How to Make a Decision You Won’t Regret Later – Sadhguru

Summary

In this insightful discourse, the speaker emphasizes the importance of introspection when setting life goals, suggesting that one should seek clarity and joy before making decisions. They warn against setting goals out of desperation and highlight the transient nature of aspirations, often seen as traps. The speaker delves into the concept of 'personality', explaining its origin from 'persona', a theatrical mask, and advises that true being transcends the need for a fixed personality. They share personal anecdotes about changing personalities to fit different life stages, illustrating the fluidity of identity. The narrative concludes with a parable about a sage who maintained his wisdom by periodically shedding his royal persona, underscoring the importance of staying true to one's essence.

Takeaways

• 🤔 Consider the longevity of your goals: Reflect on whether your aspirations will hold meaning for you in the long term, even on your deathbed.
• 🚫 Recognize goal traps: Be aware that many goals can be one-way streets from which there's no return, potentially leading to regret.
• 🧘‍♀️ Take a break for clarity: To decide on life goals, it's beneficial to withdraw from external influences and meditate to achieve a state of clarity and joy.
• 🌟 Set goals in a peaceful state: It's advised to set your life's direction when you are peaceful, happy, and clear-headed, not out of desperation.
• 🎭 Understand the nature of personality: Personality is akin to a mask used in theater; it's something you can change and should not be confused with your true being.
• 🔄 Adaptability in personality: You can adopt different personalities in different situations, and it's healthy to be flexible rather than stuck with one persona.
• 🌱 Growth and change: Personal growth may involve changing your personality, and it's important to be conscious of the changes you make and their impact on others.
• 🏛️ The story of the sage: This anecdote illustrates the importance of not getting caught up in societal roles and maintaining one's wisdom and essence.
• 🧘‍♂️ Meditation as a tool: Use meditation to strip away the fabricated aspects of your life and reconnect with your true self, which doesn't require constant maintenance.
• 🚫 Beware of the facade: Your personality is a facade that needs support, unlike your true being, which remains steadfast regardless of external circumstances.

Q & A

How does the speaker suggest one should approach setting life goals?

The speaker advises taking a break from all influences, such as social and family pressures, and finding a peaceful place to meditate and gain clarity. One should set goals when they are happy, clear-headed, and not desperate, as desperate goals may not hold long-term meaning.

Why does the speaker warn against setting goals out of desperation?

The speaker warns that goals set in desperation might seem important at the moment but may not be meaningful the next day, leading to entanglement in pursuits that were not genuinely desired.

What is the significance of the speaker's mention of the word 'persona' in relation to personality?

The speaker explains that 'persona' originates from the Latin word for a mask used in theater, indicating that a personality is something one puts on like a mask. It suggests that personality is not fixed but can change according to different roles or situations.

How does the speaker describe the process of developing a personality?

The speaker describes developing a personality as a process of 'making up' or creating a facade that suits one's activities and societal role. However, it's crucial to be able to 'take it down' and not let it become a fixed part of one's identity.

What is the purpose of the sage's empty room in the story told by the speaker?

The sage uses the empty room to strip away the trappings of his role as a minister and reconnect with his true wisdom before making important decisions. It symbolizes the importance of maintaining one's core self amidst external roles and influences.

Why did the sage in the story insist on having a private room in the palace?

The sage insisted on a private room to maintain a space where he could retreat to his original, unadorned self, free from the influences and expectations of his role in the palace, thus preserving his wisdom and clarity.

How does the speaker relate the concept of 'making up' a personality to the idea of lying?

The speaker relates 'making up' a personality to lying by suggesting that both require constant support and maintenance. Just as a lie needs to be sustained, a fabricated personality also needs continuous effort to maintain, unlike one's true being which is inherently real and does not require such effort.

What does the speaker imply about the longevity and significance of one's dreams and aspirations?

The speaker implies that the true test of a dream or aspiration is its enduring significance, even after a long time or at life's end. Many goals that seem important in youth may not retain their meaning later in life, suggesting that one should reflect deeply on what truly matters.

How does the speaker view the changeability of personality?

The speaker views personality as highly changeable and situational. He shares a personal anecdote about how he consciously changed his personality after a significant life goal was achieved, demonstrating that personality is not a fixed trait but a malleable aspect of one's presentation to the world.

What is the role of meditation according to the speaker?

Meditation, according to the speaker, serves as a tool to strip away the artificial constructs and reconnect with one's true self. It allows for clarity and joy, providing a solid foundation for making decisions and setting life goals.

Why did the speaker change his personality after the consecration of Dhyanalinga?

The speaker changed his personality to align with a new phase of life after achieving a significant goal. He felt it was necessary to shed the persona he had adopted for that purpose and embrace a new identity that was more authentic to his current state.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 Deciding Life Goals and the Nature of Personality

This paragraph explores how to choose meaningful life goals by contemplating whether they will still matter in the long run, even at the end of one’s life. It warns against being trapped by societal or external influences and stresses the importance of making decisions when clear-headed and happy. The text also delves into the concept of 'personality,' explaining its origin from the Latin word 'persona,' meaning 'mask.' The author argues that developing a personality can be limiting if one is not in touch with their inner self, suggesting that personality is an artificial construct people cling to instead of being their true selves.

05:02

🔄 Transforming Personality After Achieving Goals

Here, the narrator discusses how they consciously changed their personality after completing a significant life task, illustrating how personas can shift once a goal is achieved. They warn those close to them about the change, but many couldn’t cope with the transformation and drifted away. This underscores how personality is not a fixed trait but something fluid that can be adapted according to one’s purpose in life. The narrator even changed their preferences, including food, to signify a complete shift in their identity. They conclude that personality is a temporary and malleable creation, which can be made up and dropped as needed.

10:04

👑 The Sage and the Secret Room: A Lesson in Wisdom

This paragraph tells the story of a wise sage who became a chief minister under the condition that he would have a private room in the palace, where no one could disturb him. Despite his wisdom, the king and his courtiers became curious about what the sage did in the room. When they finally broke in, they found nothing but simple, worn-out clothes and a begging bowl. The sage explained that he used this time to reconnect with his humility and wisdom, separate from the grandeur of palace life, before making important decisions. This story serves as a metaphor for meditation—stripping away the layers of identity and reconnecting with one’s true self.

Keywords

💡Goal

A goal refers to an aim or desired outcome one strives to achieve. In the video, it is emphasized that deciding on life goals should be done in a state of clarity and happiness, not desperation. The speaker warns that many goals can become traps, and advises reflecting deeply to determine if a goal will still hold meaning in the long term.

💡Personality

Personality is described as a mask or persona that people develop and wear in different contexts. The speaker points out that personalities are made up to function in society and should not be confused with one’s true being. The ability to change and take off this 'mask' is vital to avoid suffering and rigidity in life.

💡Meditation

Meditation is the act of introspection and self-awareness, which the speaker equates to stripping down the layers of external identity. It is suggested as a way to clear one's mind of external influences and help make wise decisions. The metaphor of the sage going into a room to strip down to a beggar’s clothes illustrates meditation as a return to a simple, uncluttered state.

💡Desperation

Desperation is a state of emotional urgency or frustration, and the speaker cautions against setting goals from such a mindset. Goals made in desperation are likely to lose their significance and become a source of entanglement rather than fulfillment. The video suggests that decisions made in desperation may not align with one’s true self.

💡Influence

Influence refers to external factors such as societal expectations, family, and other pressures that shape a person’s decisions. The speaker encourages withdrawing from these influences to make more authentic decisions about life goals. This detachment ensures that goals and aspirations are self-directed rather than influenced by external desires.

💡Persona

The word 'persona' comes from the Greek and Latin term for a theatrical mask. In the video, the speaker uses this concept to illustrate how personalities are adopted like masks to play different roles. A key message is that while personas can be useful in social contexts, one should not let them define their true self or get stuck in a single identity.

💡Being

Being is the essence or true nature of a person, as opposed to the superficial personality they adopt. The speaker stresses that being is permanent and does not require effort to maintain, unlike personality, which is a construct. The contrast between being and personality highlights the importance of staying in touch with one's core self.

💡Change

Change refers to the speaker’s conscious decision to transform aspects of their personality, behavior, and even preferences once a specific phase of life is over. This illustrates the fluidity of personality and the need for adaptability as circumstances evolve. The speaker’s ability to change everything, from speech to diet, serves as an example of intentional transformation.

💡Trap

A trap in this context refers to the idea that certain goals can become confining or misleading, limiting personal freedom. The speaker warns that many life goals are traps that lead to entanglement, making it difficult to turn back once committed. The message is to critically assess whether goals will lead to lasting fulfillment or simply serve temporary desires.

💡Wisdom

Wisdom is portrayed as the deep insight required to make important decisions in life. The story of the sage going into the room to reconnect with his simple, wise self illustrates the concept of wisdom being separate from the outward roles and positions people take on. The speaker suggests that wisdom is attained by disconnecting from material distractions and ego.

Highlights

Spend time considering if your goals will still matter to you decades from now.

Many goals are traps that lead to a one-way street with no turning back.

Ask yourself if you would be content if all your dreams came true.

Some dreams not coming true can be a form of fortune.

To decide on life goals, take a break from social and family influences.

Seek clarity and joy before setting goals, not in desperation.

Personality is derived from 'persona', meaning a mask used in old theaters.

A personality is something you put on, like a mask, and should be removable.

If you're in touch with your being, developing a personality is unnecessary.

Different situations may call for different personalities.

Personality changes can lead to people falling away if they can't adjust.

The speaker changed their personality dramatically after a significant life event.

Personality is something you take on, but it should not become who you truly are.

A story about a sage who became a minister, emphasizing the importance of not getting caught up in roles.

Meditation is compared to stripping down to make important decisions without the influence of external roles.

The truth of your being doesn't need constant support, unlike the lies you make up.

Transcripts

How do I decide on a goal for my life and develop a personality to achieve it?

Your dreams, goals and aspirations...

it's good that you spend little more time on it

and see will this really mean something to you

Even after 25 years, 50 years,

if you are in your deathbed, will it still mean something to you? You must look at it.

Whatever you're aspiring for, whatever you're dreaming of, whatever goals you have set,

Will it really mean something because most of these goals are traps.

They're just traps. You get in, it's only one way street, you can't turn back.

I want you to look at this because..

Many of them are older than you.

You ask them, what they dreamed of at 18, they're fortunate it didn't come true.

Yes or no?

If everything that you desire and dreamed came true in your life, could you live with it?

Fortunately, many of those things got filtered and never came true, isn't it?

So.. it will be very good, if anybody of your age,

if they want to decide and fix the goals of their life,

It'll be very good if they take a break from all influence that's around them,

social influences, family influences, other influences

withdraw somewhere, that's why an ashram,

withdraw somewhere, sit down, meditate, bring yourself to a certain level of clarity and joy

When you're very happy and clear, you must decide. Not in desperation you set goals.

Desperate goals that you set will mean a lot to you at that moment

Tomorrow morning you look you don't know why you're tangled up with it

So it'll be good,

if you are fixing your life,

It's best that you do it when you're very very peaceful, happy and clear-headed, isn't it?

Not influenced by anything around you.

Simply by yourself. Sit and decide, what is it that you really want to become in your life?

What is it that will be of enduring value for you, not for somebody else, for you and

You don't have to build a personality for that. You strive for that.

The necessary persona will come.

You must understand what a personality is.

The word personality comes from the word persona.

persona means in Greek or in Latin, I'm sorry, is a mask.

This is a mask that they used to use in old theaters.

Now the same people will be playing many roles.

Let's say Ramyan is happening

You have to play Rama's role also and Sita's role also and Lakshman's role also.

For everything there's one one mask.

You hold this mask and speak like Rama, keep it down.

Hold this mask and speak like Sita, keep it down.

Hold this and speak like Hanuman and keep it down.

This is how the plays were done.

So it is those masks which were referred to as persona.

So personality means,

You held a mask and mask got stuck to your face.

You couldn't pull it out.

That means you have a personality.

Personality is something that people are trying to develop because they have no sense of being.

Instead of the real thing, you're trying to concretize the fake thing

If you are in touch with your being, why do you want a personality? It's not necessary

You can be a different kind of personality in different places

You are, actually already

or are you stuck with one personality?

Some people are. People who are simplistic in their head have only one personality.

Others have different personalities in different areas of life, isn't it?

If you had seen me before, like 1999

that is before the consecration of Dhyanalinga, I was a completely different kind of person. Okay?

To such an extent, everything about me was so different.

Well before that, things happened that was beyond me, but this was conscious.

At that time I was single-minded towards a certain purpose, I was in a certain way.

So after, I never thought I will live beyond that but somehow things happened

Then I thought okay, now that the work is over, let me change my personality, completely.

To fulfill that, I had acquired a certain kind of personality.

And now that it's over, I thought let me change it.

And I told people around me.

See, I'm going to change my personality. Don't be shocked. I'm still the same guy

They said no problem this this this. I said just hang on because things will change.

Everything about me will change.

The way I operate will change, the way I speak will change,

the way I dress will change, the way I do everything will change.

They said no problem. We know you, we love you this this.

I said, that's okay, hang on tight because when things change, people fall off.

Lot of people fell off because they couldn't believe

where is that person that they knew, that person just evaporated, you know

This is a new person.

They can't identify with this new person.

I told them and changed. In spite of that, they fell off.

So many of them. So many of them who were very dear to me and very close to me, they fell away

because I changed so dramatically and I told them I'm going to change

Because one face of work is over, now it's time to change my personality.

The way I look, the way I dress, the way I speak, the very way I am,

everything about me, I even change what food I like.

I changed my personality, so I thought I'll change my food also.

So personality is something that you have taken on.

But you have become so unconscious about it that you think is for real.

You are asking how to develop, that means you're making it up, right?

Another word for developing is making up, isn't it?

You're making it up. Make it up whichever way is suitable for your kind of activity,

but you must be able to keep it down.

If it gets stuck to your face, then it becomes misery.

Then all suffering will come to you.

You can take on any kind of personality but

when you want to keep it down, you must be able to keep it down.

There was a sage.

He was so wise.

People went to him and crowds gathered.

Then the King went to him and the King saw such a wise man should be in his court.

So he told the sage,

You must come and become my chief minister.

Because a wise man like you shouldn't go waste sitting under a tree.

You must be useful for the people.

The sage said, see, that's fine, but I have a condition.

You must give me a room in your palace,

where I will spend every day one hour.

You should never peep into that room, you should never ask me what it's about,

you should never break into it

nothing.

This room should be left unexplored by yourself, your servants, your secret agents and everybody.

King thought that's not a problem. What's the problem with me?

You want your room, why do I want to look into your room? Take it.

Then whenever, any important meeting is to come,

This man who's a sage, now who's become a minister,

so he's wearing appropriate clothes for the palace,

but he goes in to this room and locks himself for one hour and comes out.

Few months and years passed.

But then after that, Kings curiosity, you know

They even got us to Mars

He wants to know what the hell is he doing inside.

So rumor started all around. Oh he's doing something, he's got somebody inside

Maybe he's an enemy agent. He suddenly landed here. What is he doing there? What is he doing there?

Everybody, the whole palace started buzzing around with what is he doing in this room?

Everybody wants to see what's in the room, but it's always locked.

He goes in, spends time there and comes out.

Especially when something important is to be done. He goes in.

All kinds of rumors happened.

So..

One day King couldn't hold it.

King asked this man, I want to see what's in that room

He said well there's a promise you've given me.

If you break the promise, I will leave.

So he contained it, he doesn't want to lose the man, he's too wise.

And then..

His other courtier start talking, how can you allow this?

We don't know what's happening inside. It could be dangerous

It could be this, it could be that.

One day when he was not there, they broke open the door and went inside.

They looked around

The room is empty, no furniture, no nothing.

Just empty room.

They looked, nothing. What does he do here?

Then in one corner they saw

Very, you know, worn out clothing

hanging there and a begging bowl.

They went. They couldn't make out what this is.

Then he came in. He said 'well you wanted to see you have seen'.

The king asked 'What do you do here?'

He said 'whenever I want to make any important decision,

I come here, wear my worn-out clothes and sit with a begging bowl

clearly, you know, that I don't want to be caught up with all the things of the palace

I want my wisdom not to be lost in this clothes and in this jewelry and in this stuff

So I come here, wear this clothes, sit with my begging bowl, make the decisions and then come out.

Now you've broken the promise and he left.

So...this is what meditation is for you.

Every day when you sit, you strip yourself down

You don't have to do anything about it. If you sit there simply...

See..

Anything that's made up needs constant support from you, isn't it?

See suppose you tell a lie,

It needs constant support to keep it up, isn't it?

But if something is true,

You can even forget it, but it's still there, isn't it?

You understand what I'm saying?

If something is true, even if you forget it, It's still there. No problem.

But if it's a lie, you have to keep it up.

Your personality is a lie, your being, your existence is the is the truth.

You don't have to keep this up.

This will be anyway there.

What you make up, for the sake of the society, to function in the society,

You need a certain kind of makeup.

You must be able to keep it down.

If you are going to bed fully made up,

then something wrong with you.