in an

entrepreneurial

family and I didn't really have any

mentors so the only thing in that moment

that I could do was look for any type of

information about this topic so I

started reading through online articles

guides YouTube videos and I collected

all information that I could about how

other people have done this I even found

a startup program where they teach you

these type of things and I listed down

every single thing that I found and I

researched every single item until I had

a pretty good understanding of what it

is that needs to be done in theory for a

company to

succeed and after that I had enough

information to start setting milestones

for myself and breaking them down into

actions for

example setting up the legal entity of a

company could be a milestone and things

such as finding a lawyer

preparing what questions you want to ask

that lawyer and ultimately having the

meeting with them and then have your

follow-up items on your to-do list are

potential things that you can do to make

your dream come true step by step now no

matter how big or small your goal is the

Baseline of this always stays the same

if you want to run a marathon for

example you're most likely not going to

sign up for the marathon and run it

without any prior training

you will most likely want to understand

everything that is connected to this

specific

goal how when and where do marathons

happen what is your current Fitness

level how do you need to train how often

do you need to train what do you need to

eat in order to get fit enough perhaps

you'd even like to enlist a personal

coach that will help you make your plan

but ultimately the only way for it to

turn into something real is by making

this plan by setting the milestones and

by creating these daily action items so

you can take a step towards your goal

every single day in terms of a marathon

perhaps that's doing some stretches or

going for a

run and no matter again how big or small

it is that you want to do as soon as you

think it is

impossible you need to go through this

process because that's how you make it

possible starting a company seems

impossible calling up a lawyer to get

some information or a tax

consultant very possible on the other

hand and that at the end of the day is

the answer to how you can you need to

learn everything that comes with this

goal and you need to turn it into an

action plan and execute it that is the

answer to the question and that is also

the blueprint to life

itself now whenever we take the first

step honestly it's super scary no matter

how often you do it but what is even

scarier is having life pass you

by because one thing is for sure if you

take a step

ahead show courage and go against your

fears you're not going to regret the

courage that you've shown but if you

cover in front of your fear you're most

likely going to regret not living life

true to

yourself so don't Be Your Own Prison

don't tell yourself that you can't and

don't let other people tell you what

your life should look like instead I'd

like to challenge you on this very

evening to ask yourselves How can I

sh