When People Keep Letting You Down | Dr. Omar Suleiman

Summary

In this speech, the speaker addresses the challenges of maintaining friendships and relationships in the face of betrayal and disappointment. He emphasizes the importance of mixing with people, promoting goodness, and maintaining trust despite hardships. Drawing from the Prophet's teachings and experiences, he encourages patience, integrity, and resilience. The speaker advises against becoming jaded or retaliating with bad behavior, urging listeners to trust in Allah's justice and strive to be a beacon of trustworthiness and kindness, even when others disappoint. Ultimately, he calls for high personal standards and seeking Allah's reward in all interactions.

Takeaways

• 🙌 It's natural to feel jaded after experiencing betrayal and hardship in relationships.
• 🙏 The Prophet Muhammad (Sall alaihi wasallam) emphasized the importance of mixing with people and being patient with their shortcomings.
• 🌟 Injecting excellence, trust, and good language into spaces lacking these qualities is encouraged.
• 💔 Nice and honest people often face disappointment and betrayal, but should strive to remain virtuous.
• 📜 On the Day of Judgment, those who wronged others will have to compensate their victims, possibly losing their good deeds.
• 🤝 The Prophet advised lending one's reputation and name to Allah, letting go of worldly concerns for a greater reward.
• 🛡️ Even in betrayal, one should not retaliate or betray others; uphold a higher standard of integrity.
• 🦸 The Prophet's example teaches not to remind others of past favors done for them, maintaining humility and sincerity.
• 💬 Trustworthy and honest people may become rare, but one should strive to be that dependable person.
• 🌿 Rather than becoming cynical, aim to be the positive change you wish to see, maintaining hope in Allah's reward.

Q & A

What is the main topic addressed in the script?

The main topic is how to deal with feelings of disappointment and betrayal in relationships and the importance of maintaining integrity and trust despite negative experiences.

What is the advice given to someone who is tired of friendships and relationships?

The advice is to remember the teaching of the Prophet, who said that mixing with people and enduring the hardships that come with it is better than shunning them. It is important to continue injecting excellence and trust in spaces that lack them, despite past betrayals.

How does the script suggest one should deal with being wronged or betrayed?

It suggests that one should aim to be the disappointed rather than the disappointing, to not retaliate in kind, and to leave the matter to Allah for justice in the afterlife. One should also strive to maintain integrity and not become like those who have wronged them.

What example does the script give to illustrate the Prophet's trustworthiness?

The example given is when the Prophet Muhammad, even while his enemies were plotting against him, still returned their entrusted possessions to them before migrating to Medina, demonstrating his unwavering integrity and trustworthiness.

How does the script explain the decline in trustworthiness over time?

The script notes that as time progresses, it becomes harder to find trustworthy people. The Prophet mentioned that in a group of 100 camels, only one would be suitable for a journey, implying that trustworthy individuals become rarer over time.

What does the script suggest about having expectations of people?

The script suggests lowering expectations of people to avoid disappointment and instead placing hopes and seeking reward from Allah. This helps to manage the inevitable letdowns that come from human interactions.

How should one respond to insults and harm from others, according to the script?

One should give their reputation to Allah and not retaliate in kind. This means enduring insults and harm without seeking revenge, trusting that Allah will provide justice.

What analogy does the script use to describe people in a deteriorating society?

The script uses the analogy of people being like leaves with thorns, meaning that in a deteriorating society, one is likely to get hurt even if they try to avoid trouble.

What is the significance of the Hadith about the 100 camels?

The Hadith about the 100 camels signifies that finding trustworthy people is rare. It emphasizes the importance of striving to be that one trustworthy individual among many.

What is the ultimate message about dealing with betrayal and maintaining trust?

The ultimate message is to hold oneself to a higher standard, maintain integrity, and seek Allah's reward and justice. Despite being wronged, one should not become jaded or retaliate but continue to embody trust and righteousness.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 Coping with Disappointment and Isolation

The speaker discusses a comment from a listener who is tired of friendships and social interactions due to past betrayals and disappointments. He refers to a teaching of the Prophet, highlighting that engaging with people and facing hardships is better than avoiding them. The focus is on bringing positive qualities to environments lacking them, and the challenges nice and honest people face.

05:00

😟 Facing Betrayal and Maintaining Integrity

The speaker reflects on the inevitability of being wronged and emphasizes the importance of not retaliating in kind. He shares a narration about a time when trust was common but has now diminished. The speaker advises lending one’s name and reputation to Allah, highlighting the concept of being wronged yet maintaining integrity and the ultimate reckoning on the Day of Judgment.

10:02

🚶‍♂️ Striving to Be Trustworthy Despite Challenges

The speaker discusses how trust and integrity have deteriorated over time. He emphasizes the importance of maintaining trustworthiness and good character, even when others do not. He shares examples from the Prophet’s life, who remained trustworthy even when others betrayed him. The message is to uphold a higher standard of behavior regardless of others' actions.

15:05

💪 Overcoming Hurt and Setting a Higher Standard

The speaker encourages people to not let past hurts lead them to treat others poorly. He stresses that while it is natural to be cautious after being wronged, one should aim to be the change they want to see in the world. He advises placing hopes in Allah's reward and maintaining integrity. He ends with a prayer for strength and righteous companions.

Keywords

💡Friendships

Friendships refer to the relationships between individuals based on mutual affection and support. In the video, the speaker addresses the challenges and disappointments often faced in friendships, highlighting how people can become jaded due to betrayals and imbalances in these relationships.

💡Betrayal

Betrayal is the act of being disloyal or treacherous. The speaker discusses how experiences of betrayal in friendships and marriages can lead to a reluctance to trust others, emphasizing the emotional toll and the resulting isolation that people may feel.

💡Trust

Trust is the firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone. The video highlights the importance of trust in relationships and laments its scarcity, noting how the Prophet Muhammad was trusted even by those who opposed him, and encouraging viewers to uphold trustworthiness.

💡Prophet Muhammad

Prophet Muhammad is the founder of Islam, regarded as the last prophet sent by Allah. The speaker uses his life and teachings as examples to illustrate how to deal with people despite the inevitable hardships, emphasizing his integrity, patience, and trustworthiness.

💡Hardship

Hardship refers to severe suffering or privation. The video discusses the inevitability of encountering hardships when interacting with others and the importance of enduring these difficulties with patience, as exemplified by the Prophet Muhammad.

💡Patience

Patience is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. The speaker stresses the value of patience in dealing with the imperfections and wrongdoings of others, drawing on Islamic teachings and the Prophet's example.

💡Integrity

Integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. The video emphasizes maintaining integrity despite the actions of others, encouraging individuals to hold themselves to a higher standard and not succumb to negative behaviors.

💡Justice

Justice is the quality of being fair and reasonable. The speaker talks about the need for justice in relationships and society, but also highlights the importance of seeking recompense from Allah when earthly justice is unattainable, particularly on the Day of Judgment.

💡Day of Judgment

The Day of Judgment is a concept in Islam where all individuals are judged by Allah for their deeds. The video references this day to remind viewers of the ultimate accountability for one's actions, stressing that those who wrong others will face consequences, and those wronged will be compensated.

💡Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the action of forgiving or being forgiven for an error or offense. The speaker encourages seeking forgiveness from Allah for one's wrongdoings and not justifying bad behavior by the actions of others, emphasizing personal accountability and spiritual purification.

Highlights

A brother questioned the need for friendships due to past betrayals and feeling jaded.

Prophet's teaching: Mixing with people and tolerating hardships is better than shunning them.

Emphasizes bringing excellence, trust, and good language into spaces lacking these qualities.

Prophet's example: No one tolerated more abuse than the Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W).

Important lesson: Be patient with people and maintain good character despite being wronged.

Illustration of the Prophet's patience and his refusal to betray others even when betrayed.

Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) never reminded others of his past favors to them.

Importance of maintaining trustworthiness and integrity, even in adverse situations.

The analogy of 100 camels: Only one in a hundred people are reliable, emphasizing the rarity of trustworthy individuals.

Advocates for being the one trustworthy person despite widespread untrustworthiness.

Avoid punishing others due to the pain inflicted on you; strive to maintain good character.

Seek justice appropriately but turn to Allah for recompense when wronged without recourse.

Lower expectations in people and place hopes in Allah's reward.

Encourages giving one's reputation and name to Allah, focusing on His judgment rather than people's opinions.

Advises seeking forgiveness from Allah when wronged and maintaining a higher standard of behavior.

Transcripts

dear brothers and sisters last week in

the uh first I spoke about this concept

of friends and I got a comment after

from a brother he said well what if I

just don't want any friends what if I'm

just tired of being around people and at

this point in my life I've been through

so many friendships so many

relationships where I always feel like

I'm the one that's giving more or I

always feel like it ends up in some sort

of betrayal someone Tak taking advantage

of me and at this point I'm just sick of

people and it reminded me instantly of

aith of the

Prophet that the one who mixes with the

people and encounters what naturally is

some of the hardship that comes when you

deal with people is better than the one

who shuns the people and does not

tolerate what comes from them is not

patient with the hardship that comes

from them and that

obviously is speaking about encountering

people and mixing with the people in a

healthy way injecting injecting

excellence in spaces that lack

Excellence injecting trust in spaces

that have been poisoned by betrayal

bringing good language to places where

foul language is normal bringing Allah's

remembrance to places where he is not

remembered all of these things is what

is being spoken about and obviously no

one tolerated more abuse than the

prophet Sall alaihi wasallam despite who

he

was right nice people generally get

taken advantage of honest people

generally end up in situations that they

regret and so a question comes up you

know what am I supposed to do what am I

supposed to do I have gotten to a

certain age in my life you they talk

about the innocence of someone who's

Young by the time you've gone through

enough business Partnerships and

relationships and friendships you're

just done you become a very jaded person

and of course with some may Allah

subhana T help them that's even

marriages right betrayal and marriages

and hardship that comes through that may

Allah subhana wa tala ease that pain and

and allow us to have healthier marriages

without betrayal and infidelity and some

of the things that people encounter

despite doing everything they're

supposed to do in a marriage so it it

can leave you as a very jaded person so

where do we go from here and I want to

actually reflect on some of the

analogies from the prophet and his

companions and then what that means

means for us something constructive in a

few minutes I found a beautiful

narration

from he said that I remember living

amongst people and they were like leaves

with no Thorns meaning you walk around

and you don't have to worry about

something pricking you right I lived

amongst honest people I know what it was

like to be in a generation of honest

God-fearing people he

said and then I saw saw it change

completely where there are thorns

everywhere and I don't see just innocent

leaves I'm going to get pricked right

and left even if I'm not doing anything

he said

uh which my translation would be the

best thing if you mess with them they'll

mess with you too okay if you if you if

you kind of agitate or if you criticize

or if you give advice it'll come back

towards you as

well but the problem is that if you

leave people alone they won't leave you

alone so you can you know get in the

game basically and you can muscle your

way through the way that people deal

with each other and you're not going to

come out clean right they're going to

get right back at you even if you're not

a just in general it's going to be tough

or even if you leave people alone they

will not leave you alone right you don't

get involved in any trouble you don't do

anything to agitate or to aggravate you

just keep to yourself and still people

are going to talk about you still people

are going to mess with you still people

are going to make claims about you

you're still going to find yourself in a

mess because people have become

collectively Messier and so they said

to

okay what are we supposed to do when

that time

comes he said loan them your name

for a day in which you will be

impoverished you'll be in poverty loan

them your name let them have it let them

speak about you let them say things

about you let them you know take shots

at you let them

prick because there will come a day of

poverty the prophet Sall wasallam

mentioned that that those people that

have a lot will have such little on the

day of judgment except for those of

course who were people of Charity and

goodness and the prophet s mentioned Al

a bankrupt person on the day of judgment

some people will show up on the day of

judgment with Salah with prayer with

fasting with all types of good deeds and

it will all go away in front of their

eyes cuz it's a credit card all these

people that you

hurt they're all going to line up one by

one and take your good deeds until

you're left with nothing may Allah

subhana protect us from being amongst

them and a person says Allah I I have

nothing left now you go into debt on the

day of judgment people will come and put

their sins on you because you have no

more Good Deeds for them it's a

terrifying situation so was saying to

his students he's saying listen just let

them have at it but know that there will

come a day that you'll get it back it'll

be paid back to you the prophet Salli

wasallam also spoke to this idea of the

quality of

people sort of deteriorating when he

said

Prophet said people are like a set of

100 camels out of a 100 you'll only find

one that's good for a journey and if you

think about people you can only rely on

one person out of 100 now of course as

time goes on trust Withers Integrity

Withers people will constantly

disappoint you the point is to be the

disappointed and not the disappointing

people will constantly wrong you the

point is to be the one who is not the

one who's killed not killing the one who

is wronged not wronging because if you

wrong someone your price to pay is on

the day of judgment if you are wronged

that doesn't mean we tolerate an

atmosphere of an atmosphere of

wrongdoing that doesn't mean that we

turn a blind eye to Justice and tell

people be patient when they're being

wronged that means that for ourselves in

these natural situations we'd rather be

on the side of being harmed rather than

harming because Allah subh compensates

and Allah subhana prosecutes on the day

of judgment right so you can only find

one out of 100 that's suitable for a

journey and it's to the point

that when he's talking about the loss of

the loss of trust in particular over

time he said there will come a time on

this

Earth that people will have such a hard

time finding a trustworthy person a

person of am a person of trust that

they'll start to say somewhere over

there in in this city in this in this

town There's a trustworthy person so

whether it's in business or whatever it

may be like you go over there and you'll

find someone despite the overall

increase in population there are more

Muslims around but there are less

trustworthy people so you got to go find

them and it becomes uh it becomes a

thing it becomes a

rare you know a rare prize to the one

who is able to find someone that's

trustworthy how many times times do you

engage in business how many times do you

do something with another Muslim and you

think mashallah this is going to go

great two years later you're in front of

our

offices asking for help because that

person flipped on you right took

advantage of you wronged you it's sad it

is a very sad situation and the prophet

Salli wasallam gave us

instructions first and foremost through

his own

behavior and I want you to think about

being jaded how a person can get to a

point where they're jaded and just

disappointed because they're constantly

let down when stood up on a Safa and the

prophet s alaihi wasallam said look if I

was to tell you people that there is an

army coming from the other side we all

know this Hadith they'd say what of

course you're a we believe you for 40

years wasam was their am and he

continued to

be throughout the entirety of his life

for 40 years you trusted me for 40 years

I helped you out for 40 years I was

there for you and then they act like

they don't know him you know it's very

interesting Subhan Allah one of my my

teachers in s he said there is not a

single narration of the Prophet sallai

wasallam reminding individually someone

from the days of ignorance about some

good that he did for

them meaning like hey remember I

remember you you know pointing to

someone I remember when you were going

through this I was the one that loaned

you money

the prophet used to get people out of

debt remember when you were in hardship

I was the one that you came and talked

to remember when you needed this I was

the one that did this

because don't be that person that

negates their charity by what remember

when I got you remember this and

remember that no when the prophet s

wasallam helped people he helped them

because of who he was not because of who

they were so even after Islam when they

turned their backs on him do you know

how many nasty Secrets the prophet s

could have probably brought out from

those people you know how he probably

could have humiliated Abu jahal and ABAB

and some of those people by mentioning

some things that he surely knew from the

past you know how he could have put some

people down and say remember when I did

this for you you were nobody and I was

there for you and everyone's taking

their shots at the prophet Sall alaihi

wasallam now he didn't do it why he set

a different standard for

himself Prophet said when someone

entrusts you with something then fulfill

their

trust don't betray those who betray you

don't act in like manner with people

that act in a certain way with you if

you need to end that relationship end it

we talked about that last week but don't

become that person don't justify your

own bad behavior by that person's bad

behavior towards you and that's why

Subhan Allah even in the hij I mean I

know we say this but imagine they're

trying to kill the prophet s alaihi

wasallam but at the same time they're

storing their amanat with him they're

storing their trusts with him the same

people that are plotting a plot to take

him out have their most precious

possessions with him because they know

that even in those circumstances no

one's more trustworthy than him what did

the prophet s wasam do did he say you

know what since you're kicking me out of

meca I'm going to take this with me to

Madina no he leaves behind and he says

go return this to this person go return

this to this person go return this to

this person and risk your life in the

process by the way because we hold

ourselves to a different standard I'm

not going to become like that person I'm

not going to become like that standard

I'm not going to subject myself to

that Rose above it not just after Islam

but even before

it and that's from

his and the prophet s wasallam

understands that it's only natural that

as time goes on look you can you can get

to a point where you're just sick of

people where you start to act towards

people even unintentionally sometimes

with a new meanness and a crudeness and

a harshness

and a suspicion because of what was done

to you and we learned from the prophet s

alaihi wasallam that don't punish people

with the pain that was inflicted on you

it's not fair it's not fair you know

Subhan Allah sometimes people become

monsters in society and what's the first

excuse especially you know if if the

person fits a certain profile well when

they were kids and this and this

happened that doesn't excuse anything no

one carries the burden of another person

you don't get to inflict pain on someone

else because it was inflicted on you

that's not the way that this works

there are ways to seek Justice and Islam

has mechanisms of Justice we're not a

religion that says Overlook justice but

at the same time when there is an

inevitable wrongdoing that has no

recourse in this life we turn to Allah

subhanahu wa'ta'ala and we seek it in

the next life so don't punish people

with the pain that was inflicted on you

also seek to be the difference that you

want to see in people around you when

you read the Hadith of the 100 camels

tell yourself I'm going to be the one

camel I don't just read that and say

yeah you

know and indeed we say that but most

people I meet are very messed up people

99 out of 100 right no say what does it

take to be the one out of the out of the

100 because the prophet

said every generation of my um has

people that that lead the way not just

in as well and character as well they

refuse to succumb to nastiness and the

practices and things that have become

acceptable amongst the people they just

don't do it so I'll be the Dependable

friend I'll be the one that's

trustworthy even if that's going to cost

me something of this D I'll be that

person but I won't lose my I won't lose

my Hereafter and hopefully I will seek

something from the sight of Allah subhah

wa tala in the process also Subhan Allah

sometimes we penalize people in our

lives that come afterwards that may be

just as honest as us or better than us

we we all see ourselves as the good

people right so just make that

assumption that if I'm not the person

that's wrong wronging and I've been the

one that's wrong sometimes other people

come up in in our Liv and and we don't

treat them right because I can't trust

again I don't know if I can love again I

don't know if I can move on from this I

don't know if I can establish a

friendship again let me say that that is

natural Allah does not burden a person

beyond their scope it is natural that

when you've been betrayed when you've

been wronged when you've been

disappointed when you've been it takes

time to build that however don't

preclude the

possibility's loving relationship with

the ANS after the Betrayal of his own

people that's something and yes he's

wasallam and that standard is there but

you know what we aim for that standard

it's possible Right Allah took away from

the prophet s wasallam through the

process of this criteria that came with

the religion his uncles but he got

abak right he got people

like he got others sallallahu alaihi

wasallam that Allah put in his path as a

result also lower your expectations in

people as a whole and place your hopes

in the reward of Allah subhana wa tala

there are going to be times that people

are going to let you down we as

Muslims I mean that was the the the

Acumen the the way that we approach the

prophet S wasallam I took with the

prophet Salli wasallam on the basis I

will never ask people for anything I'm

going to try to be the person that helps

people I'm going to try to be the upper

hand I'm going to try to be the person

that puts themselves in a situation

where they lift people up out of their

vulnerability rather than ending up in

too much vulnerability myself I'm going

to try to be a person that helps others

that tries to set the standard try to

not be in that situation where you will

have these expectations of people they

will disappoint you place your hopes in

the reward from Allah subhana and I end

with the reput with the saying

of about particularly reputation

and name he continues and he

says he said you give your name to Allah

subh give your give yourself to Allah

subhana tala give your reputation give

your name to Allah subhana wa tala so if

someone after that comes and they insult

you and they say things about you or

they hurt you or they whatever it is

give that to Allah subhah wa tala right

does that mean again that you can tell

someone who's being harmed seek it in

the no you try to help that person

because that's the point right they

shouldn't have to ask for recourse for

themselves you set up systems and

Community Systems of Justice where those

that are wronged don't have to sit on

the sideline and just look towards the

Allah will fill in the Gap but when it's

you and a person goes through these

inevitable things in life you know what

I'm going to leave it to Allah subhana

and the ending of

this if you did wrong then seek

forgiveness from

Allah don't justify and say everybody's

dirty I'm going to jump into it myself

no hold yourself to that higher

standard when you mess up seek

forgiveness from Allah subhah wa taala

may Allah subhah wa tala allow us to

hold ourselves to a higher standard may

Allah subhanahu wa taala allow us to be

rewarded on the day of judgment and may

Allah subhana wa tala bless us with

righteous companions righteous people in

this life that will encourage us to do

good and may Allah subhana allow us to

pass through the tests in which our

integrity is put on the line may Allah

subhana wa tala allow our Dean and our

character to remain intact with whatever

it is that comes towards us in this

life

[Music]

for for