Are You One of Them? | Sheikh Omar Suleiman
Summary
TLDRThis talk emphasizes self-reflection in addressing negative traits, particularly narcissism, through the lens of Islamic teachings. Rather than focusing on others' flaws, the speaker encourages introspection to identify and correct spiritual diseases like arrogance and entitlement before they grow. Drawing from Quranic stories of tyrants, the speaker warns against frequently using self-centered language (I, me, my), highlighting that inflated self-importance can distance one from Allah. The message urges humility, gratitude, and responsibility as key to maintaining a balanced and spiritually healthy life.
Takeaways
- 😀 Self-reflection is crucial when reading the Quran, as it encourages introspection about traits within oneself, rather than focusing on the faults of others.
- 😯 Negative traits like arrogance should be identified and mitigated early before they become harmful to oneself and others.
- 😌 Narcissism, characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, is often easier to identify in others than in oneself.
- 😶 It's rare for people to admit their own narcissism, but self-diagnosis is essential for spiritual growth and humility.
- 😲 Repeatedly using words like 'I', 'me', and 'my' can be a warning sign of growing arrogance or narcissism, drawing parallels to tyrants like Pharaoh and Iblis.
- 🙃 The Quran provides examples of arrogance from figures like Iblis, Pharaoh, and Qarun, illustrating the dangers of self-centeredness and deflection of responsibility.
- 🤔 Deflection, or avoiding personal responsibility by blaming others, is a common defense mechanism of narcissists, which prevents them from self-correction.
- 💡 Humility requires recognizing that all achievements and possessions come from Allah, and should be attributed to His grace rather than personal effort.
- 😇 As Muslims, every relationship and interaction should be seen through the lens of our relationship with Allah, emphasizing gratitude and stewardship over ownership.
- 🙏 By constantly humbling oneself and acknowledging Allah as the source of all blessings, a person can achieve both spiritual contentment and harmonious relationships with others.
Q & A
What is the primary focus of the speaker when discussing negative traits from the Quran?
-The speaker emphasizes self-reflection rather than focusing on the negative traits of others. The Quran encourages introspection to identify and correct such traits within ourselves.
Why does the Quran encourage introspection when reading stories about tyrants and evil figures?
-The Quran encourages introspection because individuals may develop a proportion of negative traits without realizing it. Addressing these traits early prevents them from becoming more harmful both in this life and in the Hereafter.
How does the speaker connect narcissism to introspection in Islamic teachings?
-The speaker points out that few people self-diagnose narcissism, even though the Quran encourages self-reflection to identify such traits early. This introspection helps us become more aware of flaws like narcissism within ourselves before they escalate.
What are the three words the speaker warns against using too frequently, and why?
-The speaker warns against overusing 'I,' 'me,' and 'my.' These words were frequently used by figures like Iblis (the Devil) and tyrants, reflecting pride and self-importance. Overusing these words may indicate growing arrogance.
What is the significance of recognizing small signs of arrogance early, according to the speaker?
-Recognizing small signs of arrogance early is essential because these traits can gradually grow and cause harm. By addressing them before they become obvious to others, a person can prevent negative consequences in both this life and the Hereafter.
How does the speaker differentiate between the arrogance of historical tyrants like Fir’aun (Pharaoh) and Karun?
-Fir’aun took pride in what he possessed, using it to declare his superiority over others. Karun, on the other hand, took pride in the process, believing that his intelligence and hard work earned him his wealth, rather than acknowledging it as a blessing from Allah.
What is deflection, and why is it common among narcissists?
-Deflection is the act of shifting blame or responsibility away from oneself. Narcissists frequently use deflection to avoid accountability, as taking responsibility undermines their inflated sense of self-importance.
What lesson can be learned from the way Fir’aun viewed his possessions and status?
-Fir’aun’s downfall was his arrogance and sense of entitlement. He boasted about his kingdom and the rivers flowing beneath him, but eventually, Allah drowned him in those same rivers, illustrating the dangers of pride in material possessions.
Why does the speaker emphasize viewing all relationships through the lens of our relationship with Allah?
-The speaker emphasizes this perspective to remind us that our value and possessions come from Allah, and we are merely stewards. Viewing relationships this way fosters humility and a sense of responsibility toward others, instead of seeing them as tools or threats.
How can believers protect themselves from narcissism, according to the speaker?
-Believers can protect themselves from narcissism by being constantly introspective, attributing their successes to Allah, and humbling themselves. Instead of focusing on their rights and importance, they should reflect on their responsibilities toward Allah and others.
Outlines
🔍 Reflecting on Negative Traits in Ourselves
This paragraph focuses on the importance of introspection when reflecting on the traits mentioned in the Quran, particularly those found in tyrants of the past. Instead of only identifying these traits in others, we are called to assess whether we have traces of them ourselves. Early self-diagnosis and correction of traits like arrogance can prevent greater harm in both this life and the Hereafter. The emphasis is on humility and recognizing even small signs of negative traits to avoid them growing unnoticed.
⚠️ Recognizing Narcissism in Ourselves
Narcissism is discussed as a condition many people attribute to others but rarely self-diagnose. The Imam shares how individuals often identify narcissistic traits in family members or acquaintances but fail to recognize them in themselves. He underscores the need for self-reflection, noting how spiritual awareness can lead to better self-control and empathy. If one finds themselves frequently using words like 'I', 'me', and 'my', it is a sign that narcissistic tendencies might be developing, and one should address these early to prevent arrogance from taking root.
💬 The Dangers of Deflection and Pride
The focus here is on deflection, particularly in narcissists, who avoid responsibility for their actions. Deflection is a defense mechanism used to protect a fragile sense of superiority. The speaker uses the example of Satan's refusal to bow to Adam, showing how his pride and entitlement prevented him from reflecting on his actions. Satan deflected by claiming superiority, a hallmark of narcissism. The paragraph advises recognizing such behavior early, examining its roots, and correcting it to prevent long-term spiritual damage.
🌊 The Fall of Tyrants: Pride in Possessions
This section discusses historical tyrants like Pharaoh and Qarun, who took pride in their possessions or achievements, seeing them as reflections of their superiority. Pharaoh boasted about the rivers under his control, not realizing he would be drowned in them, while Qarun credited his success to his intelligence. The speaker contrasts pride in the process of achievement versus the possession itself. Both forms of arrogance are dangerous, as they lead one to forget that all blessings come from Allah. True humility lies in recognizing that we are merely stewards of what Allah has given us.
🤝 Viewing the World Through Allah’s Lens
In this paragraph, the speaker encourages seeing every relationship and possession through the lens of one’s relationship with Allah. Our value is determined by how Allah sees us, and everything we possess is a blessing meant to be used for His pleasure. We do not own anything, including our own bodies, but are entrusted with responsibilities. A focus on Allah's perspective fosters both gratitude and humility, preventing self-centeredness. The goal is to balance self-awareness without falling into either arrogance or self-hatred.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Introspection
💡Narcissism
💡Arrogance
💡Deflection
💡Pharaoh
💡Self-centeredness
💡Spiritual disease
💡Entitlement
💡Humility
💡Responsibility
Highlights
The Quran encourages introspection, focusing on identifying traits within oneself rather than others.
When reading stories of tyrants in the Quran, it's important to reflect on whether you possess similar traits.
Identifying negative traits early can help prevent them from becoming worse, both in this life and the Hereafter.
Even small traits like arrogance or entitlement should be addressed before they grow into larger problems.
The Quran advocates self-reflection to identify and undercut negative traits like arrogance, even in small amounts.
Narcissism is often recognized in others but rarely self-diagnosed, which underscores the need for deeper self-reflection.
The signs of narcissism can be identified by overuse of words like 'I', 'me', and 'my', indicating self-centeredness.
The vocabulary of narcissists, using 'I' and 'me' excessively, was shared by figures like Satan and historical tyrants.
Taking pride in possessions or accomplishments without attributing them to Allah is a dangerous form of narcissism.
Deflection, a hallmark of narcissism, involves avoiding responsibility and instead blaming others or external factors.
People can fool themselves into thinking their success is due to their own efforts rather than Allah's blessings.
Pride can be derived from the process of achieving success, but it's essential to remain humble and recognize Allah's role.
Empathy is often lacking in narcissists because they view others as tools or threats in their personal story.
Muslims should see their relationships and interactions with others through their relationship with Allah.
Gratitude and grace come from recognizing that everything, including oneself, is a gift and test from Allah.
Transcripts
dear brothers and sisters typically when
you speak about negative traits that are
found in the Quran about the tyrants of
the past and in general when you speak
about negative traits today you're often
talking about how to deal with someone
else who has those traits and so many
times if you were to go into Google for
example and search a negative trait it's
going to be how to deal with someone who
has this trait rather than how to deal
with yourself potentially developing
this trait and of course the Quran in
its very Nature Calls upon us to be very
very introspective when you read even
the story of instead of thinking about
the Pharaohs of the world as they exist
today you actually ask yourself do I
have some of the traits of it's very
hard for a person to actually have that
conversation with themselves but that's
actually what is that's what reflection
on the Quran is that you find everything
whether Allah is talking about is or or
if Allah is talking about the Devil
Himself
are there traits that are developing
within me are there signs of that trait
why do I need to be that introspective
because the Quran recognizes that
sometimes you can have a proportion of
something without it being the whole
thing and it's better for you to
undercut it early on so that it does not
become to your detriment not in this
life and more importantly not in the
Hereafter if I have an arrogance problem
even if it's a small problem but I'm
starting to become more arrogant more
entitled my tongue is starting to get a
little bit looser I might not be a liar
or a backbiter or a tyrant but there is
enough there that let me try to undercut
that early on before anybody else even
notices it before someone else comes up
to me and says you know I think you're
starting to have this problem as a
Muslim who wants to have the most
favorable position with Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala you want to identify those
traits in proportion and be deeply
interrogating of yourself not to a point
that you shut yourself off but to a
point that you take necessary corre Ive
measures that's t to the topic of
narcissism is a very interesting one
because as an IM most of the time when
someone asks me about the topic of
narcissism I can't recall someone coming
up to me and saying I think I might be a
narcissist or I think I'm starting to
develop narcissism I can recall multiple
times over the years in fact rarely a
week goes by when someone says I think
my spouse is a narcissist I think my
parents are narcissist I think my
children are narcissists and sometimes
they're at least surface level they're
right but very few people will actually
say you know what I think I might have a
problem here that I need to actually
work on and Subhan Allah says very
beautifully if you learn to diagnose the
spiritual ills within yourself if you
become hyper Vigilant with diagnosing
spiritual flaws and diseases within
yourself then you'll also necessarily
become better at identifying them in
others but you would have been so
humbled by the process of constantly
holding yourself to those spiritual ills
s that you won't write people off when
you start to identify them in others
narcissism go to Google right now if you
go how to deal with narcissism it's
going to be about someone else as
Believers we want to make sure we don't
have qualities that will ultimately ruin
us in the Hereafter now narcissism in
the technical definition is a condition
in which a people have an inflated sense
of their own importance a deep need for
excessive attention and admiration
troubled relationships and a lack of
empathy for others that's the textbook
definition has this powerful reflection
about the words that a narcissist is
likely to start to utter in which they
have to interrogate themselves he said a
person should be extremely careful if
they find themselves starting to
utter three words he said if you start
to utter them if you start saying me
myself I I me you know to me belongs to
me this is for me I did I did this I did
that if you start using I and me and my
too frequently then you need to be very
very careful he said be careful if you
start to find yourself using these
letters and these words too frequently I
myself me he said these three words were
used by three the
devil the greatest Tyrant of all time
and who was a very proud King also a
tyrant both of them of course in the
time M he said these three
words I myself me were the words were
the vocabulary of these three
individuals he says as
for said I am better than him and he
said as for he said I possess the I
possess the entire Kingdom of Egypt and
as for karun he said I earned all of
this because of knowledge that I have I
got this it was me it was my
intelligence that got me to this place
that you see me so of course I'm going
to boast because I'm the one that made
this happen so he said these three words
are very dangerous and he said if a
person starts to find themselves saying
these words frequently in their life
then they need to go back and they need
to examine if behind the vocabulary are
some of the traits of these individuals
now let's break this down a bit inshalla
and the differences and the nuances and
the subtleties in brief Allah subhana wa
tala says
oh what stopped you from prostrating to
what I created with my own two hands
What stopped you oh and Allah subhana wa
tala
says is very powerful Allah subhana wa
tala is helping him to actually think a
bit what made you have this reaction
that you just had you have a moment here
where you could repent where you could
think for a moment take a step back and
say you know this was really bad why
didn't I obey the command of Allah
subhana there's there's Rich here but
I'll just give a brief summary here uh
to what some of the scholars have said
was it like a moment of Pride did you
just become prideful did you just have
like a you know visceral reaction
something sometimes we make a mistake in
the beginning right there's an initial
reaction and it's not necessarily
indicative of something that's been
there for a long
time some of the scholars say have you
always been this way has there always
always been an arrogance inside of you a
pride inside of you a you know a sense
of entitlement inside of you and now
it's just finally coming to light now
you got put to the test and it came to
light Subhan Allah could have
said I seek your forgiveness of Allah it
was a moment maybe there's something I
need to work on I will go back I will
accept whatever the consequences are and
I'll work on this within myself instead
he completely deflects Subhan Allah when
you read about narcissism deflection is
the first reaction of every narcissist
they always deflect why because
deflection is the opposite of
responsibility a narcissist never takes
ownership they never actually own up
they never take responsibility they
immediately deflect deflection is the
defense mechanism so that's when he says
I'm actually better than
him I'm better than him you made me from
dirt and you from fire and you made him
from dirt that's the deflection it has
nothing to do with the way Allah created
him Allah could have made him from gold
Allah could have made him from bronze or
silver Allah could have made him from
grapes and leaves your problem is that
he's taking a position you feel like
belongs to you right it's a new flavor
of Pride but at the end of the day El
think about what's wrong with you for a
moment and why you reacted that way you
didn't sit there and think Allah
preferred me but Allah preferred me to
all of the Jin I have a position that no
Jin has ever had I'm with the angels
what business do I have here instead you
went to to why is he in my spot why is
he getting all this respect I'm better
than him he deflected he didn't even try
to answer the question from Allah subh
if it was or if it was if it was a sense
of pride and arrogance that he wasn't
rectifying an entitlement because that's
a spiritual disease
so says when you start to say I I and
you start to see someone as inherently
less than you for whatever the reason is
take a step back because the bad
behavior towards them is often an
indication of the way that you see them
and you wouldn't see them as lower if
you didn't see yourself as higher that's
why when Allah says mockery don't mock
people because they might be better than
you you mock someone because you think
that they've inherently fallen in value
or that you have greater value than them
so you start to mock them they might
actually be better than you so take a
step back and don't say Anna frequently
I you know did it's the ey statement
and said instead replace it with I am
the one who sins I am the one who seeks
forgiveness I am the one in need of
Allah subhana wa tala but take away I if
it's coming in the capacity of
reflecting some sort of spir you know
superiority in your mind is an
interesting Tyrant because almost every
tyrant in history you know at least at
that scale follows some of someone of
the mold of would gather his people
randomly to declare his superiority let
me stop the work day to just tell people
how awesome I am okay one of the things
called out to his people he said oh my
people don't I have the Kingdom of Egypt
you see these Rivers flowing beneath my
feet can't you see don't you all see
what I have how great I am how amazing
this all is Subhan Allah he says don't
you think I'm better than this nobody
he's talking about mam means look he
can't even talk properly the guy can't
even express himself you know are you
really going to listen to him him and
compare me to him when I have all of
these things look at what I possess and
look at what he possesses he's a nobody
and I am somebody why because I have
look at all that I own and look at the
Rivers flowing beneath me that guy can't
even talk he can't even explain himself
he stutters he looks like this he looks
like that he's mocking M and subh Allah
you know as says in one of his tangents
he says was looking with pride at the
anhar the rivers beneath his feet not
realizing that one day Allah would drown
him under and immediately initiated
right sea on top of him Allah subhana wa
T would drown him and he was looking and
said look at these Rivers beneath my
feet until Allah put the water on top of
him and drowned them in it he said look
at me I have therefore I am better so he
took his sense of pride in what in what
he possessed and then he says about I
have been granted all of this because of
the knowledge that I have because of my
intelligence what's the difference
between the two if you look at the words
of and look at you look at the words
of took more pride in the process Than
The
Possession took more pride in The
Possession than the process I'm going to
explain this again took more pride in
the process Than The Possession took
more pride in The Possession than the
process what do I mean by that is like
I've worked to get here I did this I
earned this sometimes that sense of
entitlement comes from the process right
especially someone who comes from a
tough upbringing and then Allah blesses
them Allah bestows his F upon them and
they get out of a tough a tough setting
your parents come from a country you
come from a country you know your
parents come from a neighborhood you
come from a neighborhood there's certain
means and now you have those means and
you can start to fool yourself into
thinking that you did something right
and they did something wrong it happens
all the time so kon's arrogance his
self-importance here comes from what I
earn this dear brother or sister when
you see people under floods in Pakistan
or Afghanistan or Bangladesh or bombs in
Yemen and Philistine or people that are
struggling to make ends meet a few miles
away from you don't you dare think for a
moment you're here because you deserve
it and they're there because they
deserve it don't you dare think for a
moment it could have easily been that
Allah subhana T switched you out but a
person could start to think what come on
man I went to school
I earned I worked this much I did this
much all of that was just a test of
Allah upon you all of it Allah is
testing them differently than he's
testing you but it's at the end of the
day it's a test it's a test you didn't
get there because of your own courage
Your Own intelligence and even if Allah
gave you some quality of intelligence
and some quality of courage and a work
ethic that's Allah's gift upon you you
didn't earn that yourself so is saying
take a step back and if you start to
find yourself inflating your
self-importance either because of the
way that you're made or because of what
you have or because of how you think you
got there take your step back humble
yourself to Allah subhana wa ta'ala say
alhamdulillah I am nothing without Allah
literally don't exist without Allah
subhana wa tala and every other person
who's sharing in this human test and
Enterprise with me whether they're close
family or there're someone else is
another of Allah subhana wa tal that has
rights upon me for which Allah will ask
me take a step back and deflate the
self-importance and ask yourself why do
I use these words why is it always I me
when you get into an argument you
immediately go to your rights what the
other person owes you and how you got
there and this and this and this and
that take a step back what am I not
seeing about the other person and when
it comes to the narcissist every other
person becomes a tool or a threat in
their constant battle and so every
person and relationship is disposable
what do I mean by that the narcissists
and their inflated sense of importance
really loses a sense of empathy and care
for anyone else because at the end of
the day your story is the only story
that exists in your mind and anyone
who's in your story is either a tool or
a threat you I said this before I don't
I'm not I'm not F's therapist I don't
know if F really enjoyed killing kids or
if he really enjoyed killing his wife
the way that he killed his wife some
people get sick and they do that type of
stuff or just saw people as tools or
threats this is my story I am here I
belong on this Throne therefore
everybody everybody is either a tool or
a threat and so you're all disposable at
the end of the day that's why a person
of NPS of ego we talk about Abdullah and
the chief hypocrite in Medina is willing
to burn down the entire city of Medina
why because I'm supposed to be the king
this is my city right now obviously it's
hard for us to think about you know
ourselves as and abdah but to at least
think you know when when things when I
see people am I only thinking about my
story or do other people have stories
too around me perhaps I can be a
beneficial parts of their story perhaps
it's not just me that's owed something
but maybe I owe other people too for the
sake of Allah subhana wa tala deflate
your sense of importance bring it down
and think through the other person's
lens as well not just your own every
single time even if you're not a pharaoh
don't go home and say that I learned
that I'm today don't you know or I'm no
no no these qualities are replaced by
the qualities of the Prophet Sall alai
wasallam and in the story of the quality
of M the quality of these prophets that
were facing these types of things the
last thing dear brothers and sisters
what's the difference between us as
Muslims when we look at this through the
lens of Islam versus you know you could
have just Googled how to not be a
narcissist the difference is that every
single relationship that we have in this
world we see it through our relationship
with Allah subhana wa tala every single
existence that exists in parallel with
us we see it through our ultimate
existence as a slave of Allah subhana wa
tala and so what that means is three
things Allah created me therefore my
value is only to the extent that he sees
me Allah created me it doesn't matter
what I look like what I physically
possess Allah created me therefore my
value is only to the extent that he sees
me how Allah subh sees me that's number
one number two Allah gave me what I
possess therefore those possessions are
only blessings to the extent of how I
attribute them to him or use them in
ways that are pleasing to him otherwise
my possessions are a curse Allah gave
them to me me Allah is the source of all
those possessions number three I am only
a steward of what Allah subhana T
commissioned to commissioned me to I
don't own anything even myself I don't
own my body I don't own my house I don't
own anybody or anything Allah subhana
tala has given me responsibilities and
that's how I see myself to that world
around me and that will make you both
grateful and graceful grateful to Allah
and graceful with the people when you're
able to deflate that and humble yourself
constantly attributing it back to Allah
and being Allah centered instead of
self-centered we ask Allah to protect us
from thinking too highly of ourselves
and forgetting where we are with Allah
subhana wa ta'ala we ask Allah to Humble
us not that we start to hate ourselves
but that we start to use ourselves and
beautify ourselves to be most pleasing
to him we ask Allah subhana wa tala to
make us the best of his the best of his
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