3 Tips For Communicating With An Avoidant Partner

Summary

In this video, licensed therapist Brianna McWilliam offers three essential tips for communicating with an avoidant partner. She guides viewers on how to take personal inventory, express oneself honestly without being defensive, and maintain boundaries. McWilliam also advises on when it might be time to end a relationship that isn't serving one's needs. She emphasizes the importance of deep structure communication, rephrasing language to be non-accusatory, and keeping dialogue empathetic and validating. The video is aimed at helping individuals with insecure attachment styles build deeper connections or decide to let go of unproductive relationships.

Takeaways

• 🧘‍♀️ **Personal Inventory**: Before communicating with an avoidant partner, it's crucial to do a personal inventory to understand your own emotional motivations and subconscious agendas.
• 🗣️ **Deep Structure Communication**: Aim for emotional contact rather than defensive verbal responses when communicating with an avoidant partner.
• 🔄 **Reframe Your Language**: Use 'I feel' statements to express your needs honestly without being accusatory or overly reliant on the partner's actions.
• 🤔 **Assume Partner's Perspective**: Consider how your partner might experience your statements and identify any subconscious agendas that might be driving your communication.
• 💬 **Honest Dialogue**: Keep the conversation going by expressing empathy, validation, and curiosity, while avoiding statements that may trigger an avoidant partner.
• 🚫 **Avoid Triggering Statements**: Certain phrases can be particularly triggering for avoidant individuals, such as 'I know what you're really feeling' or 'If you loved me, you would...'
• 🤝 **Co-creative Problem Solving**: Invite your partner to collaborate on finding solutions that satisfy both parties' needs.
• 🕒 **Respect Ambivalence**: Understand that your partner's ambivalence may be their truth, and it's essential to respect their emotional state.
• 💔 **Honoring Boundaries**: If your partner cannot respond honestly, it might be time to honor your boundaries and consider if the relationship is still serving you.
• 🌟 **Internal Work**: Recognize that both partners need to work on their internal emotional spaces and that it's not solely the responsibility of one person to change the dynamic.

Q & A

What is the main focus of the video script?

The main focus of the video script is to provide tips for communicating with an avoidant partner in a relationship, particularly for those who struggle with insecure attachment styles.

What is the first tip given for communicating with an avoidant partner?

The first tip is to do a personal inventory before communicating with an avoidant partner. This involves exploring a step-by-step process for deep structure communication to avoid miscommunications.

What is meant by 'deep structure communication'?

Deep structure communication refers to the emotional contact that one is looking for, as opposed to the defensive verbal responses that usually come out of our mouths during conversations.

How does one begin the process of deep structure communication?

One begins by writing out the specific statement they want to communicate, then considering what they hope to accomplish with that statement, their intentions behind it, and how they think their partner might experience it.

What is the second tip for communicating with an avoidant partner?

The second tip is to rephrase language in a way that is honest but not accusing or overly reliant. It involves expressing needs in a general way rather than focusing on specific lacks or deficiencies.

How can one express their feelings without sounding critical or needy?

One can express their feelings by using an 'I feel' statement that focuses on desires and appreciations, avoiding blame, and inviting a co-creative process for problem-solving.

What is the third tip for maintaining dialogue with an avoidant partner?

The third tip is to keep the dialogue going in an empathetic way, which includes mirroring validation, expressing empathy, and showing curiosity about the partner's feelings and needs.

Why is it important to avoid certain statements when communicating with an avoidant partner?

Certain statements can be particularly triggering for avoidant individuals, as they may feel like accusations or ultimatums, leading to defensiveness or withdrawal from the conversation.

What should one do if their avoidant partner is not responding honestly?

If an avoidant partner is not responding honestly, it's important to honor one's boundaries, possibly reduce contact, and do a personal inventory to decide if the relationship is still a good fit.

What is the role of personal boundaries in the context of this video script?

Personal boundaries are crucial in ensuring that one's emotional needs are respected and that they are not compromising their own well-being in an attempt to accommodate an avoidant partner.

How does the video script suggest handling the situation if the avoidant partner continues to maintain emotional distance?

The script suggests that if the avoidant partner continues to maintain emotional distance, one should address the conflict both internally and within the partnership, and consider if the relationship is serving their needs.