The secret to self control | Jonathan Bricker | TEDxRainier

Summary

In this inspiring talk, the speaker shares personal stories of their parents to underscore the importance of health and science. They introduce 'willingness' as a key to self-control, a concept from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which helps manage cravings without avoidance. The speaker's research shows that embracing cravings, rather than resisting them, significantly increases the success rate of quitting smoking. The talk encourages a compassionate approach to self-control, suggesting that giving up the struggle with cravings can lead to more effective behavior change.

Takeaways

• 🏃‍♀️ The speaker's mother started exercising later in life and achieved impressive milestones, such as running marathons and trekking to Everest's base camp.
• 📚 The speaker's father was instrumental in instilling a love for science and education, including teaching calculus in high school.
• 💪 The value of health and the importance of science were significant lessons imparted by the speaker's parents, guiding their life choices.
• 🌍 The speaker highlights the global epidemic of unhealthy living, with half a billion people being obese and a billion using tobacco.
• 🚭 Tobacco and obesity are identified as major preventable causes of premature death, emphasizing the need for change.
• 🧩 The speaker compares solving health epidemics to solving a jigsaw puzzle, with various factors contributing to unhealthy behaviors.
• 🔑 The concept of 'willingness' is introduced as a key to self-control and potentially reversing unhealthy epidemics.
• 💭 Willingness involves allowing cravings to exist without acting on them, contrasting with traditional willpower approaches.
• 📚 The speaker shares personal skepticism turned to belief after attending a workshop on willingness at the University of Washington.
• 🔬 Clinical trials and interventions are being conducted to test the effectiveness of teaching willingness for quitting smoking.
• 📈 Data from six clinical trials show that the willingness approach doubled the quit rate compared to the avoidance approach.
• 🤔 The speaker uses the story of 'Jane' to illustrate the practical application of willingness in counseling for quitting smoking.
• 💡 The secret to self-control, according to the speaker, is to give up control, allowing cravings to be without engaging in them.
• 🍪 The speaker encourages the audience to be aware of their cravings during lunch and to approach them with willingness and kindness.

Q & A

What significant change did the speaker's mother undertake when the speaker was born?

The speaker's mother, who was 42 years old when the speaker was born, started exercising for the first time in her life.

What athletic achievements did the speaker's mother accomplish over time?

The speaker's mother progressed from running around the block to completing 5K and 10K races, running a marathon, doing a triathlon, and trekking to the base camp of Mt. Everest by the age of 57.

What role did the speaker's father play in their life, particularly in relation to education?

The speaker's father took them to science classes as a child and also served as their calculus teacher in high school.

What valuable lessons did the speaker learn from their parents?

The speaker learned the value of health from their mother and the value of science from their father.

What is described as the epidemic we are all facing according to the speaker?

The speaker refers to the epidemic of unhealthy living, with a half billion people worldwide being obese.

Why are tobacco and obesity considered two of the most preventable causes of premature death?

Tobacco and obesity are considered preventable because they are lifestyle choices that can be controlled, yet they still contribute to a significant number of premature deaths.

What is the new science of self-control mentioned by the speaker?

The new science of self-control mentioned by the speaker is called 'willingness,' which involves allowing cravings to come and go without acting on them.

What does 'willingness' in the context of self-control entail?

'Willingness' in this context means dropping the struggle with cravings, opening up to them, letting them be there, and making peace with them instead of using willpower to resist them.

How did the speaker's initial exposure to the concept of 'willingness' occur?

The speaker's initial exposure to 'willingness' was through a book recommended by a friend, which they initially dismissed, but later embraced after attending a workshop at the University of Washington.

What is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), as mentioned in the script?

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a broad approach to behavior change that includes willingness as part of its methodology. It is used to help people with various issues, including anxiety disorders and addictions.

What is the main goal of the speaker's research lab at the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center?

The main goal of the speaker's research lab is to conduct randomized clinical trials to determine if teaching people to be willing to have their cravings can effectively help them quit smoking.

What is the effectiveness of the 'willingness' approach compared to the 'avoidance' approach in clinical trials mentioned in the script?

According to the pooled results from six clinical trials, twice as many people quit smoking when assigned to the 'willingness' approach compared to the 'avoidance' approach.

What exercise did the speaker suggest to Jane to create space between her thoughts and actions?

The speaker suggested an exercise called 'I am having the thought,' where Jane would acknowledge her thoughts about needing a cigarette by saying, 'I'm having the thought that I'm feeling a lot of stress right now, I really need a cigarette.'

How did the speaker address Jane's feelings of shame associated with smoking?

The speaker suggested honoring the feeling of shame as part of the human experience and offering words of caring and kindness to oneself, as one would to a close friend feeling the same shame.

What is the secret to self-control according to the speaker's final remarks?

The secret to self-control, as per the speaker, is to give up control and allow cravings to be present without acting on them, thus avoiding the tug-of-war with the 'craving monster.'

Outlines

00:00

🏃‍♂️ Inspiring Parents and the Unhealthy Living Epidemic

The speaker begins by sharing the remarkable story of their mother's late-in-life fitness journey, which includes running marathons and trekking to Everest's base camp. The narrative then shifts to the speaker's father, who was instrumental in their love for science. These personal anecdotes set the stage for the central theme: the speaker's concern about the global epidemic of unhealthy living, citing the staggering statistics of obesity and tobacco use. The speaker introduces the concept of 'willingness' as a new approach to self-control, contrasting it with traditional willpower, and suggests that acceptance of cravings could be key to combating these health issues.

05:04

🧠 The Science of Self-Control and Acceptance

This paragraph delves into the speaker's professional world, where traditional methods of avoiding cravings are common. The speaker challenges this approach by sharing their experience with 'willingness,' which they first encountered dismissively but later embraced after a transformative workshop. The concept of willingness is tied to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, a broader approach to behavior change used for various disorders and even in corporate settings to improve performance and reduce stress. The speaker outlines their research, which includes clinical trials and technology platforms aimed at helping people quit smoking by embracing their cravings, rather than avoiding them.

10:04

🚭 Embracing Cravings: A New Perspective on Self-Control

The final paragraph presents a case study of 'Jane,' a composite character representing individuals struggling with smoking addiction. The speaker illustrates the process of using 'willingness' with Jane, who initially denies having cravings but later acknowledges them through tracking and journaling. The speaker introduces an exercise to create cognitive distance from cravings, using the phrase 'I am having the thought' to foster self-awareness. Additionally, the speaker addresses the emotional challenges Jane faces, such as shame and judgment, suggesting a compassionate approach to dealing with these feelings. The paragraph concludes with a powerful message: the secret to self-control may lie in relinquishing the need to control cravings, allowing them to exist without acting upon them.

Keywords

💡Exercise

In the context of the video, 'exercise' refers to physical activity undertaken to improve health and fitness. The speaker's mother began exercising for the first time at 42, starting with running and eventually participating in marathons and a triathlon. This illustrates the theme of adopting healthy behaviors at any stage of life.

💡Cravings

Cravings are intense desires for certain substances or behaviors, often related to addictions like smoking or overeating. The video discusses managing cravings through the concept of 'willingness,' which involves acknowledging cravings without acting on them. It's a central concept in the speaker's approach to behavior change.

💡Self-control

Self-control is the ability to regulate one's own behavior, emotions, and desires. The video presents a paradoxical approach to self-control by suggesting that giving up control over cravings can lead to better self-management. It's a key element in the speaker's message about overcoming unhealthy behaviors.

💡Willingness

Willingness, as discussed in the video, is a new science of self-control that involves allowing cravings to exist without acting on them. It's part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and is presented as a more effective approach than avoidance in managing cravings for smoking or overeating.

💡Obesity

Obesity is a medical condition characterized by excessive body fat to the extent that health may be negatively affected. The video mentions the epidemic of obesity affecting half a billion people worldwide, emphasizing the urgency of addressing unhealthy living habits.

💡Tobacco

Tobacco refers to the product derived from the tobacco plant, often used in smoking. The video highlights the persistence of tobacco use despite awareness of its dangers, indicating the challenges in combating addiction and the importance of finding effective solutions.

💡Genetics

Genetics is the study of genes, heredity, and variation in living organisms. In the video, genetics is mentioned as one of the factors influencing unhealthy behaviors, suggesting that predispositions to certain behaviors may be inherited.

💡Neurotransmitters

Neurotransmitters are chemical messengers in the nervous system that transmit signals across a synapse. The video touches on neurotransmitters as part of the brain's influence on behaviors, indicating that biological factors play a role in cravings and addictions.

💡Environmental Influences

Environmental influences refer to external factors in one's surroundings that can affect behavior and choices. The video cites peers and media as examples of environmental factors that can contribute to the adoption of unhealthy behaviors.

💡Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is a form of psychotherapy that uses acceptance and mindfulness strategies, along with commitment and behavior change strategies, to improve mental health. The video explains that willingness is part of this therapy, which is used to help with a range of issues including addictions.

💡Epidemic

An epidemic is a widespread occurrence of a disease that affects many individuals at the same time. In the video, the term is metaphorically used to describe the prevalence of unhealthy living and the scale of the problem, emphasizing the need for societal attention.

Highlights

The speaker's mother started exercising at 42 and eventually completed a marathon and a triathlon.

The speaker's father was his calculus teacher and took him to science classes, instilling a love for science.

The speaker learned the value of health from his mother and the value of science from his father.

There is an epidemic of unhealthy living with half a billion people worldwide being obese.

Despite the first Surgeon General's report on tobacco, a billion people still use it.

Tobacco and obesity are preventable causes of premature death, likened to solving a jigsaw puzzle.

Unhealthy behaviors are influenced by genetics, neurotransmitters, and environmental factors.

The concept of 'willingness' is introduced as a new science of self-control.

Willingness involves allowing cravings to exist without acting on them.

The speaker initially dismissed the concept of willingness as psycho-babble.

Willingness is part of acceptance in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for behavior change.

The speaker's research lab is conducting trials on the effectiveness of teaching willingness to quit smoking.

Clinical trials show that willingness is twice as effective as the avoidance approach in quitting smoking.

The speaker shares a personal story of counseling someone named Jane to quit smoking using willingness.

Jane was initially skeptical but began to track her cravings and noticed them more intensely.

The 'I am having the thought' exercise helps create space between thoughts and actions.

Compassion and self-kindness can help deal with the shame associated with addictive behaviors.

The secret to self-control is to give up control, allowing cravings to exist without acting on them.

The speaker encourages the audience to be aware of cravings and practice willingness during lunch break.

Transcripts

Translator: Emanuele Rossi Reviewer: TED Translators admin

Let me tell you about my mom.

My mom was 42 years old when I was born,

and she started exercising for the first time in her life.

She started by running around the block,

and then she started doing 5K races, and then she started doing 10K races.

And after that, she ran a marathon,

and after that, my mom did a triathlon.

By the time she was 57 years old,

my mom was trekking uphill to the base camp of Mt. Everest.

(Laughter)

And let me tell you about my dad.

(Laughter)

When I was a kid, my dad used to take me to science classes.

He was also my calculus teacher in high school.

(Laughter)

I wanted to crawl under the desk.

(Laughter)

I learned something important from my mom:

The value of health.

And I learned something important from my dad:

the value of science.

And these two values have guided me on my trek through life,

and they've helped me appreciate an epidemic that we are all facing.

And it's not Ebola.

Instead, it is the epidemic of unhealthy living.

A half billion people worldwide are obese.

And you would think that 50 years after the first U.S. Surgeon General's report

on the dangers of tobacco was published we'd be beyond the problem of smoking.

Today, a billion people worldwide use tobacco.

Tobacco and obesity are two of the most preventable causes

of premature death.

Solving these problems is like trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle.

We engage in unhealthy behaviors because of our genetics,

because of brain neurotransmitters,

because of environmental influences such as peers and the media.

Each of those pieces of the puzzle

are not things that you and I can solve on our own.

But there is one piece of this puzzle that may hold the key:

Our choices about what we do with our cravings to engage

in addictive behaviors like smoking or overeating.

Our choices.

There is a new science of self-control

that may hold the key to reversing these epidemics.

It's called willingness.

Willingness means allowing your cravings to come and to go,

while not acting on them by smoking or eating unhealthy.

But actually, I'm not talking about willpower, and I'm not talking about

"power through your cravings."

Instead, I'm talking about a different notion of cravings

that looks like this:

dropping the struggle with your cravings.

Opening up to them, letting them be there,

and making peace with them.

Now at this point you may be very skeptical.

(Laughter)

I was when I first heard about it years ago.

A friend of mine came to me with a book on willingness.

He said, "Jonathan,

this book will change your life forever!"

And I said "Oh, OK... Yeah... yeah, I'll check it out."

So I went through it and thought, "Nah, this is a bunch of psycho-babble,"

and tossed it aside.

Until some years later when my wife

brought me to a workshop on willingness at the University of Washington,

and I was blown away.

So then I read the book,

and then I read a lot of books on willingness,

and I got trained in it,

and what I learned was that willingness is part of acceptance

in the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy approach to behavior change.

It's a broad approach to behavior change

that's being used to help people with anxiety disorders, with addictions

even some innovative companies

are now using it to help improve their employees' performance

and reduce their stress.

Now, to understand why I was blown away,

you have to understand the world I live in.

In my research world,

a common way you help people quit smoking and lose weight

is you teach them to avoid their cravings.

Avoid thinking about smoking, distract yourself from food cravings.

There's a song from a Broadway show that captures this perfectly.

It goes like this:

(Singing) When you start to get confused because of thoughts in your head,

don't feel those feelings,

hold them in instead.

Turn it off like a light switch just go click.

We do it all the time

when you're feeling certain feelings that just don't seem right.

Treat those pesky feelings like a reading light and turn them off.

(Laughter)

(Applause)

We all live in this world,

where the song we keep hearing is "turn off the bad feelings."

Now, let's take a look at these cookies.

(Laughter)

They just came out of the oven ooh, they are so good!

Ah, they're so delicious.

Mm-mm, just feel that craving to eat those cookies.

Ooh, they're lovely, they're so good.

Now, turn it off!

(Laughter)

Turn it off!

You want those cookies even more now, right?

You see the futility of trying to turn it off.

You can't turn it off!

And maybe you don't have to.

Maybe, you can leave the light on.

Here is how:

My research lab at the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center, here in Seattle,

is conducting randomized clinical trials

to see if showing people how to be willing to have their cravings

is effective for quitting smoking.

We are conducting trials and face-to-face interventions

and a telephone quit smoking hotline and a website called webquit.org

and in an app called SmartQuit.

These technologies have the potential to reach millions of people

with interventions that could save their lives.

That's pretty amazing.

And let me tell you about the data.

When you pool together the results from six clinical trials,

all six that have been published to date,

including trials conducted by our colleagues,

what we see is that for the people who were assigned

to the avoidance approach - avoiding your cravings —-

some of them quit smoking,

and it varied depending on the study.

However, for the people who were randomly assigned to the willingness condition,

twice as many quit smoking.

Very, very encouraging.

Now, of course, the data only tell us one small part of the story.

So, to help you see willingness in action,

I'm going to weave together experiences I've had

in counseling people for quitting smoking.

And I'll together refer to them as one person

that we'll just call Jane.

So, as is typical of people who come in to want help for quitting smoking,

Jane was a 45-year-old person

who started smoking when she was a teenager.

She tried to quit smoking several times and was not successful.

So, she was very skeptical that anything "new"

was going to be helpful to her for quitting,

and yet she was really hopeful that this time would be different.

So, the first thing that I showed Jane was to be willing,

that is to be aware, of her cravings in her body.

So to notice where she felt cravings in her body.

And what I did was I asked her

to journal that, and just to track the intensity over time,

and to see if she'd smoke afterwards.

So in the middle of explaining this, she stops me and says,

"What are you talking about? I don't have cravings, I just smoke!"

So I said, "Well, why don't you try it, and we'll see what happens,

and if it doesn't work, we'll try something else."

So she came back a week later and she said,

"You know, I've been tracking my cravings,

I've been tracking them all the time.

And now I can't stop thinking about smoking!

(Laughter)

What am I supposed to do?"

Well, before I tell you my answer, let'’s look behind the scenes.

Now, what was probably going on here

was that Jane was having cravings all along,

and like a lot of us, she was living on autopilot.

(Laughter)

You wake up in the morning, you smoke a cigarette,

you have a cup of coffee, you smoke a cigarette,

you get in the car, you smoke a cigarette.

We're often just not aware of what we think, what we feel before we act.

So, my answer to Jane was to be willing,

and one of the ways I showed her to do that

was with an exercise called "I am having the thought".

So, one of Jane's thoughts before she had a cigarette was,

"I'm feeling a lot of stress right now, I really need a cigarette."

So I asked her to add the phrase

"I'm having the thought" like this.

"I'm having the thought

that I'm feeling a lot of stress right now I really need a cigarette."

Then I asked her to add the phrase "I'm noticing I'm having the thought,"

so "I'm noticing that I'm having the thought

that I'm feeling a lot of stress right now,

I really need a cigarette."

Now, we can all do an exercise like this when we have any kind of negative thought.

Like for my thought that "I'm boring all of you with my talk"

(Laughter)

and I'm having the thought that I'm boring all of you with my talk.

So, what this exercise did is it gave me a little bit of space

between me and my thoughts.

And it's in that space

that I can choose not to run off the stage in front of 1,500 people.

(Laughter)

And the fact is we don't act on every thought we have,

because if we did, we'd all be in a whole lot of trouble.

(Laughter)

So, this was helpful to Jane, but there was something else

that was really difficult for Jane.

I felt a lot of compassion for her about it.

That was the judgment that she felt

from people when she would be outside smoking a cigarette.

The criticism from her husband for being a smoker,

and the self-loathing that she developed about smoking.

And she dealt with this shame by having a cigarette,

which gave her relief temporarily until the shame came back.

So, I said to Jane,

"What would it be like if we tried to honor this feeling of shame

as part of the human experience?

If you had a close friend who is feeling shame about smoking,”

I said to Jane,

“what would you offer this friend as words of caring and kindness,

and could you then offer those words to yourself, Jane?"

And she looked up,

and she had this look of this temporary respite from the shame,

which made it just a little bit easier next time

not to act on the craving.

So, here is the secret to self-control:

the secret to self-control is to give up control.

Because otherwise,

we get into a tug-of-war with a monster, a craving monster.

And the craving monster says,

"Come on, smoke a cigarette. Come on, have that cookie. Come on!"

And you're on the other side saying,

"No craving monster, I'm going to distract myself from you,

I'm going to ignore you, no, no, no, no."

And the craving monster says, "No, no, come on, you know you want it!"

And you're just back here

and you're going back and forth and back and forth

and pretty soon the craving monster overpowers you

— you have that cookie, you have that cigarette,

until the craving monster comes back.

And then you're in the tug-of-war again doing what we've learned how to do.

Unless -

unless you drop the rope.

And what you discover

is that if you just allow the monster to be,

to occupy a space in your body,

you discover in a few minutes

that the craving monster is not as threatening as he appears.

And sometimes, he even goes away.

As we break for lunch, we're going to have choices of what to eat.

(Laughter)

When you see them, try to be aware of the cravings in your body,

try to be willing to have those cravings.

See if they pass on their own.

Whatever choice you make, try to bring a spirit of caring

and kindness to yourself,

for that is the mountain that we are all climbing.

Thank you very much.

(Applause)