Dating apps encourage our worst instincts. Here’s how to be more ethical | Christine Emba

Summary

This video script discusses the evolution of dating, highlighting how online dating and apps have transformed the way people meet and interact. While offering increased freedom and opportunities, especially for marginalized groups, it also presents negative trends such as increased stress and mental health issues among users. The script addresses the lack of accountability in online dating, leading to behaviors like ghosting and harassment. It also critiques the gamification of dating apps, which can foster a culture of superficial judgments and objectification. The speaker suggests ethical considerations, like 'willing the good of the other,' to improve online dating experiences.

Takeaways

• 📈 Traditional dating methods have shifted significantly with the rise of dating apps and online dating, leading to an increase in people meeting partners online.
• 🌐 Online dating has been particularly beneficial for marginalized groups, providing them with more opportunities to find partners.
• 🚨 The use of dating apps is linked to higher levels of stress, anxiety, and depression, with swipe-based apps potentially tripling stress levels.
• 💔 Women using dating apps report high rates of receiving unsolicited explicit images and experiencing harassment and threats.
• 👨‍💻 Men also face negative experiences on dating apps, with a majority feeling insecure due to the lack of matches and communication.
• 🔄 The anonymity of online dating can lead to a lack of accountability, with behaviors such as ghosting and sending inappropriate images becoming more common.
• 🎮 Dating apps gamify the dating process, which may lead to a mindset of endless options and reluctance to commit to imperfect relationships.
• 🖼️ The prominence of pictures on dating apps can prioritize physical appearance over other qualities, potentially overlooking great matches.
• 🤝 Ethical dating involves considering the well-being of others, fostering emotional intimacy, and respecting boundaries and commitments.
• 💬 The script suggests that in-person social interactions and building the courage to approach others can be beneficial, regardless of the context.

Q & A

How did people traditionally meet their partners before the advent of dating apps?

Traditionally, people met their partners through their communities, such as friends, family, work, church, or school.

What is one positive effect of online dating and dating apps mentioned in the script?

Online dating and dating apps have provided added freedom and have been especially helpful for people in marginalized groups to find partners who might not have been accessible otherwise.

What are some negative trends associated with the use of dating apps?

Some negative trends include increased distress, anxiety, or depression among users, with swipe-based dating app users facing three times the amount of stress compared to non-users.

How does the script suggest that online dating affects the behavior of users?

The script suggests that online dating leads to a lack of accountability, resulting in behaviors such as ghosting, sending unsolicited explicit images, and persistent unwanted contact.

What are some of the specific negative experiences women have reported while using dating apps, according to the script?

Women have reported receiving unsolicited sexually explicit images, persistent contact from those they've tried to cut off, being called offensive names, and even threats of physical harm.

How does the script describe the impact of dating app rejection on users?

The script describes that the constant rejection and negativity on dating apps can contribute to a sense of malaise and make users feel insecure, especially highlighting that humans may not be built to handle the amount of 'in-your-face rejection' that dating apps can provide.

What is the 'gamification' of dating mentioned in the script, and how does it affect users?

The 'gamification' of dating refers to the swipe-based mechanism of apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge, which can foster a mindset of endless options and the idea that there's always something better, potentially leading to a delay in settling down.

How does the prominence of pictures on dating apps affect the way users judge potential matches?

The prominence of pictures on dating apps often leads to judgment based solely on appearance, favoring those with flattering profile pictures and disadvantaging those who may have excellent qualities not visible in a photo.

What ethical considerations does the script suggest for using dating apps?

The script suggests ethical considerations such as 'willing the good of the other,' treating people as ends and not means, fostering emotional intimacy, respecting commitment and boundaries, and viewing others as humans, not just images on a screen.

What alternative to online dating is proposed in the script for meeting potential partners?

The script proposes meeting potential partners in person, such as in the supermarket or at a bar, as an alternative to online dating, emphasizing the importance of building social ability and bravery to approach strangers.

What is the 'golden rule' mentioned in the context of ethical dating in the script?

The 'golden rule' in the context of ethical dating refers to the idea of treating others as you would like to be treated, which is expanded upon in the script as 'willing the good of the other,' suggesting a broader ethic for romantic and other partnerships.