Partners of Trans Series Part 5 | Reality & Withdrawal Phase

Summary

In diesem siebenteiligen Videoserie-Teil beschreibt Dr. Yama Clean Up, eine Psychologin, die sich auf transgener Care spezialisiert hat, die fünf Hauptphasen, durch die Partner von transgeschlechtlichen Personen in Beziehungen tendenziell gehen. Im vierten Teil, der 'viszeralen Phase', werden die Herausforderungen und Gefühle des Rückzugs und der emotionalen Isolation thematisiert, die Partner nach der Auseinandersetzung mit der Realität der Geschlechtsumwandlung ihrer Partner durchleben. Es wird betont, wie wichtig es ist, sich Zeit zu nehmen, um über die eigenen Gefühle und die Zukunft der Beziehung nachzudenken, und Empfehlungen für Unterstützung durch Therapeuten werden gegeben.

Takeaways

• 🌈 Die Serie von Dr. Yama ist spezialisiert auf die Fürsorge von Partnern von transidentifizierten Personen und soll ihnen helfen, die Herausforderungen zu verstehen, denen sie gegenüberstehen.
• 🔑 In der vierten Phase des Prozesses, nach der initialen Schock- und Verhandlungsphase, tritt eine viszerale oder Realitätsphase auf, in der die Partner tiefgreifende Emotionen wie Trauer und möglicherweise Depression erleben.
• 😔 Die Realitätsphase kann als eine Art Trauerphase betrachtet werden, in der Partner mit der Veränderung ihres Partners und ihrer Beziehung konfrontiert sind, was zu einer emotionalen Entfernung führen kann.
• 🏠 Es wird betont, dass es für Partner normal ist, alte Erinnerungen und Fotos zu meiden, da sie mit den Veränderungen im Leben ihres Partners nicht in Einklang zu bringen sind.
• 🤔 In dieser Phase ist es wichtig für Partner, sich selbst Zeit zu nehmen, um zu reflektieren und sich Gedanken über die Zukunft der Beziehung zu machen, ohne aus der Not heraus entscheiden zu müssen.
• 👨‍⚕️ Dr. Yama empfiehlt Partnern, in dieser Phase einen Therapeuten zu suchen, der ihnen helfen kann, ihre Gefühle und Gedanken zu verarbeiten, ohne Urteile zu fällen.
• 👪 Familie und Freunde können in dieser Zeit eine Herausforderung darstellen, indem sie den Partnern nahelegen, die Beziehung zu beenden, was jedoch nicht immer hilfreich oder angemessen ist.
• 🚫 Es wird betont, dass Beziehungen, die aus Mitleid oder Schuld gehalten werden, nicht funktionieren und dass es in Ordnung ist, sich selbst und seine eigenen Bedürfnisse zu betrachten.
• 🔄 Die Veränderungen, die ein transidentifizierter Partner durchläuft, können auch neue Aspekte seiner Persönlichkeit offenbaren, was die Beziehung weiter komplizieren kann.
• 📚 Dr. Yama spricht von der Notwendigkeit, Geduld zu haben und nicht schnell, radikale Entscheidungen über die Beziehung zu treffen, sondern zu sehen, ob eine Anpassung und Lösung möglich ist.
• 💔 Schließlich wird anerkannt, dass es legitim ist, wenn Partner entscheiden, die Beziehung aufzugeben oder fortzusetzen, und dass dies keineswegs bedeutet, dass sie ihre Partner nicht unterstützen oder lieben.

Q & A

Was sind die fünf Phasen, die Dr. Yama in seinem siebenteiligen Video beschreibt?

Die fünf Phasen sind: 1) Coming out, 2) Initial shock, 3) Verhandlungsphase, 4) Viszeralphase (Realitätsphase), und es gibt auch eine fünfte Phase, die im nächsten Teil des Videos erläutert wird.

Was passiert in der Viszeralphase, die Dr. Yama als Realitätsphase beschreibt?

In der Viszeralphase treten die wahren Gefühle und Realitäten zutage, was zu emotionaler Entfernung, möglicherweise Depression und Trauer über die Veränderung der Beziehung führen kann.

Warum kann es schwierig sein, alte Fotos oder Erinnerungen während der Viszeralphase zu betrachten?

Während der Viszeralphase kann es schwierig sein, alte Fotos oder Erinnerungen zu betrachten, weil sie die Veränderungen in der Beziehung und das, was sich verändert hat, stärker betonen und die Trauer über das, was verloren geht, verstärken.

Was empfiehlt Dr. Yama den Partnern in Bezug auf die Suche nach professioneller Unterstützung?

Dr. Yama empfiehlt den Partnern, während der Viszeralphase, eine Therapeutin oder einen Therapeuten zu suchen, um Unterstützung und einen sicheren Raum zum Ausdrücken ihrer Gefühle zu finden.

Warum ist es wichtig, dass Partner in dieser Phase Zeit nehmen, um Entscheidungen über ihre Beziehung zu treffen?

Es ist wichtig, Zeit zu nehmen, um sicherzustellen, dass man nicht aus dem impulsiven Schmerz heraus entscheidet, sondern eine fundierte Entscheidung trifft, die sowohl für die eigene als auch für die Beziehung langfristig nachhaltig ist.

Was sagt Dr. Yama über das Pity-Phenomen in Beziehungen?

Dr. Yama betont, dass Beziehungen, die auf Mitleid basieren, nicht funktionieren und dass es in Ordnung ist, wenn Partner entscheiden, ob sie in der Beziehung bleiben oder gehen, basierend auf ihren eigenen Bedürfnissen und Gefühlen.

Wie kann die Trans*-Partner während der Viszeralphase unterstützend sein?

Die Trans*-Partner können unterstützend sein, indem sie Raum geben, aktiv zuhören, nach Ressourcen suchen, wie Therapeuten, und emotionale Energie spenden, statt sie zu entziehen.

Was sagt Dr. Yama über die Bedeutung von Geschlecht und Sexualität in Beziehungen?

Dr. Yama betont, dass Geschlecht und Sexualität wichtige Aspekte in Beziehungen sind und dass es normal ist, dass diese Faktoren die Entscheidungen über den Verbleib in einer Beziehung beeinflussen.

Wie kann die Trans*-Partner während der Viszeralphase ihre eigenen Energien wiederherstellen?

Die Trans*-Partner können versuchen, sich selbst Zeit zu nehmen, um sich selbst zu pflegen, möglicherweise durch das Suchen nach professioneller Hilfe oder durch das Teilen ihrer Gefühle in einem unterstützenden Umfeld.

Was sagt Dr. Yama über das Ende von Beziehungen und das Starten neuer Kapitel?

Dr. Yama sagt, dass das Ende von Beziehungen und das Starten neuer Kapitel Teil des Lebens sind und dass es wichtig ist, diese Phasen mit Respekt und Anerkennung zu behandeln.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 Phase der Realitätskonfrontation und emotionalen Distanzierung

In diesem Abschnitt des Videos beschreibt Dr. Yama Clean Up die vierte Phase, die Partner von transidentifizierten Personen durchlaufen können. Nach der Phase der Verhandlung und der Frage des Fairness tritt eine 'viszeral' oder 'Realitätsphase' auf, in der die Partner mit tiefgreifenden Emotionen konfrontiert werden. Dies kann zu einer emotionalen Distanzierung und sogar zu depressiven Symptomen führen. Die Partner fühlen sich möglicherweise traurig und greifen um, wie man mit diesen Änderungen in der Beziehung umgeht. Dr. Yama Clean Up betont, dass es in dieser Phase wichtig ist, alte Fotos und Erinnerungen zu betrachten und sich mit den Veränderungen auseinanderzusetzen, die der Übergang mit sich bringt.

05:02

🤔 Phase der Rückzug und Isolation

In diesem Teil des Videos wird die Notwendigkeit für Partner, sich selbst Raum zu geben, um zu reflektieren und ihre Gefühle zu verarbeiten, hervorgehoben. Es wird betont, dass es in dieser Phase weniger um das Fairnessgefühl geht, sondern mehr um die persönliche Entscheidung, ob man die Beziehung beibehalten oder beenden möchte. Dr. Yama Clean Up empfiehlt, in dieser Zeit einen Therapeuten zu suchen, der Unterstützung bietet und einen sicheren Raum für die Auseinandersetzung mit diesen komplexen Gefühlen schafft. Es wird auch auf die Rolle der Familie hingewiesen, die möglicherweise Druck ausüben kann, die Beziehung zu beenden, was jedoch nicht immer hilfreich ist, da es wichtig ist, dass Partner die Zeit nehmen, um sich selbst und ihre Gefühle zu verstehen.

10:05

🤝 Unterstützung und Verständnis für Partner

In diesem Abschnitt des Videos wird die Rolle der transidentifizierten Partner in der Beziehung während dieser schwierigen Phase für ihre Partner betont. Es wird erklärt, dass es wichtig ist, dass transidentifizierte Partner in dieser Zeit Unterstützung bieten und Raum geben, um den Bedürfnissen ihrer Partner gerecht zu werden. Es wird auch auf die Herausforderungen hingewiesen, die transidentifizierte Personen in dieser Phase möglicherweise erleiden, wie z. B. die Neuentdeckung ihrer Geschlechtsidentität und die damit verbundene Aufregung. Es wird betont, dass es für beide Partner wichtig ist, sich mit den Veränderungen auseinanderzusetzen und zu verstehen, dass Beziehungen nicht immer einfach sind und dass es in solchen Situationen Raum für Selbstreflexion und Unterstützung geben sollte.

15:07

💔 Entscheidungsfindung und Selbstbetrachtung

In diesem letzten Teil des Videos wird die Notwendigkeit für Partner, sich selbst und ihre Bedürfnisse ernsthaft zu prüfen, hervorgehoben. Es wird betont, dass es in Ordnung ist, Entscheidungen über die Fortsetzung oder Beendigung der Beziehung zu treffen, und dass dies keineswegs aus Gründen der残酷 oder Unverschämtheit geschieht. Es wird ermutigt, die Beziehung nicht aus Mitleid oder Schuld zu beibehalten, sondern aus einer ehrlichen Übereinstimmung mit den eigenen Bedürfnen und Wünschen. Dr. Yama Clean Up teilt, dass es wichtig ist, die Beziehungen als Kapitel in einem Buch zu sehen, in dem manchmal Kapitel enden müssen, um Raum für neue zu schaffen. Es wird auch auf die Bedeutung der Zeit und der Investition in die Beziehung hingewiesen, um zu sehen, ob eine Anpassung und Lösung möglich ist.

Keywords

💡Transgender

Transgender bezieht sich auf Personen, deren geschlechtliche Identität nicht mit dem, das ihnen von Geburt an zugewiesen wurde, übereinstimmt. Im Video wird die Betreuung von transgeschlechtlichen Personen und die Herausforderungen ihrer Partner thematisiert. Das Video spricht direkt an die Partner von transgeschlechtlichen Personen und bietet Einblicke in das, was diese durchleben.

💡Coming Out

Coming Out ist der Prozess, in dem eine Person ihre sexuelle Orientierung oder ihre geschlechtliche Identität öffentlich macht. Im Kontext des Videos bezieht sich Coming Out auf die Offenlegung der transgeschlechtlichen Identität und die damit verbundenen Gefühle und Reaktionen der Partner.

💡Initial Shock

Initial Shock beschreibt die erste Reaktion auf eine überraschende oder emotional belastende Information. Im Video wird erörtert, wie Partner reagieren, wenn sie von der transgeschlechtlichen Identität ihres Partners erfahren, was oft durch Schock, Leugnung oder Katastrophendenken gekennzeichnet ist.

💡Negotiation

Negotiation im Video bezieht sich auf den Prozess, in dem Partner versuchen, ihre Gefühle und Erwartungen in Bezug auf die Beziehung und die Veränderungen durch die Transition ihres Partners zu verhandeln. Dies kann ein Konflikt oder ein Versuch sein, ein Gefühl von Gerechtigkeit zu erreichen.

💡Visceral Phase

Die viszerale Phase ist ein Ausdruck für die emotionale Reaktion, die Partner nach der Verhandlungsphase erleben. Es handelt sich um eine Phase der tief greifenden Emotionen, in der sie möglicherweise Depressionen oder einen Verlust der Beziehungsgefühligkeit gegenüber ihrem Partner empfinden.

💡Grieving

Grieving ist der Prozess des Trauerns und der Akzeptanz des Verlusts. Im Video wird dies verwendet, um die Art und Weise zu beschreiben, wie Partner mit dem Verlust der alten Beziehung oder des Partners, wie sie ihn kannten, umgehen, und wie sie sich an die neue Realität anpassen.

💡Emotional Withdrawal

Emotional Withdrawal beschreibt das Zurückziehen aus emotionalen Beziehungen als Reaktion auf Stress oder Schmerz. Im Video wird dies als eine Reaktion der Partner auf die Realität der Transgender-Identität ihres Partners und die damit verbundenen Veränderungen in der Beziehung diskutiert.

💡Therapy

Therapy bezieht sich auf die professionelle Behandlung von psychologischen Problemen. Im Video wird empfohlen, dass Partner eine Therapeutin oder einen Therapeuten suchen, um Unterstützung und einen sicheren Raum zum Ausdruck ihrer Gefühle während dieser schwierigen Zeit zu finden.

💡Support

Support bedeutet die Unterstützung und Hilfe, die jemandem in einer schwierigen Situation bietet. Im Video wird betont, wie wichtig es ist, dass transgeschlechtliche Partner während der viszeralen und Isolationsphase ihrer Partner unterstützen und ihnen Raum geben.

💡Adaptability

Adaptability bezieht sich auf die Fähigkeit, sich an Veränderungen anzupassen. Im Video wird dies als ein wichtiger Faktor für die langfristige Gesundheit und Stabilität einer Beziehung angesehen, insbesondere in Bezug auf die Veränderungen, die mit der Transgender-Identität und -Transition verbunden sind.

Highlights

Dr. Yama discusses five primary phases partners of transgender individuals may experience.

Phase one involves coming out and the partner's initial reactions.

Phase two is characterized by initial shock, leading to catastrophizing or denial.

Phase three sees the introduction of negotiation and a sense of fairness.

Phase four is described as the 'visceral' or 'reality' phase, where emotional withdrawal and sadness set in.

Partners may feel as if they are grieving the loss of the relationship or their partner as they knew them.

The reality of the situation can lead to feelings of depression and a sense of loss.

Dr. Yama emphasizes the importance of partners seeking therapy to process their emotions.

Family members may pressure partners to end the relationship during this challenging time.

The idea that relationships are like ceramic vases is introduced as a metaphor for the difficulty of repair.

Partners may experience a withdrawal from participating in their trans partner's transition.

Trans partners are advised to give space and be supportive during this phase.

The concept of gender being a significant factor in relationships is explored.

Dr. Yama encourages partners to take time and not rush into making decisions about the relationship.

The idea that relationships are chapters in a book is used to explain the potential for endings and new beginnings.

The importance of partners' self-assessment and making decisions based on their own well-being is stressed.

Dr. Yama validates the partners' feelings and the difficulty of the situation, acknowledging that it's okay to prioritize oneself.

The video concludes with an invitation for viewers to share their experiences and thoughts on the discussed phase.

Transcripts

[Music]

hi everyone i'm doctors yama clean up

psychology specializing in transgender

care welcome to my channel this is a

partner series that i have created for

partners of trans identified individuals

in relationship whatever relationship is

for you it's also serious for a trans uh

partners themselves to watch to

understand what partners are going

through

and i'm describing in this seven part

video i'm describing uh five primary

phases that i have observed people tend

to go through whether in a linear or

non-linear process or all over the place

interface number one just to recap we

talked about coming out and what partner

may be feeling

in a phase number two we talked about

initial shock and how that stands to let

people to either catastrophize or be in

denial in the face number three we

talked about how negotiation sets in and

a sense of what's fair what's not fair

tends to kick in the righteousness and

stands to kick in

now in this fourth phase after the face

of negotiation can all this what's right

this is not fair

um i don't really deserve this

in this phase what's happening i call it

a visceral face this is when all of the

feelings really hidden this is i would

even call a reality face that's even

better words but it's a reality phase

when things kick in and as a result of

things kicking in you are starting to

emotionally withdraw you're starting to

feel perhaps depression as a partner

you're starting to feel

a lot of sadness you're starting to have

all of these feelings it's almost in a

sense as if you're grieving uh the loss

of a relationship it's almost you a

sense you're grieving the loss of your

partner

that you knew before

this can be a very very challenging face

this is not only when the reality kicks

in but this is also where you now moved

away from what's fair and what's not

very because that this type of thinking

of fairness a lot of times has more to

do with angry feelings uh we feel

righteous when we feel angry and feel

like something has been taken away from

us and in this case you may feel like

something has been truly taken away from

you

in this reality check phase

sadness overwhelming sadness can come in

you may be feeling overly emotional you

may be feeling like i said you may even

fall into depression this can be a

really difficult phase for the partners

as you realize what's really going on as

you realize that things in your

relationship things in your marriage

will never be the same as you realize

that

the person you knew to a certain extent

is changing and your partners do change

they're still the same people but a lot

of things about them are going to change

as a byproduct of transition this is

where you have a hard time seeing

pictures old photographs maybe

photographs of your marriage maybe

photograph stuff

traveling on a trip

uh maybe you're going out to the

restaurants and you dine with your

partners and it just doesn't feel the

same

uh you don't feel the same you're still

adapting to this

new gender expression they're presenting

this you're just still adapting to the

whole reality of the situation

um so this is quite a bit of a grieving

you know a lot of times people use the

words um grieving

widow or

as if you're really

putting your partner to

bearing your partner uh in a sense

metaphorically but i think for a lot of

partners it's different it's not that

you are necessarily bearing your partner

because a lot of you are very smart and

intelligent and you realize that your

partner still by far and large very much

of a lot of aspects of your partners

their personality and temperament is the

same person their likes and dislikes

but you are putting this element of

memory this narrative the script the

storyline that you have created

about your life we all have storylines

about our lives we all have ways we

envision our lives ways we envision

our relationship especially we all have

dreams sometimes if your relationship is

very young if you're young couple and

you're going through this some of your

dreams and aspirations that you had you

may be realizing they may not happen uh

you may realize that they're gonna look

different you may realize that they may

be different as a result you're going to

feel things

it's inevitable to feel things it's hard

for us as human beings to give up

expectations and we do have expectations

we do have desires how we want things to

be we do have dreams we do have all of

those things so you're realizing things

are changing things are never going to

be quite the same they're going to be

different and that's

good

um

but at the same time they're not going

to be quite the same so this is a very

much a reality face and that's when the

vistrol comes in as a result of this

reality

you as partner most likely often what i

see

start to withdraw emotionally and

isolate from your trans partner and the

reason why you're part of the reason why

you tend to destroy and isolate is

because part of you needs your own space

it's almost as if you need to regroup

you need to

really assess where you at what's

happening

this is after the all the fair was not

fair you're not even thinking about that

anymore you're not angry perhaps maybe a

little bit angry but most likely you're

less angry this is the time when you're

starting to think and

you know truly starting to now think and

exercise your sense of agency and asking

yourself if this is something for you

um if there's something for you so this

is a very important phase for you and

this is as partners this is when i

recommend absolutely trying to seek out

a therapist that you can work with where

you can have somebody that you can

express without any judgment everything

that comes up that you're feeling all of

the sadness and grief you feeling

without any judgement and to have that

room to have somebody support you as you

go through this it's a difficult phase

for partners because this is when um

your family is going to chime and this

is where your parents depending on your

age

and if your parents are around your

parents are going to chime in because

you're going to see your pain they're

going to see you sadness and this is

when they're going to start saying this

is not worth it you really need to live

relationship you really need to end it

you don't deserve this

not the most helpful thing at the

strength time period to

uh really listen to what they have to

say because they're really trying to

protect you because they're seeing the

pain but you really need to give

yourself time to practice the pain

you're feeling instead of jumping into

drastic decision making about your

relationship

my mom always has this phrase

that relationship are like of us

it's easy to break a ceramic class but

even when you break the vas even if you

glue it together you still see all of

the cracks relationship is like that

it's easier to

end relationship to say i'm done to walk

away it's harder when you get together

to really repair all that hurt and

things to say to each other all of those

cracks are still visible they're like

wounds and sometimes they don't ever go

away so i recommend this relationship

taking time instead of jumping to

drastic conclusions a lot of people in

relationship adapt and i'll talk about

in the last video about

tips and adaptability and what happens

and what's the best way to navigate all

of these faces in this particular phase

of wisdom and isolation you as a partner

may also destroy your energy

in the sense of being there for your

trans partners you may no longer

participate in their transition if you

were participating up to this point this

could be a phase where you also

destroying sexually and intimately if

you're sexually and intimate with your

partner where you just don't want to be

close to them

where you just don't want to be

giving them

any more of you emotional

energy because you're trying to restore

that energy for yourself and as you're

trying to research for yourself you're

trying to figure out what's really

important to you so like i said this is

a very difficult phase this is the face

where for trans partners now if you're

watching it the most best and most

important thing you can do for your

partners

is to give some space

is to be there for them this is now

where the tables are a little bit turned

and where you need to be more supportive

and where you need to give a little bit

more of yourself to them this is not and

i see this trans partner students um

without realizing they're doing it this

is usually when they're a little bit

maybe um in the middle of transition

when they're starting to express

themselves and they get a little bit

narcissistic about their gender because

you know you're feeling good you're

feeling great you're feeling confident

and you're running around your parents

and you're like look at me look how good

i look you're in your narcissistic i

call it narcissistic temporary bubble

and you're like look what i bought look

where i went look how good look at my

muscles look at my facial hair

listen to my voice

and your partner is emotionally

withdrawn they're isolated they're

trying to figure out

can i do this can i do this

is this something for me um

can i still love this person

can i move past the gender how much

gender matters to me um

what does it say about me that i'm

questioning all of the things does it

mean that i am transphobic partner does

it mean that i'm not supportive does it

mean that i'm putting so much emphasis

on gender versus love isn't love blind

partners are going through all kind of

feelings at this time of isolation and

visceral and reality chap and the last

things they need to do is to see their

transfer partners are being all in

fireworks and balloons and excitement

but this happens um because trans

partners don't know they're so excited

to about their gender and they're so

giddy and they want to share their

excitement with their partners but the

best thing you can do with the transport

and during this phase is to be theirs be

supportive to say what do you need

can i find you a therapist can i find

you somebody to talk to

be there for your partners

gives them that emotional energy that

they need versus

taking it from them

so this is the withdrawal phase and for

you as partners it's a very very

important phase again this is for you

asking yourself a lot of things a lot of

things uh what will it mean if i walk

away from this relationship what will

our kids think if i walk away from this

relationship am i abandoning my partner

do i look like an for ending

this relationship because you're going

through gender disorder and it's a

medical condition am i being cruel

all are normal questions and no you're

not being cruel you need to also think

about yourself and what will genuinely

work for you

nobody here's the thing guys

if you and i can't emphasize this enough

if people decide to stay in a

relationship out of pity

out of pity

out of

feeling sorry

for either you feel sorry you stay in

relation because you feel sorry for your

trans partner or trans person decides

not to transition because they feel

sorry for

you know for you not being able to

handle it

relationship based on pity

don't work

relationship based on period do not work

if you're going to compromise if you're

genuinely going to decide to stay in

relationship and to give something up

and to sacrifice something let's call it

sacrifice i hate that word

you have to truly be okay with doing

that

you have to truly be okay and to be

truly be okay that you need to think

about it

so this is your time as partners to

assess for yourself

it is in my book

always okay for partners to decide if

they can stay or if they need to go

it is okay

it is completely okay

i don't care if hundreds of people are

going to stand me and tell me that i'm

being an because every partner

should support their trans partner that

would be a beautiful fantasy but this is

not a reality as human beings we get

into relationship based on numerous

factors gender is one of them gender

tends to regulate for a lot of human

beings their sense of what attractive to

them their sense of their sexual desire

what excites them that's just reality

relationships also based on sex

sexuality is a tremendous part of any

relationship intimacy that's what drives

people together

i would love to live an ideal world

where we can distribute gender in a

relationship but we don't live in that

world yet

so for partners it becomes an important

thing

it becomes an important element

also on top of that

transgender individuals who are

transitioning while still maintaining a

lot of aspects of who they are and their

personality also bring out a lot of new

nuances about who they are why because

big chunk of your personality has been

dormant

and unable to express itself

because you were unable to express

gender identity in relationship to that

part of your personality so new nuan

things may come up

as you transition they're going to be

completely new to your partners

and as a result you may end up becoming

slightly different people than who you

are today

and your partners may not find that

attractive they may not find that

they no longer love you now they may

love you in a sense of love you as a

human being but they may no longer be in

love with you and we cannot force people

into being in love with them

i always say relationships are like book

chapters

we'll have this beautiful book chapters

about our relationship

with intimate partners and you know what

sometimes some relationships sometimes

come to an end

and it's nobody's fault things happen

and sometimes when they do come to an

end we have to acknowledge that it's

been so great that we've had each other

for this long in this chapter and we

have to part in order to make room for a

new chapter so

i want to really really emphasize and

acknowledge this for partners who are

watching this is the time for you to

really figure out what will work out for

you what i will say and i will share

that in the last video what i really

really um

encourage is if your relationship is

solid and there's a lot of emotional

investment

give a time don't rush to make drastic

decisions

a lot of things about you will change

too and you don't even know you'd be

surprised how you can adopt so sometimes

the longer you invest it in a

relationship and if it's a healthy

investment again if it's emotionally

positive relationship

the longer i think you have to give it

to try to see if things can be adaptable

and if things can be worked out what

that long is that's up for you to decide

i've seen people give

a relationship a year after transition

to see how it's going to work out

and the tier has been so worth it to

them because at least when they walk

away they have no regrets they know they

try to truly try it out

and they end amicably and they're not

angry at each other

so just don't rush things but definitely

think about yourself as a partner this

is your time to think about yourself i

support you it is valid um

i don't believe that a therapist has to

take one side another this is complex

situation people transitioning within

the relationship is difficult is complex

um and i think

you know being very punitive and uh

beating as a partner up for their

decisions that they can't handle is not

fair so you just have to decide what's

best for you and you have to make the

decision and that can be a painful

decision but it has to come to that so

if you're watching this comment below

let me know what was the spirit as a

partner of reality check and withdrawal

and isolation like for you what kind of

feelings of grieving

came up for you what kind of feelings of

sadness came up for you as a trans

partner what did you witness in your

partner during this phase was it

difficult for you to use that did some

of you had partners who said you know

what i'm sorry this is not going to work

out and i know this is so difficult to

hear guys like i said

dysphoria is a monster it's a

best

it doesn't give a what's fair it

doesn't give a about victims it

doesn't give a about breaking

families apart it doesn't give a

about breaking relationships apart

it doesn't care it's just it's there and

it affects people

and it's painful to witness that's all i

gotta say so comment below let me know

what was his face but this is face for

the partners to take care of themselves