What Causes Premature Ejaculation? - (10 Things to Avoid)

Summary

In this informative video, sex educator Taylor discusses 10 potential causes of premature ejaculation and offers practical advice for overcoming this issue. He emphasizes the importance of changing poor masturbation habits, managing tension, and addressing psychological factors like fear of intimacy. Taylor also provides a free comprehensive training on ejaculation control for those seeking to improve their sexual experiences.

Takeaways

• 🛠️ Premature ejaculation can be cured with the right habits and practices.
• 🤲 Poor masturbation habits, such as short sessions, can condition the body for quick ejaculation.
• 💆‍♂️ Tension, especially in the pelvic region, can lead to premature ejaculation, and deep breathing can help reduce it.
• 🚫 Overdoing kegels without rest can lead to pelvic floor hypertension, which may contribute to early ejaculation.
• 🔞 Bad porn habits, such as focusing on cum shots, can condition the brain to associate pleasure with quick ejaculation.
• 🔍 Hyper focus on the penis's sensations can lead to a quicker rush to orgasm.
• 🌡️ Associating ejaculation with high levels of pleasure can train the body to reach climax too soon.
• 🧠 Developing mental resolve can help in controlling the urge to ejaculate prematurely.
• 🧘‍♂️ Mental tension, such as worrying about performance, can exacerbate premature ejaculation.
• 💔 Fear of intimacy might cause some individuals to ejaculate early as a means of avoiding deeper connection.
• 🤖 Sometimes premature ejaculation might be a 'fake' issue, serving as a distraction from other relationship or personal problems.

Q & A

What is the primary focus of the video by Taylor, the sex educator and coach?

The primary focus of the video is to discuss and explain 10 causes of premature ejaculation and to offer insights on how to address and potentially cure this issue.

Why does Taylor emphasize the importance of changing masturbation habits to combat premature ejaculation?

Taylor emphasizes changing masturbation habits because they act as a training ground for sexual experiences, and by practicing to last longer during masturbation, one can reprogram their sexual response system to last longer during sexual intercourse.

What role does tension play in causing premature ejaculation, according to Taylor?

Tension, particularly in the pelvic region and lower belly, can lead to premature ejaculation. Taylor suggests that reducing tension in the body during sexual activities and practicing deep breathing can help in managing this issue.

What is the misconception about kegels that Taylor addresses in the video?

The misconception is that doing a lot of kegels daily will strengthen the pelvic floor and help control ejaculation. Taylor points out that overdoing kegels without rest can lead to hypertension in the pelvic floor, which may actually contribute to premature ejaculation.

How does Taylor suggest that bad porn habits can contribute to premature ejaculation?

Taylor suggests that bad porn habits, such as focusing on cum shots and close-up body parts, can create a link in the brain between ejaculation and pleasure, leading to a rush to climax and contributing to premature ejaculation.

What is the fifth cause of premature ejaculation mentioned by Taylor, and how can it be addressed?

The fifth cause is a hyper focus on the sensations of the penis during sex. To address this, Taylor advises to pay attention to the entire body's sensations, the interaction with the partner, and to breathe deeply to avoid rushing to ejaculation.

How does Taylor redefine the association between pleasure and ejaculation in the context of premature ejaculation?

Taylor suggests that many people associate pleasure with being close to ejaculation, which can lead to premature ejaculation. He recommends shifting the focus to experience pleasure in the 25 to 75% range of arousal to increase awareness of pleasure as a spectrum and not just ejaculation.

What is the significance of mental resolve in managing premature ejaculation, as discussed by Taylor?

Mental resolve is significant because it involves making a conscious decision and commitment to last longer in bed. Taylor shares his personal experiment showing the power of the mind in controlling ejaculation.

How does mental tension during sex contribute to premature ejaculation, and what is Taylor's advice to overcome it?

Mental tension, such as worrying about ejaculating too soon, can lead to a hyper focus on not ejaculating, which paradoxically can cause it to happen. Taylor advises to relax, not to worry, and to understand that it's not as significant as one might think.

What is the potential underlying issue that Taylor suggests could be mistaken for premature ejaculation?

Taylor suggests that a fear of intimacy could be an underlying issue that manifests as premature ejaculation. In such cases, a person might ejaculate to avoid deeper emotional connection during sex.

What does Taylor mean by 'fake' premature ejaculation, and what is his advice for addressing it?

By 'fake' premature ejaculation, Taylor means that it might be a scapegoat for other issues in one's life or relationship. His advice is to introspect and possibly seek help through journaling, talking to friends, therapists, or connecting with others who have similar experiences.

What additional resources does Taylor offer to those who want to improve their ejaculation control?

Taylor offers a comprehensive, free training that includes a video lesson, an audio version, and a written outline with steps to take for better ejaculation control. He provides a link to this training under the video.

Outlines

00:00

😖 Overcoming Premature Ejaculation

Taylor, a sex educator and coach, addresses the issue of premature ejaculation, asserting that it is curable and can be managed to enhance sexual experiences. He shares his personal struggle and transformation, emphasizing the importance of understanding and reprogramming one's sexual response system. The first cause discussed is poor masturbation habits, suggesting that extending the time before ejaculation during masturbation can improve sexual stamina. Taylor also introduces the concept of reducing tension during sexual activities as a key to delaying ejaculation.

05:02

😓 The Impact of Tension and Kegels on Ejaculation

The second paragraph delves into the role of tension in causing premature ejaculation, highlighting the importance of deep breathing and relaxation during sexual activities. Taylor advises against excessive kegel exercises, which might lead to pelvic floor hypertension and contribute to the problem. He also critiques the focus on 'cum shots' in pornography, suggesting that it creates an unhealthy association between ejaculation and pleasure, and recommends seeking out more holistic pornographic content that emphasizes human connection and interaction.

10:04

🎯 Reevaluating Pornography and Sensory Focus

Taylor continues by discussing the hyper focus on genital sensations, influenced by pornography, which can lead to quicker ejaculation. He advises broadening one's sensory awareness during sex to include the entire body and the emotional connection with the partner. The paragraph also touches on the misconception of associating high arousal levels with pleasure, suggesting that exploring pleasure within a wider arousal range can help in controlling ejaculation. Taylor introduces the concept of mental resolve, emphasizing the power of the mind in controlling sexual responses.

🤯 Mental and Emotional Factors in Sexual Performance

In the final paragraph, Taylor explores the psychological aspects of premature ejaculation, including mental tension, fear of intimacy, and using ejaculation as a means to avoid deeper emotional connections. He encourages introspection and possibly seeking professional help to address these underlying issues. The last cause mentioned is the possibility that premature ejaculation might be a symptom of other unresolved personal or relational problems, suggesting that it could serve as an avoidance mechanism. Taylor offers free comprehensive training on ejaculation control and invites viewers to engage with him for further support.

Keywords

💡Premature Ejaculation

Premature ejaculation refers to the involuntary loss of semen before or shortly after sexual penetration, often leading to dissatisfaction for the individual and their partner. In the video, this term is central as the speaker discusses its causes and potential solutions, emphasizing that it is a common issue that can be addressed and overcome.

💡Sexual Response System

The sexual response system is an individual's physiological and psychological reactions to sexual stimuli. The speaker mentions 'deprogramming and reprogramming' this system to develop new habits that can help in managing premature ejaculation, illustrating the idea that sexual habits can be learned and unlearned.

💡Masturbation Habits

Masturbation habits are the regular practices an individual engages in while self-pleasuring. The video suggests that poor masturbation habits, such as quick ejaculation, can condition the body to respond quickly during sexual activities, thus contributing to premature ejaculation.

💡Tension

Tension, as discussed in the video, refers to the physical and mental strain that can lead to premature ejaculation. The speaker advises deep breathing and relaxation during sexual activities to reduce this tension, which is depicted as a precursor to ejaculation.

💡Kegels

Kegels are pelvic floor exercises designed to strengthen the muscles involved in sexual function. The video warns against overdoing kegels, as constant tension in the pelvic floor can inadvertently lead to premature ejaculation due to hypertonicity.

💡Porn Habits

Porn habits refer to the patterns and preferences in consuming pornography. The speaker criticizes 'bad porn habits' for creating unrealistic expectations and associations between ejaculation and pleasure, which can negatively impact sexual performance.

💡Hyper Focus

Hyper focus in the context of the video means an excessive concentration on the sensations of one's genitals during sex, which can lead to a quicker onset of ejaculation. The speaker encourages a more holistic approach to sexual pleasure, including awareness of the entire body and emotional connection.

💡Pleasure Scale

The pleasure scale is a conceptual tool used in the video to represent the level of sexual arousal, from 0 (not aroused) to 100 (ejaculation). The speaker suggests that understanding and managing one's position on this scale can help in controlling ejaculation timing.

💡Mental Resolve

Mental resolve is the determination and willpower to control one's actions. In the video, the speaker highlights the importance of mental resolve in delaying ejaculation, demonstrating that the mind plays a significant role in sexual performance.

💡Mental Tension

Mental tension is the stress or anxiety experienced during sexual activities, which can exacerbate premature ejaculation. The video advises against this by promoting a relaxed state of mind during sex to avoid performance anxiety.

💡Fear of Intimacy

Fear of intimacy is an aversion to deep emotional connections with others. The speaker suggests that this fear can manifest as premature ejaculation, as a subconscious avoidance of emotional closeness during sex.

💡Fake Cause

A 'fake cause' in the video refers to a situation where premature ejaculation is not the real issue but rather a symptom of other underlying problems in one's life or relationship. The speaker encourages introspection to identify if premature ejaculation is a scapegoat for deeper issues.

Highlights

Premature ejaculation can be cured and sex life can be improved with the right approach.

The speaker shares personal experience of overcoming premature ejaculation.

Poor masturbation habits are identified as a leading cause of premature ejaculation.

Masturbation duration can train the sexual response system.

Tension, particularly in the pelvic region, can lead to premature ejaculation.

Deep breathing and relaxation techniques are recommended during sexual activities.

Excessive kegel exercises may cause pelvic floor hypertension and contribute to the issue.

Rest days are important when incorporating kegel exercises into a routine.

Bad porn habits, not pornography itself, are a factor in premature ejaculation.

The prevalence of cum shots in porn creates a link between ejaculation and pleasure.

A hyper focus on the penis's sensations can lead to quicker ejaculation.

Pleasure should be experienced across a broader arousal range, not just nearing ejaculation.

Developing mental resolve is crucial in controlling ejaculation timing.

Mental tension and stress about performance can exacerbate premature ejaculation.

Fear of intimacy might subconsciously cause premature ejaculation as an avoidance mechanism.

Premature ejaculation might be a scapegoat for deeper relationship or personal issues.

A comprehensive free training on ejaculation control is offered with practical steps.

Contact information and resources are provided for further questions and support.

Transcripts

- What causes premature ejaculation?

That is the question for today.

My name is Taylor and I am a sex educator and a coach

and today I'm going to share with you

10 causes of premature ejaculation.

And if you are somebody who's actively struggling

with this right now I want to tell you that

it is 100% possible for you to cure

your premature ejaculation and have sex

for as long as you want, last as long as you want in bed,

and to have an amazing sex life

without worrying about cumming too soon.

That is absolutely possible for you,

I can tell you that from firsthand experience,

I used to struggle a lot with premature ejaculation.

I used to be the guy that would cum in a minute or less.

So I had to do a lot of work to really understand

this topic, and to deprogram

and reprogram my sexual response system with new habits

that would help me have the sex life that I have today.

And if you pay attention to these

10 causes of premature ejaculation

you can reverse engineer them and start to

shift your sex life right now, today.

All right, let's get into it.

The first cause of premature ejaculation

is poor masturbation habits.

So what does that mean?

If you think about masturbation as a

training ground for the rest of your sexual experiences,

then the things that you do while you masturbate

they really matter.

So if you are masturbating for

one or two or three or four minutes

before you ejaculate and that's it,

then you're training your sexual response system

to go for one or two or three or four minutes,

and then ejaculate, and if you never masturbate

for longer than that, how is your system going to know

that there's another reality that's possible?

So if you are masturbating for only

a couple minutes at a time before you ejaculate

I recommend switching that and going for longer,

go for 10 minutes, go for 20 minutes,

and then a ejaculate, and see what that does,

see how that impacts your sex life.

I guarantee you it'll make a difference.

The second cause of premature ejaculation is tension.

(breathing deeply)

So, tension causes ejaculation,

tension in your pelvic region, tension in your lower belly,

a buildup of tension in general.

Think about the last time you ejaculated.

What was your body doing right before that happened?

You probably started to tense up, and you probably

started to breathe more shallowly too right?

It was like a, (mimicking tense breathing)

like that kind of a thing,

maybe shoulders might have squeezed up.

That tension actually begins in your body way earlier,

and it builds up throughout your sexual experience

and so a key to staying away from ejaculation

is reducing tension in your body while you are having sex.

So, breathe deeply.

Take deep breaths while you're making love

and intentionally try to let your body be chill

while you have sex.

That's going to have a huge impact.

And then you want to translate that

to your masturbation practice,

try to be relaxed while you masturbate too,

don't like try to get it done, you know,

relax, and enjoy it.

Which brings us to the third cause of premature ejaculation,

and that is too many kegels.

So, all over the internet right now you will

find articles and videos saying that

if you want to get over premature ejaculation

do a bunch of kegels every day.

And that's going to strengthen your pelvic floor

and then you're going to be able to just hold

in your ejaculation and it's going to be great.

And doesn't really work that way.

You, it's possible that if you do kegels

all the time you're actually going to hurt yourself.

And that's one of the reasons why there are a bunch

of guys out there who've been doing kegels

for a month or two months or three months,

and they still suffer from premature ejaculation.

Why?

When is the last time you did 50 squats

every day for a month without giving yourself

time to rest or relax or massage that area, even?

See what happens is a lot of guys who do kegels

all the time, they put their pelvic floor

into this state of hypertension,

and then when they're having sex that tension

in their pelvic area leads them towards ejaculation.

You can do kegels, just make sure that

you give yourself rest days.

Make sure that you just don't go hardcore every single day.

Otherwise, that part of your body

is just going to go into hypertension

and it is going to push you towards ejaculation.

Moving right along to the fourth cause

of premature ejaculation and that is bad porn habits.

So, notice that I didn't say pornography,

I said bad porn habits,

because porn isn't inherently bad,

it's how we interact with it

and it's how we use it in our life that impacts us.

So, what do I mean by a bad porn habit?

Let's talk about the prevalence

of cum shots in porn first.

So if you watch porn, you'll know that a lot of it

is designed just to be a lead up to the cum shot,

the cum shot is this big finale piece right?

It's the, everything happens to get to this point.

And there's even a bunch of cum shot compilation videos

out there where you can see guys cumming

over and over and over and over again,

on women's faces, on their bodies, on their asses,

or wherever, and each time you watch something

that focuses on the cum shot

it is creating a link in your brain between

that cum shot and pleasure,

and especially if you're masturbating

while you're watching that,

it's associating cum shots with pleasure.

And that is going to impact you in the sexual experience.

It's just impossible for our brains not to work that way.

So that would be one way you can start to shift

the impact porn has on you.

Watch things that don't emphasize the cum shot.

Watch things that emphasize more the connection

of the people in the video itself,

and the actual human interaction there.

So on that note, another thing that porn does to us

is a lot of porn really focuses on little close up

sections of bodies interacting with bodies, right?

Like a cock going in and out of somebody,

or two women's mouths on a cock, or just these parts,

and that can that can make us focus

more on the parts of our body

and on other people when we have sex

and less about the connection and less about

our whole body experience.

So that brings me to the next point.

The fifth cause of premature ejaculation is

a hyper focus on the sensations of your cock.

So, porn contributes to this too.

And yes, it does feel good,

to have a person going down on you

or to be fucking somebody,

and that does feel good on your cock.

And if you hyper focus on that,

and don't focus as much on the sensations

and the rest of your body,

or the sensations of touching your partner,

or your interaction between them,

then you are going to push yourself towards

ejaculation more quickly than you want to.

So don't hyper focus on your cock in sex.

Pay attention to everything else that's

going on around you, pay attention to the

other sensations in your body, breathe deeply,

see what happens.

The sixth cause of premature ejaculation

is linked to the first part of what I talked about in porn,

and that is associating ejaculation with pleasure.

So if we take the typically known ejaculation scale,

it goes from zero not being aroused to 100 ejaculation,

and 95 on that scale is the point of no return.

A lot of us, and I used to think this way,

a lot of us guys think that pleasure starts

around the 85, 90 percentile, 90% area on this scale, right?

So that's pretty close to the point of no return.

And a lot of us will rush to get to that point

of pleasure while we masturbate

which trains our system that way,

and we'll rush to that point of pleasure in sex

because that's where we experience pleasure.

So, to shift this we need to begin to experience

pleasure in more of the 25 to 75% range of that scale.

So that means like when you're not close to cumming,

pay attention to you and focus on the pleasure

you're experiencing in your body.

Pay attention to the sexual pleasure you're feeling,

not just in your cock but in your entire system,

and that is going to increase your awareness

of pleasure as a spectrum and not just ejaculation,

and it's going to make it so you'll be able

to last longer in bed.

Seventh cause of premature ejaculation

is that you have not yet developed

the mental resolve to not ejaculate too soon.

So don't underestimate the power

of your mind in this scenario.

I'm at this place in my life where usually

I can have sex for as long as I want and,

and that's awesome.

And I tried an experiment last fall,

I wanted to see just how quickly I could cum,

just to see the power of my mind.

So I went into sex with my partner at the time

and I came within like 15 seconds, you know?

And that was that was proof to me okay,

our mind really does have a major impact

on whether or not we ejaculate and when we ejaculate.

So, decide for yourself that you are going to last longer

and make that commitment to yourself,

and use your mind to solidify that in your body.

The eighth cause of premature ejaculation is mental tension.

And that can mean a bunch of different things,

what I'm talking about specifically is that

if you are concerned about ejaculating too soon,

and you start to get stressed out about that

while you're having sex, that is going to impact

your sexual interaction with this person,

and that hyper focus on not ejaculating

is going to lead you towards ejaculating.

So the trick to this one is to relax.

Chill out, breathe deeply.

Don't worry about it.

It doesn't matter as much as you think that it matters,

it's you know, it's not actually as big of a deal

to that many women as you might think.

The ninth cause of premature ejaculation, and this is

going to take some introspection on your part

is a fear of intimacy.

Yeah.

Think about this one.

So, if you are somebody who,

who gets afraid, or gets uncomfortable with deep connection,

with deep presence with somebody else,

if holding eye contact with somebody

for longer than 10 seconds makes you squirm,

then it's possible in the sexual scenario

that when you get to that point of deeper intimacy

with somebody, you ejaculate to avoid that deeper intimacy,

you ejaculate to avoid going

into that space with this person.

And I used to do this.

I know this really well.

Bunch of years ago I had a girlfriend who was

madly in love with me, and I wanted to be able to love,

I just couldn't, I couldn't open myself to that,

I couldn't open my heart to her,

and a number of times when that sort of like

deeper presence would start to show up

in the sexual experience I would get uncomfortable

and I wouldn't want to go there so I would ejaculate,

it would be the easy way out.

And then, then I could be chilled out,

I could have my release, I could go eat some food,

I could do whatever, and I didn't have to go

to that point of deep connection.

So, this one is a bit of a head fuck,

but I invite you to do some introspection around it

and if it lands for you maybe do some journaling,

maybe, maybe go talk to somebody,

talk to a friend or talk to a therapist or,

or connect with some other guys

and talk to them about their experiences with ejaculation

because a lot more people struggle with this

than you might think.

So that's reason number nine.

And the 10th cause of premature ejaculation

that I'm going to talk about today is that it might be fake.

It might be a fake cause.

So, what do I mean by that?

I mean that there might be something else going on

in your life and your relationship and

premature ejaculation is the scapegoat

for that thing and you've possibly created this

or fallen into premature ejaculation as a way

to avoid this other thing.

Maybe you're not actually happy in your relationship,

maybe you would rather be single

or maybe you'd rather be with somebody else,

but you just don't know how to get there,

or you don't know how to talk about it,

or you don't know how to make that transition in your life.

And so instead of really dealing

with what's going on for you,

you might just have premature ejaculation

and not have to deal with anything

and when you do that over and over and over again,

when you have premature ejaculation

over and over and over again, it impacts us, right?

It impacts you, it impacts our psyche,

our mind and our body,

and it can keep you in that state of passivity

so you don't have to take any action,

you don't feel that pressure to shift your life in anyway.

So, those are 10 possible causes of premature ejaculation

and there are others out there too.

I'd love to know what you think about these,

so leave a comment below this video

if there are any that you resonate with.

And if there are any other causes that you

would say contribute to premature ejaculation

definitely put that in the comment as well.

And if this is something that you want to improve on

in your life, I put together a really

comprehensive training around ejaculation control,

it's free, I'm giving it to you for free

and I've put a link under this video.

In that training there's a comprehensive video lesson.

There's an audio version so you can listen

to it while you drive like a podcast,

and there's a whole written outline as well

of steps you can take to last longer in bed

and control your ejaculations.

So again that link is below.

Check it out, it's awesome,

there's really powerful material in there

and if you have any questions for me

reach out on Instagram or you can shoot me an email,

I'll put that contact info under this video too.

Thanks so much for being here, appreciate you,

I hope you have an awesome day.

I'll see you next time.