How a Disney Movie Made Me Hate Being Chinese...

Summary

The speaker shares a personal journey of self-discovery, beginning with a childhood desire to fit in by rejecting his Chinese heritage after being influenced by Western media. He recounts his disappointment with the reality of high school compared to the idealized portrayals in movies like High School Musical. This leads to a period of self-hatred and attempts to assimilate into white culture during university. However, through learning Mandarin and embracing his cultural roots, he eventually finds pride in his Asian identity, realizing the value of his unique background and the 'coolness' of being multilingual and multicultural.

Takeaways

• 😔 The speaker once felt inferior for being Chinese and tried to reject their heritage to assimilate into a white culture.
• 🍜 As a child, they were self-conscious about bringing traditional Chinese food to school, desiring the 'cool' American lunch options seen on TV.
• 🎬 High School Musical and other movies greatly influenced the speaker's perception of high school life, leading to disappointment when their real high school experience didn't match the glamorous portrayals.
• 🏫 The speaker's high school was predominantly Asian, which was a stark contrast to the diverse and 'cool' high school experiences depicted in movies.
• 📚 The academic focus of the speaker's high school, including the pursuit of the 'Asian six-pack' of advanced courses, was far from the party-centric high school life idealized in films.
• 🗣️ The speaker's identity crisis led to a period of disassociation from their Chinese culture, including avoiding the Cantonese language and trying to hang out with non-Asian peers.
• 🎉 Influenced by movies like Project X, the speaker sought a wild and party-oriented college experience, which further distanced them from their Asian roots.
• 🏛️ Despite initial resistance, the speaker ended up attending an engineering-focused college, which was more Asian and academically rigorous than they had hoped for.
• 🤝 Feeling out of place trying to fit in with white peers, the speaker eventually returned to the Asian community where they felt more comfortable and accepted.
• 🌐 Learning Mandarin and embracing Chinese culture led to a newfound appreciation for their heritage and a realization that being Asian was something to be proud of.

Q & A

What was the speaker's initial feeling towards their Chinese heritage?

Initially, the speaker felt inferior and rejected their Chinese heritage, wanting to become a white guy and disassociate from their culture.

What Disney movie had a significant impact on the speaker's self-perception?

High School Musical had a significant impact on the speaker's self-perception, making them aspire to a lifestyle that was not reflective of their own experiences.

Why did the speaker feel that their high school experience was different from what they saw in movies?

The speaker's high school was almost all Asian and focused on academics rather than parties and social events, which was different from the portrayal in movies like High School Musical.

What was the 'Asian six-pack' mentioned in the script?

The 'Asian six-pack' refers to the collection of advanced courses typically taken by Asian students, such as calculus, vectors, Advanced functions, chemistry, physics, and biology, all in one semester.

How did the speaker's perception of being Asian change over time?

Over time, the speaker's perception of being Asian evolved from self-hatred and rejection to embracing their heritage and culture, realizing the value in being multilingual and enjoying diverse cultural experiences.

What role did the speaker's mother play in their decision to attend university?

The speaker's mother convinced them to attend a prestigious engineering school instead of a party school, which initially the speaker was reluctant to do.

Why did the speaker initially want to avoid hanging out with their old friends in university?

The speaker wanted to avoid their old friends in university because they believed hanging out with white kids would help them become 'cool' and fit into the lifestyle they thought was desirable.

What was the turning point for the speaker in embracing their Chinese identity?

The turning point was when the speaker started learning the Chinese language, which led them to dive into the culture and eventually embrace their Chinese heritage.

What was the speaker's initial attitude towards learning Mandarin?

Initially, the speaker viewed learning Mandarin as a necessary task for future career prospects rather than something they were interested in or passionate about.

How did the speaker's experience in university differ from their high school experience?

In university, the speaker initially tried to distance themselves from their Asian identity but eventually found a sense of belonging and coolness in embracing their Asian heritage, unlike their high school experience where they felt inferior.

Outlines

00:00

😔 Struggling with Identity

The speaker reflects on a childhood struggle with their Chinese identity, feeling inferior due to cultural differences and media influences. They recount an experience of feeling embarrassed about bringing traditional Chinese food to school, which contrasts with the 'cool' Western foods they saw on TV. The speaker's desire to fit in led them to reject their heritage and culture, influenced by the unrealistic portrayal of high school life in Disney's 'High School Musical.' They express disappointment when their actual high school experience did not match the movie's glamorous depiction, and this, combined with the lack of Asian representation in media, reinforced their negative feelings towards their own race.

05:01

😣 Internalized Racism and Alienation

The speaker delves deeper into their teenage years, marked by a strong internalized racism and a desire to distance themselves from their Asian heritage. They recount making insensitive comments about their race and actively trying to disassociate from their culture. Influenced by movies like 'Project X,' the speaker sought a wild and party-oriented high school experience, which further alienated them from their Asian peers. They chose a university based on its party culture and lack of Asian students, attempting to fit into a social circle that was not naturally theirs. This led to feelings of isolation and a realization that they did not belong in the social environment they had idealized.

10:01

😊 Embracing Heritage and Language

In the final paragraph, the speaker shares a turning point in their life where they began to embrace their Chinese heritage. The journey started with learning the Mandarin language, which inevitably led to a deeper exploration of Chinese culture. They found joy in listening to Chinese music, engaging with Chinese celebrities, and connecting with family through language. The speaker ultimately realized the value of their bilingualism and bicultural identity, recognizing the coolness in being able to speak multiple languages and enjoy diverse cultural experiences. They returned to their roots, appreciating the community they had once rejected, and found a newfound sense of belonging and pride in their Asian identity.

Keywords

💡Cultural Identity

Cultural identity refers to an individual's sense of belonging to a particular cultural group, which is often shaped by their values, traditions, and experiences. In the video, the speaker grapples with his cultural identity as a Chinese individual growing up in Canada, feeling inferior due to the cultural differences and eventually rejecting his heritage. The narrative illustrates the struggle and eventual acceptance of one's cultural roots, showing the importance of embracing one's identity.

💡Self-Rejection

Self-rejection is the act of disliking or denying aspects of oneself, often due to negative perceptions or societal pressures. The speaker in the video describes his self-rejection of being Chinese, influenced by media portrayals and a desire to assimilate into a different cultural group. This concept is central to the video's theme of identity struggle and the journey towards self-acceptance.

💡Media Influence

Media influence refers to the impact that various forms of media, such as television, movies, and social platforms, have on individuals' perceptions, attitudes, and behaviors. In the video, the speaker discusses how Disney movies and other media portrayals of high school life shaped his expectations and contributed to his desire to reject his Chinese heritage in pursuit of a perceived 'cooler' identity.

💡Stereotypes

Stereotypes are oversimplified and generalized beliefs about a particular group of people. The video script mentions stereotypes about Asians, particularly in the context of high school and academic achievement, which the speaker initially internalizes and later challenges. The narrative highlights the negative effects of stereotypes on self-perception and the importance of breaking free from these limiting beliefs.

💡High School Musical

High School Musical is a Disney movie franchise that the speaker cites as influential in shaping his early perceptions of high school life and desirability. The movie's portrayal of high school as a place of fun, popularity, and romance contrasts with the speaker's own high school experience, contributing to his feelings of inadequacy and desire to change his identity.

💡Project X

Project X is a movie mentioned in the video that further influenced the speaker's perception of what high school and college life should be like, emphasizing wild parties and social status. The speaker's pursuit of this idealized lifestyle led to a series of experiences that ultimately helped him realize the importance of authenticity and his own cultural identity.

💡Asian Six-Pack

The 'Asian Six-Pack' is a term used in the video to describe the academic rigor often associated with Asian students, involving taking multiple advanced courses simultaneously. The speaker initially views this as uncool and contrary to the high school experience he desired, but later comes to appreciate the value of hard work and academic achievement as part of his cultural identity.

💡Language Learning

Language learning is the process of acquiring new languages and the cultural understanding that comes with them. In the video, the speaker's journey towards learning Mandarin Chinese leads to a deeper connection with his cultural heritage. This process illustrates how language can be a gateway to embracing and understanding one's cultural roots.

💡Cultural Assimilation

Cultural assimilation is the process by which individuals adopt the cultural traits of another group, often at the expense of their own. The speaker's attempts to assimilate into a 'white' identity by rejecting his Chinese heritage is a central theme in the video. His eventual rejection of this assimilation and embrace of his own culture underscores the importance of cultural pride and self-acceptance.

💡Identity Crisis

An identity crisis is a period of uncertainty and exploration of one's sense of self, often triggered by significant life events or realizations. The video script describes the speaker's identity crisis during his teenage years and early adulthood, marked by his struggle with cultural identity and the pressures to conform to societal expectations. This crisis ultimately leads to a profound personal growth and acceptance of his heritage.

Highlights

The speaker once believed being Chinese was the worst thing that could happen to them.

A Disney movie influenced the speaker to reject their heritage and try to become a white guy.

Growing up in Canada, the speaker felt inferior due to cultural differences.

The speaker was self-conscious about bringing Chinese food to school.

Media portrayals of 'cool' influenced the speaker's perception of their own culture.

High School Musical led to the speaker's disillusionment with their Asian high school experience.

The speaker had grand expectations of high school based on movies, which were not met in reality.

The realization that the cast of High School Musical was not actually in high school.

The speaker's high school was almost all Asian and did not resemble the movies' portrayal of high school life.

The speaker's school was stereotypically Asian, focused on academics rather than parties.

The speaker's identity crisis led to a period of hating being Chinese and trying to disassociate from their culture.

The speaker's experience in university, where they initially tried to avoid their Asian peers.

The realization that trying to fit in with a different culture was not satisfying and the speaker returned to their own community.

Learning Mandarin and embracing Chinese culture led to a change in the speaker's perspective on their heritage.

The speaker's journey from rejecting to embracing their Asian identity and the realization that being Asian is cool.

Transcripts

what if I told you that I once believed

that being Chinese was the worst thing

that could possibly happen to me that

one Disney movie made me shun my entire

Heritage reject my culture and leave all

my friends to try to become a white guy

but before I share what that Disney

movie was and what happened a little bit

of important backstory so picture this

little old me born and raised in Canada

1995 and I grew up in a very aan

Community but despite that I always felt

kind of inferior I remember at 8 years

old going to school with my noodles in a

little th most and I'd be self-conscious

of my food smelling weird that it looked

like worms to be honest and that it was

strange the idea of race didn't exist to

me yet it was just I got some weird ass

smelling food versus what I saw on TV

which by the way I had restaurant level

Chinese food every single day cuz my

family went to a restaurant and somehow

TV had convinced me that Lunchables and

a peanut butter sandwich were the

ultimate cool kit food I begged my mom

for them thinking it was normal it was

what was cool and I'm just imagining

like my mom getting a delicious meal and

her dumbass kid asked for some crackers

with some cheese now of course it was

all homeless at that time I mean I was 8

and it was just lunch but this concept

of being cool and wanting to be like

what I saw on TV is something that would

eventually lead to me absolutely hating

myself because in 2006 the legendary

were all this together High School

Musical came out and I remember I had

the biggest crush that time on Vanessa

Hudgins and Ashley Tisdale I remember I

was in the sixth and seventh grade and I

was like looking at the TV and I was

like wow that's what high school girls

are like that's that's what high school

is like wow they had the coolest high

school life like fun basketball pretty

girls I watched and thinking like wow

that was everything I wanted to be

confident popular aesthetic but there

was one important aspect that a young

impressionable 11-year-old brain never

registered at that time which was that

no one at the perfect East High School

was Asian now going into high school I

had these really really Grand

expectations like I watched a couple

more movies including I mean American

Pie and so I thought you know

cheerleaders docks wild parties sex a

wild place where I get thrown into

lockers but also have the craziest

memories I honestly thought I'd be a

cool basketball Jo I'm not going to lie

I remember going into my first day of

high school thinking like I might get

jumped or initiated or something and

that scared me but it also excited me so

much but boy oh boy was I wrong because

I ended up at an almost all Asian high

school and I won't be the first to tell

you that

it was nothing like the movies first off

I didn't really realize at the time but

none of the cast of High School Musical

was actually in high school in fact no

high school movie ever has the cast

actually been high school students but I

didn't make that connection so I was

pretty damn surprised when we went into

high school and no one was like the

hotness that I expected from the movies

and and look before you know girls from

my high school come attack me this is

just what what like movies did to me

okay and it's not that you're not pretty

or cute okay it's because you were 12

and 13 and the movies were showing me

20year olds and Asians like now we're

awesome we have amazing jeans but let's

be real okay we don't goow up till like

20 High School is not our time because

in high school going in each and every

single one of us looks like we're 8

years old myself included docks

cheerleaders homecoming wild parties

that did not exist let me show you a

quick clip of what my high school looked

like

like nobody else and look I know they

say don't believe in stereotypes but if

you wanted to give a comedian all the fu

they need for Asian jokes my school is

the place to be cuz we were 100% your

stereotypical Asians like seriously I

think every single kid in my grade

including myself did summer school every

single summer to get ahead I took grade

11 classes in grade n to get ahead and

this was normal for everyone and I was

like okay this is not cool but I

remember hearing the older kids in the

hallway and they were having convers of

all the crazy parties they were having

you know like drinking uh sex yeah the

movies made me think that if I graduated

high school of Virgin I was a total

loser and so that really excited me

except it didn't because I was kidding

okay everyone in my school all they

talked about was grades summer school

extra classes I mean and the infamous

Asian six-pack which by the way isn't

about being a sexy Asian who's getting

all the girls who's like you know has a

six pack and everything no the Asian

sixpack is all about the collection of

courses you're doing calculus and

vectors Advanced functions chemistry

physics and biology the Asian six-pack

all in one semester it was so far from

the high school experience that I had

dreamed of that I saw the movies that

was cool and all I could see was that

our high school wasn't cool and that

made me feel not cool and looking around

me there's only one logical answer that

my brain came to

it's cuz we were Asian and I hated it

now before anyone cancels me for what

I'm about to say next this was back in

2009 like we were still using Facebook

at that time there was no IG or it was

like just starting out like the social

environment was very very different and

I was very influenced by media and

stereotypes and so I remember sitting in

the cafeteria ranting to my friends and

I said being Asian is the worst race you

could possibly be like seriously I would

rather be anything but Asian and so

that's when I began to hate being

Chinese to hate being Asian I'd go see

family in Hong Kong and intentionally

speak English out loud thinking it made

me better than everyone I I try my best

to not speak Cantonese and just speak

English with my parents and I did my

best to disassociate as much as I could

for my culture and people I did not want

to be associated with Chinese in any way

possible now obviously at the time you

in high school you kind of just figuring

things out and I just make all these

crazy dumb statements but this identity

problem and me being so disconnected

from my culture and Heritage it would

eventually come back to haunt me now in

2012 another legendary American High

School movie came out Project

[Applause]

[Music]

X I remember watching that movie and

coming out and I was like oh my God I

cannot graduate a virgin and it's just

crazy how impressionable I was at that

time like how did I not make the

connection that this girl who looks way

too old now was not actually a high

schooler that high school isn't actually

like this and so I came out of that

movie inspired and I would tell my

friends Mike Edward like yo guys we are

not going into University as losers we

are not going into University as virgins

enough is enough if our high school is

too ching chong bing bong if it's not

going to be lit we just got to hang with

the white

kids gentan believes that every party

you go to has to be like Project X for

is a real party had some fun time it's

some fun experiences but it was never it

never hit that level you were not

satisfied until you had a Project X

party where somebody stole a street sign

somebody jumped off the roof into a pool

right and then there was a lot of motor

boating with none of which we had yeah

now when it was time for University

guess what I prioritized it definitely

wasn't school I actually got into every

school that I applied for but the one I

wanted to go to the most was a party

school school that was most importantly

a lot less Asian rather than the nerdy

pop engineering school that my mom

wanted me to go to cuz I also got to

that school and it was like the best

engineering school to learn engineering

by applying Concepts and Building Things

but according to my research was going

to be super Asian and basically my high

school part two I did not want to go

there but somehow my mom convinced me to

just give it a shot okay fine Mom I

guess I'll think about my future instead

of you know saying I'm Jan like it's

fine I'll think about you know that

University is not for partying but for

my future but I mean University was

supposed to be my fresh start like sure

my nerd school was Asian but like you

know it's University it's much more

diverse and I thought you know what this

is it I'm going to be partying I'm going

to beat a frat and I remember cuz Mike

was going to the same school and he was

like yo you want to room together and

I'm like nah we got to meet new people

and Branch out I was like I don't want

to hang out with my old friends I don't

want to hang out with them and I

remember the first day I legit told him

I was like yo yo like we'll catch up

when we go back you know home or

something but like we shouldn't hang out

as much here like like now that there

were more white kids around I was like

yo I'm going to hang out with the white

kids like I'm going to become white then

we're going to go party I'm going to

like be cool you know do what in my head

like white people do and so I hung out

with random white kids that first week

they were just talking about so many

things that I cannot relate to things

they build and they just love small talk

for the sake of small talk I like nuto

and video games and it was clear I

didn't belong like they didn't say it

but I felt it like they'd hang out

without me they wouldn't tell me to

chill they wouldn't call me it was

always like me reaching out like I was

that desperate guy and so I went back

begrudgingly to be with the Asians the

community that I always got along well

with but that I never wanted to be a

part of it's kind of like when you're

when you're in high school and there's a

cool kid table and and you finally get a

chance to sit there and you realize you

don't belong there then you have to go

back back to your table I felt inferior

as an Asian yet I couldn't change the

fact that I was Asian I had spent my

childhood rejecting my entire identity

to try and get a new one only to realize

that that one didn't fit me so where did

I go from here now when 20 came around I

still hated being Chinese like I hated

Chinese school I hated learning it

growing up I couldn't deny at that point

like okay like you know I guess it' be

helpful to speak manderin like for the

career or whatever I guess the Asian and

me should try to be productive so let's

try and like learn a stupid language

like maybe it'll help me in the future

whatever so now the interesting thing

about learning a language is that you

can't learn one without diving into the

culture you know suddenly I'm not

listening to the six God but listening

to some Jo and look I still couldn't

speak manner at this point cuz like the

basic classes apps and tutors like

weren't that helpful for me but I

started to fall in love with the culture

I'd start watching celebrities trying to

speak Chinese hearing Chinese

International students speak about their

experiences getting closer with my

family and relatives by speaking in

Chinese I finally learned to embrace my

Chinese side my Asian side who I was and

not reject it and so I went back to that

cfer table with the nerdy overachieving

agents that I had rejected for so many

years and I realized you know being able

to speak and gossip in multiple

languages that's cool being able to

enjoy music in another language that's

cool this right here us being Asian

hanging

out this is what's cool