Financial Dependency — The Invisible Weapon | Estelle Gibson | TEDxDayton
Summary
TLDRThe speaker shares her personal journey with financial dependency, starting from childhood lessons at the kitchen table to managing her own finances as a CPA. She experienced the emotional toll of financial dependency, both through marriage and divorce, highlighting the invisible scars left by financial abuse. The talk emphasizes the importance of financial literacy, awareness, and support networks to break free from dependency and achieve financial freedom.
Takeaways
- 👨👧 The speaker's father taught her about money management from a young age, but also instilled a sense of secrecy about financial matters.
- 🏦 At 16, the speaker began managing her own money, demonstrating early financial independence.
- 🎓 Despite becoming a CPA, the speaker experienced financial struggles, including debt accumulation, due to life events like student loans and divorce.
- 💔 After an unexpected divorce, the speaker was left financially vulnerable, highlighting the risks of financial dependency.
- 🔒 Financial dependency can occur when one person manages all the money, leading to a lack of personal involvement and understanding of financial matters.
- 🤝 Dependency with choice is when individuals willingly hand over financial control, often due to a desire to avoid dealing with money.
- 😔 Dependency without choice occurs when individuals are trapped in financial situations they cannot escape, such as job unhappiness or living with family after a crisis.
- 🤑 Financial abuse is a form of control in relationships, where one person has power due to the other's lack of access to money or resources.
- 💼 The Allstate Foundation's 'Purple Purse' program aims to empower domestic violence victims through financial education and resources.
- 📚 Financial literacy is crucial for making informed decisions about savings, investing, budgeting, and debt management.
- 🌐 There are free resources available online and in local communities to help individuals learn about and establish healthy money habits.
- 🗣️ Sharing personal stories of financial dependency can empower others and help to break the silence around this often-hidden issue.
Q & A
What was the speaker's early experience with money management?
-The speaker's father managed all the family's finances and started teaching her about money at the age of eight or nine. They would sit at the kitchen table, and her father would show her bank books and how he saved and paid bills.
Why did the speaker's father tell her not to tell her mother about their money discussions?
-The exact reason is unknown to the speaker, but it instilled in her a sense of secrecy about financial matters, which she carried into adulthood.
How did the speaker's early lessons influence her approach to managing her own finances?
-The early lessons inspired her to manage her own money from the age of 16, when she got her first job and her father gave her her own bank book.
What challenges did the speaker face in her financial life after college and starting her career?
-The speaker faced the challenge of accumulating debt, paying it off, and then accumulating more, which is a common financial roller-coaster that many people experience.
How did the speaker's financial situation change after her unexpected divorce?
-After her divorce, she was left with a house she couldn't afford and bills she couldn't pay, which forced her to confront her financial dependency and lack of control over her own finances.
What is financial dependency according to the speaker?
-Financial dependency is a state where someone relies on another person, job, or situation for money and feels trapped. It can occur when someone willingly hands over their financial power and participation.
What are the two categories of financial dependency mentioned in the script?
-The two categories are dependent with choice, where someone willingly hands over financial power, and dependent without a choice, where someone feels trapped due to their financial situation.
What is the significance of the 'purple purse' program by the Allstate Foundation?
-The 'purple purse' program helps victims of domestic violence through financial empowerment. It highlights that financial abuse is a significant factor in keeping victims trapped in abusive relationships.
Why is financial abuse referred to as 'the invisible weapon'?
-Financial abuse is called 'the invisible weapon' because, unlike physical abuse which leaves visible bruises and scars, financial abuse leaves emotional scars that are not easily seen.
What are the three problems the speaker identifies in relation to financial dependency and how can they be addressed?
-The three problems are lack of awareness, lack of information about financial literacy, and lack of giving and getting support. They can be addressed by becoming aware of one's financial beliefs and experiences, improving financial literacy through education, and seeking and providing support through resources and sharing stories.
What is the speaker's hope in sharing her story?
-The speaker hopes that by sharing her story, more people will learn about financial dependency, feel empowered to share their own stories, and connect with others to shed light on this often-hidden issue, ultimately leading to financial freedom.
Outlines
💼 Early Money Lessons and Financial Dependency
The speaker recounts her childhood, where her father taught her about money management, but also instilled a sense of secrecy, saying 'don't tell your mother.' This early lesson influenced her to become financially independent from a young age, managing her own finances since she was 16. However, after a divorce, she found herself in financial hardship, having become financially dependent on her husband. The speaker explains the concept of financial dependency, where individuals rely on another person, job, or situation for financial support, feeling trapped. She categorizes dependency into 'with choice,' where one willingly gives up financial control, and 'without choice,' which can result from unfortunate circumstances or financial abuse. The speaker highlights the Allstate Foundation's 'Purple Purse' program, which aims to empower victims of domestic violence through financial education, noting the prevalence of financial abuse in such cases.
🌐 Breaking the Silence on Financial Dependency
The speaker discusses the emotional impact of financial dependency, including feelings of hopelessness, guilt, shame, and depression. She emphasizes the invisibility of financial dependency, as it is often not discussed openly due to societal norms and personal reluctance to reveal vulnerabilities. The speaker shares her journey of rebuilding her life after divorce, gaining self-awareness about her upbringing's influence on her financial decisions. She stresses the importance of financial literacy, which involves understanding various financial concepts to make informed decisions. The speaker points out the lack of financial education in schools and the widespread financial illiteracy in the U.S. She encourages individuals in financial dependency situations to take control of their finances and, for those in abusive situations, to seek access to their financial information. The speaker also highlights the availability of free resources for financial education and support, especially for victims of financial abuse, and the importance of sharing personal stories to empower others and foster a community of support.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Financial Management
💡Bank Book
💡Financial Dependency
💡CPA
💡Student Loans
💡Debt
💡Divorce
💡Financial Abuse
💡Purple Purse
💡Financial Literacy
💡Emotional Scars
💡Self-Development
💡Support
Highlights
The speaker grew up in a family where her father managed all the money.
At eight or nine, her father began teaching her about money and accounts.
The father's secretive approach to money management was instilled in the speaker.
At 16, the speaker started managing her own money after her father gave her a bank book.
Despite being a CPA, the speaker experienced debt accumulation and financial instability.
An unexpected divorce left the speaker with financial burdens she couldn't manage alone.
Financial dependency can occur when one person manages all the money in a relationship.
Financial dependency can be voluntary, as when one partner hands over financial control.
Financial dependency can also be involuntary, such as when someone is trapped in an abusive relationship.
Financial abuse is a form of control that leaves emotional scars, often unseen.
The Allstate Foundation's Purple Purse program aims to empower domestic violence victims financially.
Financial abuse is referred to as the 'invisible weapon' because it leaves no physical marks.
The speaker emphasizes the importance of awareness, financial literacy, and support to combat financial dependency.
Financial literacy is crucial for making informed decisions about money.
Only seventeen U.S. states required financial literacy in high school curriculums as of 2018.
The speaker encourages sharing personal stories to empower others and break the cycle of financial dependency.
The speaker hopes her story will inspire others to seek financial freedom and support.
Transcripts
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I grew up in a family where my father
managed all the money but for some
reason when I was eight or nine years
old he started showing me things about
money we would sit at the kitchen table
and he'd show me all the bank books now
that was back in the day before the
internet when we used to have little
books that we used to keep our
information in and he would show me how
he saved in these accounts and he paid
bills out of these and every time he
would show me something about money he
would end by saying and don't you tell
your mother now to this day I really
don't know why he said that but what I
do know is to that eight-year-old girl
sitting at the kitchen table
it meant don't say a word
years later when I got my first job my
father said you'll bring me your check
and I'll put it in the bank for you but
because of what he had taught me years
before I said I'd like my bank book and
to my surprise he gave it to me right
then at 16 years old I began managing my
own money I went on to college and then
to start my new career as a CPA but now
with student loans getting an apartment
and a new job I began the roller-coaster
ride of accumulating debt paying it off
and accumulating more many years later
after getting married I went through an
unexpected divorce and I was left with a
house I couldn't afford and bills I
couldn't pay you might be wondering how
does that happen to someone that's
educated and skilled at managing
people's money I had reverted back to
what I learned growing up that one
person managed all the money I had
handed over my financial power and I had
become financially dependent financial
dependency is when someone is dependent
on a person a job or situation for money
and they feel trapped people fall into
two categories dependent with choice and
dependent without a choice
someone is dependent with choice when
they hand over their financial power and
their participation it can happen in
personal or business relationships when
one person doesn't want to be involved
with the money so they hand over
responsibilities to a spouse a partner
or professional like an accountant to
her manager this was my situation I
spent all day long managing other
people's money so I was relieved that my
husband was interested and good at
managing Mars I was free for the first
time since that first job at 16 years
old I didn't have to be responsible for
managing my money but what I failed to
realize was what felt like freedom was
really dependency my mistake is that I
didn't stay involved or understand what
was going on with our money you may have
experienced this yourself
or you may have heard stories of
celebrities or professional athletes
that have relied on family friends and
others to manage their money and they
are left broke bankrupt and betrayed
because they made the choice to hand
over their financial power someone
that's dependent without a choice feels
trapped because of their financial
situation they can be in a job or career
where they're unhappy or being harassed
but they can't afford to leave or
someone that's had to move in with
family and friends because they've had
an illness or gone through a divorce or
experienced a tragedy and now they're
financially dependent on others and how
many of us know someone that has an
elderly parent or a relative that can no
longer take care of themselves and
they're left to rely on others sometimes
handing over their homes their money and
other assets another type of dependency
without a choice is financial abuse
financial abuse is a pattern of abusive
behavior used to control and intimidate
a partner victims are in a relationship
and the other person has power over them
because they don't have access to money
information or the resources and support
they need to leave the Allstate
Foundation has a program called the
purple purse that helps victims of
domestic violence through financial
empowerment
they report that 99% in 99 out of 100
domestic violence cases financial abuse
helps keep victims trapped in their
relationship the purple purse has coined
financial abuse the invisible weapon
because physical abuse leaves bruises
and scars the financial abuse doesn't
financial abuse and financial dependency
leave emotional scars that you can't see
they include hopelessness guilt shame
depression lack of confidence and self
esteem financial dependency is also
invisible because no one's talking about
it why because no one wants to show
their emotional scars and because we're
taught in our homes on our jobs and in
our community not to talk about money so
many people that I talk to about this
issue they can relate and they have a
story but they're not telling anyone
their story what I was told the kitchen
table don't you tell I never told anyone
it's even hard for me right now to break
that rule that I learned so long ago so
what can I do what can you do what can
we all do to disarm this invisible
weapon we can solve three problems the
first problem is lack of awareness
because knowing about money and having
money aren't always the solution in my
situation I was educated and experienced
in managing money but that didn't stop
me from becoming financially dependent
why because of the beliefs and
experiences I had growing up one person
manages all the money after my divorce I
had to rebuild my life financially and
emotionally so I took every
self-development course and I read every
self-help book I could find and that's
when I began to understand the dynamics
of the family that I grew up in and how
they played a role in me handing over my
financial power when you become aware of
your inner bruises and scars you can
begin to break free from
financial dependency the next problem is
lack of information about financial
literacy financial literacy is having
the skills and the knowledge to make
informed decisions about your money it
includes topics like savings and
investing budgeting and debt in 2018
only seventeen states required financial
literacy in high school curriculums this
corresponds with recent studies that
show that sixty-six percent of Americans
are financially illiterate if you are in
a financial dependency situation start
by looking and going through your
finances making decisions participate in
making decisions about your money if you
are in a financial abuse situation get
access to your information look for
financial documents like bank credit
card statements social security
information and account passcodes the
last problem is lack of giving and
getting support many people don't know
that there are free resources online and
in your local community to help you
learn and establish healthy money habits
there are also free resources if you are
a victim of financial abuse like the
purple purse giving support includes
listening to others that are financially
dependent without judgment or criticism
it also involves sharing your story
because when you share your story you
empower others and you give them the
permission to rewrite their own it's my
hope that by sharing my story more
people will learn about financial
dependency will share their own stories
and will connect with others to shed a
light on this hidden issue so that we
can all have financial freedom
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