Meanwhile… How To Pronounce “Kelce” | Highway Horse | MTA’s $700k Fare Hack

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

24 Jan 202404:37

Summary

TLDRStephen Colbert performs a comedic monologue, joking that he usually meticulously crafts his material but sometimes has to improvise. He announces musician André 3000 and journalist Jelani Cobb will appear. Colbert shares amusing news stories including a cat returning home after 7 years, the proper pronunciation of NFL player Travis Kelce's name, Taco Bell releasing cereal, Uber Eats ending alcohol delivery, and a loose horse disrupting traffic in Tennessee. He mocks the MTA's ineffective $700,000 turnstile gates. Colbert promises more comedy later with guest André 3000.

Takeaways

😆 Stephen mentions having Andre 3000 and Jelani Cobb as guests
😀 Stephen jokes about making a 'news waffle' instead of his typical monologue
😉 There's a story about a cat that went missing for 7 years before being found
🤨 Everyone has been mispronouncing Travis Kelce's last name
😋 Taco Bell is offering cereal for a limited time
🍸 Uber Eats is shutting down its alcohol delivery service Drizly
😲 A loose horse caused chaos when spotted on a Tennessee highway
😤 The MTA's $700,000 subway gates can be defeated by a simple hack
😂 Stephen jokes the MTA should just use a pile of cash to jump over
🎉 Stephen mentions having musician Andre 3000 and journalist Jelani Cobb as guests

Q & A

What is the name of Andre 3000's new album?
-Andre 3000's new album is called 'New Blue Sun'.
What instruments does Andre 3000 play on his new album?
-On his new album, Andre 3000 plays woodwind instruments like flute.
Who is the other guest that Stephen mentions will be on the show?
-The other guest is Jelani Cobb, an award-winning writer for The New Yorker and dean of the Columbia School of Journalism.
What is the carnival freak's trash waffle that Stephen sometimes makes instead of his usual monologue?
-The carnival freak's trash waffle is made by mixing wood shavings, expired yogurt, and other trash ingredients that are fried on a tow truck radiator.
What is the proper pronunciation of Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce's last name?
-According to Travis Kelce's father, the proper pronunciation of their last name is "Kelz" rather than "Kel-see".
Why is Uber Eats shutting down its Drizly alcohol delivery service?
-Uber Eats is shutting down Drizly, its alcohol delivery service, at the end of March.
What problem does the New York City MTA have that their new $700,000 subway gates are failing to solve?
-The MTA has a problem with people hopping turnstiles to ride the subway without paying. Their new gates are being easily defeated by a simple hack.
What happened that caused chaos on a Tennessee highway?
-A loose horse got onto the highway and had to be rounded up by authorities, causing chaos.
What does Stephen say the horse failed to do when merging onto the highway?
-Stephen jokes that the horse failed to check its blind spot before merging onto the highway.
What does Stephen suggest would be more effective than the MTA's $700,000 gates?
-Stephen jokes it would be more effective for the MTA to just force everyone to jump over a pile of $700,000.

Outlines

00:00

😆 Stephen Colbert Opens the Show with His Usual Wit

Stephen opens the show greeting the audience and guests. He jokes about spending time in the 'news bakery' creating his monologue routine but sometimes resorting to making the 'carnival freak's trash waffle of news' in his 'Meanwhile' segment.

🐱 Meanwhile: Heartwarming Story of a Cat Returning Home After 7 Years

In the 'Meanwhile' segment, Stephen shares lighthearted news items. First, a story of a cat in England that went missing for 7 years before being found just 900 feet from its home, working at a nearby factory. He also jokes about mispronouncing Kansas City Chiefs player Travis Kelce's last name, Taco Bell offering limited edition cereal, Uber Eats shutting down its alcohol delivery service Drizzy, and the challenge of rounding up a loose horse disrupting traffic in Tennessee.

😒 MTA's New Subway Turnstiles Easily Defeated for Fare Beating

Stephen criticizes the New York City public transit agency MTA for spending $700,000 on new subway gates to prevent fare beating, only for them to be easily defeated by a simple hack. He jokes it would be more effective to just make everyone jump over a pile of $700,000 cash.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡monologue

A monologue refers to a long speech by one person. Stephen mentions that he usually opens the show with a clever, topical monologue. This monologue serves to introduce the main topics and themes for that night's episode.

💡guests

Stephen mentions notable guests like Andre 3000 and Jelani Cobb who will be appearing on the show that night. The guests provide interviews and performances that are main events in each episode.

💡music

Andre 3000 is a famous rapper and musician who will be performing songs from his new album on the show. Music performances are a big part of the entertainment and draw for the show.

💡journalism

Jelani Cobb writes for the New Yorker and teaches journalism. His interview will likely cover political and social issues in the news media.

💡pop culture

Stephen makes jokes about current pop culture topics like Travis Kelce's name and Taco Bell. Analyzing these topics is part of the show's comedic commentary.

💡news

Stephen has a segment called "Meanwhile" where he tells funny short jokes about news stories. Comedy about current events is a major focus.

💡politics

While not directly discussed, Stephen is known for political satire and commentary. So politics is likely an underlying theme.

💡New York City

The show tapes in NYC, so local news like the subway fare evasion story is incorporated into the humor and topics.

💡audience

Stephen refers to the live studio audience frequently, emphasizing the show's reliance on a vibrant crowd response.

💡comedy

Comedy is the overarching theme that defines the tone and goals of the show. All the stories and interviews are presented with a humorous, satirical lens.

Highlights

Stephen Colbert does an opening monologue joking about preparing his news stories like baking pastries.

Colbert mentions Andre 3000 and Jelani Cobb as guests on the show that night.

Colbert jokes about a news story of a cat that went missing for 7 years before being found close to its home.

Colbert talks about the pronunciation of NFL player Travis Kelce's last name.

Colbert jokes about Taco Bell releasing a cereal.

Colbert discusses Uber Eats shutting down its alcohol delivery service Drizly.

Colbert shows a video of a loose horse on a Tennessee highway.

Colbert jokes the horse didn't check its blind spot before merging.

Colbert discusses fare evasion and the MTA's unsuccessful attempt to install new subway gates.

Colbert suggests it would be more effective for the MTA to make people jump over piles of cash.

Overall, Colbert uses humor and engaging stories to satirize current events.

He covers a wide range of topics including music, sports, business, and local news.

Colbert seamlessly transitions between prepared scripted jokes and improvised quips.

His mix of silliness and wit provides both entertainment and social commentary.

Colbert's charisma and comedic timing enhance the delivery of the monologue.