Exactly What Is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?

Summary

This video delves into the concept of emotional intelligence (EQ), highlighting its importance in personal and professional life for over three decades. It outlines four key components: self-awareness of emotions, emotion management strategies, proactive relationship building, and empathy in action. The speaker emphasizes the need to recognize and respond to emotional cues, both in oneself and others, to foster deeper connections and enhance the quality of life. Developing EQ is portrayed as essential for effective communication and interpersonal relationships, promoting dignity, respect, and civility in social interactions.

Takeaways

• 🧠 Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is a recognized concept in psychology and counseling for over three decades, encompassing wisdom, discernment, empathy, and social skills.
• 🤔 Developing EQ involves self-awareness of one's emotions and the ability to recognize and understand the emotions of others, which is crucial for effective engagement.
• 📋 A well-conceived plan for managing emotions is a key component of EQ, allowing individuals to respond appropriately to their own and others' emotional states.
• 💡 Emotional intelligence includes proactively seeking to build relationships that go beyond functional exchanges to a deeper understanding of others' backgrounds and motivations.
• 🌟 Empathy in action is central to EQ, where individuals tune into others' perceptions and feelings, offering a deeper level of engagement and understanding.
• 🌱 EQ is not just about managing emotions; it's also about appreciating their function and using logic and objectivity to override them when necessary.
• 🔍 Recognizing and understanding emotional triggers for oneself and others is an important aspect of developing EQ, allowing for more effective communication and interaction.
• 🤝 The core of EQ is the quality of relationships, emphasizing the importance of genuine connection and understanding over mere functional interactions.
• 🛑 Developing the 'pause' skill is crucial for those with high EQ, enabling them to slow down and reflect before reacting to emotional impulses.
• 🌐 The ability to read and respond to covert messages in communication is a skill associated with high EQ, allowing for a deeper and more nuanced understanding of others.
• 🌟 The ultimate goal of developing EQ is to enhance the quality of life and interactions, making others feel better for having been in one's presence.

Q & A

What is emotional intelligence (EQ) and why is it important in our interactions with others?

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions and the emotions of others. It is important because it helps us to engage more effectively with people, enhancing our social skills and empathy, which can lead to better relationships and communication.

How long has the concept of emotional intelligence been recognized in the counseling and psychology field?

The concept of emotional intelligence has been recognized in the counseling and psychology field for over three decades.

What are the four primary elements of emotional intelligence mentioned in the script?

The four primary elements of emotional intelligence mentioned are: 1) Awareness of emotions within oneself and others, 2) A plan for managing emotions, 3) Proactively building relationships, and 4) Empathy in action.

Why is it crucial to be aware of our own emotions when developing emotional intelligence?

Being aware of our own emotions is crucial because it helps us to not let them control our actions or reactions. It allows us to manage them effectively and respond appropriately to situations, enhancing our interactions with others.

What does it mean to have a well-conceived plan for managing emotions?

Having a well-conceived plan for managing emotions means having a strategy or approach for how to deal with different emotional states, both in oneself and others, ensuring that emotions are handled in a way that is constructive and beneficial to the situation at hand.

How does building relationships tie into emotional intelligence?

Building relationships is tied to emotional intelligence because it involves genuinely wanting to know and understand others beyond just a functional level. It's about connecting on a deeper, more human level, which fosters empathy and mutual understanding.

What is the role of empathy in emotional intelligence?

Empathy plays a central role in emotional intelligence as it allows individuals to tune into others' feelings and perceptions, offering a deeper level of understanding and connection. It's about going beyond the surface-level conversation to truly engage with someone's internal experience.

Why is it important to recognize and respond to covert messages in communication?

Recognizing and responding to covert messages is important because it allows us to understand the underlying emotions and intentions that may not be explicitly stated. This can lead to more meaningful and accurate communication, enhancing our ability to connect with others.

What is the 'pause skill' and why is it necessary for developing emotional intelligence?

The 'pause skill' refers to the ability to momentarily halt and reflect before reacting emotionally. It is necessary for developing emotional intelligence because it helps prevent impulsive reactions and allows for a more thoughtful and considered response to emotional triggers.

How can being aware of emotional triggers help in managing emotions effectively?

Being aware of emotional triggers helps in managing emotions effectively by allowing individuals to anticipate and prepare for situations that may evoke strong emotional responses. This awareness can lead to better self-regulation and more appropriate emotional expression.

What is the core relationship aspect mentioned in the script and why is it significant?

The core relationship aspect mentioned is the genuine connection and understanding between individuals, which is significant because it forms the basis for meaningful interactions and a high-quality life. It emphasizes the importance of knowing and being known at a deeper level, beyond surface-level exchanges.

Outlines

00:00

🧡 Emotional Intelligence: Understanding and Management

The first paragraph introduces the concept of emotional intelligence (EQ), a topic recognized in the fields of counseling and psychology for over three decades. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing and managing one's emotions and those of others, suggesting that emotional intelligence can be broken down, understood, and improved. The speaker outlines four primary elements of EQ: self-awareness of emotions, a plan for managing emotions, the ability to build relationships, and empathy in action. The paragraph encourages viewers to develop these elements to enhance their interactions with others and to be more in tune with their own emotional states and those of others.

05:00

🤝 Building Relationships and Empathy in Emotional Intelligence

The second paragraph delves deeper into the components of emotional intelligence, focusing on the proactive nature of building relationships and the active practice of empathy. It contrasts individuals with high EQ, who genuinely seek to understand others, with those who form relationships for personal gain. The paragraph also discusses the importance of empathy in action, where one not only listens to what someone is saying but also senses and acknowledges the underlying emotions and perceptions. The speaker encourages the development of EQ to enhance communication and understanding, emphasizing the human aspect of interactions beyond mere functionality.

10:00

💭 Developing EQ: Pause, Reflect, and Respond

In the final paragraph, the speaker discusses the development of emotional intelligence, highlighting the need to pause and reflect before reacting to emotional triggers. It touches on the importance of recognizing and managing one's own emotions and those of others, as well as the significance of understanding covert messages in communication. The paragraph also emphasizes the value of emotional intelligence in forming deep, meaningful relationships and the impact it has on the quality of life. The speaker concludes by encouraging viewers to cultivate EQ to enhance their interactions and to embody dignity, respect, and civility in their relationships.

Keywords

💡Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Emotional Intelligence, often abbreviated as EQ, refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and manage one's own emotions as well as the emotions of others. It is the central theme of the video, emphasizing its importance in enhancing interpersonal relationships and personal effectiveness. The script discusses EQ as a skill that can be developed over time, with the speaker highlighting its four primary elements: self-awareness, emotion management, relationship building, and empathy.

💡Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the ability to recognize and understand one's own emotions. In the context of the video, it is the first step in developing EQ. The speaker mentions that being aware of one's emotions, such as happiness, anger, or fear, is crucial for effective engagement with others. It is the foundation for managing one's emotional responses and for building stronger relationships.

💡Emotion Management

Emotion management involves having a plan for how to deal with one's emotions when they arise. The video script describes it as a key component of EQ, where individuals have strategies for responding to their own emotions like insecurity or anger, as well as the emotions of others. It is about not letting emotions control one's actions but rather understanding and responding to them in a thoughtful manner.

💡Relationship Building

Relationship building is the proactive effort to create and maintain interpersonal connections. The script highlights that individuals with high EQ genuinely seek to know others beyond superficial interactions. They are interested in understanding the person's background, motivations, and feelings, which fosters deeper and more meaningful relationships.

💡Empathy

Empathy is the capacity to understand and share the feelings of another. In the video, it is described as 'empathy in action,' where a person with strong EQ can tune into someone else's perceptions and feelings. It is about going beyond the surface-level conversation to connect with the emotional undercurrents, allowing for a deeper understanding and more compassionate responses.

💡Covert Messages

Covert messages refer to the underlying, unspoken communication that occurs between individuals. The video script suggests that people with high EQ are adept at picking up on these subtle cues, which can reveal true feelings or intentions that are not explicitly stated. Recognizing and responding to covert messages can lead to more authentic and effective communication.

💡Pause Skill

The pause skill is the ability to momentarily halt one's reactions in emotionally charged situations. The speaker in the video emphasizes its importance for those developing EQ, as it allows individuals to reflect before responding impulsively. This pause can prevent emotional reactions from taking over and helps maintain a sense of control and thoughtfulness in interactions.

💡Triggers

Triggers are events or situations that evoke strong emotional responses. The video script discusses the importance of being aware of one's own triggers and those of others as part of emotional intelligence. Understanding these can help individuals manage their emotions more effectively and anticipate how they might react in certain circumstances.

💡Narcissism Spectrum

The term 'narcissism spectrum' is used in the script to describe individuals who may form relationships but do so in a self-serving manner, treating others as assets to be used rather than genuine connections. This contrasts with the relationship-building aspect of EQ, which values genuine understanding and mutual respect.

💡Human Beings

The script emphasizes the distinction between 'human doings' and 'human beings,' suggesting that people are more than just their actions or achievements. The concept aligns with the video's theme of emotional intelligence, which values the emotional depth and personal history of individuals, encouraging a focus on the 'being' aspect of life.

💡Dignity, Respect, Civility (DRC)

Dignity, Respect, and Civility are values that the speaker hopes will be reflected in the development of one's EQ. These values are part of a slogan mentioned in the video, representing the ethical and compassionate approach to interactions that the speaker advocates. By embodying DRC, individuals with high EQ are expected to treat others with kindness and consideration.

Highlights

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is a recognized concept in counseling and psychology for over three decades.

EQ encompasses wisdom, discernment, empathy, and social skills, which are essential for effective interpersonal engagement.

Four primary elements make up emotional intelligence: self-awareness, emotion management, relationship building, and empathy in action.

Self-awareness involves recognizing emotions in oneself and others, which is crucial for understanding reactions in various social contexts.

Emotion management requires a plan for handling one's emotions and responding appropriately to others' emotional states.

Building relationships involves proactively seeking to understand others beyond superficial interactions.

Empathy in action means tuning into others' feelings and perceptions to engage on a deeper level.

High EQ individuals are aware of their own backstory and are open to sharing it, fostering genuine connections.

Developing EQ involves learning to pause and reflect before reacting to emotional impulses.

Recognizing and understanding emotional triggers is key to managing emotions effectively.

People are more than just their achievements; EQ helps us focus on the 'being' aspect of life.

EQ allows us to communicate with an awareness of covert messages and emotional undercurrents.

Developing the pause skill is crucial for not letting emotions dictate our reactions.

EQ helps in identifying and addressing the core of relationships, making life more meaningful.

The speaker encourages viewers to manage the emotional side of life with sensitivity and care for a high-quality life.

The channel's slogan, dignity, respect, and civility, aligns with the development of emotional intelligence.

The speaker invites viewers to subscribe for more content on emotional intelligence and personal development.

Transcripts

[Music]

I want to talk with you today about

emotional intelligence EQ and it's been

a topic that we in the counseling and

psychology field have been aware of for

well over three decades now every now

and then you run across somebody that

says well is there such a thing as

emotional intelligence and it's kind of

like asking is there such a thing as

wisdom word discernment or empathy or

social skills well of course there is

and it's something that we can break

down and know and understand and build

upon so that we can be more effective in

the way that we engage with people now

today I want to talk with you about four

primary elements that go into the making

of emotional intelligence and then I

want to talk with you about how you can

build upon your skill so that this

becomes a stronger and stronger part of

the way that you do life now first and

this just kind of goes along with what

the title of it all is as you develop

emotional intelligence you are you show

yourself to be aware of the emotions

within yourself and within other

individuals you know whether we're

talking about what's happening in our

family schedules or how we're managing a

project that at work or how we're going

to engage with certain individuals in

the extended family and so on there's a

functional level but there's always an

emotional level it may be that as you're

engaging with somebody you can tell that

that person is feeling excited or the

feeling dull or they're feeling anxious

or tense or angry are you the kind of

person that picks up on that thinking I

know what's going on inside them and and

I want to make sure that I am tuned in

to that so that that becomes a factor in

the way that we engage with each other I

want to talk about more than just what

we're going to do we're going to talk

about who you are well that also implies

that as you look at other individuals

emotions you're very aware of your own

emotional set that you draw upon you

know how angry or impatient or annoyed

or critical or defensive or fearful or

insecure you may be and as you sense

those kinds of things so building on the

inside you have and

awareness of that so that you're not

going to let them run away with you you

know by the way you're also aware of the

good emotions to your happiness your

joys and your love and your tenderness

and you're very tuned in to that part of

life which leads to a second primary

ingredient in emotional intelligence and

that is you have a well-conceived plan

about how to manage those emotions now

let's start with you managing your own

emotions if you do perceive yourself as

feeling a bit insecure relative to a

scenario or angry or impatient or

fearful or insecure or happier tender do

you have an idea okay when that emotion

shows up this is what it says this is

how I want to manage it here's how I

want to be known especially when this

emotion shows up on the scene and then

in addition to that as other people have

similar kinds of emotions you can also

have a game plan as to how you're going

to respond to that if someone's angry

with me

if someone registers anxiety or fear or

inadequacy or tenderness I've got an

idea of how I want to manage that I've

thought through all of those many kinds

of things and and I know who I am and

I'm comfortable in working through those

kind of components now a third a strong

element in emotional intelligence is

obviously if you're going to have if

you're going to be tuned into the

emotional side of life you're someone

that proactively seeks to build

relationships now let's keep in mind

there are certain individuals and we'll

refer to those as those who might be on

the narcissism spectrum who develop

relationships with people but not

exactly they're developing assets they

like to collect data or they like to

collect ideas or get some some

functional elements and then when that

part's done then they discard them

people with high emotional intelligence

aren't just hanging around with other

individuals to collect data just for

some useful function they honestly want

to know who you are they want to know

what your back

or is they want to know what makes you

tick they like knowing the fuller

backdrop that causes you to make the

decisions that you do and people with

high EQ are also aware of their own

backstory and how they got to be where

they are and they like sharing that and

so it's there's more than just a

functional exchange that we have but

there's actually an exchange that says

you're one human being I'm one human

being we do life together but let's do

it with an awareness of the fullness of

what we are that's that's good

EQ and then a fourth element that will

say that makes up emotional intelligence

is we're going to call it empathy in

action a person who has strong empathy

and I've had other videos that have

dealt with the making of empathy likes

to tune into someone else's perceptions

and their feelings when someone says

here's what's going on rather than just

talking about that functional side the

empathizer can say you know I sensed

that what you really mean is this and

and this seems to be important or that

bothers you and so they're willing to go

inside rather than just arguing this is

correct this is incorrect here's what

you need to do here's what you shouldn't

do these individuals will slow down and

say what do you feel or what do you

perceive and they try to know and engage

with people making it very clear I want

to engage with you and you have the

privilege of knowing that I really see

what's behind the scenes there with you

is that something that you would aspire

to do I strongly suspect that when

you're around people who are able to do

that then it makes you feel a lot more

comfortable so obviously that's

something you'd want to do so the

takeaway from all of this is let's

understand that people are much more

than just machines we're not robots

we're not the sum total of our

achievements or performances now you

know that there are some people that

that seems to be all they care about

your functionality did you do this

correctly and did you not do that

correctly

oh and I know this sounds almost cheesy

to say at this

but we're not just human we're not human

doings we're human beings and let's

focus on the being side of life also

let's another take away as we understand

what EQ is let's learn to communicate

with each other with the covert messages

very much at the top of our minds you

know somebody may say something like I'm

gonna go to this social function okay

and you can have an exchange of

information but then let's suppose that

you're a person with strong EQ and you

realize whether there's a covert message

going on here and as that person says

I'm gonna go to this to this exchange or

this particular situation you may sense

you don't seem to be too enthusiastic

about that tell me why where you may

sense the opposite hey this is something

you've been looking forward to I'd like

to know about that

and so you rather than just talking

about the external function you go on

the inside and you learn how to read the

behind-the-scenes elements that are

going on the covert messages or give you

another illustration let's suppose

you're talking with someone about the

need to go forward with a task or work

through a conflict and they just shut

down they don't say anything okay

covertly what does that say well it may

be that they are feeling overwhelmed it

may be that they're angry it may be that

they're going into a defensive fearful

posture the person has good EQ is going

to pick up on the covert messages and

rather than just kidding into an

argumentative or controlling response

they're going to they're going to tune

into that covert element now another

really strong implication in order for

you to develop this EQ is you're going

to need to learn how to develop the

pause skill let's just say that whenever

you have situations that set off

emotions your amygdala in your brain is

going to be firing off all sorts of

impulses that can take you to the place

of anger or bitterness or harshness or

anxiety or tension or excitement or fun

or whatever and and you don't want to

allow your whole personality to

highjack by those impulses so the person

with strong EQ knows how to say slow

down hang on a minute I know that I have

certain emotions firing or I have

certain implications or impulses that

are there where does this fit into the

scheme of life that I want to be known

for and people with emotional

intelligence don't just let emotions run

away they appreciate the function of

emotions and they appreciate the fact

that we all have them but they also want

to have a certain amount of logic and

objectivity that can override it when

the requirement is there now in addition

to that let's also recognize that we

need to be aware of some of the things

that trigger our emotions that can go in

the wrong direction or we can be aware

of what's triggering the emotions of

other people we see it we know how to go

to that topic I can tell that that was

disappointed that your child did this or

you were expecting this result and you

know how to come up with the trigger

points and you can talk about those

kinds of things and then finally let's

just say when you have a real strong

sense of emotional intelligence you

realize you know the the core

relationship is what really makes life

worth living as we know one another as

real people with a lot of depth with a

lot of emotion and history and a need

and expectation that they carry with

them in all sorts of different scenarios

we're going to be much more effective as

we try to do life with one another

so yeah this emotional intelligence is a

really broad topic and it has lots of

implications for the way that we

interact with one another so I'm hoping

that you'll join me in trying to say you

know I want to be somebody that manages

the emotional side of life with

sensitivity and with a great deal of

care and concern because I want to have

a high quality of life and I want people

when they interact with me to feel like

they can be a better person by having

been in my presence that's kind of what

we're trying to do here now let's keep

in mind a slogan that we have here on my

channel and that is dr. CDR C stands for

dignity respect civility

and as you develop this emotional

intelligence I'm hoping that it's going

to carry you with those kinds of

characteristics and the ways that you

interact with folks and I'm hoping that

result it's going to be quite positive

both for you and for those who know you

well I do hope that you find benefit by

watching videos such as this beneath

this video you're going to see the

subscribe button and if you've not

already done so I would invite you to

hit that subscribe button so we can keep

you apprised of more videos as they come

along also beneath the video you're

gonna see links to other kinds of

resources like my books and online

workshops you're going to see a link to

online counseling possibilities if

that's something that you would need and

I would encourage you to do that if

that's something that you're really in

need of just know that I like being with

you on your journey I'm honored that you

would have me along so having said that

I will see you next time

[Music]