Avoid Assumptions and Ask!
Summary
TLDRThe speaker emphasizes the importance of communication in resolving workplace issues by addressing 'invisible elephants'—problems that are evident but unspoken. They discuss the 'eggshell fear factor,' which includes the fear of hurting feelings, criticism, and retaliation, and how these fears hinder open dialogue. The speaker suggests regular team meetings to openly discuss these issues, reduce their power, and foster a culture of respect and growth. They also share personal experiences to illustrate the benefits of overcoming these fears and the positive impact on professional development.
Takeaways
- 🗣️ The three-letter word 'ask' can solve many communication problems, but people often avoid asking questions to maintain politeness.
- 🤔 Being 'nice' can lead to miscommunication and unresolved issues, as people may not voice their concerns to avoid conflict.
- 🐘 'Invisible elephants' represent unspoken issues that everyone knows exist but no one addresses, leading to tiptoeing around them.
- 🥚 'Eggshells' are metaphors for the fear of emotional fallout that prevents people from discussing issues openly.
- 😣 The fear of hurt feelings is a common reason people avoid discussing issues that could improve the practice or workplace.
- 👎 The fear of criticism or judgment stops individuals from proposing new ideas or changes for fear of negative reactions.
- 🔄 The fear of retaliation makes people hesitant to address problems, as they worry about potential negative consequences.
- 💬 Team meetings can help eliminate 'eggshells' by openly discussing the fears and issues that team members face.
- 🙅♀️ Leaders are not immune to these fears; they also worry about making tough decisions and being judged by their team.
- 🚀 Overcoming fear is crucial for personal and professional growth, as it allows for the introduction of new ideas and improvements.
Q & A
What is the three-letter word suggested to improve communication?
-The three-letter word suggested to improve communication is 'ask'.
Why do people sometimes hesitate to ask questions or address issues?
-People hesitate to ask questions or address issues because they want to be nice and avoid rocking the boat, fearing potential negative reactions or conflicts.
What is an example of an 'invisible elephant' in an office?
-An 'invisible elephant' in an office refers to problems or issues that everyone is aware of but no one discusses openly, leading to a tense and cautious atmosphere.
What is the 'eggshell fear factor' mentioned in the script?
-The 'eggshell fear factor' refers to the fear of emotional fallout or negative reactions that prevents people from addressing issues or communicating openly in the workplace.
What are the three predominant 'eggshells' that people fear in the workplace?
-The three predominant 'eggshells' are the fear of hurt feelings, the fear of criticism or judgment, and the fear of retaliation.
Why is it important to address issues that affect the practice's performance?
-Addressing issues that affect the practice's performance is important because ignoring them can hold the practice back from growing and improving.
How can team meetings help in reducing the fear of addressing issues?
-Team meetings can help reduce the fear of addressing issues by bringing concerns out in the open, allowing for a collective discussion and reducing the power of unspoken fears.
What is the role of fear in the context of the 'eggshells'?
-Fear is the driving force behind the 'eggshells', as it represents a negative prediction of the future and can prevent action unless individuals feel confident in their ability to handle the situation.
Why is it beneficial for leaders to share their concerns with the team?
-Sharing concerns by leaders can create clarity and show that everyone has fears, which can encourage open communication and a collective approach to problem-solving.
How can teaching respectful communication help a practice grow?
-Teaching respectful communication can help a practice grow by fostering an environment where difficult topics can be discussed openly, leading to better problem-solving and overall improvement.
Outlines
🗣️ The Power of Communication: Overcoming 'Nice'
The speaker emphasizes the importance of asking questions to resolve communication issues, suggesting that being 'nice' can actually hinder effective communication. Using the example of Barb, who avoids asking questions due to her niceness, the speaker illustrates how unaddressed concerns can escalate and damage relationships. The speaker argues that addressing issues promptly, even if it might seem impolite, is healthier for both personal and professional relationships. The concept of 'elephants in the room' is introduced as metaphors for problems that everyone is aware of but no one discusses, leading to a toxic work environment.
🚫 Breaking the Eggshells: Conquering Fears in Communication
This paragraph delves into the 'eggshell fear factor,' which refers to the apprehensions that prevent people from addressing issues in the workplace. The speaker identifies three main fears: the fear of hurting feelings, the fear of criticism or judgment, and the fear of retaliation. Each fear is explored with examples and advice on how to overcome them. The speaker shares a personal experience of overcoming the fear of judgment by taking on a leadership role and encourages others to face their fears to foster growth and innovation within their teams.
🤝 Fostering Open Dialogue for Team Growth
The final paragraph stresses the necessity of teaching team members to communicate respectfully about difficult topics to ensure the practice can progress. The speaker suggests that without effective communication, issues remain unaddressed, leading to a 'herd of elephants' in the office. The importance of addressing these elephants to maintain a healthy work environment is highlighted, emphasizing that fear, which underlies communication barriers, is merely a negative anticipation of the future and can be managed with the right approach and confidence.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Communication
💡Nice
💡Elephants
💡Eggshells
💡Fear of Hurt Feelings
💡Fear of Criticism or Judgment
💡Fear of Retaliation
💡Team Meetings
💡Respect
💡Fear as a Negative Prediction
Highlights
The three-letter word 'ask' can solve 90% of communication problems.
People avoid asking questions to be nice and not rock the boat.
Being nice can lead to misunderstandings and negative assumptions.
Example of Barb not asking questions leads to a buildup of negative feelings.
Communication breakdown occurs when people are too 'nice' to address issues.
Invisible elephants in the office represent unspoken problems.
The success of communication depends on identifying and eliminating these 'elephants'.
Eggshell fear factor stops people from addressing issues.
The fear of hurt feelings is the first 'eggshell' that prevents communication.
Professionalism requires discussing issues that affect the practice, despite personal feelings.
Respect is more important than liking your coworkers.
Fear of criticism or judgment is the second 'eggshell'.
Example of overcoming fear of judgment by taking on a leadership role.
Fear of retaliation is the third 'eggshell' that hinders communication.
Team meetings can help eliminate 'eggshells' by discussing fears openly.
Leaders also experience fear, contrary to common belief.
Fear is a negative prediction of the future and not a reality.
Teaching respectful communication can help the team grow and move forward.
The importance of addressing communication issues to prevent a 'herd of elephants' in the office.
Transcripts
there's a three-letter word that could
solve 90% of your communication problems
and that three-letter word is ask a s k
but the problem is we don't ask because
we want to be nice some of us in this
room are nice people some of us in this
room say you know I'm not gonna rock the
boat I'm a nice person anybody like that
in this room raise your hand go ahead I
won't pick on you but yeah yeah all
right they're like I'm nice I'm not
gonna really raise my hand either
they're good so you're nice so let me
share a little bit about you being nice
who is that oh you were nice can i play
give me permission I'll be nice maybe
okay so tell me your name Barb and
Barbie remind me that you get a book at
the end from foreplay nice
okay so Barb and I work together right
aren't you lucky and I do something and
you know how you get that little twinge
in your gut you go hmm
I wonder what she meant by that so she
gets that little twinge in her gut and
she goes oh I'm not gonna say anything
because I'm a nice person right that's
unfamiliar yeah okay so here's barb
okay so then something else happens that
day maybe another day and she gets a
little bigger twins you know get as you
guys I'm not gonna say anything though
because I'm a nice person and then and
then something else happens and this
time it's kind of more of a punch in the
gut that's just I'm a nice person not
good to say anything
thank goodness I don't smoke and there
she is
she's walking around the office being
nice nice and then I come up to her
oblivious and I think bar and I ask her
something that's neutral but by this
time there's nothing neutral and Barb
bills I'm sorry if anybody gets hit with
sorry so now she bows up and I'm
standing there going what happened that
happens doesn't it
see nice isn't keeping it in and being
nice and I hope I hope you get over this
nice thing nice would be the first time
she had that little twinge in the gut
she said hey Judi Kay can we talk not
quite sure what you meant by that
because I'll guarantee you that her
assumptions were much more negative than
what was real and I might not have had
the foggiest idea that I was stepping on
her toes or I'd done something that made
her feel uncomfortable but instead she
let it build and by the time she blew up
she no longer wants to work with me she
didn't wanna have anything to do with me
and she never gave me the chance to even
explain but that happens all the time
and a lot of times it's not just nice
nice is you're talking about it a lot of
times it's because of the elephants some
of you have invisible elephants in your
office some of you have a whole darn
herd don't you the success of your
communication in your practice depends
on the identification and the
elimination of these invisible elephants
in your office the elephants that I'm
talking about are what's not working or
could be better or improved and
everybody knows they exist but nobody
will talk about them and as a result
everybody starts walking on eggshells
and you're tiptoeing around
the eggshells are the emotional response
or fallout that you fear may happen if
you actually do talk about these
elephants so here you have people in
your office and they're like you're like
tiptoeing around these eggshells I'm
trying to squeeze in between the
elephant's right some of you it's like
oh we don't talk about this or we don't
say this when I come into offices to
observe I say well how is everything oh
it's everything's fine
fine is that fine is an acronym fear of
intense negative emotion that's what it
is I told you I was an addict they it
seriously there are so many elephants
sometimes roaming and no one says
anything and the spirit of eggshells is
what I refer to as the eggshell fear
factor and it's what stops us there are
actually three predominant eggshells so
I run into consistently the first one is
the fear of hurt feelings we worry so
much because we're nice we don't want to
hurt somebody's feelings but here's the
scoop if it affects the patience and the
practice you have to talk about it but
we don't because we want to be nice but
it holds our practice back if it affects
the patience and the practice the
performance of it we have to talk about
it if it's personal leave it out you
don't have to love the people you work
with you don't even have to like them
seriously you don't you just have to
respect them and here's the funny thing
when when you start to respect them like
comes after that and sometimes even love
but hurt feelings we worry we we don't
say anything we don't want to hurt their
feelings we have to be professionals we
have to talk about the things that stop
us from growing
the second eggshell is the fear of
criticism or judgment we worry that if
we say something they're gonna just come
back and criticize us so we're not going
to say anything fear of judgment and
criticism actually stops a lot of us
from trying to grow and be better from
trying to take on something new a year
ago I was invited to
the president of NSA which is National
Speakers Association Minnesota chapter I
will tell you when they asked me I said
are you kiddin me
I work with people in this chapter who
have been speaking for 40 years and they
don't coach they strictly speak they're
probably speaking 200 times 150 times a
year sometimes it's just unbelievable
they're masters I'm thinking how could I
possibly be the president of these
people they know so much more I'm a
newbie compared to them and what if what
if I don't do a good job huh what if I
fail
they could even impeach me and I got
scared and then I got excited and I
thought you know what I'm gonna do it
I'm not gonna worry about whether they
criticize or judge me and they didn't
they were supportive I learned a lot I
had my gavel over in a couple weeks and
I'm actually sad it's been a phenomenal
year so I would tell you that sometimes
that fear of judgment and criticism
stops you from wanting to do something
new in your practice that would be
exciting because you're afraid that you
might not do it well sometimes fear of
judgment and criticism stops dentists
from bringing new things back to the
practice because they want to do it so
well right from the beginning you have
that perfectionist personality push
yourself it helps to create a more
positive it's exciting to grow and learn
even if it's scary that gut test if it's
scary but it's a heck yes do it it's
worth it it really is the third eggshell
is the fear of retaliation but no matter
you know if something's not going well
why would we possibly address it with
another team member because it probably
is gonna only get worse right we worry
about that and sometimes we worry about
bringing times we worry after a manager
for fear that it's going to come back
and haunt us so fear of retaliation one
of the best ways to get rid of
eggshells is to have a team meeting I
believe in team meetings have a team
meeting and talk about what are the
eggshells that people fear in the
practice get it out in the open it's
amazing how when you start to talk about
things the power from it disappears I
think the most interesting fact about
the eggshells is that teams always think
that doctors and managers are really
comfortable in their leadership they're
not it's not comfortable it's scary
they don't want to make some of the
decisions that they have to make it's
sunk they don't want to hurt somebody's
feelings they don't want to they're
worried about being judged and
criticized and so what happens is when
the doctor and the manager or doctors
the managers share what their concerns
are it starts to create clarity for
everybody that hey everybody has these
fears but regardless of the fears we
still have to approach it we still have
to be able to talk about it in a
respectful way and we're gonna get into
that the funny thing about fear because
it's the driving force behind each of
these eggshells is that fear isn't a
reality it's only a negative prediction
of the future that's it and whether or
not we take action is governed by a
simple ratio our perception of danger
versus our confidence in the ability to
handle the situation see if we believe
that we can handle any situation that
comes our way
the fear we feel is minimized
and we're going to be able to take
action so it's really important that we
teach the entire team how to communicate
with each other in a respectful manner
to be able to talk about things that are
difficult so that the entire practice
can grow and move forward because pretty
soon if you don't know how to
communicate or you're not comfortable
communicating everything is off the
table and you have that herd of
elephants in your office
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