FEAR is the basis of RESPECT: people must hear you hiss

Summary

Dr. Orion terban explores the concept of respect rooted in fear through a Hindu parable about a cobra. The moral emphasizes the importance of 'hissing' to communicate one's boundaries and capabilities, rather than being meek and agreeable, to avoid becoming a target for others' aggression. The talk underlines that respect is often the result of others fearing the potential consequences of their actions towards us, advocating for a balance between being harmless and having the power to inflict harm if necessary.

Takeaways

• 😕 Disrespect is a common issue in consultations, where individuals feel disrespected by others in their lives.
• 🐍 A parable from Hindu tradition illustrates the concept that fear can be the basis of respect, using the story of a cobra and a monk.
• 🦄 The moral of the parable is that showing no aggression can lead to being taken advantage of, as seen when the cobra stopped biting but was then attacked.
• 🔍 It's important for individuals to communicate their boundaries and not be so meek that they become targets for others' anger and disrespect.
• 🤔 The fear of consequences can prevent people from mistreating others, suggesting that respect is often based on the potential for retaliation.
• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Family relationships can be particularly dysfunctional because of the mistaken belief that family bonds are unbreakable and that there are no consequences for disrespect within the family.
• 💬 'Hissing' is a metaphor for communicating one's boundaries and the potential for retaliation, which is essential for earning respect.
• 💪 Respect is earned when others fear the potential consequences of their actions towards you, which doesn't necessarily have to be physical.
• 🌐 The capacity to harm can be financial, relational, or emotional, and it's the awareness of this capacity that can motivate respectful behavior.
• 🏰 Countries maintain armies not just for noble words but for the power to enforce respect through potential harm, similar to having a 'big stick'.
• 🛡 To receive respect, one must communicate that there are consequences to their actions, aligning with Teddy Roosevelt's 'speak softly and carry a big stick' philosophy.
• 📜 King Solomon's wisdom suggests that living in the fear of the Lord is the highest form of wisdom, indicating that a certain level of fear can lead to wiser behavior.

Q & A

What is the main theme of Dr. Orion terban's talk?

The main theme of Dr. Orion terban's talk is the relationship between fear and respect, particularly how fear can be the basis for respect in interpersonal relationships.

What recurring issue does Dr. terban often encounter in his consultations?

Dr. terban often encounters the issue of disrespect, where individuals feel disrespected by others in their lives.

What is the moral of the parable about the cobra?

The moral of the parable is that it's important for people to show they can 'hiss' or assert themselves, as being too meek can lead to being disrespected or taken advantage of.

Why did the villagers initially fear the cobra?

The villagers feared the cobra because its bite was venomous and had resulted in the deaths of several people.

What advice did the monk give to the cobra when it complained about being lonely?

The monk advised the cobra to stop biting people, as that was the reason why people were afraid of it.

What happened to the cobra after it stopped biting people?

After the cobra stopped biting people, it was attacked and injured by the villagers, as their fear turned into anger once they realized the cobra was no longer a threat.

What did the monk suggest the cobra should have done instead of not biting?

The monk suggested that the cobra should continue to 'hiss' or assert itself, even if it chose not to bite, to maintain respect and avoid being attacked.

What does Dr. terban suggest is the basis of respect according to the talk?

Dr. terban suggests that respect is based on the fear of potential consequences or harm from the person being respected, especially when that person has the power to hurt but chooses not to.

Why is it important to communicate to others that there is something in you to be feared, according to the talk?

It is important because it helps to establish respect and prevent others from taking advantage or showing disrespect, as they will fear the potential consequences of their actions.

What does Dr. terban suggest as a way to gain respect without resorting to physical aggression?

Dr. terban suggests that one can gain respect by having leverage over others in various forms, such as financial, relational, or emotional power, and being willing to use it appropriately.

What historical figure's motto is mentioned in the talk, and what does it signify?

Teddy Roosevelt's motto, 'Speak softly and carry a big stick,' is mentioned to signify the importance of having power or leverage that can command respect without the need for aggression or loud confrontation.

How does Dr. terban relate the concept of respect to wisdom, according to the talk?

Dr. terban relates respect to wisdom by suggesting that wisdom, like respect, might require an appropriate level of fear, such as the fear of the Lord, to ensure that people behave wisely and consider the consequences of their actions.