Couples share the love as same-sex marriage celebrates 15 years in Canada

Summary

The video script narrates the emotional journey of a same-sex couple preparing for their wedding amidst societal assumptions and the ongoing fight for equality. It features personal anecdotes, reflections on the progress made in marriage rights, and the challenges faced by other couples. The script emphasizes the importance of community, representation, and the ongoing struggle against homophobia and transphobia, highlighting the milestones in Canada's journey towards marriage equality and the recent changes in fertility treatment policies.

Takeaways

• 💍 Emotional Purchase: The speaker expresses surprise at becoming emotional while buying a ring, indicating the deep personal significance of the act.
• 🎉 Unexpected Proposal: The speaker was unaware that their partner would propose to them in the near future, highlighting the element of surprise in their relationship.
• 🗽 New York City Proposal: Angela proposed in a significant location, New York City, adding to the memory's importance.
• 📅 Anniversary Timing: The couple will have been together nearly two years by their wedding in October, showing the progression of their relationship.
• 🌐 Unique 2020 Experience: The script mentions unique challenges and experiences faced in planning a wedding during the year 2020, likely referring to the COVID-19 pandemic.
• 🏳️‍🌈 Assumptions of Heterosexuality: The speaker discusses the automatic assumption of heterosexuality when they are with their partner, pointing to societal biases.
• 👭 Misinterpretations: The couple is often mistaken for friends or siblings rather than a couple, demonstrating a lack of visibility for same-sex relationships.
• 💔 Feeling Invisible: The emotional impact of being overlooked or only acknowledged as a couple when it's known they are gay is highlighted.
• 🏛️ Marriage Equality Struggles: The speaker reflects on their past ignorance of marriage equality and the importance of understanding the community's struggles.
• 🤝 International Connection: The story of Kristen Wong Tam and Farah Khan, who met at an LGBT conference and faced challenges due to Jamaica's laws, is shared.
• 🇨🇦 Canadian Marriage Equality: Canada's legalization of same-sex marriage in 2005 and the ongoing fight against homophobia and transphobia are discussed.
• 👨‍❤️‍👨‍👧‍👦 Fertility Treatment Milestone: A recent change allowing fertility treatment for same-sex couples in Canada is celebrated, emphasizing progress.
• 🌍 Global Solidarity: The message of love and solidarity is sent to the global community, acknowledging the ongoing fight for LGBTQ+ rights worldwide.
• 🌈 Personal Wedding Vision: The speaker expresses a desire for their wedding to be seen as just a wedding, not specifically a 'same-sex' wedding, emphasizing personal identity and celebration.

Q & A

What was the emotional experience of the speaker when they bought a ring?

The speaker was unexpectedly emotional while buying the ring, as they thought they would be the one proposing to their partner, not knowing that their partner would propose to them a couple of weeks later.

When and where did Angela propose to the speaker?

Angela proposed to the speaker in New York City in 2018.

How long will it have been since the proposal by the time the couple gets married in October?

By the time they get married in October, it will have been almost two years to the weekend since the proposal.

What has been the speaker's experience with getting married in 2020?

The speaker's experience has been interesting, with many good things and challenges, including assumptions about their engagement and the invisibility they feel as a same-sex couple.

What assumptions are often made about the speaker's engagement based on societal norms?

People often assume that the speaker is engaged to a man, even when their partner, Angela, is standing next to them.

How did the speaker feel when they were referred to as 'friends' or 'sisters' instead of a couple?

The speaker felt invisible and not recognized as a couple, which led to a realization of the challenges faced by same-sex couples in society.

What was the speaker's understanding of marriage equality 15 years ago?

Fifteen years ago, the speaker was unaware of the fight for marriage equality, as they were in high school, not out, and attending Catholic school, without much knowledge of the community's struggles.

Why did the speaker decide to learn more about the LGBTQ+ community?

The speaker decided to learn more about the community to understand the struggles and be a part of it, realizing the importance of knowing the history and challenges faced by the community.

What challenges did Kristen Wong Tam and Farah Khan face in their marriage journey?

They faced challenges such as having to get married in Canada due to Jamaica's ban on same-sex unions, and receiving death threats after their wedding photo was published in a Jamaican newspaper.

How did the legalization of same-sex marriage in Canada impact the perception of the LGBTQ+ community?

The legalization helped people see LGBTQ+ individuals not just as sexual beings but also as people who want to have families and contribute to society.

What recent milestone did the Canadian armed forces achieve regarding fertility treatment?

The Canadian armed forces recently changed their policy to provide fertility treatment to same-sex couples, allowing Kristen and Farah to plan their family.

What message of solidarity and love did the couples want to convey to the LGBTQ+ community?

They wanted to send a message of love and solidarity, encouraging the community to take care of themselves and each other, and to remember the importance of community and love in the face of ongoing challenges.

How does the speaker feel about their upcoming wedding in relation to the broader LGBTQ+ community?

The speaker appreciates the struggles and victories of the community, feels a connection with other same-sex couples, and wants their wedding to be seen as just that—a wedding, not a 'same-sex' wedding.

Outlines

00:00

💍 Emotional Journey to Marriage Equality

The speaker recounts their personal experience of buying a ring and the unexpected emotional impact it had, reflecting on the anticipation of proposing. They mention their partner, Angela, who proposed to them in New York City in 2018, and how their wedding in October will mark nearly two years since that event. The narrative touches on the unique challenges they faced in planning their wedding in 2020, including assumptions about their relationship due to societal norms and the invisibility they sometimes felt as a same-sex couple. The speaker also expresses empathy for those who cannot legally marry the person they love, recalling their own journey of self-discovery and acceptance, and the importance of understanding the struggles of the LGBT community. They meet other couples, Kristen Wong Tam and Farah Khan, who share their own experiences of marriage, activism, and the fight for marriage equality, highlighting the ongoing battle against homophobia and transphobia.

05:03

🌈 Celebrating Marriage, Not Just Equality

This paragraph focuses on the speaker's gratitude towards the couples they met, who have been instrumental in the fight for marriage equality and serve as role models. The speaker is particularly moved by the story of Farah and Kristen, who faced significant challenges in their journey to start a family due to fertility treatment restrictions. The speaker emphasizes the importance of representation, especially as a feminine gay woman, and the desire to have a wedding that is celebrated as just that—a wedding, not specifically a 'same-sex' wedding. They express a wish for their wedding to be seen as a universal celebration of love, rather than being defined by the gender of the couple involved. The paragraph concludes with a reflection on the progress made in the fight for equality and the ongoing need for continued activism and support within the community.

Keywords

💡Proposal

A proposal in the context of this video refers to the act of asking someone to marry you. It is a significant moment in a couple's relationship and is central to the video's theme of marriage equality. The script mentions the emotional experience of buying a ring and the surprise of being proposed to by Angela in New York City, illustrating the personal significance of this event.

💡Marriage Equality

Marriage equality is the concept that all couples, regardless of their gender, should have the right to marry. The video's theme revolves around the struggles and achievements related to this concept. It is exemplified by the historical fight for same-sex marriage rights in Canada and the personal stories of couples who have fought for or benefited from these rights.

💡Emotional

The term 'emotional' is used to describe the strong feelings experienced by the speaker during the process of buying a ring and contemplating a proposal. It highlights the personal and intimate nature of the marriage proposal and the emotional journey that comes with it.

💡Visibility

Visibility in this context refers to the recognition and acceptance of same-sex couples in society. The video discusses the invisibility of the couple's relationship due to societal assumptions, which is a reflection of the broader issue of social recognition and acceptance of LGBTQ+ relationships.

💡Invisibility

Invisibility, as mentioned in the script, is a metaphor for the lack of recognition that same-sex couples sometimes face, even when they are openly displaying affection. It is tied to the theme of societal acceptance and the challenges faced by LGBTQ+ individuals in being seen and acknowledged in their relationships.

💡Discrimination

Discrimination is the unfair treatment of a person or group based on certain characteristics, such as sexual orientation. The video touches on the discrimination faced by LGBTQ+ individuals, including the assumption of heterosexuality and the challenges of being recognized in public spaces.

💡Community

Community in this video refers to the collective of individuals who share a common identity, in this case, the LGBTQ+ community. It is a central concept as the video discusses the importance of community support, shared struggles, and the fight for rights and recognition.

💡Struggle

Struggle is used to describe the ongoing efforts and challenges faced by individuals and communities in the pursuit of equality and acceptance. The video's theme includes the historical and personal struggles related to marriage equality and societal recognition.

💡Representation

Representation in the video refers to the portrayal or depiction of individuals or groups in society, particularly in terms of gender and sexual orientation. The script mentions the importance of seeing oneself reflected in others, such as Farah being a feminine woman married to another woman, which is significant for the speaker's sense of identity and belonging.

💡Fertility Treatment

Fertility treatment is a medical intervention to help individuals or couples conceive a child. The video discusses the recent change in policy in Canada to provide fertility treatment to same-sex couples, highlighting a milestone in equality and the personal significance for couples wanting to start a family.

💡Solidarity

Solidarity is the unity and mutual support within a group, particularly in the face of challenges or adversity. The video ends with a message of love and solidarity from the couples featured, emphasizing the importance of community support and mutual care in the ongoing fight for LGBTQ+ rights.

Highlights

Emotional experience of buying a ring and unexpected proposal.

Angela's proposal in New York City in 2018.

Upcoming marriage in October, marking two years since the proposal.

Interesting and challenging experience of getting married in 2020.

Assumption of engagement to a man despite being with a woman.

Invisibility and misidentification in public spaces.

Reflection on the struggle for marriage equality and personal ignorance 15 years ago.

Learning about community struggles to understand one's identity better.

Introduction of Kristen Wong Tam and wife Farah Khan, married for nine years.

Meeting at an LGBT conference in Sao Paulo, Brazil, and overcoming initial professional interest.

Challenges of getting married in Canada due to Jamaica's ban on same-sex unions.

Death threats and the need for a quick exit from Jamaica after the wedding.

The importance of marriage for a queer Muslim woman despite community opposition.

Historical context of marriage equality fight in Canada, legalizing same-sex marriage in 2005.

Significance of marriage equality in changing societal perceptions beyond sexual acts to family aspirations.

Recent policy change in Canada allowing fertility treatment for same-sex couples.

Plans to start a family enabled by the policy change.

Continuing the fight against homophobia and transphobia globally.

Message of love, solidarity, self-care, and community remembrance.

Gratitude for pioneers in the marriage equality movement and their ongoing fight.

Personal connection and representation for a feminine gay woman seeing Farah.

Desire for a wedding that is not defined by being a same-sex marriage.

Transcripts

I just bought your ring.

What the f--k.

I hadn't expected to get emotional while I was filming it

but I think at least at that moment I thought I would be proposing to her.

I didn't know that she was going to propose to me just a couple weeks later.

Angela proposed to me in New York City in 2018.

By the time we get married in October it'll be pretty much two years to the weekend.

Our experience getting married in 2020 has been interesting.

There's been a lot of really good things.

A lot of things that we take for granted.

But I think it comes with a whole different string of challenges.

It's automatically assumed that I am engaged to a man

when most times Angela is standing right next to me.

Oh look another wedding show and they referred to us as friends

or they think we're sisters

and things like that even though we're holding hands.

Who holds hands with their sister at a wedding show?

I don't entirely know.

I don't feel like I'm a person at that time.

When i hear it and after you know I joke about it I realize

OK you know what we're invisible to some people.

Or we're only visible when it's known that we're a couple.

I can't even imagine what it would be like to love your person so much

but want to get married and legally not be allowed to have that opportunity.

I was in high school 15 years ago and to me like I didn't know what was happening.

I didn't know that marriage equality was something that we were fighting for

because I was kind of in my own little bubble.

I wasn't out.

I went to Catholic school, I didn't really know anything

and so eventually I did decide to learn more about what it meant to be part of the community

because you know how can I be part of a community without knowing the struggles.

Hi Rachel, Hi Angela.

I'm Maurice.

And I'm Tom.

Hello Angela and Rachel.

I'm Kristen Wong Tam and this is my wife Farah Khan.

We've been married for nine years.

We met at an LGBT conference in Sao Paulo, Brazil where I was talking about my work

challenging homophobia in the Caribbean.

And of course our initial interest in each other was purely professional

but then we quickly realized well there was a little bit more than that.

We had to get married in Canada because Jamaica bans same-sex unions

and I went back to Jamaica after a wedding to wait for the filing process to be complete

but a Jamaican newspaper got a hold of our wedding photo

and we had to get him out quickly because there were numerous death threats.

In 2016 we got married.

And we were definitely not the marrying kind.

Even on our first date Kristen said I'm not really interested in marriage or having kids.

Lots has changed in four years.

But for me you know it was a big deal

because I had family members who told me that I shouldn't get married

and people in my community that told me I shouldn't get married

and as a queer Muslim woman taking up that space

and you know thanking the people that fought for me the right to do that was really important.

The marriage equality fight in Canada goes back decades.

[Paul Martin] Separate but equal is not equal.

Of course Canada legalized same-sex marriage in 2005 and that was critical.

I believe that marriage equality helps people to see us not just as walking sex acts.

But also as people who want to have families.

Just very recently we've had another milestone if you will in the Canadian armed forces

and i'm sure in other government agencies.

Fertility treatment was only provided to heterosexual couples.

Yeah and that was recently changed so we're very very happy

because we're planning to start our own family.

We know that in Canada and across the world that people fought for a right to exist as human beings.

To not be killed and we have to keep fighting as a community.

That that fight isn't over.

Yeah and Farah is absolutely right I mean homophobia and transphobia while it continues to exist in the world

we cannot ease up.

And there are so many brothers and sisters around the globe that don't have the freedoms that we have here.

So we want to send you this message of love and solidarity.

We want you to take care of yourselves and each other of course

and let's always remember community.

Let's always remember this love.

Congratulations.

So best of luck!

Here I am.

I'm about to get married in a couple months.

I can't imagine what it was like 15, 16 years ago fighting for this.

Both couples fought and continued to fight

and of course they've experienced a lot more than we have

and they can see the good that's coming out of it now

but they also saw I guess the bad parts

and I just say a big thank you to both of them for stepping up

and for being those people that we can look up to

and say that's what I want.

The part about fertility treatment.

The fact that they've been waiting this long to be able to start their family

and only just now able to celebrate it

whereas that's always been an option for us.

That struck a chord with me.

Farah looks like me.

Like she is feminine but she's married to a woman

and that's not something that I see a lot.

So it's nice to look at her and feel connected and see that representation

as a feminine gay woman.

When I think of getting married it's I'm getting married and i'm going to have a wedding

and it's our wedding.

It's not our same-sex wedding.

Come to our marriage equality celebration.

No it's just come to our wedding.

We just want to have a wedding and we don't want rainbows everywhere.

And for some same-sex couples that's great if they want rainbows and they want to celebrate that

but that's just not us

and it doesn't make our wedding any less gay

because I'm still going to be marrying Angela at the end of it.