Mistakes - To Get Better You Have to Get Ugly

Summary

This script challenges the fear of failure and the pursuit of perfection in learning, emphasizing the importance of embracing mistakes and discomfort as essential to growth. It discusses the shift from a growth mindset in children to a fear of failure in adults, influenced by external factors like praise and rewards. The script highlights the impact of focusing on effort over ability, drawing on research by Carol Dweck. It introduces the 'lizard brain' concept, explaining how our primal fear of failure can be managed to foster a learning mindset. The message is clear: to truly learn and grow, one must be willing to look bad, make mistakes, and step out of comfort zones.

Takeaways

• 🚴 Learning to walk and ride a bike involves a lot of falling and making mistakes, which are essential parts of the learning process.
• 🎉 Early learning experiences are often celebrated for mistakes, encouraging resilience and persistence.
• 🔄 As people mature, there's a societal shift from embracing to avoiding mistakes, which hinders continuous learning.
• 📚 John Gardner in 'Self-Renewal' discusses how the fear of failure and the desire to avoid it can limit learning in adults.
• 🧠 The 'lizard brain' or amygdala is responsible for our fear-based responses and can impede learning by seeking safety and comfort.
• 🏅 Praise can significantly influence learning behavior; praising effort leads to more challenging choices, while praising ability can lead to risk aversion.
• 🤔 The fear of failure and the desire to appear perfect can be detrimental to the learning process, as they discourage taking on challenges.
• 💡 Using the 'lizard brain' as a compass to do the opposite of what it suggests can lead to growth and learning.
• 🌟 Embracing the 'novice' stage of learning, with its inherent mistakes and questions, is crucial for true skill acquisition.
• 🌱 The best learners are those who are comfortable with discomfort and are willing to be awkward in the pursuit of mastery.
• 👨‍🏫 Coaches, teachers, and parents should foster environments that encourage learning from mistakes and stepping out of comfort zones.

Q & A

What is the main message of the video script?

The main message is that learning involves making mistakes and embracing failure as a necessary part of the process. It challenges the fear of failure and the desire to look perfect, which often hinder learning in adults, and encourages a mindset that celebrates effort and the process of learning.

Why is it important to celebrate mistakes during the learning process?

Celebrating mistakes is important because it encourages a growth mindset where learners are not afraid to take risks and learn from their errors. This approach fosters resilience and persistence, which are crucial for mastering new skills.

What does the script suggest about the change in our attitude towards learning as we grow older?

The script suggests that as we mature, we often shift from a learning mindset that embraces mistakes to one that avoids them due to fear of failure and a desire to maintain a perfect image. This shift can limit our ability to learn and grow.

How does the concept of 'lizard brain' relate to learning and fear of failure?

The 'lizard brain' refers to the amygdala, which is responsible for our fight-or-flight response and seeks safety and comfort. It resists change, struggle, and effort, which are essential for learning. The script suggests that we can't eliminate this fear but can learn to work with it to push through our comfort zones.

What role does external feedback play in shaping our approach to learning, according to the script?

External feedback, such as praise for abilities versus effort, significantly influences our approach to learning. Praise for abilities can lead to a focus on maintaining a perfect image, while praise for effort encourages a focus on the learning process and taking on challenges.

What is the significance of the study mentioned in the script where students were given a choice of test difficulty after receiving different types of praise?

The study's significance lies in demonstrating how praise for abilities versus effort affects students' willingness to take on challenges. Students praised for their abilities were more likely to choose an easier test to maintain their image, while those praised for effort chose a harder test, indicating a growth mindset.

How does the script connect the fear of failure with the concept of 'lizard brain'?

The script connects the fear of failure with the 'lizard brain' by explaining that the amygdala, or 'lizard brain,' is hardwired for survival and seeks safety, which leads to a resistance to challenges and mistakes. This resistance can manifest as a fear of failure and a preference for comfort zones.

What does the script suggest as a strategy for dealing with the 'lizard brain' during learning?

The script suggests using the 'lizard brain's' reactions as a compass to do the opposite of what it suggests. It encourages learners to lean into challenges and view mistakes as opportunities for growth, rather than as threats to their image or competence.

How does the script define 'real learning'?

Real learning, as defined by the script, involves being comfortable with not knowing, making mistakes, asking questions, and being open to exploration and improvement. It's about embracing the process, effort, and challenges, rather than focusing solely on outcomes and appearances.

What role do coaches, teachers, and parents play in fostering a learning environment according to the script?

Coaches, teachers, and parents play a crucial role in creating a safe environment that encourages learning by accepting mistakes, promoting effort, and challenging individuals to step out of their comfort zones. They should model a constant state of learning and support the process of growth.

Outlines

00:00

🚴‍♂️ Learning Through Mistakes

The script begins by emphasizing the importance of learning from mistakes, a process that is crucial for personal growth. It uses the examples of learning to walk and ride a bike, where falling and making mistakes are integral to mastering the skills. The speaker points out that these mistakes were not only necessary but also celebrated during childhood, with encouragement from parents and peers to keep trying. However, as people mature, there's a societal shift towards punishing mistakes, which hinders learning. The script references John Gardner's 'Self-Renewal', discussing how the fear of failure and the desire to avoid it can stifle learning. The importance of maintaining a growth mindset and the negative impact of external forces, such as praise and punishment, on learning are also highlighted.

05:02

🏅 The Impact of Praise on Learning

This paragraph delves into a study by Carol Dweck, which shows the significant effects of praise on students' approach to learning. Students praised for their abilities tended to avoid challenges to maintain their image of being smart, while those praised for their effort were more willing to tackle difficult tasks. The study revealed that the type of praise can alter students' focus from the learning process to their appearance of intelligence. The speaker warns of the dangers of perfectionism and the tendency to focus on outcomes rather than the effort, which can be detrimental to learning. The summary underscores the importance of praising effort over ability to foster a growth mindset and a love for learning.

10:03

🐉 The Lizard Brain: Fear and Learning

The third paragraph introduces the concept of the 'lizard brain' or amygdala, a part of the brain responsible for fear and survival instincts. It explains how this primitive part of the brain can hinder learning by promoting avoidance of challenges and a focus on safety and appearance. The speaker suggests that instead of trying to suppress this instinct, one should recognize it and use it as a compass to guide learning in the right direction. The 'lizard brain' reaction can indicate that one is pushing boundaries and growing, and embracing this discomfort is key to effective learning. The importance of viewing challenges as opportunities for growth rather than threats is emphasized.

15:05

🌟 Embracing the Ugly Side of Learning

The final paragraph reinforces the idea that learning involves discomfort, mistakes, and failure, which are all necessary for growth. It discusses the importance of being comfortable with being a novice and making errors as part of the learning journey. The speaker quotes Erica Anderson and Seth Godin, who advocate for a mindset that sees challenges as opportunities for learning. The paragraph concludes with a call to action for coaches, teachers, and parents to foster an environment that encourages learning through mistakes and challenges, and to ask oneself whether the goal is to look good or to get better, ultimately choosing to be a learner over a 'lizard'.

Keywords

💡Learning

Learning, as discussed in the video, is the process of acquiring new knowledge, skills, or understanding. It is portrayed as an essential life-long journey that involves making mistakes and embracing failure as part of growth. The video emphasizes that learning is not just about the outcome but the process, which includes the willingness to take risks and face challenges.

💡Mistakes

Mistakes are depicted as a necessary and integral part of the learning process. The video encourages viewers to celebrate mistakes, as they are opportunities for learning and improvement. It contrasts the natural acceptance of mistakes in early childhood with the fear and avoidance of mistakes that often develops later in life.

💡Celebrating Failure

Celebrating failure is presented as a counterintuitive but effective approach to learning. The video suggests that recognizing and applauding the effort and process behind a mistake, rather than focusing solely on success, fosters a growth mindset and encourages continuous learning.

💡Growth Mindset

A growth mindset is a concept introduced by psychologist Carol Dweck, which refers to the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work. The video ties this concept to the willingness to learn from mistakes and the pursuit of challenges, as opposed to the fear of failure and the need to appear perfect.

💡Risk-taking

Risk-taking is highlighted as a crucial aspect of learning and personal development. The video argues that taking risks, even when it leads to failure, is essential for growth because it pushes individuals out of their comfort zones and into new experiences.

💡Fear of Failure

The fear of failure is identified as a significant barrier to learning and growth. The video discusses how societal and internal pressures to avoid failure can lead to a reluctance to take on challenges and a focus on appearances over learning.

💡Lizard Brain

The 'lizard brain' is a colloquial term for the amygdala, which is associated with fear and survival instincts. In the context of the video, it represents the instinctual resistance to change, challenge, and the unknown, which can hinder learning if not managed.

💡Feedback

Feedback is discussed as a powerful tool that can either promote a growth mindset or reinforce a fixed mindset. The video cites research showing that praising effort and process rather than innate ability leads to a greater willingness to take on challenges and learn from mistakes.

💡Comfort Zone

The comfort zone is the state of minimal stress and risk, where individuals feel safe and at ease. The video argues that stepping out of this zone is necessary for learning, as it involves facing challenges and embracing the possibility of making mistakes.

💡Challenge

Challenges are presented as opportunities for learning and growth. The video encourages viewers to seek out challenges, even when they are difficult or uncomfortable, as these are the situations that lead to the most significant learning experiences.

💡Perfectionism

Perfectionism is discussed as a barrier to learning because it focuses on the outcome and the need to appear perfect, rather than on the process of learning and the value of making mistakes. The video suggests that perfectionism can lead to a fear of failure and a reluctance to take on new challenges.

Highlights

The importance of embracing mistakes and failure in the learning process is emphasized.

Learning to walk and ride a bike involves a lot of falling and making mistakes, which are necessary for mastering the skills.

Mistakes during learning should be celebrated, not punished, as they are a part of the growth process.

As people mature, there's often a shift from celebrating mistakes to avoiding them due to fear of failure.

John Gardner's book 'Self-Renewal' discusses the decrease in learning capacity due to the fear of failure.

The willingness to learn diminishes with age as the fear of failure increases.

The concept of 'growth mindset' is introduced as a way to overcome the fear of failure and continue learning.

External forces such as praise and rewards can significantly impact a person's approach to learning.

A study by Carol Dweck shows that praising effort leads to a greater willingness to take on challenges compared to praising ability.

The type of praise received can determine whether a person chooses to take on harder challenges or avoid them.

Feedback that focuses on outcomes and abilities can hinder learning by shifting focus from the process to appearance.

The 'lizard brain' or amygdala is responsible for the fear of failure and the desire to avoid challenges.

The 'lizard brain' prefers comfort zones and avoids change, effort, and challenges, which are essential for learning.

Learning to 'run with' the 'lizard brain' involves using it as a compass to guide towards growth opportunities.

Approaching challenges as a learner rather than a 'lizard' leads to growth and learning from mistakes.

Seth Godin emphasizes that failure is an integral part of doing one's best work and learning.

The willingness to be uncomfortable and make mistakes is key to mastering any skill.

Coaches, teachers, and role models should create environments that encourage learning from mistakes.

The choice between looking good and getting better is a fundamental question for anyone striving to learn and grow.

Transcripts

today's plan is to squash some myths of

learning to ruffle some feathers to call

some people out and to talk about what

learning really looks like these next

few minutes are hugely important for

anybody that's trying to get better at

anything it's hugely important for

coaches for teachers for parents for

students for athletes in other words

this is hugely important for you let's

do

this

[Music]

if you're watching this you've most

likely learned how to walk and you've

most like learned how to ride a bike and

when you learn those two things what did

you do a lot of that's right crashing

and falling you stumbled you fell down

you scraped your knees you made hundreds

and hundreds of mistakes on the way to

mastering those two skills now there's

two things I'd like to point out first

these mistakes these crashes and Falls

were totally necessary in the learning

process nobody's ever learned to ride a

bike and nobody's ever learned to walk

walk without falling down in order to

figure it out you had to make mistakes

second these mistakes were celebrated

somebody in your life your mother your

friend your brother was there cheering

you on was there celebrating the

mistakes was there telling you to get

back up and to Pedal faster and to try

it again this is a highly effective but

very straightforward approach to

learning you try to walk or you try to

ride a bike you fall down and you crash

you celebrate the mistake you learn from

the mistake and then you do it again and

this is how we learn lots and lots of

things when we're young however

somewhere down the road this changes and

there's a shift there's a shift from

celebrating the mistakes from making

lots and lots of big and glorious

mistakes from leaning into situations

that are going to make us make more

mistakes we shift from this to punishing

mistakes becoming embarrassed or ashamed

of mistakes to avoiding any situation

where we might make mistakes in his

amazing book self-renewal John Gardner

talks about this

shift one of the reasons why mature

people are apt to learn less than young

people is that they are willing to risk

less learning is a risky business and

they do not like failure in INF y when

the child is learning at a truly

phenomenal rate he is also experiencing

a shattering number of failures watch

him see the innumerable things he tries

and fails and see how little the

failures discourage him with each year

that passes he will be less Bight about

failure by adolescence the willingness

of young people to risk failure has

diminished greatly and all too often

parents push them further along the road

by instilling fear by punishing failure

or by making success seem too

precious by middle age most of us carry

in our heads a tremendous catalog of

things we have no intention of trying

again because we tried them once and

failed or tried them once and did less

than our self-esteem

demanded according to Gardner and lots

of great research on growth mindset this

shift from wanting to learn and wanting

to grow and wanting to get better to

worrying about how we look wanting to

fit in and wanting to be perfect puts a

huge damper on our abilities to learn

and grow but where does this fear of

failure and desire to look good come

from there are two sources that are the

driving force behind this shift first

there's some external forces at play how

we're praised what's rewarded what's

punished at school and in sports and at

home in a really important study Carol

DW and her colleagues actually

discovered some amazing insights about

feedback so they gave hundreds of

students a really really easy test and

after the test half of the students were

praised for their abilities so they said

wow you're so smart at this now the

other half was praised for their effort

or the process and they said wow you

must have worked really hard at this

after this one sentence of feedback some

some interesting things started to

happen first they presented all of the

students with a choice for their next

test they could either take a harder

version or they could take another easy

version of the test now I think we'd all

agree the harder option would be a

better opportunity to learn and grow

however the crazy thing was

67% of the group that was praised for

their abilities chose to take the easier

test while

92% of the group that was praised for

their effort chose to take the harder

version now this is no joke this is like

black and white night and day now let's

unpack this a bit why do you think that

nearly 70% of the abilities group took

the easy way out you got it because they

wanted to look smart again the

progression goes student takes the test

student gets praised for being smart

student wants to look smart again and

their main focus shifts to how they look

of course 67% of them are going to take

the easy test they want to look good on

the other side 92% of the effort group

took the hard one because instead of

worrying about how they look they were

focused on putting in effort and taking

on the challenge the next part of the

study is even more compelling this time

they gave all of the students a hard

test and during this challenge D noticed

that the group that was praised for

their abilities quickly got frustrated

and had a tendency to give up early

while the effort group actually enjoyed

the challenge and worked harder and

longer which group do you think got more

from this opportunity the effort group

did no doubt about it this is key both

groups were presented with the exact

same Challenge and opportunity to grow

one group missed out because of the type

of Praise that they received the praise

that shifted their focus to how they

look the other group took advantage of

the opportunity and got way more out of

it because instead of worrying about how

they look they were focused on putting

in effort and taking on a challenge and

it all goes back to the shift in Focus

so quick recap this group does well on a

test they get praise for their abilities

their main focus shifts to how they look

they take the easy way out they don't

want to take a risk and they don't want

to take on a challenge and when they're

met with adversity when they're met with

a challenge they back down they give up

and they're frustrated all because

they're worried about how they look now

the other group took the test they were

praised for their process and the effort

their focus was all on the process this

group was more likely to take on a

challenge and when they were faced with

the hard test they did back down they

showed some grit they showed some

perseverance and they enjoyed that

opportunity to learn seriously this is

an

incredible impact that this had and

remember this was all from one sentence

of feedback imagine the destruction a

few years of this has also a not so fun

fact in a feedback poll we recently

conducted

76% of all of the feedback someone hears

throughout the day is direct Ed at

outcomes and abilities AKA it's the kind

that shifts their focus from what

matters their process effort taking on a

challenge and learning to how they look

no wonder this shift happens only

worrying about how we look or wanting to

be perfect all the time is actually one

of the worst ways to approach learning

this can be really destructive

bestselling author bne Brown weighs in

on this in her book daring

greatly

perfectionism is not

self-improvement perfectionism is at its

core about trying to earn approval most

perfectionists grew up being praised for

achievement and performance grades

manners rule following people pleasing

appearance

Sports somewhere along the way they

adopted this dangerous and debilitating

belief system I am what I accomplish and

how well I accomplish it please Perfect

perform healthy striving is

self-focused how can I

improve perfectionism is other focused

what will they

think perfectionism is a

hustle as we grow older and hear about

all of the things that we can and can't

do as we're rewarded for being perfect

as we're punished for making mistakes as

75% of the feedback we hear is the

destructive kind that pushes us farther

down that road this shift happens and we

abandon our childlike our mistake filled

approach to learning this second driver

of the shift is actually happening right

inside of your

head meet your lizard brain I'm going to

give you the quick

breakdown the scientific name is

actually called the amydala but it's

it's more fun to say lizzard brain so

that's what we're going to call it it

lives right by your brain stem and it's

the size of about two almonds it's like

the OG part of the brain it's the part

of the brain that we share with wild

animals obviously we've evolved quite a

bit and we've built this human brain on

top of it but the amydala is the same

and thinks the same as a wild animal it

is hotwired to seek safety and it is

hotwired to help us survive it is the s

s of fear so like if we were at a

baseball game and a bat was flying at

your head you would duck because of your

amydala it's also the reason that you

jumped in your seat when there was a

screaming goat on the screen the lizard

brain is why we get nervous and it's why

we freak out some of its likes include

Comfort zones doing things that you will

be good at fitting in the zoo easy

things safe things and especially

looking

good

[Music]

the lizard brain absolutely hates change

struggle effort the wild hard things

taking on challenges speaking up making

mistakes and especially looking

bad now this comes in handy if our life

is in danger but the problem is when it

comes to learning all of the things that

the lizard hates are the things that

help us learn and grow so you have this

lizard at the wheel that sits deep in

your brain and it does whatever it can

do to stop you it's the voice in your

head telling you to slow down that you

aren't ready to play it safe and to

start tomorrow it's why we hate speaking

up it's why we hate getting called on

and it's why we hate asking for help

it's also the reason I've been on Reddit

for the past hour instead of animating

this video it's clear that the lizard is

kind of the worst when it comes to

learning and it's obvious that it's a

huge source of this shift that we've

been talking about the big problem here

is it's not going anywhere you cannot

kill the lizard brain you cannot conquer

the lizard brain you cannot pull the oh

it's not you it's me on the lizard brain

you cannot bargain with the lizard brain

by telling it to settle down or to not

worry when we do these things it just

gets stronger but what we can do is we

can learn to run with it the best

marathon runners don't learn how to not

get tired they just learn how to deal

with it and how to get better at running

with it the lizard brain is the same and

the best Learners and the best

performers have just figured out how to

run with it and dance with that fear and

resistance another cool thing you you

can do with the lizard brain is to use

it as a compass and do the opposite of

what it tells you to do so when the

lizard freaks out it's just a sign that

you are in the right place that you're

doing something hard that you're doing

something outside of your comfort zone

that you are right where you need to be

the more it matters and the more you

need it the more the lizard freaks out

so the more fear you feel now the key is

to see that the fear tells us what we

need to do when you're in a challenge

and it starts to get hard and it starts

to get ugly and you start to make

mistakes are you approaching that

situation as a learner or as a lizard a

learner realizes that every situation

the good the bad the hard the easy is an

opportunity to grow she sees a challenge

as a precious opportunity to stretch to

fail to stumble and to learn she leans

into the challenge she jumps into the

challenge with her head up looking for

the lessons and with this approach she

learns a lizard will miss out on these

opportunities because he's worried about

how he looks he's worried about being

judged he's worried about the critics

he's worried about making mistakes he's

worried about being perfect he holds

back he has excuses he'll give up and

sometimes he avoids the challenge

altogether the key thing I want you to

understand here here is that learning is

one of the most important skills that

you can have but in order to be good at

it you have to understand how it works

that the mistakes and the ugliness are

totally necessary in the learning

process we have to fall we have to crash

we have to stumble we have to fail we

have to embrace those mistakes and we

have to get back up learn from them and

try again that is how we're built to

learn Forbes writer Erica Anderson

expands on this idea when you're really

learning acquiring new skills or

understanding behaving and operating in

new ways you're going to be a novice

that means you're not going to be an

expert and you won't have all of the

answers you'll make mistakes and have to

ask dumb questions and you'll have ideas

that you think are genius that will turn

out not to work at all and becoming

comfortable in that situation staying

curious and open and continuing to

explore and improve that's the essence

of real

learning hi my name is Seth Goden I'm

the author of 17 bestsellers I've

started a bunch of companies I write a

blog but mostly I fail I fail often and

I fail with relish because I understand

that when I do something that might not

work I'm doing my best work the people

who are good at learning say I like the

feeling of not knowing yet the same way

the people who are good at skiing say I

like the feeling of being just a little

bit out of control that's how you get

good at skiing and that's how you get

good at math the difficulty comes from

the fact that if you are not open to

living with the tension of being stupid

you can't possibly learn it I call it

thirstiness if you are

thirsty it means that you are willing to

feel stupid you are willing to try you

are willing to expose yourself to the

unknown own in order to State what your

desires are to get to the next level the

people who become great no matter their

field or area of endeavor are those who

are willing to be

uncomfortable over and over again on the

way to

Mastery if you can continually challenge

your own preference for being good at

things for being competent and be

willing instead to be in the awkward

place of I don't really understand this

right now well then the 21st century is

yours it is our job as coaches teachers

parents role models to be in a constant

state of learning and to create an

environment where it is safe to do that

where falling down and stretching and

making mistakes and getting out of our

comfort zones are not only okay but

where that is actually encouraged I

guess to confront all of this there are

a few questions we have to ask can you

handle the ugly that comes with learning

can you take a step back let things go a

little longer a little faster get a

little Messier so real learning can

happen can you look at a missed shot a

wrong answer or a low test score as an

opportunity to grow as simply a stumble

or fall off the bike do you want to look

good or do you want to get better are

you a learner or are you a lizard

the the the

[Applause]

[Music]

the