The Surprising Evolution Of Modern Women's Preferences In Men - Eric Weinstein
Summary
TLDRThe transcript explores the dynamics of heterosexual attraction and the evolving expectations of masculinity in modern society. It discusses the impact of feminism on the portrayal of men in media, the disconnect between women's stated and revealed preferences, and the challenges faced by women in balancing career and personal life. The conversation delves into the complexities of gender roles, the importance of ambition, and the societal pushback against elitism and high achievers. It also touches on the concept of hypergamy and how it influences relationship satisfaction and choices.
Takeaways
- 📚 The discussion explores the changing dynamics of heterosexual women's preferences for masculinity, noting a shift from traditional dominance to a softer, more feminized ideal.
- 📈 There's a noted decrease in the market for traditional masculinity since the 1960s, with modern portrayals in media reflecting this change.
- 🎭 The conversation delves into the interplay between stated and revealed preferences, suggesting that what women say they want may differ from their actual choices.
- 💭 It's highlighted that sexual fantasies and long-term relationship choices can diverge, with the former often driven by more primal desires.
- 🚹 The script addresses the impact of women's increased presence and success in the workforce, which complicates traditional gender roles and expectations.
- 💼 The discussion points out the tension between ambition and work-life balance, especially in the context of gender dynamics and societal expectations.
- 📉 A correlation is mentioned where increased gender equality and pay parity are linked to decreased relationship satisfaction for both men and women.
- 💔 The script discusses challenges faced by women in finding partners who meet their criteria for admiration and respect, especially as they become more successful.
- 🚫 The conversation criticizes the suppression of ambition in young men, suggesting that societal pressures are dampening their drive and potential.
- 🏆 The importance of recognizing and supporting elite talent is emphasized, arguing that society should not stifle those with exceptional abilities and ambitions.
Q & A
What is the main topic of discussion in the script?
-The main topic of discussion in the script revolves around the dynamics of masculinity and femininity, the changing preferences of heterosexual women in relation to men, and the impact of societal and feminist movements on these preferences.
What is the connection between the popularity of '50 Shades of Grey' and the dark romance novels that followed?
-The success of '50 Shades of Grey' led to a proliferation of dark romance novels, which were characterized by dominant and masculine male characters. However, there was a pushback from the feminist movement, leading to a shift towards softer, more feminized male characters in the genre.
What is the difference between stated and revealed preferences mentioned in the script?
-Stated preferences refer to what people say they want or prefer, while revealed preferences are what people actually choose or do. The script suggests that there is a difference between what women say they want in a partner and what they actually choose, especially in the context of romance novels and real-life relationships.
How does the script relate sexual fantasies to long-term relationship choices?
-The script suggests that what one sexually fantasizes about is not necessarily what one wants in a long-term partner. It implies that people might be attracted to certain traits for short-term encounters that differ from the qualities they seek in a long-term, committed relationship.
What is the 'Fame seesaw' concept mentioned in the script?
-The 'Fame seesaw' is a concept that describes how people's attitudes towards others change as they rise or fall in status. When someone is on the way up, people support them because they represent hope and dreams. However, when someone is at the top, others may tear them down because they represent what the onlookers gave up on.
Why does the script mention that women's preferences for men can be unstable?
-The script suggests that women's preferences for men can be unstable because women have multiple possible life paths and are unsure which one they will follow. This uncertainty can lead to fluctuating desires in terms of romantic and sexual partners.
What is the 'toll go problem' mentioned in the script?
-The 'toll go problem' refers to the difficulty of finding a partner when one is at the top of their own status hierarchy. It implies that as women rise in status, the pool of potential partners who are considered 'across and above' them diminishes, leading to a challenge in finding suitable mates.
How does the script discuss the impact of gender equality on relationship satisfaction?
-The script posits that as gender inequality and pay inequality decrease, relationship satisfaction for both men and women also decreases. It suggests that men in relationships where the woman is the primary breadwinner are more likely to use erectile dysfunction medication, and marriages where women contribute more than 70% of household income are more likely to end in divorce.
What does the script say about the changing expectations of women in the workforce?
-The script discusses how women's expectations and desires in a partner are influenced by their increasing presence and success in the workforce. It suggests that women may be attracted to men who are ambitious and capable, especially if they themselves are career-oriented and seeking a work-life balance.
Why does the script argue that ambition is necessary for certain individuals?
-The script argues that ambition is necessary for certain individuals because it drives them to achieve great things and contributes to their sense of purpose and fulfillment. It suggests that some people are naturally inclined towards high levels of ambition and that this drive should be nurtured rather than suppressed.
Outlines
📚 Evolving Perceptions of Masculinity and Femininity
The first paragraph delves into the complex dynamics of gender roles and societal expectations. It discusses how women's responses to traditional masculinity have evolved, particularly in the context of modern feminism. The conversation highlights the shift from the dominant, masculine ideals of the past to a preference for softer, more feminized male figures in media and literature. The paragraph also touches on the difference between sexual fantasies and long-term relationship preferences, suggesting that what is desired for short-term encounters may not align with long-term partnership choices. Additionally, it introduces the concept of 'memes' and 'acronym' as tools for simplifying and spreading complex ideas.
💼 The Impact of Gender Equality on Relationship Satisfaction
The second paragraph explores the correlation between gender equality, particularly in the workplace, and relationship satisfaction. It presents data suggesting that as pay equality increases, relationship satisfaction decreases, with men in relationships where women are the primary earners being more likely to use erectile dysfunction medication. The discussion also covers the challenges faced by women who are smarter and more capable than their male counterparts in the workplace, and how this affects their choices in romantic partners. The concept of 'hypergamy' is introduced, where women have a vestigial attraction to men who are superior in status, which creates a dilemma as women rise in their own dominance hierarchies. The paragraph concludes with a critique of the current advice given to ambitious young men, suggesting it is detrimental to their potential and the societal benefits of their ambitions.
🚀 The Role of Ambition and Elites in Society
The third paragraph focuses on the importance of ambition and the role of elites in driving progress. It contrasts the negative perception of hard work and dedication, as seen in the reactions to Elon Musk's management of Twitter, with the need for individuals to pursue their passions and solve significant problems. The discussion emphasizes the need for society to support and encourage ambitious individuals, rather than stifling them with enforced helplessness. It also touches on the concept of elitism, arguing that while it is unfair to idolize the non-elite, society should recognize and allow elite individuals to excel in their fields. The paragraph concludes with a call for the removal of barriers that prevent high achievers from contributing to society and a plug for a product, Element, which is positioned as a healthy alternative to sugary electrolyte drinks.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Classical Masculinity
💡Femininity
💡Intersexual Dynamics
💡Revealed Preferences
💡Hypergamy
💡Gender Inequality
💡Egalitarianism
💡Ambition
💡Elitism
💡Work-Life Balance
💡Socioeconomic Status
Highlights
Discussion on how women's response to classical masculinity has changed over time, suggesting a decrease from the 1960s.
Mention of the influence of '50 Shades of Gray' on the proliferation of dark romance novels and the subsequent feminist pushback.
Observation that women's preferences for softer, more feminized men in media did not translate to book sales.
The difference between stated and revealed preferences in women's attraction to masculinity.
The distinction between sexual fantasies and long-term relationship choices for both men and women.
The concept of 'Fame seesaw', illustrating how public perception shifts with an individual's rise and fall in status.
The impact of women's career and life choices on their romantic preferences and the challenges of finding a suitable partner.
The correlation between gender inequality and relationship satisfaction, suggesting that greater equality leads to less satisfaction.
The 'toll go problem', describing the difficulty of finding a partner when one's status is high within their own hierarchy.
Discussion on the changing dynamics of gender roles and how women's increased access to education and employment affects romantic relationships.
The challenge faced by high-achieving women in finding partners they can look up to, within the constraints of modern feminism and egalitarianism.
The importance of allowing ambitious individuals to pursue their goals without societal constraints.
The need for a balance between humility and arrogance in ambitious individuals, and the role of mentorship.
The concept of elitism and the importance of recognizing and allowing elite individuals to excel in their fields.
The argument against the dampening of ambition and the need for risk and danger in the pursuit of greatness.
The promotion of Element, an electrolyte drink mix, as a healthy alternative to sugary drinks, with a focus on its benefits and refund policy.
Transcripts
do you find that women heterosexual
women respond to classical
masculinity have to be very careful as I
asked because they certainly respond
more than they're supposed to according
to Modern rules of femininity correct
but my guess is that it's greatly
decreased
from the market for masculinity in the
60s let's say so
look again inter and intrasexual
Dynamics something I've spent an awful
lot of time learning about I'm a book at
the moment with David bus evolutionary
psychologist okay on
this in the early 2010s after the
success of 50 Shades of Gray MH there
was a proliferation of dark romance
novels and
they there was a push back from the
feminism movement saying that the
portrayals of men as dominant masculine
beard did big chested in a loin cloth or
a plaid shirt wielding an axe uh wasn't
what women wanted they wanted a softer
more like the bronny guy or the Marboro
man correct they they wanted a softer
version of this so they started putting
more agreeable more feminized men on the
front cover of books they didn't sell
right but I wouldn't guess that either
of those would be where modern women's
heads would be at now in the space of 10
years so I think that there's a there
there's massively a difference between
stated and revealed preferences sure
right and also to you know to caveat
that the thing that you may sexually
fantasize about is not necessarily what
you want to get into a relationship with
guys will say say more that uh what you
optimize for in a one night stand and
what you optimize for in a marriage
partner aren't always necessarily the
same I would think they would be wildly
desperate correct which means that the
front cover of the romance novel is not
necessarily the partner that you want
long term they're the one that you want
to fantasize
about most of these stories are driven
by sex
rather than driven by love so I I have
this hypothesis and I wonder if you you
have names for all sorts of things that
I let before you give me I just need to
Bunch this up your acronym your ponant
for Acron acronyms yeah and a friend
Mary says meme first explain later and I
think that uh some of my favorite
episodes they rely on aphorisms they
rely on on creating memes sure small
quippy razors and so on and so forth
first off because it makes it easier to
remember but secondly because that's
what gets the hooks into you this is how
you make things so if you are somebody
that's listening that has an idea that
really loves that idea give it a name
give it a name and give it a cool name I
came up with Fame seesaw the other day
which is that uh on your way up people
want to support you because you remind
them of their dreams when you're at the
top they tear you down because you
remind them of what they gave up on yeah
yeah fameous seaw beautiful and now even
if it's [ __ ] wrong you can't forget
it so it's good very nice you were
saying um that when women when
heterosexual women realize that they
have several possible life cycles and
they don't have a clear sense of which
one they will actually
live am I going to get married and raise
children and be at home with the
children am I going to get married and
have one child maybe two and be a career
person am I never going to couple but
have children am I going to have no
children whatsoever am I going to do
that in a coupled situation
yep their decision trees blow out as to
what it is that they're actually looking
for and one of my strong
senses is that women encountered
something they weren't expecting which
is that they might even be smarter than
the guy at work who they're competing
with but he's happy to come
in all of Saturday all of Sunday and
work hours that are completely psychotic
and so then the idea of well we need
work life balance we don't want people
coming in on Friday and Saturday because
that's sort of an unfair advantage that
somebody who wants a healthy life is
different from somebody who wants an
extreme life and so now you have this
problem which is I'm attracted to the
sort of man I wouldn't want to compete
with at
work if I'm going to be in the office I
want to know that I'm not going to have
to deal with the guy who's willing to
give up every weekend and work hours
that I'm unwilling to work because
that's not how I'm set at the
factory
versus um I want that guy as the
go-getter while I'm pregnant and
incapacitated in raising children to
make sure that not only he can Shepherd
our family through anything because he's
highly capable but can also get me back
into the workforce when I'm done raising
children
and this is someone what what I believe
is responsible for the sort
of incoherent messages that men and
women are sending to each other is that
when we don't know what life cycle we
are going to be inhabiting our eroticism
and our romance and our desire is
unstable one of the most
uncomfortable correlations that I found
over the last few years is that as
gender inequality pay inequality between
genders increases relationship
satisfaction for both men and women
increases as well sorry decreases the
more egalitarian the more equal the pay
the less satisfied both sexes are with
relationships H men who are in
relationships where the woman is the
primary bread winner of 50% more likely
to use erectile dysfunction
medication where a woman is contributing
More than 70% of the household income
the marriage is twice as likely to end
in divorce women for a man uh sorry for
a woman to move herself the same
distance on a 10o scale in terms of
attractiveness that a man can by
increasing his income by $100,000 she
would need a 10,000 times increase in
income in short women are interested
socioeconomically in the status of their
partner in a way that men aren't now the
problem that you have is that women now
have access to education and employment
in a way that they never have done
before so they're no longer financially
dependent on men sure but you're seeing
something which is particularly
heartbreaking in my group of of females
which would be women in their mid to
late
50s I have to be honest I've seen some
of the women I was most impressed by
never
coupling and when I when you talk to
them there's some very uncomfortable
things that get said one of which was I
was looking for a man I could look up to
and the pool was just so small
and then and and you know you're
thinking well okay it's illegal to say
I'm looking for a man that I could look
up to right because that's not in
accordance with modern feminism and
egalitarianism but on the other hand
this idea that when you you know one of
the world's leading chemists or
something uh there's just not that many
men that are going to be in that
position I got another meme for you yeah
this is I got in a lot of trouble for
this it's called the toll go problem so
if you stand a top your own status
hierarchy it's very difficult to find
somebody else across and above from
yours you know if you're a 6' one girl
without heels you're looking at
professional athletes and two women for
every one man completing a four-year us
college degree by 2030 between the ages
of 21 and 29 women earn
1,111 more on average than their male
counterparts right but women still have
this vestigial attraction to the man who
is across and above from them that's
hypergamy and this means that as you
rise up through your own dominance
hierarchy it amounts to a opportunity of
diminishing returns but then why are we
not allowed to build better men I mean
this is the really this is this thing
that just floors
me I'm now through through being a
father looking
at the subset of young men who are
absolutely looking to crush
it and the advice they're being given is
so horrific what like
well that doesn't seem mentally healthy
and uh you know I I think it's much
better for you to sort of enjoy this
time with everyone else and you know
it's just like watering down raw
ambition
and you know was it ludicrous who said
get out the way you
know get out of the way of these people
these people want to invest and blow
your socks off and just do amazing
things and there's some administrator or
nanny or nurse ratchet who's like well
that would be arrogant we can't have
that and and you're saying I don't think
you understand it but
ambition is a necessary input for
certain humans and if you sit there and
say why do you have a right to innovate
when nobody else is innovated or uh
don't you realize that your go-getter
personality during the covid uh
situation was based on your privilege
and uh in fact a lot of other people are
suffering from mental health you're just
thinking why am I taking the most
promising people and tying them to the
most damaged people why not instead take
the most promising people and have them
get a PhD by the age of 2021 and study
what to do for their for their fellow
Souls who are
struggling do you remember when Elon
took over Twitter and he started to rip
out the tech team yeah and and he said I
want to make Twitter a place where the
people who want to work the hardest on
the biggest problems can come and work
and people said they looked at that and
said this is going back to an archaic
form of Silicon Valley where people are
forced to sleep under desks and it's a
blah blah
blah those people do not have theory of
mind to understand what it's like to be
someone as driven as it takes to look at
that from Elon not as modern day
slavery but no wait a second it can be
modern day slavery or it could be the
person saying for God's sakes I'm
burning to solve this problem let me
sleep under my desk un unhook unhook the
leash and let me go at this and there is
a there is a cohort of people out there
for whom that's their calling they
didn't want to work at Twitter if they
got Frappuccinos and mindful Monday
afternoons off and to be able to play
ping pong for half the week and whatever
it was that was going on they want to go
and they want to feel like they're
contributing to an astronomically sized
goal an un unreasonable goal and they
want to feel the the rush of of going
toward
it and I think you're right I think that
there is a dampening of ambition
and since being in America since moving
to America 18 months ago it's the fuel
that I've had from the enthusiasm from
the people I've been around has fueled
me empowered me in a way that I I didn't
wasn't it was alien I was 30 33 years
old and I'd never felt it before I want
to
look there's so much to do and it
requires ambitious people and those
people have to be both arrogant and
humble it's a complicated thing it
involves mentorship it's I want to say
also something about
elitism elitism is incredibly
unfair you know I I've hung out with
Stanley Jordan and I am never going to
play any instrument the way Stanley
Jordan plays the guitar he's an elite
object I am not going to be that guy you
have to learn how to let Elite people do
Elite things that where you can't
compete with
them I don't know what to do about this
the idea that we are turning against the
concept of elite because we've got this
sort of pretend Elite that sits in these
chairs that screws everything up and
you've got all of these ambitious people
who are being destroyed by enforced
helplessness you know how do we get how
do we fire the administrators necessary
to return universities to being
universities H how do
we explain that some people are built to
fly wings
suits you know it's a super dangerous
activity but somebody needs that rush or
they're not
alive you know people need danger they
need risk they need to be able to create
and they don't need you in their in
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