Simon Sinek & Trevor Noah on Friendship, Loneliness, Vulnerability, and More | Full Conversation
Summary
TLDRIn a heartfelt conversation, the speakers delve into the profound importance of friendship, its impact on mental health, and how it can serve as a 'biohack' against issues like stress, depression, and addiction. They discuss the lack of emphasis on cultivating friendships in a world obsessed with self-improvement and leadership. The dialogue underscores the need for leaders to prioritize friendships and set an example, as well as the societal shift placing undue expectations on romantic relationships due to the neglect of friendships. The talk concludes with a powerful Zulu saying, highlighting that an individual's identity is enriched by their community.
Takeaways
- 🤔 The conversation emphasizes the importance of friendship, which is often overlooked in our pursuit of success and personal development.
- 🧠 The speaker admires Simon for his thought-provoking ideas and his ability to challenge conventional thinking, referring to him as one of the greatest thinkers of our generation.
- 🔄 Passion is described as an output rather than an input, often stemming from an obsession with something that one becomes deeply involved in.
- 🌐 The discussion points out the lack of resources and industries dedicated to teaching and improving the art of friendship, despite its significant impact on mental health.
- 💔 The sacrifices made for career success often come at the expense of friendships, which are crucial during personal struggles and low points.
- 🤝 The power of saying 'I love you' to friends can significantly change and deepen relationships, making people feel seen, understood, and supported.
- 🌱 The analogy of rats in a cage is used to illustrate how social connections can prevent addiction, suggesting that strong friendships might reduce susceptibility to various forms of addiction.
- 🌐 The conversation suggests that teaching children how to be friends could be a powerful tool against addiction and loneliness in a technology-driven world.
- 🏝️ The speaker shares personal experiences of nurturing friendships through deliberate and meaningful activities, like traveling and creating shared experiences with friends.
- 💼 The script highlights the need for leaders to prioritize and model the importance of friendship, as it can influence the culture and priorities of their organizations and followers.
Q & A
What is the main theme of the conversation between the two speakers?
-The main theme of the conversation is the importance and impact of friendship in people's lives, including its role in mental health, personal growth, and societal connections.
Why does the speaker mention the rat experiment in relation to friendship?
-The speaker mentions the rat experiment to illustrate how social animals like rats, and by extension humans, can avoid addiction and mental health issues when they have strong social connections and friendships.
What does the speaker suggest about the role of friendship in combating addiction?
-The speaker suggests that friendship can act as a 'biohack' to help combat addiction by providing social support and a sense of belonging, which can reduce the likelihood of turning to addictive substances or behaviors for comfort.
How does the speaker feel about the current state of friendships among high performers?
-The speaker feels that high performers often have lopsided sacrifices in their friendships due to their intense focus on career and success, which can lead to a lack of a strong social network later in life.
What does the speaker mean when they say 'uranium enriched friendships'?
-The speaker uses the term 'uranium enriched friendships' to emphasize the importance of putting effort and value into making friendships strong and meaningful, similar to how uranium is enriched to increase its energy output.
Why does the speaker believe that women might have a better grasp of friendship than men?
-The speaker believes that women have a better grasp of friendship because they inherently understand the human dynamic better and are less afraid to express love and support to their friends.
What is the significance of the Zulu saying mentioned by the speaker?
-The Zulu saying 'a person is a person only because of other people' signifies the importance of community and relationships in shaping an individual's identity and well-being.
How does the speaker suggest leaders can influence the value of friendship in their organizations?
-The speaker suggests that leaders can influence the value of friendship by publicly prioritizing their own friendships and modeling the behavior they want to see in their organizations.
What is the speaker's view on the current societal expectations placed on romantic relationships?
-The speaker views that societal expectations have shifted, placing an unreasonable burden on romantic partners to fulfill all emotional, social, and community needs that were traditionally shared among a broader friend group.
Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of maintaining friendships despite a busy life?
-The speaker emphasizes the importance of maintaining friendships because they provide a unique form of support and joy that cannot be replicated by other relationships or achievements, and they argue that friendships should be worked on and prioritized just like any other important aspect of life.
Outlines
🤝 The Power of Friendship and Sacrifice
The speaker begins by expressing gratitude and a mix of emotions towards Anastasia, recounting a conversation that led to the current discussion. They highlight the importance of friendship, which is often overlooked despite its crucial role in mental health and overall well-being. The speaker admires Simon for his intellectual prowess and inquires about his current fascinations. Simon responds by discussing the theme of passion as an output rather than an input, drawing a parallel to the necessity of friendship. He laments the lack of resources on fostering friendships, unlike other aspects of personal development. The conversation shifts to the sacrifices people make for their careers, often at the expense of friendships. The speaker and Simon agree on the importance of friendship, with the speaker sharing personal experiences of how friends have been there during tough times, unlike work commitments.
🌐 Global Implications of Friendship and Addiction
Simon expands on his fascination with friendship by discussing its impact on addiction. He references an experiment by Bruce Alexander that challenges the traditional understanding of addiction, suggesting that social animals like rats and humans are less likely to become addicted in a supportive community. Simon argues that fostering friendships could mitigate addiction, including to social media and technology. He emphasizes the need to teach children how to be friends to prevent future addictions. The conversation also touches on the maintenance of friendships, with Simon sharing his efforts to enrich his friendships through deliberate and meaningful interactions, despite his frequent travels and busy schedule.
🚢 Uranium-Enriched Friendships and Their Value
The speaker delves into his philosophy of 'uranium-enriched friendships,' suggesting that friendships should be cultivated and maintained with intention, similar to how one would care for a valuable asset. He recounts a trip to Greece where he learned the value of friendships through a local saying about boats, emphasizing that the best experiences are shared with friends. The speaker also discusses the importance of being vulnerable and supportive with friends, sharing personal stories and the significance of expressing love and care openly. He encourages proactive efforts in nurturing friendships, rather than leaving them to chance.
🌟 The Impact of Neglected Friendships on Society
The conversation turns to the broader societal implications of neglected friendships. The speaker expresses concern over the increasing anger and isolation among young men, who often turn to online communities that amplify these feelings. He suggests that a lack of love and belongingness drives them towards hate and violence. The discussion also touches on the loss of idealism in the world, with leaders no longer inspiring a sense of community or belonging that transcends individual interests. The speaker and Simon agree on the importance of addressing these issues through fostering friendships and community, rather than focusing solely on individual success or achievements.
💼 Balancing Life Roles with the Importance of Friendships
In the final paragraph, the speaker reflects on the challenge of balancing various life roles with the maintenance of friendships. He acknowledges the common sentiment among successful individuals that they often neglect their friendships due to the demands of family, work, and other responsibilities. The speaker and Simon discuss the need for leaders, especially, to prioritize friendships and set an example for others to follow. They also touch on the impact of abandoned friendships on romantic relationships, suggesting that the support and love once shared among friends are now often concentrated on one partner, leading to unrealistic expectations. The conversation concludes with a Zulu proverb that encapsulates the essence of their discussion: a person is a person because of other people, highlighting the fundamental importance of friendships in shaping who we are.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Friendship
💡Passion
💡Sacrifice
💡Mental Health
💡Addiction
💡Community
💡Leadership
💡Idealism
💡Work-Life Balance
💡Global Responsibility
Highlights
The speaker expresses gratitude and a complex relationship with Anastasia, setting the stage for the conversation.
A spontaneous discussion in a courtyard with Simon leads to an impromptu talk, showcasing the value of serendipity in knowledge sharing.
The speaker admires Simon's intellect, referring to him as one of the greatest thinkers of their generation.
The conversation delves into the concept that passion is an output, not an input, challenging the traditional narrative of finding one's passion.
Simon's current fascination is with friendship, an often-overlooked aspect in the pursuit of personal development.
The lack of resources on improving friendships is noted, despite their importance in mental health and well-being.
The speaker shares a personal belief in the universe's magic, particularly in syncing thoughts with others, as evidenced by conversations with Simon.
The idea that sacrifices for career often come at the expense of friendships is explored, prompting a discussion on work-life balance.
The importance of friendship as a 'biohack' for mental health is introduced, positioning it as a solution to various challenges.
The speaker reflects on the rarity of friends prioritizing each other over work, suggesting a need for a cultural shift in valuing friendships.
The concept of 'uranium enriched friendships' is introduced, emphasizing the deliberate effort needed to maintain and strengthen friendships.
The speaker discusses the impact of travel and a busy lifestyle on friendships and shares strategies for nurturing them despite distance.
The power of saying 'I love you' to friends is highlighted, sharing personal experiences of how it changes dynamics.
The conversation touches on gender differences in friendships, with the speaker suggesting women may have a better grasp on the concept.
The societal implications of neglecting friendships are discussed, including the rise of anger and isolation among young men.
The loss of idealism in society and its impact on finding belonging is noted, with a call for leaders to foster community and friendship.
The idea that friendships can be a buffer in romantic relationships, improving their health and longevity, is presented.
The conversation concludes with a Zulu saying that encapsulates the essence of friendship's role in defining our personhood.
Transcripts
good afternoon everybody how you
doing
um as you can see there's there's
nothing up here because there was
nothing uh here um I'll I'll tell you
how this came to be so first of all um
thank you and I hate you Anastasia um
but we we were having a conversation in
the in the little Courtyard yesterday
and I bumped into Simon I've seen him
around a bunch I love him I always tell
you I have a like the biggest brain
crush on you um M but but we're having
we having the discussion and then you
know Sarah came out from the team was
like are you guys speaking no we're not
blah blah blah would you like to I like
I said I'd speak if he does something I
just want to listen to him and then
Anastasia was like I heard you and now
here we are so I'm not going to waste
anybody's time cuz I I I'm sure many of
you will agree with me but if you don't
know this this man right here is
honestly one of the greatest thinkers of
Our Generation I love how his mind works
I love how he challenges us how he
thinks about thinking and the really all
I wanted to know and it sort of is the
Genesis was yesterday is um what are you
fascinated by right now because I know
you always working on something or you
always drilling into something yeah what
are you what are you fascinated by right
now well it's interesting because the
thing the common theme that we've been
hearing from all the talks today um
which is is which is the passion isn't
some manufactured thing where you sort
of find the passion and do what you're
passionate you know passion is an output
not an input and what we hear is
somebody finds an obsession for
something and that then becomes their
their passion and the same is definitely
true I'm sure for you and definitely
true for me um so the thing that I'm
sort of obsessing about right now is
friendship um there's an entire industry
to help us be better leaders there's an
entire industry to uh help us be better
uh parents there's an entire industry to
help us eat better exercise better sleep
better um and yet there's barely
anything on how to be a friend um and if
you think about all the mental health
challenges that so many of us are facing
today whether it's uh coping with stress
depression anxiety addiction uh even
obsession with longevity um friendship
is the ultimate biohack that literally
fixes all those things you it's it's
interesting that you said this so i'
I've always felt like um you know I'm
not a very superstitious person grew up
very religious but I I do believe in
some sort of magic in the universe and
some every time I bump into you I feel
like we're thinking about the same thing
but on a slightly different path and
usually people are forced to listen to
us just talk about that I apologize but
but the thing the reason this
fascinating me is because I've been
thinking a lot about friendship and what
it means and a friend of mine actually
said to me on a trip recently she said
in successful spaces often times people
will use the word sacrifice you know we
heard many people we heard Martin we
heard so many people up on the stage
saying sacrifice sacrifice sacrifice
sacrifice and she said one of the most
powerful things ever to me she said when
we say we've sacrificed something for
our career we shouldn't be afraid to put
a name to who that sacrifice was because
often time it was the people in our
lives that we call friends yeah and I
wanted to know have you been thinking
about that like what is what is the
balance what is the what is the
Confluence like how do you how do you
think of friendship and then the
sacrifice that brings you here to sit
with people where you may make new
friends or not well I think definitely
for me and I can't speak for anybody
else but definitely for me I think the
sacrifice was lopsided and I think uh
especially for high performers who who I
think later on in life you start to
realize that that network of friends
sometimes isn't there because you've
sacrificed you know the number of us who
have canceled on friends because a
meeting comes up yeah because they'll
understand right um and yet the reverse
is very rarely true that we'll say to
somebody for a meeting can we meet on
Friday instead of Thursday because in my
calendar we wouldn't say it but in my
calendar is a friend um and definitely
for me the times where I have tripped
slipped fell hit Rock Bottom felt alone
any of those spaces my work wasn't going
to rescue me um and it was by the grace
of of some higher power that there was
always a friend who saw it and
recognized it in me um who picked me up
and so I realized that um we we we talk
about investing we talk about um um you
know and this is a different kind of
investment um you and I were talking
about it the other day you know which is
um
um people are moving to in the United
States you know people are moving from
California and and New York to Texas and
Florida to avoid paying taxes um because
they want to save time and yet where
else I want it I want it to be the
reverse like I want to like I'm not
worried about like saving the money you
know to be in a place I don't want to
live right I want to live with the
people I love and if it costs more and
by the way by cost I mean that maybe I
won't achieve that thing or maybe I'll
miss that deadline or maybe I'll miss
that that quarter you know it's a
different kind of sacrifice we we think
of sacrifices always against people but
I can make a sacrifice for my career for
my friends and it's about striking that
right balance because your friends will
be there for you your work won't yeah
you see I love that line your friends
will be there for you your work
won't I was talking to a friend about
this conversation and my friend was like
what do you like what do you love about
Simon so much and I said what I love
about Simon is this is I feel like
you're a you're a truffle pig of um of
like ideas that will shape the world and
what I mean by that is what I mean by
that is like so I'm French yeah whatever
you choose to take from it take from it
uh what I choose to to to say by saying
that is I love seeing what you're
sniffing around in because I believe
it's connected to something far greater
yeah you know what I mean it's not the
Truffle but it's the meal that is now
going to influence and the restaurant
that it's now going to shape you you you
have that brain I it's friendship yes
but what what why would you care about
friendship friendship is like yeah go
out with your friends hang out with your
friends why would you care about
friendship on like a global scale what
what what's in it Simon what's
happening um so let me take one step
back and try and get to An Answer um our
understanding of
addiction largely comes from an
experiment that has done I think in like
the 50s or 60s where they put a rat in a
cage there was one thing of water where
it was plain water and one thing that
was laced with drugs right and in short
order the rat discovered the drug laced
uh beverage and loved it drank more and
more until it killed itself and our
understanding of addiction largely comes
from this study um there was a guy named
uh I think his name was Bruce Alexander
who who said hold on it's flawed the
whole the whole study is flawed because
rats like us are social animals and we
put a rat by itself in solitude of
course it became an addict but that's
not what you're supposed to do with
social animals he recreated the
experiment where he put like first of
all he put lots of rats in the in the
cage so social Community uh they put
like wheels and mazes and they were
having kids and babies and two waters a
plain water and uh and the and the drug
laced water and they could see from the
data they knew which ones and they all
tried enough of the drug laced water to
get addicted right but they didn't
they're they're taking in of the water
declined and they only drank the plain
water which starts to give evidence that
that if we have close friendships and
when if we live in community perhaps
we're less susceptible to all addiction
and and I know that there's a lot being
talked about about the addiction of
social media the addiction of cell
phones which is true which is true it is
a highly dopamine producing device and
and that it's causing
loneliness and I would argue that if we
worked on the friendships and more
important if we taught our children how
to be
friends that perhaps they are less uh
likely to get addicted and I think
yeah that's and I
think so when you talk about what's the
global responsibility yeah we're we're
teaching how people how to do everything
you know we're finding the hacks for
everything the one thing we aren't doing
is the
old-fashioned um hard slow thing of
making friends so okay so here's here's
what I've been thinking about over the
past two years I've been traveling
spending most of my time traveling and
in that time I've been thinking about
how you maintain a friendship how you
keep a friendship and how you build a
friendship
and in that I I came to realize most of
our friendships we we sort of leave to
coincidence I bumped into this person I
went to the same school as them we were
in the same church the same company and
that defines our friendships and and to
what you're saying now working on I
realized that no one has ever taught us
how to work on a friendship like
actually work on a friendship you know
and most people think they're good
friends if you ask most people are you a
good friend most people would say yeah
I'm a good friend and so so I said have
you sacrific that meeting to hang out
with a friend have you do you call your
friends on their birthday and sing them
happy birthday or do you just put a
thing on social media saying happy
birthday because you saw everybody else
put on social media you know um when a
friend is depressed do you go over to
their house and climb into bed with them
and sit and watch movies and eat ice
cream all day and be depressed with them
you know um have you done all those
things have you ever said to your friend
who I love you not love you not love you
I love you have you done those things
are you a good friend and the way to
prove that those things matter has any
has anybody ever done that for you H
when you've been depressed have they
come and just sat and been depressed
with you not trying to fix you not
trying to pull you out of the mud just
been depressed with you have they said I
love you to you right I learned this
from a friend of mine who's by he's a
warrior he's active duty military
multiple tours he's R risked his life to
save the lives of others by any he is a
badass he is a warrior and you know you
and I have colleagues and co-workers
they have brothers and sisters and I
remember the first time he called me
brother I remember it was real hey
brother you know um but what really
stood out um was the first time we got
off the phone and he ended the phone
call with I love you again not love you
not love you I love you and I remember
what that felt like and Men definitely
rare you know don't do what did it feel
like um I felt hugged I felt felt safe I
felt that I knew that I could tell him
and be anything and I would he wouldn't
judge me or look down on me and it was
so powerful that I decided to start
experimenting and saying it to the
people who I loved and I have some
friends who are good people kind people
generous people but most would describe
them as cold yeah not warm people and I
remember I'm thinking of one friend in
particular and I decided to say like I I
left his house and I was like I love you
and and I remember watching him sort of
sort of be struck by it yeah in very
short order maybe two or three times
after I saw him he started saying I love
you back he started hugging me in a way
that he's never hugged me um I gave him
a kiss on the cheek he kissed me
back uh that's where the line
[Laughter]
is but but but you you live a life where
you're away a lot you're on the road a
lot I mean your career necessitates you
to be on the road right how has that
affected your friendships more important
how have what have you done to maintain
the closeness of those friendships with
with the crazy life that you live I
believe in uranium enriched friendships
that's how I think about it so I I I
think a friendship like I've tried to
study friendships as much as I can you
know over the over the past maybe like
I've really focused on it over the past
like four five years and I remember once
I was in an interview and somebody said
hey what's your goal what's your dream
it was actually Forbes Magazine and I
said I would love to be successful but I
wish there was a top 10 list for
somebody who has a friend's net worth
because that's that's honestly what I'm
trying to do and and and maybe it's
confirmation bias but I find that that
answer you know keeps coming back to me
I was on a I was on a trip to Greece a
few years ago and you know if you've
ever been to any of these places where
people are on boats and having a great
time in the water it hypnotizes you and
I I turned to one of the Greek guys I
was with and I said
Nick if I was trying to get a boat What
boat should I get and I'll never forget
this his his friend jumped in and he
said Ella Ella Ella Trevor Ella let me
tell you something the best boat is your
friend's
boat and it was a joke that had so many
layers to me cuz the one was yeah it's
true like you know it is if you own a
boat there's a lot of stress you don't
want to own a boat unless you really
love boats but the thing I found
profound was this was the fact that
everybody who has a boat needs friends
to be on that boat with them and if
everybody works to get the boat no one
has time to have friends to come on the
boat with them and every boat I know is
full of friends who are on that boat you
know what I mean it's
like and and and so so to answer your
question so what so sorry so so what i'
what I've been doing is I like I
recently got back I just got back from
Japan we did a 10-day trip with 16 of my
friends that group has grown and all I
try to do in in a like it is it is so
meticulous it is Meaningful my friends
sometimes get irritated with me because
they go like why are you so controlled
about it and I go because we have to
work on our friendship I know it seems
like it's just going to happen but we
have to work on it when are we having
this dinner when are we have a song that
we sing which is called are you ready
for the question and we sing it maybe
like the fourth or fifth night of every
hangout theant Tri that yeah yeah we
sing it we sing it are you ready for the
question are you ready for the question
and then we ask ourselves a question
that we've been struggling with because
you realize sometimes you can even
become a superhero to your own friend
group and then you stop releasing or
letting go or digging in or scraping
away and you'll find your friend will be
sitting next to you laughing and going
through the worst depression they've
ever been through in their lives until
you say hey is everything okay what are
you struggling with and then they open
up and you go why didn't you tell me
they go cuz I I didn't want to burden
you I love you as my friend and so
that's that's what I Tred do more than
more than anything in the world that's
my greatest joy that's such a common
that's such a common misunderstanding
which I didn't want to burden you I
don't want to bother you with my
problems and I think people don't
realize that we don't build trust by
offering help we build trust by asking
for it and oh say that again we don't
build trust by offering help we build
trust by asking for it damn and why why
is that because it's your it's your
example and you I'm sure everyone in
this room has had this experience where
someone was in pain didn't call you for
fear of bothering you or interrupting
you you're a busy person um uh and then
you find out once they're okay and I I
again I'll just speak from personal
experience a friend of mine went through
something uh he wasn't completely out of
but he was doing better and I'm like
haven't talked in a couple weeks and he
sort of like slowly started to say I've
been struggling and I said why didn't
you call me he says I didn't want to
bother you and my immediate reaction was
you um how dare you be so
selfish to deny me the honor of being
there for you in your time of showing up
for you and that's what it is it's the
incredible that's when you know a friend
is a friend when you you it is an
absolute honor to be there at the time
they least want to call you do you think
that women have a better grasp of
friendship than men
100% I think I think for that reason um
women make better
CEOs um I think
I I I do I mean it was we've we've heard
it from U multiple female entrepreneurs
on the stage today yeah there's a better
understanding of the human Dynamic women
come up to me uh more often than men um
and they get they get my work much
better men come up to me and ask for
case
studies that's interesting um men want
me to prove that trusting people loving
people taking care of people is a good
thing for business um women inherently
understand that and make decisions
accordingly um uh so yeah I do think
women are better at it I think women are
less afraid to say I love you to their
friends too one of the um you know one
of the conversations I had recently was
about
you know the rise of the right in the
world and it's funny we were talking to
Anastasia yesterday about like the state
of the world and and you know and I mean
there there's so many things happening
that you can't really call it the state
of the world but one of the big things
I've been worried about recently is
young men and how angry they've become
how angry they've become how alone
they've become how isolated they've
become and then ironically how they've
turned that anger
isolation into a community MH and it's
weird because it's literally there's
communities of of young men
online who have formed communities based
in and around loneliness based in and
around anger based and they don't try
and become it's interesting that you're
saying all these things they don't try
and become friends they don't try and
teach each other to hug and to love and
to feel and no they they they you know
what I mean they they they sort of
forment these feelings and they go this
is why we should hate women and this is
why we should hate the government and
this is why we should hate society and
this is why we should hate and I I I
wonder if this world that you're
speaking about is we're sort of seeing
the effects of it now is like men who
haven't found anything beyond someone
said it earlier on stage today is just
like men going what am I beyond what I
do cuz a lot of these men are unemployed
and who am I because of who I am around
I mean that's it's it's a huge insight
and you asked before what does this
conversation have to do with the you
know the the bigger world and very I
don't think I've ever heard a serious
discussion about understanding um uh the
a 20-some year old virgin who lives with
their parents and without a job and as
it connects to Global terrorism or the
or or or moving to violence to solve my
problems and especially if you come from
a shame based society and when you find
other people who are suffering what
you're suffering or who get you it's
incredibly compelling and and you feel
seen and you feel understood and the
work of diaan the the British
documentarian you she talks about this
whether you're talking about white
supremacists or we talking about jihadis
they are not driven by hate they are
driven by love and she and her work is
all about it um um and and this is what
we don't understand which is it's people
who are missing love desperately looking
for love and desperately looking for
belonging and when when our Nations
don't provide us this is getting into a
much sort of like but when our leaders
and and you and I have talked about this
which is in the world today I think
there's been a total loss of idealism
yeah you know our leaders used to talk
about world peace and peace on Earth you
and I having a conversation about world
peace right now would sound cheesy and
corny and weird and I think there's been
a loss of idealism and when there's a
loss of idealism and something to feel
like we belong to larger than ourselves
larger than our nation larger than the
work that we do if that's missing we
still look for that we still look for
that belonging but unfortunately we find
it down here right um and I think we're
we're witnessing the loss of idealism in
the world right now how we're finding
community at low levels and tearing each
other apart before we run out of time
there's one other thing I wanted to to
dig in you know and and learn from your
mind um during Jay's um presentation it
was it was really cool to see that
moment where he asked the question um he
said what what is the thing you you wish
you had done or you spent more time
doing and she said I I wish it was I had
spent more time with my friends and that
stuck with me partially knowing what
we're going to talk about in a way but I
was like man friends and I've spoken to
some of you in the audience here by the
way you know I mean some of the most
successful people Venture Capital etc
etc etc etc and our parents and
everything and at some of the dinner at
some of the moments that we've had
together I've asked some of you and I
won't you know single you out but a lot
of people have said hey and how's your
friend group and they go oh man I
actually haven't seen my friends in a
while and I I haven't and and you don't
know and do you think there is a way to
find the balance
between showing up as a family person
showing up as a mother showing up as a
father showing up as you know that that
nuclear unit showing showing up as a CEO
showing up as a president showing up do
you think it's it's possible to show up
in those worlds and then still make room
for what Society has deemed and nice to
have cuz friendship is never seen as you
know the thing like I I came here last
year with a friend as a plus one and I
remember few people like who's this and
I was like my friend they're like but
what does he do I was like he's my
friend and they're like like for a
living I was like yeah I'd like to think
so yeah and obviously he does things but
to me he's my friend I don't know what
he does in that obviously I do but I
don't care and and I I I wonder if you
like think about that you know for rooms
like this where people are so high power
powered and so intense and you know they
focused and they go family business I
hear a lot of people say that I hear
very people say friends I really really
work hard on my friendships what do you
what do you say to
that
um I it is more it is more amazing to
have an amazing experience with someone
than by yourself you can go to it by
yourself and say look what look what I
did versus do you remember that time we
did that and um I think that we
especially for leaders and I criticize I
think leaders bear greater
responsibility because people follow
their leaders yeah so goes the leader so
goes the organization so goes leader so
goes the Country always so goes the
parents so go the children right put
your phones away Mom and Dad are on
their phone the whole time at dinner
right um and I think if the leader
publicly said um I just want everybody
to know it's Monday Friday I'm leaving a
little early it's my friend's birthday
and we're going to go celebrate you'll
find people prioritizing their friends
more I think it's a leadership problem
I think it's something we all have to
work on and and and one other thing that
I've realized in talking to people just
anecdotally and then you know therapists
who are really good studying in the
space is I think we shouldn't take for
granted how much the abandoning or the
ignoring of friendships has affected
romantic relationships because people
have now shifted all of the expectation
all of the support all of the you you
know the love that they got from a
community of friends and they've moved
it on to one person and a lot of the I
think there's a few studies that have
actually shown even having a friend
where you can talk about your your
partner too which is healthy by the way
yeah yeah actually improves your chances
of staying with your partner o
That's I'm just no no I'm having an
Insight here this is a this is thank you
for being the trouble Pig and uncovering
this magical little insight that the
same thing is happening at work is
happening in our relationships so it
used to be where we sort of had bowling
leagues and we got our community from
there we got our sense of belief from
church work was the place we made our
living we had barbecues with our
neighbors and over time those things
have disappeared and now we demand of
our work that you be the place of of
purpose you be the place of community
you be the place of my social life now
you be the place that matches my
politics we're putting all this pressure
on work to fulfill every desire I have
and we're doing the exact same thing in
our relationships which is we we've seem
to abandon those outside places and
we're asking of our partners to be
everything all the time always which is
an unreasonable and unfair standard to
put on someone or be put on us I've
never thought about it from the
workplace as well and that's why you're
my favorite Truffle Pig I know Anastasia
has time to run so I'll leave you with
one thing that really you know for me
was was perfectly apt for this
conversation and it's a it's a it's a
saying that we have in South Africa in
Zulu which
is which means a person is a person only
because of the people and I want to say
that I'm genuinely a better person
because of you my friend thank you for
being here with me thanks for sharing
this with us really appreciate it thank
you
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