When Our ‘Feelings’ Become Our God | Khutbah Highlight | Nouman Ali Khan | Dublin, Ireland

Summary

The speaker explores the shift in how psychological terms are used in modern society, suggesting that concepts like self-care, boundaries, and gaslighting are often misapplied or weaponized. He argues that while psychology is a valuable field, it has sometimes replaced religious and philosophical approaches to dealing with emotional struggles, leading to a focus on self-gratification. He emphasizes the importance of faith in navigating life's challenges and warns against judging others' hearts based on popular psychological labels, urging a return to principles rooted in religious teachings.

Takeaways

• 😊 **Psychology's Evolution**: The speaker discusses how psychology has evolved and sometimes undermines traditional experiences by reframing negative behavior as self-care or boundary-setting.
• 🤔 **Misuse of Psychological Terms**: Popular psychology, especially on social media, leads to the misuse of terms like 'narcissism,' 'gaslighting,' and 'toxic' without proper understanding.
• 💡 **Impact on Religion**: The rise of psychology has replaced religion and philosophy as sources of guidance for emotional difficulties, which can remove God from the equation.
• 📚 **Psychology as a Science**: Psychology is a complex and diverse field with many subfields, yet its purpose can be compromised when disconnected from spiritual guidance.
• 🔍 **Misdiagnosis and Pop Psychology**: The speaker criticizes how non-experts popularize and oversimplify psychological concepts, leading to widespread misdiagnosis and misunderstanding.
• ⚖️ **Balancing Emotions with Faith**: Islam teaches that faith should guide individuals through negative emotions and traumatic experiences, rather than solely relying on psychological concepts.
• 🔄 **Reconciliation in Islam**: The speaker emphasizes that Islam advocates for reconciliation and forgiveness, even in difficult family situations, instead of labeling and distancing.
• 🛑 **Judging Hearts in Islam**: Islam forbids judging the state of another person’s heart, a practice that has become common in modern psychology when labeling people with terms like 'narcissist.'
• 🎯 **Emotions as a False God**: The speaker warns against allowing emotions to become a 'god,' leading to misguided actions and judgments without spiritual guidance.
• 🌟 **Guidance Through Faith**: True guidance in dealing with life’s difficulties comes from maintaining faith in Allah, which helps navigate emotions and experiences.

Q & A

What does the speaker identify as a shift in how certain behaviors are perceived in modern society?

The speaker notes that behaviors once considered arrogant are now labeled as self-care, and what was once seen as bad behavior is now called drawing boundaries. Similarly, telling someone a harsh truth might now be labeled as gaslighting.

How does the speaker describe the impact of psychology on traditional ways of dealing with emotional difficulties?

The speaker argues that before psychology, people turned to religion or philosophy to address emotional difficulties. With the rise of psychology, these spiritual and philosophical approaches were gradually replaced by a focus on understanding oneself through psychological methods, which the speaker suggests removes God from the equation.

What concern does the speaker express about the popularization of psychology through social media?

The speaker is concerned that unqualified individuals on social media, with large followings, are oversimplifying and misrepresenting psychological concepts, leading to widespread self-diagnosis and misuse of terms like 'narcissist' and 'toxic,' even within the Muslim community.

What does the speaker say about the misuse of psychological terms within the Muslim community?

The speaker highlights that terms like 'gaslighting,' 'toxic,' and 'narcissist' are being misused within the Muslim community, often to label family members and justify distancing oneself from them, which the speaker believes contradicts Islamic teachings on family relationships.

How does the speaker contrast the teachings of the Quran with modern psychological practices?

The speaker contrasts modern psychological practices, which often encourage self-care and boundary-setting at the expense of relationships, with Quranic teachings that emphasize patience, forgiveness, and maintaining family ties, even in difficult situations.

What does the speaker suggest is the proper way to deal with traumatic experiences according to the Quran?

The speaker suggests that according to the Quran, one should face traumatic experiences with faith, believing that Allah will guide their heart through negative emotions. This process strengthens one’s Iman (faith), which is the greatest asset a person can have.

What example does the speaker use to illustrate how prophets dealt with difficult family relationships?

The speaker references the Prophet Ibrahim (Abraham) and his difficult relationship with his father. Despite being expelled from his home, Ibrahim remained respectful and prayed for his father's forgiveness, rather than labeling him as toxic or cutting him off.

What criticism does the speaker offer regarding the use of judgmental labels in modern psychology?

The speaker criticizes the modern trend of labeling people with terms like 'narcissist' or 'toxic,' arguing that these labels are judgments of a person’s heart, which Islam does not allow. The speaker warns against the casual and unjustifiable use of such labels.

How does the speaker view the role of emotions in guiding behavior according to the Quran?

The speaker warns against letting emotions guide behavior, as this can lead to misguidance. The speaker cites a Quranic verse that describes people who turn their desires into their gods, suggesting that such individuals become misguided because they replace Allah with their own feelings.

What final advice does the speaker offer regarding the understanding and application of psychological concepts?

The speaker advises against misdiagnosing oneself or others with psychological labels without proper knowledge. They emphasize the importance of not allowing pop psychology to undermine family relationships and faith, urging people to be cautious with the use of psychological terms.