The BRUTAL Truth about YOUR "SHADOW WORK" No One Will Tell You

Summary

In this heartfelt video, the speaker delves into the concept of self-improvement and self-healing, challenging the notion that we need to 'fix' ourselves. They explore the power of 'Shadow work,' which involves acknowledging and understanding the darker, less desirable aspects of our personalities. The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance and the realization that we are inherently whole, not broken. They also discuss the role of humor and playfulness in the healing process, encouraging viewers to maintain a light-hearted approach to personal growth.

Takeaways

• 🌟 Self-improvement is not just about fixing oneself but also about realizing one's inherent wholeness and not needing to fix anything at all.
• 🔍 Shadow work involves looking at the darker, less acknowledged parts of oneself to understand and accept them, rather than dwelling on them as faults.
• 💡 The concept of self-healing is about self-acceptance and letting go, which is different from the problem-solving approach of self-improvement.
• 🤔 It's important to recognize that behind every negative action or behavior, there is a positive intent, often rooted in self-preservation.
• 🧩 Understanding that we are made up of many 'parts' can help in acknowledging internal dissonance and accepting all aspects of oneself.
• 🛠️ Shadow work is not about getting rid of insecurities but about acknowledging and working with them as they are part of who we are.
• 💥 A significant realization is that insecurities and negative behaviors often stem from fear, which serves as a protective mechanism.
• 🌈 Self-confidence comes from complete self-acceptance, including embracing one's flaws, vulnerabilities, and insecurities.
• 🎭 The idea of having to 'fix' oneself is misguided; instead, the focus should be on acceptance and realizing that one was never broken.
• 🌱 Letting go and detaching from the need to be perfect or to constantly improve can lead to a sense of freedom and relief from unnecessary burdens.
• 🤹‍♂️ Maintaining a sense of humor and playfulness during the process of self-exploration and acceptance is crucial to prevent it from becoming too serious or self-punishing.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the video script?

The main theme of the video script is self-improvement and self-healing, focusing on the concept of Shadow work and the realization that one was whole and not broken to begin with.

What are the two camps of self-improvement mentioned in the script?

The two camps of self-improvement mentioned are self-improvement focused on habits and goals, and self-healing focused on acceptance, letting go, and detachment.

What is Shadow work and why is it important?

Shadow work is the process of examining the darker, less acknowledged parts of oneself. It is important because it helps individuals understand and accept these parts, leading to self-acceptance and self-healing.

What does the speaker mean by 'self-improvement is about fixing things'?

The speaker means that the common approach to self-improvement is to identify flaws and work on fixing them, such as the body, mindset, or goals, often leading to a problem-solving mindset.

What is the opposite goal of self-improvement according to the script?

The opposite goal of self-improvement is self-healing, which is about realizing that one was never broken and that there was nothing to fix all along.

What is the role of self-acceptance in the process of self-healing?

Self-acceptance plays a crucial role in self-healing as it involves accepting oneself fully, including all flaws, vulnerabilities, and insecurities, which in turn can lead to genuine confidence.

What is the speaker's view on the idea of being 'broken'?

The speaker suggests that the idea of being 'broken' is a learned concept and that individuals are not inherently broken but rather have been conditioned to believe so.

What is the significance of finding and understanding the 'positive intent' behind negative actions?

Understanding the positive intent behind negative actions helps individuals see these actions as self-preservation mechanisms, which can lead to a deeper understanding and acceptance of oneself.

What does the speaker suggest is a key aspect of Shadow work?

A key aspect of Shadow work suggested by the speaker is the realization that insecurities and negative parts of oneself do not necessarily go away but can change forms and be integrated into one's self-concept.

How does the speaker describe the process of finding and acknowledging one's internal and external triggers?

The speaker describes the process as one of self-reflection, asking what parts of oneself one cannot be with and identifying what in others triggers a reaction, which can then be used to understand and work with those aspects of oneself.

What is the speaker's advice on maintaining an approach to Shadow work?

The speaker advises maintaining a sense of humor and playfulness throughout the process of Shadow work to avoid it becoming too serious or self-punishing.

Outlines

00:00

💡 Self-Improvement and Self-Healing

The speaker discusses the concept of self-improvement and self-healing, emphasizing that while self-improvement is about setting goals and habits, self-healing is about acceptance and letting go. They argue that true progress in life requires tapping into the self-healing side, which often involves confronting one's 'shadow'—the darker, less acknowledged parts of oneself. The speaker admits to previously misunderstanding the approach to shadow work, thinking it was about fixing oneself, when it's actually about realizing inherent wholeness and not needing to fix anything. They advocate for self-acceptance as the true source of confidence and self-esteem.

05:00

🔍 Understanding Shadow Work and Internal Triggers

This paragraph delves into the specifics of shadow work, which involves examining the parts of oneself that are not always positive or light-hearted. The speaker shares their realization that insecurities and negative traits do not necessarily disappear through shadow work but can change form. They reference Richard Schwarz's book 'No Bad Parts' to illustrate the idea that we are made up of multiple parts, each with its own role. The speaker also discusses their personal experience with the struggle between the creative and perfectionist aspects of their personality, highlighting the importance of acknowledging and working with these internal parts rather than trying to eliminate them.

10:01

🤔 Identifying and Embracing Triggers

The final paragraph focuses on identifying internal and external triggers that cause emotional reactions. The speaker explains that recognizing what one cannot be with is a key part of shadow work, as is understanding the parts of oneself that one might despise or want to change. They also touch on the concept of projection, where one's own unacknowledged traits are seen and reacted to in others. The speaker encourages maintaining a sense of humor and playfulness throughout the process of self-exploration, warning against taking the process too seriously or using it as a means of self-attack. They conclude by inviting feedback on the video's content and style, expressing gratitude for the audience's support.

Keywords

💡Self-improvement

Self-improvement refers to the process of enhancing one's knowledge, skills, or character. In the video, it is contrasted with self-healing, and it's about 'fixing' oneself through habits and goals. The speaker suggests that while self-improvement is important, it can become problematic if one overlooks the need for self-acceptance and healing.

💡Self-healing

Self-healing is the process of internal recovery and acceptance of one's current state without the need for external validation or 'fixing'. The video emphasizes that self-healing is about realizing one's inherent wholeness and is essential for personal progress, complementing self-improvement.

💡Shadow work

Shadow work is a psychological concept where one examines and integrates the darker, less desirable aspects of their personality. The speaker uses this term to describe the process of acknowledging and understanding one's negative emotions or behaviors, like irritability or fear, as a path to self-acceptance.

💡Insecurity

Insecurity is a feeling of vulnerability or doubt in oneself. The video discusses how insecurities are often learned behaviors and not innate, suggesting that by working through these insecurities through shadow work, one can achieve a more authentic sense of self.

💡Wholeness

Wholeness in the context of the video refers to the inherent completeness of an individual, suggesting that there is no fundamental flaw or brokenness that needs fixing. The speaker argues that recognizing one's wholeness is key to self-acceptance and self-healing.

💡Self-acceptance

Self-acceptance is the act of embracing oneself fully, including all flaws and vulnerabilities. The video posits that true self-confidence arises from self-acceptance, as it allows for a non-judgmental understanding of one's own strengths and weaknesses.

💡Projection

Projection is a psychological defense mechanism where one attributes their own undesired traits or emotions onto others. The speaker explains that recognizing one's projections can be a powerful tool in shadow work, as it reveals aspects of the self that need attention and acceptance.

💡Letting Go

Letting go is the process of releasing attachment or the need to control outcomes. In the video, it is presented as a crucial part of self-healing, where one detaches from the burdens of past traumas or negative self-perceptions to find freedom and peace.

💡Detachment

Detachment, as discussed in the video, is the state of being emotionally or mentally separate from something, often used as a strategy in self-healing to avoid being consumed by negative emotions or external influences.

💡Playfulness

Playfulness is the quality of being light-hearted and willing to engage in fun or creative activities. The speaker advises maintaining a sense of playfulness during the process of self-healing and shadow work to prevent the process from becoming overly serious or self-punishing.

💡Internal Triggers

Internal triggers are emotional or psychological responses within oneself that are activated by certain thoughts, memories, or situations. The video suggests identifying these triggers as a part of shadow work to understand and heal from deep-seated issues that affect one's behavior and emotions.

💡External Triggers

External triggers are environmental or situational factors that provoke emotional reactions. The speaker explains that recognizing and understanding one's external triggers can lead to insights about one's internal state and is a part of the shadow work process.

💡Positive Intent

Positive intent refers to the underlying good purpose or goal behind an action, even if the action itself is perceived as negative. The video emphasizes that understanding the positive intent behind one's actions, such as procrastination, can lead to self-compassion and healing.

Highlights

The concept that we are born whole and insecurities are learned behaviors, not inherent flaws.

The distinction between self-improvement focused on goal-setting and self-healing focused on acceptance and letting go.

The importance of recognizing that self-improvement can become problematic when it overshadows self-healing.

An introduction to Shadow work as a method for self-healing, exploring the darker, less acknowledged parts of oneself.

The process of identifying and examining one's internal triggers through Shadow work.

The idea that every negative action has a positive intent, such as procrastination being a form of self-preservation.

The realization that insecurities and limiting beliefs may not disappear but can change form through Shadow work.

The internal conflict between different 'parts' of oneself and how Shadow work can help reconcile these.

The transformative power of self-acceptance in building genuine self-confidence.

The role of external triggers and projections in understanding one's own shadow aspects.

The practice of questioning how one's own behaviors mirror those that trigger them, as a form of self-reflection.

The continuous nature of personal growth, emphasizing that effort and practice are required to maintain progress.

The metaphor of carrying a heavy pack to illustrate the burden of unaddressed personal issues.

The liberating effect of letting go and detaching from the need to constantly improve or fix oneself.

The advice to approach Shadow work with a sense of humor and playfulness to prevent it from becoming too serious.

The reminder that the goal of Shadow work is not to fix oneself but to realize inherent wholeness.

The call to action for viewers to engage with the content, reflecting on personal experiences with the concepts presented.

An expression of gratitude from the speaker to the audience for their support and engagement.

Transcripts

I get goosebumps talking about this did

you come out of your mother's womb

broken insecure these are all learned we

talk a lot about like reprogramming my

subconscious mind maybe you need to

deprogram self-improvement is about

fixing yourself this is about realizing

that you were whole and there was

nothing to fix all along so I got some

things wrong it's about a topic I talk

about a lot I don't mean wrong in terms

of like that's the wrong answer but

wrong in terms of not the optimal

approach and kind of missing the plot a

bit these are two things on Shadow work

that I got wrong for those of you who

don't know I view all of this

self-improvement for yourself in kind of

two camps there's self-improvement right

so this is like habits goals getting to

somewhere then there's the other half of

the coin which is selfhealing this is

acceptance Letting Go Detachment being

okay where you are right here right now

and you need both and in my experience

being in this camp for a decade plus the

reason most people aren't progressing in

their life cuz they haven't tapped into

the self-healing side and this is where

so much juice is so the question is okay

good over here how do I tap into the

selfhealing and there's techniques like

Shadow

work everything in this world has a

shadow unless you're in one of those

time zones where the Sun hits it at a

certain point you've seen those photos

freaky the brighter the object the

darker the shadow shadow work is looking

at the parts of you that aren't just

like don't worry be happy light positive

it's the parts of like why did I get so

irritable at my mom why did someone

cutting me off in traffic trigger me why

do you feel like you can't truly love

yourself despite wanting to why do you

feel like other people are more

qualified than you why do I have these

blocks around creating my art and

putting it out there even though I know

deep down that's what I want to do these

are all like Shadow work questions okay

and the goal with Shadow work is taking

something that is in your Shadow and

it's shining a little light on it when

you do this you're able to see it and

examine it hopefully objectively and

play with it and it's not about sitting

there and dwelling there and using that

as ammunition to beat yourself up with I

am insecure I am I do lack

self-confidence no no no it's about

working with that piece that's where the

work comes in you're just shining a

light on it and looking at

it using the frame of self-improvement

self-improvement is about fixing things

you can fix your body body you can fix

your mindset you can fix your goals and

you can get hooked on that growth and

that that problem solving mode can't you

but where this works against us is when

you start looking at the self-healing

mode this is not about fixing this is

the opposite goal self-improvements

about fixing yourself this is about

realizing that you were whole and there

was nothing to fix all along

self-acceptance is realizing that you

were never broken to begin with and that

maybe all the Brokenness has been placed

upon you did you come out of your

mother's womb broken insecure viewing

other people as further ahead or better

than you no these are all learned these

are all programmed and so sometimes we

talk a lot about like reprogramming my

subconscious mind and oh I just got to

reprogram my mindset maybe you need to

deprogram and that's where Shadow work

letting go and Detachment come in is

realizing you're not something to fix

you're actually not broken and you don't

need to improve everything about

yourself or force it self-confidence

comes from accepting yourself to the nth

degree all your flaws all your

vulnerabilities all your insecurities

you rock it you own it what is that

ironically that is the most confident

thing you can do without trying by just

accepting yourself and realizing not

everyone's going to like me I don't need

everyone to love me to feel good I can

love myself I can accept myself now

you're

confident you might be thinking right

now well what do you mean there's

nothing to fix fix what do you mean I'm

not broken I clearly have some issues

dude like I don't like ABC about me I

don't like XYZ I need to improve it you

have to understand that behind every

negative action that you do there's a

positive intent I get goosebumps talking

about this cuz this was one of my

biggest realizations take any negative

thing you do I guarantee there's a

positive intent if we drill down deep

enough like okay well what about this uh

procrastinating great let's take

procrastination something we all have

done maybe you put the pro in

procrastination yourself B

procrastination drill it down you know

what the roote I have found with myself

and others of procrastination is it's

fear because think about what you

procrastinate on a lot of times it's

writing the paper why are you afraid to

write a paper well because if you start

writing it you have to confront that

maybe it's going to be a lot of work or

maybe I'm not smart enough or maybe I'm

putting things down to get judged graded

on and that creates fear around getting

a bad result a bad grade well I'm

procrastinating like I want to go out I

want to meet people I want to get in a

relationship but I'm just like

procrastinating when I go out

interesting why are we procrastinating

talking to women cuz you're afraid of

the result of getting rejected my point

here with all of this is procrastination

is rooted in fear what's the positive

intent behind the fear protect ction

it's a self-preservation mechanism

protection doesn't always mean physical

survival it can mean protection of your

status protection of your image of how

people view you trying to control behind

every negative action that you do

there's a positive

intent another massive breakthrough with

Shadow work I didn't say this out loud

but you know internally I made it a goal

okay if I do x amount of Shadow work I

can dissolve all these limiting beliefs

and I'll get rid of them what I have

found is that a lot of the insecurities

don't go away you still have them

they're parts of you Richard Schwarz

wrote an awesome book no bad parts where

he talks about how all of us are not one

person like you watching this right now

you're not one person you're many

there's the part of you that's the inner

child there's the part of you if you're

like me who's the inner Rebel there's

the part of you who's super

compassionate wants the best for people

there's the part of you that's the

commander the leader that rolls up the

sleeves and it's time to get down to

business there's a part of you who's the

Entertainer who wants to make people

laugh through Shadow work you're able to

realize the internal dissonance you have

amongst all your parts I have a part

that's that inner perfectionist it's

really me up for videos to be

totally honest with you here cuz there's

a creative part of me that wants to

create and put content out there and

just talk like this but then there's

this protector who wants to put

everything I say under a microscope and

be like dude you have X amount of people

watching you you can't mess up you got

to get it right you got to warm up

enough you got to be in a positive State

you got to you know perform and have so

much enthusiasm and smile before this

video was was trying to film another one

I noticed that part of me come up the

protector the I got to get this right

how's how's the hair okay lighting

perfect let me do three takes it was a

video I had tried to film I had outlined

for like a week and this part is so

strong it just did not want me to film

that video and I tried and I got 5

minutes in and then I said a I mean

literally I was like you talk about

getting over yourself and you can't even

do it and it's like through doing this

Shadow work with my therapist coach I'm

just like I I can't do that anymore I

physically cannot create like that I'm

just at the point of where I'm just like

it let's let's let these parts

settle down and let's connect so using

using this story and relating it to you

what we were talking about earlier how

these parts don't go away they change

forms there's so much Freedom when you

you're able to admit I don't have to

have it all figured out I don't have to

be this evolved perfected person of me

this isn't even a place I'm trying to

get to and work towards I can just be

okay as I am right now in this moment

once you accept that that's where your

freedom comes from that's where your

energy and your life force comes from

it's like you've been carrying around

this 50 lb pack on you the whole time

your back sweaty and you're aching and

it's hurting and your joints are going

out and then one day you finally say

I'm done carrying this and you take it

off you feel that weight literally fall

off of you and there you can breathe

easier you have more energy that's

really what it is once you start letting

go and working with some of these parts

and I'm putting this in here because I

still do this work the best things in

life are going to constantly require

effort work practice patience yourself

just like anything the work never stops

otherwise if you know the law of entropy

it decays into disorder if you don't

continue putting energy in you don't put

energy into the system of working with

your parts with your Shadow well you're

going to find it starts creeping up and

grabbing a hold of you and running your

life that's something I felt it grabbing

on to the past 12 months if I'm totally

honest here you don't have to you can

take off the pack you can drop the

weight You Can Let Go doesn't mean

getting rid of it means dropping

releasing detaching

from it controlling

you so I know what you're thinking this

sounds good let me try and tap into this

for myself how do I find out what parts

are in the background pulling the

strings if I'm the puppet two things

this comes from my coach he said the

shadow is anything you cannot be with

ask yourself what can't you be with what

part of you is ugly what part of you do

you despise what part of you triggers

you what part of you do you want to get

rid of what part of you you've had

enough with and once you find it how can

you love it how can you acknowledge it

once you find that that that's your work

so if the first question is finding your

internal triggers the second would be

finding your external triggers what do

you see in other people that triggers

you this is what is known as a

projection because it triggers you

chances are you have that within it can

be anything big or small what do you get

irritated by what makes you irritable or

feel like oh I want to lash out or get

defensive and you ask how am I that

often times if we get triggered by

something someone we need to put down

the mirror this is ongoing Shadow work

and something you can do in the moment

when you find yourself online when

you're scrolling if you get triggered by

something and you want to hate on it ask

yourself how am I that well it's a

political opinion I wanted to argue with

it because they're extreme or

misinformed wait am I extreme and

misinformed I don't always get

everything right people want to argue

with me okay I see what's going on here

that person is greedy and all they care

about is money okay I think about money

way too much and my whole life is run by

not having it or having too much or

trying to get it uh that person talks

about self-improvement but it's negative

and it sounds like an angry rants uh

that's part of me where I get Negative

jaded and even though I'm talking about

positive things it comes out as critical

all

day whatever it is you have it within

you it's because we're all human we all

share the same building blocks and we're

all capable of the same emotions and

protection

mechanisms this is probably the most

important thing I'll say all video you

need to have playfulness throughout this

whole thing you need to maintain a sense

of humor otherwise it just gets way way

too serious otherwise it's like okay

time to light some sage and then I'm

going to write about my darkness don't

like that about me definitely hate that

about myself and it turns into this

weird like masochistic thing where

you're just like self attacking and

using it as ammunition to beat yourself

up on don't do that the most enlightened

thing you can do is laugh gurus teachers

sages they all had senses of humor and

you should too you should never lose

your playfulness around this so please

don't use any of this Shadow work

Letting Go Detachment as things you have

to do or things that you need to do

optimally or a tactic to get rid of

something remember that we're not trying

to fix you we're trying to make you

realize you're not broken remember we're

not trying to be positive trying to make

you realize behind every negative act

there's a positive intent remember if

you get triggered all you need to do is

ask yourself how am I that all right

guys hey what do you think of the video

should we do more like this or do you

like more structured influencer Cadence

three things in this video okay number

one is this I'll be honest this is a

working progress this is a very

vulnerable place for me to create from

I'd like to say I can do every video

from here but you know there might be a

few in the future where I catch myself

doing it again so anyway thank you for

being here and allowing me to create

with you and share these ideas we may

not have met but truly I am super

grateful I get chills talking about it

and it makes me emotional like finding

people that support you I'll stop

because if I think about the love I have

for strangers who allow me to do what I

love I'll I'll you know get emotional so

um appreciate you love you thank you so

much for your supports and I'll catch

you in the next one see you