The Most Important Thing To Do When It Comes To Self Love

Summary

This video script delves into the concept of self-love, emphasizing it as an ongoing commitment rather than a one-time achievement. It discusses the internal struggle of fragmentation, where individuals push away parts of themselves due to perceived rejection, leading to shame. The speaker introduces 'exaltation' as a method to transform negative traits into their highest spiritual aspects, thereby fostering self-love. The narrative includes a personal story of Tuan, illustrating how she reconnected with her rejected traits and repurposed them for personal growth, advocating for a life aligned with one's true self.

Takeaways

• 💖 **Self-Love as a Daily Practice**: Self-love is not a one-time achievement but an ongoing commitment that involves daily practice and attention to both big and small aspects of self-care.
• 👶 **Relational Dependence in Childhood**: As children, our sense of self is heavily influenced by our relationships and the acceptance or rejection from our social group, which can lead to internal conflicts and self-fragmentation.
• 🚫 **Internal Rejection of Personal Aspects**: We may subconsciously reject parts of ourselves that we believe are causing us to be pushed away by others, leading to a sense of shame and self-hatred.
• 🔁 **The Cycle of Fragmentation**: Fragmentation occurs when we turn against aspects of ourselves to regain acceptance, creating an internal divide and practicing the opposite of self-love.
• ❤️ **Self-Love as Inclusion**: To love oneself is to see, hear, feel, understand, and act in the best interests of all parts of oneself, treating each aspect with value and acceptance.
• 😢 **Shame as the Opposite of Self-Love**: Shame is an instinctual reaction to push oneself away, whereas self-love is about drawing all parts of oneself closer and treating them with care.
• 🔄 **Overcoming Shame Through Re-ownership**: The first step to ending shame is to reown and accept the parts of ourselves that we have pushed away, which is crucial for developing self-love.
• 🌟 **Exaltation of Negative Traits**: Transforming negative personality traits into their highest spiritual aspect, or 'exaltation', allows us to see the positive potential in what we previously disliked about ourselves.
• 🤔 **Compassionate Internal Dialogue**: Engaging in a compassionate dialogue with the parts of ourselves that we have rejected can help us understand and relate to their pain, fostering self-compassion and unity.
• 🔮 **Visualization and Meditation**: Visualizing and meditating on the parts of ourselves we dislike can help us to see them as separate entities within us, allowing for a more objective and compassionate approach to self-love.

Q & A

What is the most important thing to do to develop self-love according to the transcript?

The most important thing to do to develop self-love is to see, hear, feel, understand, recognize the value of oneself, and integrate the aspects of yourself that you have rejected, then act in their best interests instead of against them.

Why do we sometimes push away parts of ourselves?

We push away parts of ourselves as a subconscious response to perceived rejection or disapproval from others, often stemming from childhood experiences where we felt we needed to conform to maintain closeness with our social group.

What is the concept of 'fragmentation' as it relates to self-love?

'Fragmentation' refers to the internal splitting of one's consciousness where one part of us is against another part, leading to self-rejection and shame, which is the opposite of self-love.

How does the feeling of shame relate to self-love?

Shame is an instinctual reaction to push oneself away and is considered the exact opposite of self-love. It often arises from the perception that certain aspects of ourselves lead to painful consequences, such as rejection by others.

What is the role of hurt in the development of self-hate?

The foundation of self-hate is hurt, as we only tend to hate aspects of ourselves that have led to painful consequences, particularly when it feels like something about us results in being pushed away by others or unmet needs.

What is the concept of 'exaltation' in the context of self-love?

Exaltation is the process of transforming a negative personality trait or problem into its highest spiritual aspect, finding the best and most positive use for the trait.

How can one apply the concept of exaltation to their negative traits?

One can apply exaltation by identifying negative traits, accepting and approving them, and then amplifying these traits into their most positive and beneficial expressions.

What is the significance of making a connection with the parts of ourselves we dislike?

Making a connection with the parts of ourselves we dislike is significant because it transforms our relationship with those aspects, turning them from sources of self-harm into sources of self-benefit, as they can no longer hurt us without hurting themselves.

How can visualization or meditation help in developing self-love?

Visualization or meditation can help in developing self-love by allowing individuals to see, address, and relate to the parts of themselves they have pushed away, fostering compassion and understanding towards those aspects.

What is 'Parts work' and how does it contribute to self-love?

Parts work is a therapeutic process where one works directly with the different parts of their personality, especially those they do not love, to change internal perspectives and reach agreements on new, loving ways of being towards oneself.

Can you provide an example from the transcript of how someone integrated a previously rejected part of themselves?

Tu Yen, an example from the transcript, integrated her previously rejected 'broody and quiet' part by recognizing its value, such as mindfulness and depth, and redefining her life to align with its needs and values, leading to a more authentic and self-loving lifestyle.